FARCES 

THE    DICTATOR    •  THE    GALLOPER 
"  MISS    CIVILIZATION  " 


MISS  BARRYMORE,   THE  ORIGINAL   "ALICE   GARDNER* 
IN   "MISS  CIVILIZATION." 


FARCES 

THE  DICTATOR  •  THE  GALLOPER 
"MISS    CIVILIZATION" 


By 

RICHARD  HARDING  DAVIS 

Author  of 

"Soldiers  of  Fortune,"   "Ranson's  Folly,"  "In  the  Fog 
"Van  Bibber,"  "Gallegher,"  &c. 


Illustrated  by  PHOTOGRAPHS  of  the 
ACTORS  and  SCENES  in  the  PLAYS 


CHARLES    SCRIBNER'S    SONS 
NEW   YORK::: ::::::::  ::::::i9o6 


COPYRIGHT,  1906,  BY 
CHARLES  SCEIBNEE'S  SONS 

"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

COPYRIGHT,  1904,  BY  COLLIER'S  WEEKLY 

COPYRIGHT,  1905,  BY  CHARLES  SCRIBNER'S  SONS 

Published,  October,  1906 


These  three  plays  are  in  every  way  protected 
by  the  copyright  law.  Without  the  permission 
of  the  owners  of  the  acting  rights  they  cannot 
be  produced  either  by  professionals  or  amateurs. 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

THE    DICTATOR 1 

THE    GALLOPER 135 

"MISS    CIVILIZATION"  .  301 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

FACING    PAGE 

"As  the  representatives  of  the  United  States,  we  recog 
nize  your  government  "  132 

Mr.  Hitchcock  as  "The  Galloper" 168 

"  There  are  eight  officers.      You  will  find  us  waiting  for 

you  on  the  wharf!" 182 

"  I  divorced  you  six  months  ago  " 1  84 

"  Men  of  Athens  !  Remember  Marathon  !  And  I  ask 
you — what  has  the  Republican  party  ever  done  for 
Greece  ?  " 236 

"  Why  don't  you  sing  ?" 260 

The  Greek  soldiers  dancing  in  the  Inn  near  Volo     .        .    280 
The  original  cast  of  "The  Galloper"  at  rehearsal     .        .   298 


THE   DICTATOR 


THE  DICTATOR 

tropics.     It  is  supposed  that  the  ship  is  just  coming 
to  anchor. 

At  rise  of  the  curtain  CAPTAIN  CODMAN,  with  his  back 
to  the  audience,  is  discovered  leaning  against  the 
rail.  From  the  open  door  of  the  wireless  office 
come  flashes  of  electric  light  and  the  buzzing  of  the 
wireless. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

(Looking  up,  as  though  hailing  some  one  above  him  and 
off  right.)  Mr.  McKensie! 

VOICE. 
(Off  right.)     Aye,  aye,  sir! 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

(Calling.)     Hold  her  where  she  is  now.     Stop  her! 

VOICE. 

Aye,  aye,  sir!     (One  bell  sounds.) 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Lower  away  your  anchors. 

VOICE. 

Forward  there!  Leg 'go  your  anchors!  (The  sound  of 
running  anchor  chains  is  heard  and  orders  in  a  hoarse 
voice  from  the  distance  still  farther  to  the  riqht.  CODMAN 
comes  down.  He  is  a  bluff,  red-faced,  white-haired  Cape 
Cod  sea  captain.  He  wears  an  officer's  blue  cap  and  a  white- 
duck  suit,  around  the  sleeves  of  which  are  bands  of  tarnished 
gold  braid.  HYNE  has  entered  from  office  of  wireless.  He 
is  a  young  man  of  rather  dissipated  appearance.  He 
wears  soiled  duck  trousers  supported  by  a  belt,  a  striped 
linen  shirt  with  pink  garters  around  the  sleeves,  a  handker 
chief  tucked  inside  his  collar,  and  a  duck  yachting  cap 

[4] 


THE  DICTATOR 

bearing  the  insignia  of  a  ship's  officer.     His  appearance 
is  that  of  a  man  who  has  been  up  all  night.) 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Well — did  you  get  my  "wireless"  through? 

HYNE. 

(From  upper  deck  descends  ladder  to  stage.)  No;  there's 
nobody  at  the  other  end. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Ain't  you  going  to  try  any  more? 
HYNE. 

What's  the  use  of  trying  when  there's  nobody  there? 
The  only  sure  way  to  get  a  wireless  telegram  through — 
that  I  know — is  to  take  it  ashore  in  a  rowboat. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Well,  you  ought  to  know  how  to  do  it.  The  company 
pays  you  to  do  it — 

HYNE. 

If  the  company  paid  me  for  all  the  work  I  did,  I  wouldn't 
have  to  work.  I  agreed  to  come  down  here  and  take 
charge  of  that  wireless  station  (points  toward  Porto 
Banos),  and  you've  made  me  do  the  work  of  three  men. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Well,  the  chief  steward's  ill,  and  the  doctor  can't  leave 
his  berth. 

HYNE. 

Yes,  and  I've  been  purser,  barkeeper,  medical  man. 
"Bo'sun  tight,  an'  the  midshipmite, 

And  the  crew  of  the  Captain's  gig." 
Been  mixing  medicines,  mixing  drinks,   and    now  I  got 
the  company's  account  mixed.     (Crosses  right.) 

[5] 


THE   DICTATOR 

CAPT.    CODMAX. 

If  YOU  didn't  mi^  so  many  drinks  you  wouldn't  mix 
your  accounts.  Send  the  boy  to  my  cabin  with  my  coffee. 

HYXE. 

Yes.  sir!     (Calling  into  smoking  room.)     Steward! 

CAPT.    CODMAX. 

And  you  better  drink  something  yourself. 

HYXE. 

(Turns  with  a  smile  of  absent  and  anticipation.)  Yes, 
sir! 

CAPT.    CODMAX. 

Coffee  HYXE'S  face  drops) — no  more  swizzles.  (Goes 
up  stage  and  looks  over  bulirark  rail.) 

HYXE. 

No,  sir.  (STEWARD  appears  at  door  of  smoking  room.) 
Captain  wants  his  coffee  in  his  cabin. 

STEWARD. 

(Crosses  left.)     Yes,  sir.     Anything  for  you,  sir? 

HYXE. 
(Virtuously.)     No.     (In  a  whisper.)     A  Manhattan. 

STEWARD. 

(In  a  whisper.)     All  right,  sir!     (Goes  off  left.) 

CAPT.    CODMAX. 

(Coming  down  and  taking  up  thread  of  former  conver 
sation.)  There's  been  too  much  drinking  this  trip — and 
too  much  poker-playing.  I'm  glad  some  of  these  pas 
sengers  are  going  ashore.  Two  of  'em  is  card  sharps. 

[6] 


THE   DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

Really:     Which  two,  sir? 

CAPT.    CO  OMAN. 

You  know  "em  well  enough.  Those  New  York  sports, 
that  came  over  the  side  just  as  we  sailed. 

HYNE. 

Mr.  '"Steve"  and  Mr.  "Jim"? 

CAPT.    COD  MAN. 

(Mysteriously.}  That's  what  they  call  each  other  in 
the  smoking  room,  but  one  night  in  front  of  the  wheel- 
house,  when  they  didn't  know  I  was  inside,  they  called 
each  other  very  different  name? 

HYXE. 

Called  each  other  names,  did  they? 

CAPT.  co  DM  AN. 

Called  each   other  Mr.  This  and  Mr.  That — very  stiff 

and  polite. 

HYXE. 

Well,  any  purser  that  sails  for  these  ports  has  got  to 
take  any  name  the  passenger  chooses  to  give  him. 

CAPT.   CODMAN. 

Oh,  I  make  allowances,  but  that  Mr.  Steve  is  a  rascal! 
You  might  think  this  was  his  yacht,  might  think  7  was  his 
sailing  master.  "Old  Salt. "he  calls  me.  "Hello.  Old 
Salt ! "  he  says.  I  give  him  a  good  answer  yesterday. 
When  he  says  "Good  morning.  Old  Salt."  I  says  "Good 
morning,  young  Fresh."  I  says.  (Chuckles.}  My  first 
officer,  he  Laughed  fit  to  choke  when  I  says  that 

[7] 


THE   DICTATOR 


HYNE. 


(Morosely.}     Yes — he  would.     Sort  of  a  joke  that  first 
officer  would  laugh  at — when  the  Captain  makes  it. 


CAPT.    CODMAN. 


( Turning  on  HYNE.)    See  here !  don't  you  be  too  familiar 
or  you'll  lose  your  job. 


HYNE. 


I  wouldn't  mind  losing  two  of  my  jobs.  I  tell  you,  I'm 
doing  the  work  of  three  men  now. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

You  can't  do  the  work  of  one  man  if  you  spend  all  your 
time  in  the  smoking  room  with  them — rascals.  I  see  you, 
especially  with  the  little  one  that  looks  like  he  seen  a 
ghost. 

HYNE. 

I  don't  recognize  him.     Which  is  he? 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Why,  the  one  that  (points  left) — that  one.  (Moves- 
right.)  Hurry  up  that  coffee!  (He  goes  off  below  the 
smoking  room.) 

HYNE. 

Yes,  sir.  (Turns  to  go  left,  but  stops  when  he  sees  JIM 
SIMPSON,  or  "  JIM,"  enter  lower  left.  JIM  is  a  young  Eng 
lishman,  smooth-shaven,  and  with  the  deferential  air  of  a 
servant.  He  has  a  nervous,  frightened  manner,  and  is 
neatly  but  plainly  dressed  in  a  single-breasted  suit  of  blue 
serge,  golf  cap,  and  tan  shoes.) 

JIM. 

Good  morning. 

[8] 


THE  DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

Good  morning. 

JIM. 
Why  have  the  engines  stopped? 

HYNE. 

I  guess  that  engineer  forgot  to  wind  them  up  last  night. 
(Turns  and  points  at  Porto  Banos.)  Look  where  you  are. 

JIM. 

(Turning  and  looking  toward  the  land.}  Why,  we're 
there  !  From  my  side  of  the  ship  you  can't  see  anything 
but  water.  (STEWARD  enters  lower  left,  bearing  tray  with 
coffee  cup  and  cocktail  glass,  crossing  down  right  in  front 
of  HYNE.) 

HYNE. 

(To  STEWARD,  when  he  has  passed  him.}  Here,  that's 
mine!  (To  JIM.)  Have  a  drink? 

JIM. 
No,  thanks. 

HYNE. 
You  better. 

JIM. 
No,  thanks,  it's  too  early. 

HYNE. 

(Taking  the  cocktail.}  It's  never  too  early  for  a  drink. 
It  may  be  too  late.  (Drinks.}  You're  too  late  for  that 
one.  (Returns  glass;  STEWARD  goes  off  right.) 

JIM. 

(Coming  down.}     And — and  is  that  Porto  Banos? 
[9] 


THE  DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

Yes — and  it's  the  hottest  and  unhealthiest  hole  south 
of  Yucatan.  And  that's  where  I  got  to  live  the  rest  of  my 
life,  unless  I  win  out  by  dying  of  yellow  fever. 

JIM. 

I  thought  your  job  was  on  the  ship — to  run  the  wireless 
and  run  errands,  and — 

HYNE. 

No — I  been  promoted — to  that  fever  swamp.  We've 
got  our  wireless  station  in  the  consulate.  Our  operator 
moved  in  the  day  the  last  Consul  died  of  yellow  fever;  the 
next  day  the  operator  died.  I  wonder  which  will  be  the 
next  one  to  go.  You — or  I — or  Mr.  Steve. 

JIM. 

(Looking  about  him  timidly,  and  moving  nearer  to  Hyne.} 
Well,  Mr.  Steve — Steve  and  I  were  talking  it  over  last 
night  and  we  think  we  don't  want  to  go  to  Porto  Banos. 

HYNE. 

Don't  want  to  go?  But  you're  there!  Why  didn't 
you  think  of  that  before  you  left  New  York  ? 

JIM. 

Well,  you  see,  in  New  York  the  doctor — the  doctor 
ordered  Mr.  Steve  to  take  a  sea  voyage — for  his  health; 
but  we  left  so  suddenly  we — we  hadn't  time  to  choose. 

HYNE. 

Well,  then,  why  don't  you  go  on  with  the  ship  to  Ja 
maica?  That's  a  healthy  place. 

JIM. 

I — I'm  afraid  it  wouldn't  be  healthy  for  Mr.  Steve. 
You  see,  there's  a  cable  to  Jamaica. 

[10] 


THE  DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

Yes,  and  there's  a  wireless  to  Porto  Banos. 

JIM. 

(Ingratiatingly.)  Ah !  But  if  you  got  messages  disturb 
ing  Mr.  Steve,  maybe  you'd  let  him  know? 

HYNE. 
What? 

JIM. 

(Hurriedly.)  I  mean  that  the  doctor  wants  him  to  rest, 
he  wants  him  to  get  away  from  cables  and  Wall  Street 
reports,  and — 

HYNE. 
Oh,  we  carry  a  lot  of  that  trade! 

JIM. 
I  beg  your  pardon? 

HYNE. 

I  say,  we  carry  a  lot  of  passengers  who  leave  New  York 
for  their  health.  (Familiarly.)  Look  here,  why  don't 
you  two  children  put  me  next?  I'm  no  correspondence 
school,  but  if  I  could  meet  you  face  to  face  I  could  help 
you  two.  (JiM  turns  as  though  to  confide  in  HYNE,  and 
then  shakes  ]iis  head.) 

JIM. 

(Sadly.)  No.  But  don't  think  we  don't  appreciate 
your  offer. 

HYNE. 

Oh,  that's  all  right!  I'm  dead  sorry  for  you  two,  you're 
so  helpless.  You're  the  original  babes  in  the  woods, 
that's  what  you  are.  You  two  could  play  Little  Eva  and 
Lord  Fauntleroy  without  making  up. 

[11] 


THE   DICTATOR 

JIM. 

(Fearfully.}  Who's  said  anything  about  us  to  make 
you  think  that — 

HYNE. 

(Laughs  scornfully.)  Who?  Why,  you  give  yourselves 
away!  You're  such  amateurs!  Now,  I'm  a  wise  guy. 
I'm  not  like  some  folks.  I  can  tell  where  the  third  rail  is 
without  walking  on  it.  (After  a  pause,  encouragingly.) 
Better  take  mother's  advice. 

JIM.  ' 

(Uncertainly.)  Well — well — Mr.  Steve  told  me  if  I 
was  sure  you  suspected —(HYNE  laughs) — I'll  do  this! 
I'll  tell  you  what  happened  to  two  men  I  know  in  New 
York,  and  you  can  tell  me  what's  likely  to  happen  to 
them  in  Porto  Banos. 

HYNE. 

(Warningly.)  Don't  say  anything  you'll  be  sorry  for 
in  the  morning. 

JIM. 
No!     I'll  be  careful. 

HYNE. 

I  don't  want  your  telephone  number  unless  you  want 
to  give  it,  understand? 

JIM. 

Yes,  I  think  I  do.  (Glances  about  him,  and  then  speaks 
in  a  nervous  whisper.)  A  week  ago  in  New  York,  just 
after  midnight,  a  gentleman  with  his  valet  left  his  house  to 
go  aboard  his  yacht  at  the  New  York  Yacht  Club's  wharf 
at  Twenty-third  Street.  They  called  up  a  cab  in  the  street, 
put  their  trunks  on  it,  and  drove  to  the  East  River.  The 
pier  was  dark,  there  was  no  one  about,  so  the  cabman 
soaked  them  ten  dollars  for  the  trip.  The  gentleman 

[12] 


THE   DICTATOR 

refused  to  pay  it,  and  the  cabman  soaked  him.  He  struck 
back,  and  the  cabman  fell — hitting  his  head  on  the  curb 
stone.  Did  you  ever  meet  one  of  those  New  York  curb 
stones  ? 

HYNE. 

(Nods  impatiently.')     Go  on. 

JIM. 

Then  you  can  imagine  what  happened  to  that  cabman's 
head. 

HYNE. 
Gee! 

JIM. 

A  crowd  of  roughs  collected  and  accused  the  gentleman 
of  trying  to  murder  the  cabman.  Then  the  ambulance 
surgeon  came,  and  he  said  the  cabman  could  live  only 
a  very  short  time,  and  advised  these  men  to  leave  the 
country  in  an  even  shorter  time.  They  took  his  advice, 
and  the  cab  with  the  trunks  on  it,  and  galloped  to  the 
wharf  of  the  Red  C  Line — where  this  ship  was  bound 
for  Central  America.  They  didn't  care  where  she  was 
bound  for,  so  long  as  she — bounded.  Now  they  have 
arrived  at  Porto  Banos,  and  this  is  where  you  could 
assist  them.  (Earnestly)  Is  there  an  extradition  treaty 
between  the  United  States  and  this  Republic,  and  if  these 
men  go  on  shore  can  they  be  dragged  back  to  New  York  ? 

HYNE. 

I  don't  know  about  this  Republic,  but  I'll  bet  you  after 
you've  been  in  Porto  Banos  a  couple  of  hours  you  won't 
need  an  extradition  treaty  to  get  you  to  go  home  again. 

JIM. 
But  is  there  a  treaty? 

[13] 


THE  DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

I  don't  know. 

JIM. 

Well,  who  would  know  ? 

HYNE. 

Why,  Colonel  Bowie. 

JIM. 
The  Consul? 

HYNE. 

Well,  he's  going  to  be  the  Consul.  He's  never  been 
here  before,  but  he's  lived  in  every  other  Republic  in 
Central  America,  and  he  must  know  all  about  this  one, 
or  he  wouldn't  have  pulled  wires  so  hard  to  get  this 
consular  job.  He's  the  man  to  ask. 

(STEWARD  enters  right,  and  salutes  HYNE.) 

STEWARD. 

Mr.  Hyne,  the  Captain  says  to  tell  you  the  Health 
Officer  is  leaving  the  wharf. 

HYNE. 

All  right.  Ask  the  ship's  doctor  to  have  his  health  bill 
ready  for  me. 

STEWARD. 

Yes,  sir.     (Goes  off  left.) 

HYNE. 

There's  more  work  to  do!  Come  and  have  a  drink 
with  the  Health  Officer  and  me.  (Moves  left.  COLONEL 
BOWIE  with  MRS.  BOWIE  on  his  left  arm  enters  from  above 
cabin.  They  stand  at  the  rail  while  he  points  out  to  her 
the  features  of  Porto  Banos.  He  is  a  tall,  important-look 
ing  man,  with  a  low-crowned  Panama  hat,  black  goatee,  and 

[14] 


THE  DICTATOR 

gray  frock  coat.  At  times  his  manner  is  that  of  a  political 
demagogue  and  again  that  of  a  sharp  rascal.  MRS.  BOWIE 
is  young,  pretty,  and  silly.  She  is  overdressed  in  what 
obviously  is  part  of  the  trousseau  of  a  bride.} 

JIM. 

(Peevishly.)  No,  I  just  said  I  wouldn't  drink.  You 
drink  more  than  a  man  should. 

HYNE. 

But  not  more  than  three  men  should.  I'm  the  doctor 
now.  It  was  the  purser  got  that  last  drink.  (Turns  and 
discovers  BOWIE.)  There's  the  Consul.  Now,  my  advice 
to  your  two  friends  is  that  you  ask  him  about  that  extradi 
tion  law. 

JIM. 

(Frightened.)  No — not  while  his  wife's  with  him — and 
I've  got  to  call  Mr.  Steve  at  four  bells. 

HYNE. 

You've  plenty  of  time.  Come  with  me,  and  I'll  intro 
duce  you  to  the  Health  Officer.  You  can  ask  him  about 
that  extradition. 

JIM. 

(Terrified.)  But  we  mustn't  ask  everybody.  They'll 
wonder  why  we  want  to  know. 

HYNE. 

Not  in  this  country.  It's  the  first  question  every  Amer 
ican  asks.  (Leads  JIM  off  left.  CAPTAIN  enters  below 
smoking  room,  looks  after  JIM,  scowling.) 

BOWIE. 

Ah,  Captain. 

[15] 


THE   DICTATOR 


CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Good  morning,  Mr.  Consul.  Good  morning,  Mrs, 
Bowie. 

BOWIE. 

(Pompously.}  My  dear,  thank  the  Captain  who  brought 
us  safely  through  the  perils  of  the  deep  to  our  new  home. 
I  congratulate  you,  Captain.  You  carried  a  precious 
cargo. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

No,  this  trip  mostly  hardware. 

BOWIE. 

The  precious  cargo  to  \vhich  I  referred,  Captain,  was 
my  young  bride. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Oh,  excuse  me,  marm!  An'  how  do  you  think  you'll 
like  your  new  home,  Mrs.  Bowie?  That's  it!  (Points 
to  Porto  Banos.)  The  consulate  is  part  of  that  hotel. 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

Well,  I've  made  up  my  mind  to  like  whatever  my  hus 
band  likes.  Haven't  I,  John? 

BOWIE. 
Yes,  dear. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

That's  right !    I  guess,  Consul,  it's  no  new  home  to  you  ? 

BOWIE. 
Well,  it  is,  and  it  isn't.     I've  never  been  here  before 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

No? 

[16] 


THE  DICTATOR 


BOWIE. 


No,  but  for  the  last  ten  years  I've  lived  in  every  other 
Republic  in  Central  America,  and  I  feel  at  home  in  any 
of  'em. 


CAPT.    CODMAN. 

Just  so!  But  I  should  have  thought  you'd  have  got  a 
consulship  in  a  place  where  you  were  acquainted  already — 
been  more  sociable  for  Mrs.  Bowie. 

BOWIE. 

Yes,  but  between  ourselves,  Captain,  a  Consul  must 
keep  clear  of  local  politics,  and  wherever  I've  been  in 
Central  America  I've  prominently  identified  myself  with 
one  or  the  other  of  the  political  parties.  I  was  against 
the  government  in  Guatemala,  in  Costa  Rica  I  was  with 
it.  In  Salvadore  I  was  the  government. 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

You  don't  say? 

BOWIE. 

Yes,  I've  been  mixed  up  in  the  revolutions  of  every 
Republic  in  Central  America. 

MRS.  BOWIE. 
(Quickly.)     Except  this  one,  John 

BOWIE. 

Yes,  of  course,  except  this  one.  So  when  the  State  De 
partment  begged  me  to  represent  my  country  in  a  diplo 
matic  post,  I  chose  Porto  Banos  because  there  I  have  no 
interest — except  to  serve  that  flag. '  (Raises  his  hat  and 
looks  up  apparently  at  the  mast  head.) 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

(Thoughtfully).     Quite  so!  quite  so!     I  guess  you  must 
[17] 


THE  DICTATOR 

be  the  Colonel  Bowie  who — why,  this  very  ship  once  car 
ried  a  cargo  of  rifles  for  you  to — 

BOWIE. 
(Airily.)     Very  likely!  very  likely! 

CAPT.    CODMAN. 

I  see!  Well,  Consul,  I  think  you're  quite  right  to  come 
to  a  place  where  you  start  with  a  clean  ticket,  where  you 
haven't  plotted  to  upset  their  little  government.  (To  MRS. 
BOWIE.)  Excuse  me,  I'll  see  you  before  you  leave  the 
ship.  (He  goes  off.  There  is  a  pause,  during  which  MR. 
and  MRS.  BOWIE  look  at  each  other,  smiling.) 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

John,  I'm  glad — I'm  glad  you  didn't  "plot  to  upset 
their  little  government."  (They  both  laugh  knowingly.) 

BOWIE. 

Yes,  that  would  have  been  mean  of  me,  wouldn't  it? 
(Points  at  Porto  Banos,  speaking  grandiloquently.)  Julia, 
there  is  my  wedding  gift  to  you.  You  are  mistress  of  all 
you  survey. 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

Oh,  John!  And  my  friends  thought  I  was  doing  so 
well  to  marry  an  American  Consul. 

BOWIE. 

Hah!  what's  a  Consul  in  San  Manana  compared  to 
the  Dictator  of  San  Manana  ?  Julia,  you  will  be  the  first 
lady  of  the  land ! 

MRS.    BOW7IE. 

My,  that  sounds  nice !  Will  my  social  position  be  higher 
than  that  of  the  wife  of  the  President  of  San  Manana? 

[18] 


THE   DICTATOR 

BOWIE. 

Than  Rivas's  wife?     Who  made  Rivas  President? 

MRS.  BOWIE. 
You  did,  John. 

BOWIE. 
And  who  can  unmake  Rivas? 

MRS.    BOWIE. 

(Admiringly.)     I  guess  you  can,  John. 

BOWIE. 

Then  his  wife  had  better  keep  her  place — or  he'll  lose 
his.  I  found  Pedro  Rivas  in  New  York.  Sent  him  back 
to  his  country — and  made  him  President.  My  brains. 
My  money.  They  (nods  toward  the  shore)  think  I'm 
only  the  new  American  Consul,  but  when  they  go  to 
Rivas  for  a  concession,  he'll  say,  "  Have  you  seen  Bowie  ?  " 
I'm  Dictator  of  that  Republic  and  he  knows  it.  I'm  the 
king-maker,  the  Warwick,  the  man  behind  the  throne. 
Pedro  Rivas  can  be  President,  but  Col.  John  T.  Bowie  is 
Boss. 

MRS.    BOWIE. 

Oh,  John,  but  you  do  talk  elegant!  I'm  glad  you're 
boss,  and  I'm  glad  we've  come  to  boss  a  country  where 
they  don't  know  you. 

BOWIE. 

(Dryly.)     So  am  I.     But  why  are  you  glad? 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

Oh,  John,  I'm  just  jealous  of  the  people  you  knew  down 
here  before  you  met  me.  Those  beautiful  sefioritas — 

BOWIE. 

(Warningly.)     Now,  Julia — 
[19] 


THE   DICTATOR 


MRS.    BOWIE. 


(Pouting.)  Well,  I  can't  help  it.  I  can't  forget  that 
Panama  widow — Juanita  something. 

BOWIE. 

Now,  Julia,  why  should  you  be  jealous  of  a  woman  I 
ran  away  from — in  order  to  marry  you  ? 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

Well,  I  am  jealous — and  I  don't  like  those  you've  met 
since  you  married  me  either.  I  don't  like  that  missionary 
girl. 

BOWIE. 

(Wearily.)  Who  is  it  now  ?  Miss  Sheridan — the  young 
lady  that  came  down  with  us ? 

MRS.    BOWIE. 

I  just  hate  her.  I  don't  think  a  nice  girl  would  travel 
alone,  even  if  she  is  going  to  marry  a  missionary. 

BOWIE. 

Why,  she's  under  the  Captain's  care  on  board,  and  on 
shore  she's — 

MRS.    BOWIE. 

Under  your  care,  yes. 

BOWIE. 

Well,  the  Board  of  Missionaries  put  her  in  charge  of 
the  Consul.  I  didn't.  (The  bell  of  a  launch  sounds  off 
at  upper  right.  BOWIE  goes  up  and  looks  over  the  rail.) 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

That  girl  has  just  spoiled  my  trip.  If  she  wanted  to 
save  the  heathen,  why  didn't  she  stay  in  New  York.  And 

[20] 


the  way  she's  been  carrying  on  with  that  Mr.  Steve  is 
shocking.  (HYNE  and  JIM  enter  and  halt  at  corner  of 
cabin.) 

BOWIE. 

Well,  she  hasn't  been  carrying  on  with  me.  (To  HYNE.) 
My,  Hyne,  who  is  that  in  the  launch? 

HYNE. 

Health  Officer.  (To  JIM.)  Are  you  going  to  ask  him 
now  ? 

JIM. 

No,  I  am  going  to  wake  Mr.  Steve;  maybe  he'd  rather 
ask  Bowie  himself. 

HYNE. 
All  right,  suit  yourself.     (Goes  off  upper  right.) 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

(In  a  whisper.  Looking  over  rail.)  Is  that  one  of 
your  men,  John  ? 

BOWIE. 
I  can't  tell  until  he  gives  me  the  sign.     Let's  go  find  out. 

MRS.  BOWIE. 
He  doesn't  know  you're  his  boss,  does  he? 

BOWIE. 

Not  yet.  But  if  there's  any  graft  in  being  a  Health 
Officer,  he  soon  will.  (They  go  off  behind  smoking  room. 
JIM  looks  after  them,  glances  cautiously  about  the  deck, 
and  then  knocks  on  window  of  cabin.) 

JIM. 

Mr.  Travers!     Mr.  Travers!     (STEVE  enters  from  door 
[21] 


THE   DICTATOR 

of  cabin.  He  is  an  alert  young  man  of  twenty-five,  wear 
ing  white-duck  trousers  and  the  coat  and  cap  of  the  New 
York  Yacht  Club.) 

STEVE. 

(Sharply.)     I  told  you  not  to  say  Mr.  Travers,  but  to 
call  me  "Steve." 

JIM. 
Yes,  Mr.  Steve. 

STEVE. 

And  I  told  you  not  to  call  me  till  we  got  to  Porto  Banos. 

JIM. 
But  we're  there,  sir!     This  is  Porto  Banos. 

STEVE. 

(Eagerly.)     Is  it?     What's  it  like?     Is  it — is  it  the  sort 
of  place  I'd  select  to  spend  the  rest  of  my  life  in? 

JIM. 
I  can't  say,  sir. 

STEVE. 
Well,  don't  say  "sir."     I  told  you  not  to  say  "sir." 

JIM. 
No,  sir. 

STEVE. 
Now  listen !     Do  you  want  to  be  hanged  ? 

JIM. 
No,  Mr.  Travers. 

STEVE. 
(Correcting  him.)     No,  "  Steve." 

JIM. 
(Respectfully.)     No — Steve. 

[22] 


THE  DICTATOR 


STEVE. 


Don't  say  it  that  way;  say  it  as  though  you  meant  it.  I 
ask  you,  "Do  you  want  to  get  hanged?"  And  you  say, 
"No,  Steve."  Say  "No,  Steve,"  cheerfully.  Don't  be 
afraid  of  it.  "No,  Steve,"  like  that.  (Slaps  him  on  tlie 
back.}  Like  that !  You  dont  want  to  be  hanged,  do  you  ? 

JIM. 
No— Steve? 

STEVE. 

Cheerfully.  Slap  me  on  the  back,  go  on !  ( JIM  timidly 
taps  STEVE  on  the  shoulder.) 

JIM. 
No,  Steve. 

STEVE. 

That's  better.  Now  listen!  I'm  sorry  you  had  to  come 
here,  but  it  was  for  your  good  as  well  as  mine.  If  I'd  left 
you  behind  you'd  have  gone  to  jail,  and  I — I'd  have  had  to 
clean  my  own  boots.  And  shave  myself.  I  can't  shave 
myself,  can  I? 

JIM. 
No,  sir.     No — Steve. 

STEVE. 

I  can't  sharpen  razors,  nor — nor  do  any  of  those  things 
you're  so  clever  at.  I've  got  to  have  a  valet.  But  people 
mustn't  know  you're  a  valet.  That  would  identify  both 
of  us.  "Wanted  by  the  New  York  Police,"  that's  the 
way  it  probably  reads:  "Mr.  Brooke  Travers  and  Valet." 
Why,  Simpson — 

JIM. 

(Correcting  him.)     "  Jim." 

STEVE. 

Thank  you.     (Takes   JIM'S   arm  and  walks  across  to 
[23] 


THE   DICTATOR 


right.)  Now  please  remember,  Jim,  that  I'm  your  old 
college  friend  Stephen  Hill.  Steve!  Good  old  Steve! 
And  you're  just  as  good  as  I  am — and  when  anybody's 
about — you're  better.  (Stops.)  Except  when  Miss  Sheri 
dan's  about,  and  then,  you're  not  to  be  about. 


JIM. 


(Gloomily.)  Yes,  Steve.  (STEVE  turns — JIM  corrects 
himself  and  in  a  jaunty  manner  takes  STEVE  by  the  arm.) 
Yes,  Steve. 

STEVE. 

That's  right.  Now  then  bring  on  your  Porto  Banos. 
(Turns  and  looks  toward  the  land.)  Is  that  it? 

JIM. 

Yes,  sir.     The  purser  says  it  looks  much  better  at  night. 
STEVE. 

I  should  think  it  might  on  a  dark  night.  However,  it's 
any  port  in  a  storm  with  us.  Did  you  find  out  if  what  the 
man  said  about  the  extradition  law  was  true? 

JIM. 

Not  yet,  sir,  the  purser  told  me  to  ask  Colonel  Bowie, 
the  Consul. 

STEVE. 

(Thoughtfully.)  Bowie.  Yes,  he'd  know,  but  he'd 
suspect.  He  talks  like  a  fool,  but  he's  no  fool.  He's  a 
rascal.  Still,  it's  all  the  better  for  us  that  he  is  a  rascal. 
Now  the  Consul  will  have  more  to  say  about  extraditing 
us  than  anybody  else  and  we've  got  to  make  it  worth  his 
while  not  to  say  it.  We  will  be  the  geese  that  lay  the  golden 
eggs  for  the  Consul,  and  he  mustn't  kill  the  geese. 

JIM. 
Yes,  sir. 

[24] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

(Turning  on  him.)  "  Yes,  sir,"  and  you  don't  know 
what  I  mean  at  all. 

JIM. 
No,  sir. 

STEVE. 

I  mean  that  every  week  that  we  remain  free  he  gets  his 
gold,  but  that  if  he  lets  them  take  us  back  to  the  United 
States — he  loses  his  gold.  Now  you  go  tell  Bowie — tell 
him  everything,  he's  the  only  one  can  help  us.  Do  you 
understand  ? 

JIM. 

Yes,  sir. 

(Two  STEWARDS  cross  from  upper  left  to  upper  right  car 
rying  between  them  a  cabin  trunk.  LUCY  SHERIDAN  enters 
upper  left,  adjusting  a  marine  binocular.  She  raises  it  to 
her  eyes  and  stands  at  the  rail  looking  off.  She  is  an 
attractive  girl,  in  a  white  skirt,  shirt  waist,  and  stock,  and 
with  a  puggaree  around  a  man's  gray  sombrero.) 

JIM. 
(Sees  LUCY.)     Be  careful,  sir. 

STEVE. 

Who  is  it? 

JIM. 

(In  a  whisper.)     Miss  Sheridan. 

STEVE. 

Look  out.  (Aloud.)  No,  Jim,  old  man,  let  me  pack 
the  trunks  this  time,  let  me  pack  the  trunks.  (LucY, 
hearing  voices,  turns  and  comes  down.)  Go  on. 

JIM. 

(With  hysterical  gayety.)     No — Steve,  I  couldn't  think 

[25] 


THE  DICTATOR 

of  it.     No,  no,  old — old  chappie.     (Gives  him  pokes  in 

ribs.) 

STEVE. 

(Aside.)  That's  good,  that's  all  right.  (Aloud.)  No,  I 
insist,  I'll  toss  you  for  it.  (Takes  out  a  half  a  dollar.) 
What?  Miss  Sheridan?  (Turns  to  her.)  Oh,  good 
morning,  Miss  Sheridan. 

LUCY. 
Good  morning.     (She  nods  to  JIM,  he  bows.) 

STEVE. 

We  were  just  quarreling  over  who  would  pack  the 
trunks.  Jim  is  so  unselfish.  He  always  wants  to  pack 
the  trunks.  But  I'm  unselfish  too,  so  we're  going  to  toss 
for  it.  (To  JIM.)  Heads  or  tails. 

JIM. 
Heads. 

STEVE. 

Tails,  it  is.  You  lose.  You  pack  the  trunks.  Isn't  it 
funny  how  you  always  lose?  (Aside.)  Go  tell  Bowie. 
Tell  him  everything.  He's  the  only  man  who  can  save 
us. 

JIM. 

Yes,  sir.  (He  exits  upper  right.  LUCY  and  STEVE, 
appreciating  that  they  soon  are  to  separate,  approach  each 
other  with  mutual  embarrassment.) 

STEVE. 
Well? 

LUCY. 

Well? 

STEVE. 

(Mournfully.)     Well,  here  we  are.     I'm  glad. 
[26] 


THE  DICTATOR 

LUCY. 

(Sadly.)     So  am  I. 

STEVE. 

(Trying  to  appear  at  ease.)  I've  never  seen  Porto 
Banos.  I've  seen  every  other  foreign  port  in  the  world, 
Naples  and — Naples,  but  I've  never  seen  Porto  Banos. 
Of  course  it's  different  with  you.  I  travel  for  pleasure. 
That's  why  I  came  to  Porto  Banos.  But  you  must  go 
where  duty  calls  you.  How  many  little  heathen  are  there 
in  Porto  Banos? 

LUCY. 

(Wearily  turning  away.)  Oh,  please  don't  joke  about 
it!  I  don't — I  don't  feel  very  gay  this  morning.  I'm 
afraid  I'm  a  little  homesick. 

STEVE. 

Oh,  I'm  sorry!  But  you'll  soon  get  over  that.  (Resent 
fully.)  You'll  soon  make  this  place  your  home.  And  in 
a  few  minutes  Mr.  -  — ,  I  never  can  remember  the  name 
of  that  young  man  you  are  going  to  marry. 

LUCY. 
Mr.  Bostick. 

STEVE. 

Bostick,  of  course.  He'll  be  coming  out  in  a  few  min 
utes  now,  and  that  will  be  one  friendly  face  to  greet  you. 
No  one's  coming  out  to  meet  me.  (He  turns  hastily,  and 
gazes  with  alarm  toward  the  wharf.)  At  least,  I  hope  not. 
(STEWARD  enters.) 

STEWARD. 

(Saluting  LUCY.)  Beg  pardon,  Miss,  Health  Officer  says 
passengers  can  go  ashore,  now.  The  boat's  waiting. 

LUCY. 
Thanks. 

[27] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEWARD. 

(To  STEVE.)     Your  cabin  pieces  ready,  sir? 

STEVE. 

I  don't  know.     Ask  my — ask  Mr.  Jim. 

STEWARD. 
Yes,  sir.     Have  you  seen  the  Boots,  sir? 

STEVE. 

No,  I  haven't  seen  any  boots.  Has  somebody  lost  his 
boots  ? 

STEWARD. 

I'm  the  "  Boots,"  sir;  I'm  the  man  that  cleans  the  boots. 

STEVE. 

(Gives  him  money.)  You  mean  you're  the  man  that 
doesn't  clean  the  boots.  Now,  go  tell  the  Captain  to  come 
here.  I  want  to  tip  him,  too.  (STEWARD  exits.)  I've 
tipped  every  other  man  on  board  this  boat,  and  if  I  didn't 
tip  him,  it  would  hurt  his  feelings.  (Turning  to  LUCY.) 
What  sort  of  a  chap  is  Bostick — I  mean,  of  course,  he's  a 
bully  fine  fellow  or  you  wouldn't  marry  him.  But  I  mean 
is  he  a  sort  of  a  sport,  or  is  he  a  serious  chap — some  of 
those  missionaries,  you  know,  rather  go  in  for  being 
serious. 

LUCY. 

Yes,  he's  serious,  and  Mr.  Bostick  is  very  good. 

STEVE. 
(Encouragingly.)     Yes,  and ? 

LUCY. 

And  very  earnest. 

[28] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Oh,  that's  where  I'm  weak.  I'm  terribly  shy  on  ear 
nestness.  And — and — what  else — about  Bostick? 

LUCY. 
That's  all.     I  don't  know  Mr.  Bostick  very  well. 

STEVE. 

You  don't  know  him  very  well! 

LUCY. 

He  wrote  to  the  Board  of  Missions  that  he  thought  his 
influence  with  the  Carib  Indians  would  be  greater  if  he 
were  a  married  man. 

STEVE. 

Well? 

LUCY. 

So  when  he  came  North  they  called  for  volunteers 
among  the  young  girls  who  wished  to  be  missionaries, 
and  Mr.  Bostick  and  I  met,  and  talked  it  over,  and  found 
we  were  in  sympathy,  and  so  I  have  come  down  to  marry 
him.  (There  is  a  pause.) 

STEVE. 

See  here,  my  dear  young  lady,  don't  you  think  you  are 
taking  pretty  big  chances?  Of  course,  it's  none  of  my 
business — 

LUCY. 

(Severely.)     As  you  say,  it  is  none  of  your  business. 

STEVE. 

That's  what  I  said,  I  said  it  was  none  of  my  business, 
but  if  you're  looking  for  a  heathen  to  save,  you  needn't 
marry  a  man  you  don't  know,  nor  climb  those  mountains 

[29] 


THE   DICTATOR 

to  find  him.  Look  at  me!  Look  at  the  good  you've  done 
me.  Just  on  this  trip!  I'm  a  better  man  for  it.  My 
dear  Miss  Sheridan,  I  don't  want  to  interfere  with  your 
matrimonial  engagements,  but  I  hate  to  see  a  nice  girl 
bury  herself  for  life  in  a  Central  American  banana  patch. 
Nice  girls  are  very  few,  and  they're  getting  married  to  some 
other  fellow  every  day.  A  nice  girl  could  do  wonders  with 
me.  She  could  save  me. 

LUCY. 

(Turning  and  smiling  at  him.}  I  ought  to  be  angry 
with  you,  but  I'm  not — because  you  are  not  serious — you 
never  are  serious. 

STEVE. 

But  I  am  serious.  Don't  you  think  I'm  worth  saving? 
(DUFFY  enters  from  left.  Through  LUCY'S  next  speech  he 
tries  to  attract  the  attention  of  LUCY  and  STEVE  by  hissing 
at  them.  He  is  a  stupid,  fatuous,  self-important  person, 
with  an  air  of  mystery.  He  is  heavily  built,  and  his 
mustache  is  black.  He  wears  a  suit  of  ready-made  imita 
tion  tweed,  a  gray  alpine  hat  with  a  black  band  and  the 
rim  pulled  down  in  front.} 

LUCY. 

What  is  there  to  save  you  from — except  yourself?  You 
have  everything.  What  is  there  to  save  you  from? 

DUFFY. 

Hist!  Hist!  (STEVE  and  LUCY  turn  and  discover 
DUFFY.) 

STEVE. 

(Points  at  DUFFY.)  Well,  you  might  save  me  from 
that! 

DUFFY. 

Hush!  Don't  tell  anybody.  (In  a  very  loud  voice.)  I 
am  a  secret-service  detective. 

[30] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

(Terrified.)     You're  a  what?     What  does  he  say  he  is? 

DUFFY. 

I'm  a  secret-service  detective.  I  was  in  Porto  Rico  on 
government  business.  They  cabled  me  from  New  York 
to  come  here.  Do  you  doubt  it  ?  (Reaches  inside  the  arm- 
hole  of  his  waistcoat.)  Do  you  want  to  see  my  badge? 

STEVE. 

(Violently.)  No,  I  don't  want  to  see  your  badge.  Take 
your  badge  away.  Do  you  want  to  frighten  the  lady? 
(To  LUCY,  who  is  amused  by  DUFFY'S  manner.)  What  are 
you  frightened  about?  Wrhat's  the  use  of  being  fright 
ened?  If  you  have  a  clear  conscience,  you  needn't — 
(To  DUFFY.)  What  do  you  want? 

DUFFY. 

I  want  you  to  assist  me— in  the  name  of  the  law.  I'm 
looking  for  two  men. 

STEVE. 

(Falling  back.)  Two  men !  Well,  we're  not  two  men, 
man  and  woman.  (Pointing  to  LUCY.)  Woman!  (To 
himself.)  Man!  (To  LUCY.)  The  idea  of  a  secret  cir 
cus — secret  circus!  (Slowly.)  Not  secret  circus — secret- 
service  detective  not  being  able  to  tell  two  men  from  a 
man  and  a  woman.  It's  absurd! 

DUFFY. 
Don't  delay  me !     Where  is  the  Captain  of  this  ship  ? 

STEVE. 

(With  delight.)  The  Captain.  Oh,  the  Captain !  (Tak 
ing  DUFFY  by  arm  and  leading  him  right.)  I'll  assist 
you  to  find  the  Captain.  (Points  to  lower  right.)  He  is 
right  down  there,  right  along  that  alley  way. 

[31] 


THE   DICTATOR 

DUFFY. 

(Moving  right.)  Thank  you — don't  tell  anybody  I'm 
a  secret-service  detective. 

STEVE. 

Not  for  worlds.  See  that  open  hatch,  the  Captain's 
down  that  hatch.  Jump  down  three  decks — and  turn  to 
the  right.  (Exit  DUFFY.)  (STEVE  turns  excitedly  to  LUCY.) 
Excuse  me,  but  I've  got  to  see  Colonel  Bowie.  (She 
moves  up  stage  left,  he  following.)  This  is  very  serious. 
Somebody  is  going  to  be  arrested.  A  fellow-passenger, 
perhaps  a  fellow-mortal.  You,  you,  go  save  the  heathen, 
but  I  will  save  my  fellow-passengers.  Excuse  me,  won't 
you?  (Shakes  her  hand  absent-mindedly.) 

LUCY. 

Then  this  is  good-by,  or —  (Wistfully.)  Will  I  see  you 
on  shore? 

STEVE. 

(Violently.)  You  bet  you'll  see  me  on  shore.  I'll  be  on 
shore  before  you  are,  if  I  have  to  swim.  (Runs  down  to 
lower  right.) 

LUCY. 
Au  revoir,  then. 

STEVE. 

Don't  mention  it.  (LucY  exits  behind  cabin,  as  JIM 
comes  on  from  behind  smoking  room.)  Did  you  tell  Bowie? 

JIM. 

Yes,  sir;  everything. 

STEVE. 

What  did  he  say? 

JIM. 
Said  accidents  would  happen. 

[32] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Did  he  try  to  blackmail  you  ? 

JIM. 
No,  sir! 

STEVE. 

He  didn't!  Then  he  must  know  I'm  the  one  that's  got 
the  money.  Go  pack  the  trunks,  I'll  fix  him.  (JiM  exits 
into  the  cabin  as  COLONEL  BOWIE  enters  lower  right  ) 

BOWIE. 

Well!  What  can  I  do  for  you?  Your  servant  tells 
me — 

STEVE. 

Has  he  told  you  about  those  two  young  men? 

BOWIE. 
Yes;  they're  in  a  pretty  bad  fix. 

STEVE. 

But  he  hasn't  told  you  the  worst.  (BowiE  turns  to  sit. 
STEVE  prevents  him  from  doing  so.)  You  haven't  time  to 
sit  down.  There  is  a  secret-service  detective  here  from 
Porto  Banos.  He  is  trying  to  arrest  those  two  young 
men. 

BOWIE. 
Indeed,  that  is  unfortunatel 

STEVE. 

I  know  that.  You  don't  have  to  tell  me  that.  What  I 
want  to  know  is  this — is  there  any  extradition  treaty  with 
this  country,  and  if  so,  are  you  going  to  allow  these  in 
nocent  young  men  to  be  dragged  back  to  New  York  on  a 
charge  of  murder — and  hanged? 

[33] 


THE  DICTATOR 

BOWIE. 

(Judicially.}     Well,  in  the  first  place — 

STEVE. 

Wait !  Before  you  commit  yourself,  you  ought  to  know 
that  on  the  day  these  two  young  men  fled,  one  of  them  had 
been  to  the  races  and  had  taken  from  the  bookmakers 
twenty-five  thousand  dollars  in  cash — no  credit — cash! 
And  he  has  it  with  him  now.  (He  shows  a  bank-note  cast 
filled  with  notes.  BOWIE  regards  it  greedily.}  I  thought 
that  might  have  an  international  bearing  on  the  subject. 

BOWIE. 

You're  right,  it  has!  Well,  there  is  an  extradition  treaty 
with  San  Manana. 

STEVE. 
There  is? 

BOWIE. 

But- 

STEVE. 

(Delightedly.}     But! 

BOWIE. 

But  let  us  suppose  that  the  Consul — before  which  this 
case  must  come — had  met  your  friends  on  the  way  down — 
had  taken  a  fancy  to  them — had  lost  some  five  hundred 
dollars  to  them  at  poker,  for  which  they  held  his  I.  O.  U.'s. 

STEVE. 

Oh,  don't  mention  it. 

BOWIE. 

And  that  he  has  inclined  to  be  their  friend. 

STEVE. 
Good,  old  Bowie! 

[34] 


THE  DICTATOR 


BOWIE. 


In  that  case  he  might  fail  to  recognize  his  friends  as  the 
men  described  in  the  extradition  papers — 


STEVE. 


He  might,  he  could.  (Takes  bundle  of  papers  from  his 
inside  pocket,  and  gives  it  to  BOWIE.)  Allow  me.  Some 
I.  O.  TJ.'s  of  yours — 

BOWIE. 

(Taking  papers.)  Thank  you.  Now  listen.  I  am  told 
that  the  consulate  is  situated  in  a  wing  of  the  Hotel  del 
Prado.  I  will  furnish  you  with  rooms  in  the  hotel,  so  that 
you  will  be  near  me  in  case  I  have  to  warn  you.  You 
will  pay  the  rent  of  the  rooms  to  me. 

STEVE. 
(Winking.)     I  see. 

BOWIE. 

Five  hundred  dollars  a  week. 

STEVE. 

Five — five  hundred  dollars !  Did  you  ever  think  that  it 
takes  a  long  time  to  earn  five  hundred  dollars? 

BOWIE. 

Did  you  ever  think  that  it  takes  a  long  time  to  serve  a 
life  sentence? 

STEVE. 

You're  right.  Five  hundred  dollars  it  is.  (Counts  on 
his  fingers.)  Five  hundred  into  twenty-five  thousand  goes 
fifty—  Well,  Jim  and  I  are  safe  for  fifty  weeks,  anyway. 

BOWIE. 

(Pompously.)  You  will  be  safe  as  long  as  the  American 
flag  waves  over  the  consulate. 

[35] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

And  you  get  the  rent. 

BOWIE. 

(Looking  cautiously  about.}  Listen!  I  have  more- 
power  in  this  country  than  you  suppose.  What  I  can't 
do  for  you  as  Consul,  I'll  do  for  you — as  Dictator.  Do 
you  know  Pedro  Rivas,  "  El  Muerto  "  ? 

STEVE. 

(Putting  his  hand  inside  his  coat.)  Yes,  but  let  me 
give  you  one  of  my  cigars. 

BOWIE. 

He's  not  a  cigar — he's  a  revolutionist.  (Impressively.} 
He  is  known  as  "El  Muerto,  a  killer,  a  slayer  of  men." 

STEVE. 
(Offering  cigar.)     That's  what  this  is — try  it. 

BOWIE. 

Listen!  I  am  the  man  back  of  General  Rivas — he  is 
only  a  uniform,  a  man  of  straw.  He  is  my  cat's-paw. 

STEVE. 

Oh! 

BOWIE. 

Two  weeks  ago  I  made  him  President.  From  New 
York  I  furnished  the  plans,  money,  and  men.  Now  I  am 
here  to  take  my  reward.  In  this  Republic  7  am  the  govern 
ment.  My  word  is  law,  and  you — are  under  my  protection. 
So,  get  your  things  together  and  join  me  on  shore.  And 
if  that  detective  troubles  you  again,  refer  him  to  the 
American  Consul — and  he  will  face  the  Dictator  of  San 
Manana ! 

[36] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Hurrah!  (He  runs  to  cabin  door.  Calling  into  cabin.} 
Jim !  Jim ! 

JIM. 

(Appearing  at  cabin  window.}     Yes,  sir. 

STEVE. 
Are  my  things  packed? 

JIM. 
Yes,  sir.     Are  we  going  ashore? 

STEVE. 

I  should  say  we  were  going  ashore.  (Impressively.} 
I've  bought  the  protection  of  the  Dictator  of  San  Manana. 

JIM. 
(Whispering.}     Really,  sir.     What's  a  Dictator,  sir? 

STEVE. 

(In  a  whisper.}  I  don't  know,  but — (points  at  BOWIE 
who  is  at  the  rail  tearing  up  the  "  /.  O.  U.'s"  and  throwing 
them  into  the  water} — he's  one  of  them  and  I've  bought 
him.  In  New  York — I  think  he'd  be — a  police  captain. 
(Exits  into  cabin.  VASQUEZ,  the  Health  Officer,  enters 
upper  left.  He  is  small,  excitable,  dark-skinned,  and  with 
mustache  and  goatee.  He  wears  a  blue  drill  uniform,  with 
much  gold  lace,  and  a  Panama  hat  turned  up  at  one  side 
by  a  cockade.) 

VASQUEZ. 

Hist!  Hist!  (BowiE  turns.  VASQUEZ  with  one  hand 
makes  a  sign  in  the  air.} 

BOWIE. 

At  last!  (He  makes  the  same  sign  with  his  right  hand. 
VASQUEZ  repeats.}  Viva,  Rivas! 

[37] 


VASQUEZ. 

Viva,  Rivas! 

BOWIE. 

Good! 

VASQUEZ. 

You  are  Colonel  Bowie,  the  American  Consul  ? 

BOWIE. 
Yes. 

VASQUEZ. 

(In  a  cautious  whisper.}  I  am  Vasquez,  the  Health 
Officer — General  llivas  sent  me  to  meet  you. 

BOWIE. 

(Loudly  and  angrily.}  Well,  you  go  back  to  General 
Rivas  and  tell  him  to  send  three  generals  of  the  army  to 
meet  me,  not  a  two-spot  Health  Officer.  (With  increasing 
anger.}  Tell  General  Rivas  to  come  here  himself. 

VASQUEZ. 

(In  amazement.}  To  come  himself?  Ah!  they  have 
not  told  you  of  the  revolution. 

BOWIE. 

(Scornfully.)  Told  me  of  the  revolution?  Why,  I 
made  the  revolution. 

VASQUEZ. 
Yes,  two  weeks  ago,  hut  not  last  Tuesday! 

BOWIE. 

Last  Tuesday! 

VASQUEZ. 

Last  Tuesday  General  Campos,  with  five  thousand 
dollars,  defeated  Rivas  in  a  great  battle.  Five  privates 
were  wounded  and  twenty-three  generals. 

[38] 


THE  DICTATOR 

BOWIE. 

Defeated !     And  where  is  Rivas  now  ? 

VASQUEZ. 
(Pointing  over  the  rail.)     There! 

BOWIE. 
Drowned  ? 

VASQUEZ. 

No,  in  the  fortress,  in  the  dungeon  below  the  sea  wall. 
The  water  drips  upon  him  through  the  stones.  And  the 
cell  next  to  his  is  being  kept  wet — for  you. 

BOWIE. 
For  me? 

VASQUEZ. 

For  you.  Campos  knows  you  are  the  man  who  sent 
Rivas  against  him — 

BOWIE. 

Well,  then,  he  also  knows  that  I  am  the  American  Con 
sul — and  he  doesn't  dare  touch  me. 

VASQUEZ. 

Ah !  but  you  are  not  yet — the  American  Consul. 
BOWIE. 

(Producing  official  looking  envelope.)  There  are  my 
credentials  to  prove  it. 

VASQUEZ. 

But  President  Campos  will  not  receive  them.  If  you 
put  your  foot  on  that  wharf,  you  are  only  a  private  citizen 
and  he  will  shoot  you  against  the  wall.  lie  has  promised 
it — to  the  people.  (BowiE  seizes  VASQUEZ  by  the  throat 
and  shakes  him.) 

[39] 


BOWIE. 

You  little  devil!  I  don't  believe  you!  I  don't  believe 
you! 

VASQUEZ. 

You  don't  believe  me!  And  I  have  risked  my  life  to 
tell  you!  Ah!  (Turns  and  points  toward  the  city  of 
Porto  Banos.)  Look!  Do  you  see  in  any  place  the  blue 
flag  of  Rivas?  No,  not  one!  On  the  palace,  on  the 
fortress,  on  every  house  in  Porto  Banos,  you  see  the  yellow 
flag  of  Campos,  the  yellow  flag  of  Campos.  (BowiE  turns 
and  looks  at  the  town,  then  throws  up  his  arms  with  a 
gesture  of  despair.) 

BOWIE. 

The  game's  up!  They've  robbed  me!  They've  ruined 
me!  (BowiE  comes  down  left.  The  cabin  door  opens  and 
STEVE  backs  upon  the  stage,  holding  one  end  of  a  steamer 
trunk,  while  the  other  end  is  held  by  JIM.  At  sight  of 
VASQUEZ  he  drops  his  end  of  the  trunk.  He  addresses 
BOWIE,  pointing  at  VASQUEZ.)  Who's  he,  Steve?  Is  he 
all  right? 

BOWIE. 

(Roughly.)  Yes — he's  all  right!  (Aside  to  VASQUEZ.) 
Not  a  word  to  him. 

VASQUEZ. 

No,  senor.  (STEVE  advances,  leaving  JIM  in  front  of 
cabin.) 

STEVE. 

(Going  up  to  BOWIE,  cheerfully.)  Well,  Colonel,  when 
do  we  go  ashore? 

BOWIE. 

(Pacing  angrily  up  and  down.)     Never! 
[40] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

(Keeping  step  with  him.}     Never! 

BOWIE. 

I've  changed  my  mind. 

STEVE. 
Changed  your  mind? 

BOWIE. 
I'm  going  to  Jamaica. 

STEVE. 

(Furiously.}  See  here,  you  can't  change  your  mind. 
You  can't  go  to  Jamaica.  You're  not  Consul  to  Jamaica. 
Who's  going  to  protect  -me?  I  can't  go  to  Jamaica. 

BOWIE. 

I'm  not  Consul  anywhere  until  I  present  these  papers, 
and  I  don't  mean  to  present  them.  (Holds  envelope 
forward.}  I  don't  want  to  die! 

STEVE. 
Die! 

BOWIE. 

(Slowly,  as  he  formulates  his  excuse.}  Yes,  die !  (Glances 
warningly  at  VASQUEZ.)  I'm  willing  to  die  for  my  country 
at  my  post  of  duty,  but  my  young  bride  shall  not  be 
sacrificed.  This  is  the  Health  Officer  of  the  port.  He  has 
come  out  to  warn  the  passengers  not  to  go  on  shore.  He 
tells  us  that  the  town  is  rotten  with  yellow  fever. 

STEVE. 
Yellow  fever!  (To  VASQUEZ.)  Is  that  true? 

BOWIE. 

True!  Look  for  yourself!  (Points.)  Every  house  in 
Porto  Banos  has  a  yellow-fever  flag. 

[41] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Well,  what's  yellow  fever?  I'd  rather  take  my  chance 
with  yellow  fever  than  be  hanged.  You  can't  desert  your 
post.  You  can't  desert  me.  If  it's  a  question  of  a  few 
thousand  dollars — 

BOWIE. 

(Wildly.)  Thousand  dollars!  It's  a  question  of  life 
and  death. 

STEVE. 

Well,  it's  a  question  of  life  and  death  with  me.  You 
can  go  to  Jamaica.  But  the  only  place  where  I'm  safe  is 
in  that  consulate,  and  the  only  man  who  can  save  me  is 
the  American  Consul.  (BowiE  gives  a  sudden  start,  and 
turns  with  great  impressiveness  to  VASQUEZ.) 

BOWIE. 
Doctor,  my  wife  is  afraid  of  your  yellow  fever! 

VASQUEZ. 
Yes,  senor. 

BOWIE. 

We  have  been  married  only  a  week. 

VASQUEZ. 

(Sympathetically.)     Yes,  senor. 

BOWIE. 

But  that  young  man  has  no  wife,  and  he  isn't  afraid  of 
yellow  fever.  Have  you  ever  seen  him  in  Porto  Banos  ? 

VASQUEZ. 
No,  senor. 

BOWIE. 

Have  you  ever  seen  me  in  Porto  Banos? 
[42] 


THE   DICTATOR 

VASQUEZ. 

No,  senor. 

BOWIE. 

Does  anybody  know  me  in  Porto  Banos?  (He  scowls 
threateningly  at  VASQUEZ.) 

VASQUEZ. 

(Faintly.)     No — o — senor. 

BOWIE. 

(Turns  to  STEVE  and  gives  him  the  Consul's  credentials.) 
Go  to  the  consulate,  where  you  are  safe,  and  serve  your 
country  as  Colonel  John  T.  Bowie,  American  Consul — 

STEVE. 
(With  delight.)     Do  you  mean  it? 

BOW  IP:. 

I  do!  (Grandiloquently.)  I  give  you  my  high  honors — 
to  save  a  dear  friend's  life. 

STEVE. 

(In  brisk,  business-like  tones,  producing  bank-note  case.} 
How  much  do  you  charge  to  save  a  dear  friend's  life? 

BOWIE. 

(With  equal  briskness.)  The  salary  for  four  years,  and 
fees,  would  be  five  thousand  dollars. 

STEVE. 
(Pointing  at  VASQUEZ.)     But  this  man  knows. 

BOWIE. 
He  can  be  fixed. 

STEVE. 

(To  VASQUEZ.)     Can  you  be  fixed? 
[43] 


THE   DICTATOR 

VASQUEZ. 

(Eagerly.}     Yes,  senor. 

STEVE. 

But  there  is  General  Rivas. 

BOWIE. 

Why,  I  made  Rivas.  When  I  met  Pedro  Rivas  he  was 
a  waiter  in  a  Mexican  restaurant  on  Twenty-eighth  Street. 
/  made  him  President  of  San  Manana. 

STEVE. 

Good!  I  guess  I'd  better  see  General  Rivas  as  soon 
as  I'm  landed. 

BOWIE. 

(Impressively.}  I  can  promise  you  as  soon  as  you're 
landed — you  will  see  General  Rivas. 

STEVE. 

Good  again!  (Counts  money.}  Bless  the  bookmakers! 
(To  BOWIE,  handing  money.}  There's  your  graft.  (To 
VASQUEZ,  giving  him  money.}  And  there's  yours.  That 
leaves  me  nineteen  thousand  dollars  to  start  a  new  life 
under  a  new  flag,  and  a  new  name,  as  Colonel  John  T. 
Bowie,  American  Consul  to  Porto  Banos.  Jim,  I  appoint 
you  Vice-Consul. 

JIM. 

Thank  you,  Steve. 

STEVE. 

Not  Steve,  now — Colonel. 

JIM. 
Yes,  Colonel.     What  are  the  duties  of  a  Vice-Consul? 

STEVE. 

I  don't  know  the  duties  of  a  Consul  yet.    We'll  go  ashore 
[44] 


THE   DICTATOR 


and  find  out.     (HYNE  enters  briskly  upper  right.    VASQUEZ 
is  down  to  right  of  BOWIE.     HYNE  offers  letter  to  BOWIE.) 


HYNE. 


Here's  a  letter  for  you,  Consul.     (BowiE  hesitates  and 
points  to  STEVE.     HYNE  turns  inquiringly  to  STEVE.) 


STEVE. 


(Embarrassed.}  Hyne,  the  Consul  has  resigned  his 
position  as  Consul.  He's  going  to  Jamaica  and  I'm — 
I'm  Acting  Consul  now. 

HYNE. 

Oh! 

STEVE. 

Hyne,  this  steamship  line's  been  using  the  consulate  as 
an  office  for  its  wireless — 

HYNE. 
Yes,  but  I'm  going  to  move  it  right  out. 

STEVE. 

No,  don't!  Just  keep  it  where  it  is,  and  if  anything 
comes  over  the  water — that  you  think  I'd  like  to  know — 
you  might  just  mention  it.  My  name  is  Colonel  John  T. 
Bowie  now,  and  your  salary  is  a  hundred  dollars  a  week. 
(About  to  offer  bank  notes.) 

HYNE. 

That's  all  right!  (Waves  away  the  money.}  I'll  call 
you  anything  you  like.  (Hands  letter  to  STEVE  and  moves 
up  right.}  Our  agent  brought  that  on  board.  It's  from 
a  lady  at  the  hotel,  Colonel  Bowie.  (Goes  off  behind 
smoking  room.) 

STEVE. 

(Looking  at  address  on  envelope.)     At  the  hotel?     (To 

[45] 


THE   DICTATOR 

BOWIE.)     You  robber.     You  rascal!     You  told  me  no  one 
knew  you  in  Porto  Banos. 


BOWIE. 

No  one  does,  I  swear  to  Heaven!  I've  never  been 
there.  I  don't  know  what  this  means.  (Takes  letter  and 
looks  at  address;  starts  back  in  terror.)  Juanita! 

STEVE. 
Who's  he? 

BOWIE. 

He  isn't  a  he,  he's  a  she.  It's  a  widow  from  Panama. 
We  were  engaged  to  be  married.  (Glances  about  fear 
fully,  sees  VASQUEZ,  and  moves  STEVE  to  centre.)  Don't 
let  my  wife  know  this.  (Sadly.)  It's  all  up.  We  can't 
fix  Juanita.  (Reluctantly  offers  to  return  the  money  to 
STEVE.) 

STEVE. 

(Hopelessly.)     No? 

BOWIE. 

(Firmly.)     Not  —  Juanita!     Give  me  back  those  papers. 

STEVE. 
(After  consideration.)     I'll  take  my  chances  with  Juanita. 

BOWIE. 

You'd  better  not  take  any  more  chances  with  Juanita 
than  you  have  to.  (Offers  letter.) 

STEVE. 
What's  she  like  —  Juanita? 

BOWIE. 

They  call  her  the  Star  of  Panama!  (Fervently.)  She's 
the  most  beautiful  woman  under  the  Southern  Cross! 

[46] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Give  me  that  letter.  (STEVE  takes  letter  and  reads  it 
aloud.}  "Dearest  Jack"-  (To  BOWIE.)  She  calls  me 
Jack,  does  she  ?  "  I  have  heard  of  your  appointment  as 
Consul  to  Porto  Banos,  and  I  have  crossed  the  Isthmus  to 
join  you.  If  you  do  not  keep  your  engagement  to  marry 
me — 

BOWIE. 

Be  careful!     Don't  let  Mrs.  Bowie  hear  you. 

STEVE. 

What's  Mrs.  Bowie  got  to  do  with  this?  She  hasn't 
promised  to  marry  the  girl — /  have.  I'm  the  one  that's 
got  to  be  careful —  (Reads.)  "If  you  do  not  keep  your 
engagement  to  marry  me,  I  will  not  sue  you  for  breach  of 
promise,  as  my  sisters  of  the  cold  North  do."  (Smiles.) 
Juanita  is  rather  poetical — "but"-  (STEVE,  while  in 
his  left  hand  he  holds  JUANITA'S  letter — at  which  he  gazes 
in  horror,  with  his  right  hand  offers  to  return  the  credentials 
to  BOWIE.) 

BOWIE. 

What  is  it? 

STEVE. 

(Reads.)  "  But  I  shall  plant  my  dagger  in  your  heart." 
(Explosively.)  I  don't  care  if  Juanita  is  the  most  beauti 
ful  woman  under  all  the  stars!  (He  tries  to  force  the 
credentials  upon  BOWIE.) 

BOWIE. 

(Backing  from  STEVE  and  refusing  the  papers.)  Non 
sense!  Nonsense!  She'll  see  you're  not  the  man  who 
promised  to  marry  her,  and  you  can  tell  her  that  you  are 
the  real  John  T.  Bowie,  and  that  the  first  one  was  an  im 
postor,  that  I  am  an  impostor — a  rascal. 

[47] 


JLIUJ1A1UM 

STEVE. 

Yes,  I  can  tell  her  that.  Come  on,  Jim,  who's  afraid  ? 
(Turns  to  go  up  centre.  VASQUEZ  rushes  toward  him.} 

VASQUEZ. 

No,  I  cannot  permit  this!  (Offers  bank  notes.}  Take 
back  your  money.  Go  to  Jamaica.  If  you  go  on  shore 
there — (points  to  Porto  Bonos} — you  will  surely  die. 

BOWIE. 

(Pushing  him  back.}     Silence,  you  idiot! 
STEVE. 

(Lightly.}  Oh,  thanks!  but  I'm  not  afraid  of  yellow 
fever.  I  rather  like  this  excitement.  I'm  just  beginning 
to  enjoy  myself.  (STEVE  turns  to  upper  right  as  DUFFY 
rushes  on  from  upper  left.  STEVE  recoils  in  terror  upon 
JIM  over  trunk  and  against  ladder.} 

DUFFY. 

(Shouting.}  I'm  a  secret-service  detective.  (To  STEVE.) 
Would  you  like  to  see  my  badge? 

STEVE. 

(Crowding  back  upon  JIM;  trying  to  get  up  ladder,  over 
JIM.)  No,  I  don't  want  to  see  your  badge;  I  told  you  I 
didn't  want  to  see  your  badge. 

DUFFY. 

(To  all.}  The  Captain  informs  me  that  Colonel  Bowie, 
the  American  Consul,  is  on  this  ship.  Which  of  you  is  he? 

STEVE. 
What  do  you  want  with  the  American  Consul? 

DUFFY. 

(Turning  to  STEVE.)     What  business  is  that  of  yours? 
[48] 


THE   DICTATOR 


STEVE. 


(Hysterically.}  What  business  is  that  of  mine?  What 
business?  That's  funny!  Why —  Well,  why  don't  you 
tell  him  ?  why  don't  somebody  tell  him  ? 


BOWIE. 


(Pointing  to  STEVE.)  That  gentleman  is  the  American 
Consul. 

DUFFY. 

(Subserviently.}  Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon!  I  beg  your 
pardon ! 

STEVE. 

That's  all  right!  That's  all  right!  (Anxiously.}  But 
don't  mistake  me  for  anybody  else,  though. 

DUFFY. 

No,  sir.  I  was  cabled  to  come  here  from  Porto  Banos 
to  find  two  men — from  New  York.  Mr.  Brooke  Travers 
and  valet.  (STEVE  and  JIM  collapse  against  each  other.} 

STEVE. 

(Aside  to  JIM.)  Stand  up — stand  up — remember  you're 
a  Vice-Consul.  Act  like  one. 

DUFFY. 

They  are  believed  to  have  sailed  for  Porto  Banos. 
Now,  there  are  only  six  Americans  in  Porto  Banos,  and 
one  of  them  I  believe  to  be  Brooke  Travers,  and  I  have 
arrested  him  on  suspicion. 

STEVE. 
(Eagerly.}     You  have  arrested  him  already. 

DUFFY. 

I  have  him  safe  in  jail!     And  all   I   need  now,  Mr. 
[49J 


THE   DICTATOR 

Consul,  to  take  him  to  New  York,  is  your  official  per 
mission. 

STEVE. 

(Wildly.)  My  permission?  You  want  my  permission! 
You  can  have  my  permission,  you  can  have  the  Vice-Con 
sul's  permission,  too.  You  are  a  great  detective,  you  shall 
be  promoted  for  this.  Next  summer  you'll  be  guarding 
the  lawn  at  Oyster  Bay.  Come  on,  Jim !  (STEVE  and  JIM 
pick  up  the  steamer  trunk,  and  start  happily  up  stage.) 

DUFFY. 

(Saluting.)  Thank  you,  Colonel.  Your  good  wife — 
(STEVE  stops  suddenly.)  Mrs.  Bowie  told  me  you  would 
be  sure  to  help  me. 

STEVE. 

(Astonished.)  My  good  wife — Mrs.  Bowie?  (Nervous 
ly.)  Oh,  yes,  you've  seen  her? 

DUFFY. 

It  was  she  told  me  I'd  find  you  here. 

STEVE. 

Well,  we  won't  wait  for  her  now,  she  can  come  later. 
We'll  go  on  shore — we'll  go  quick  (turns  to  BOWIE)  and 
find  Rivas — (BowiE  and  VASQUEZ  exchange  glances) — and 
start  this  criminal  back  to  New  York.  (Mus.  BOWIE 
enters  briskly.) 

DUFFY. 

(Pointing  to  STEVE.)  Ah,  Mrs.  Bowie,  I've  found  your 
husband. 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

(Staring  at  STEVE.)  That's  not  my —  (STEVE  clasps 
her  in  his  arms,  and  to  drown  her  voice  shouts  excitedly.) 

[50] 


THE   DICTATOR 


STEVE. 


Good-by,  Julia,  I'm  going  ashore!  Back  in  just  a 
minute ! 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

(Struggling,  calls  to  her  husband.}  John!  John!  Help 
me!  (Lucv  enters  upper  left,  carrying  travelling  bags  ;  at 
sight  of  MRS.  BOWIE  in  the  arms  of  STEVE  she  drops  the 
travelling  bags.) 

STEVE. 

(To  MRS.  BOWIE.)  Don't  call  me  John,  call  me  Jack! 
Good-by.  Good-by!  (He  kisses  her,  and  sees  LUCY.) 
Good  heavens!  (Followed  by  JIM  he  rushes  off  right 
as  MRS.  BOWIE  falls,  shrieking  hysterically,  into  the  arms 
of  BOWIE.) 


CURTAIN. 


[51] 


ACT  II. 

This  scene  represents  the  interior  of  the  United  States  Con 
sulate  at  Porto  Banos.  The  consulate  is  situated  in  a 
square  room  built  for  a  hot  climate  with  high  ceiling 
and  thick  adobe  walls,  the  ceiling  resting  on  cross 
beams  which  apparently  allow  the  air  to  circulate 
between  it  and  the  top  of  the  walls.  For  five  feet 
from  the  floor  the  walls  are  tinted  with  a  light  co 
balt  blue;  above  that  they  are  whitewashed.  In  the 
centre  of  the  back  wall  is  a  high  doorway  with  a 
curved  top.  On  each  side  of  the  doorway  is  an 
iron-barred  windoiv.  In  the  left  wall  of  the  room  is 
a  door,  which  is  supposed  to  open  in  the  ante-room  of 
the  consulate,  which  leads  to  the  street.  From  the 
stage  this  door  is  reached  by  two  wooden  steps,  the 
sill  of  the  door  making  a  third  step.  On  the  wall 
below  the  door  hangs  a  large,  much-stained  school 
map  of  the  United  States.  In  the  right  wall,  far 
up,  is  a  door  opening  into  what  is  supposed  to  be 
the  Consul's  bedroom.  Below  the  door  is  the  Con 
sul's  flat  desk.  Below  that  against  the  wall  a  bent- 
wood  rocking  chair.  In  front  of  the  desk  is  a  swivel 
or  office  chair  and  a  Mexican  waste-paper  baskeL 
On  the  desk  are  official-looking  papers,  State  Depart 
ment  reports  in  red-linen  covers,  and  a  stamp  for 
sealing  papers,  such  as  are  used  by  notaries  public. 
Under  the  left  window  on  a  table  are  the  Ley  den  jars 
[52] 


THE  DICTATOR 

and  apparatus  of  the  wireless  telegraph.  It  has 
the  appearance  of  an  ordinary  Morse  receiver.  From 
it  wires  run  out  of  the  left  window.  This  room 
is  supposed  to  be  in  one  wing  of  the  Hotel  del 
Prado,  which  is  built  around  a  garden,  or  patio, 
and  it  is  situated  on  a  cliff  overlooking  the  harbor. 
The  fourth  side  of  the  garden,  the  side  which  is  not 
surrounded  by  the  hotel,  is  open  upon  the  cliff  where 
there  is  a  narrow  street.  Looking  through  the  win 
dows  and  door  in  the  back  wall  the  audience  sees  on 
the  back  drop  the  hotel  garden,  and  directly  across 
it  the  other  wing  of  the  hotel.  Through  the  right 
window  they  see  the  main  building  of  the  hotel. 
Through  the  left  window  is  visible  the  ocean  over  the 
edge  of  the  cliff  and  the  ships  at  anchor  in  the  harbor. 
In  front  of  the  back  drop  is  a  practical  flagpole,  with 
its  top  disappearing  above  the  centre  door.  When 
the  flag  is  hoisted  on  this  pole  its  folds  hang  just  in 
view.  An  American  flag  tied  in  a  roll  hangs  from 
the  halyards,  which  are  tied  to  a  cleat.  In  front  of 
the  flagpole,  and  running  from  left  to  right,  is  a  row 
of  tropical  plants  in  green  wooden  tubs.  Between 
these  and  the  centre  wall  of  the  consulate  a  path 
is  supposed  to  run  toward  the  right  to  the  main 
part  of  the  hotel. 

At  rise  of  Curtain  HYNE  is  discovered  at  the  wireless  table 
receiving  and  sending  messages.  There  is  much 
ticking  of  the  instrument,  and  flashes  and  sputterings 
from  the  electric  lights.  JOSE,  the  landlord,  a  bejew 
elled  and  excitable  Spanish-American,  enters  through 
the  centre  door.  He  is  followed  by  a  SERVANT 
carrying  two  framed  portraits,  one  of  George  Wash 
ington  and  one  of  General  Jackson.  Another  servant 
folloivs,  balancing  on  his  head  a  tin  bath  tub  in  which 
is  set  a  tin  water  pitcher.  Over  his  left  arm  are  a 
number  of  bath  towels. 

[53] 


THE   DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

Hello,  Jose !     Is  the  Consul  over  at  your  hotel  ? 

JOSE. 

(Bustles  up  to  HYNE.)  Ah,  my  good  friend,  I  am  glad! 
No,  the  Consul  has  not  arrived.  I  prepare  for  him.  I  am 
ver' — busy — ver' — busy.  He  comes  now — ver' — soon. 
(To  SERVANT.)  Pronto!  Pronto!  (He  takes  a  portrait 
from  the  servant  and  waves  the  other  servant  impatiently 
to  the  door  of  the  bedroom.)  Por  aqui,  por  aqui.  (With 
bath  tub  the  SERVANT  exits  right.  JOSE  steps  upon  the  chair 
and  then  to  the  desk,  and  hangs  picture  on  a  nail  in  the 
wall,  bustling  actively.) 

HYNE. 

Look  out!  don't  break  your  neck!  You've  plenty  of 
time!  The  Consul  was  still  on  the  ship  when  I  left.  I've 
just  sent  a  wireless  to  our  second  mate  to  find  out  where 
he  is.  (Joss  takes  second  picture  from  SERVANT  and  hangs 
it  next  to  the  other.  SERVANT  recntcrs  from  room,  and  exits 
with  other  servant.) 

JOSE. 

(On  desk.)     What  do  you  want  with  the  Consul,  hey? 

HYNE. 

Oh !  Campos,  this  new  President  of  yours,  he's  held  up 
our  ship  till  the  Consul  signs  her  papers. 

JOSE. 

Ah,  I  suspect  the  new  President  wants — a  little  fee. 
(Coming  down  from  desk.) 

HYNE. 

Your  presidents  would  starve  if  they  couldn't  rob  our 
steamship  line.  (Key  of  wireless  sounds.) 

[54] 


THE   DICTATOR 


JOSE. 


Your  talking  machine,  it  talks  all  right,  now,  hey? 
(HYNE,  apparently  listening  to  message,  nods.}  Who  you 
talk  to  now?  (He  passes  into  the  garden  at  centre  and 
unwinds  flag  from  flagpole.) 


HYNE. 


Talking  to  the  ship.  Second  officer  says  (listens)  "  The 
old  man's  howling  for  his  papers."  (Takes  bundle  of 
papers  from  his  pocket  and  crossing  to  desk  places  them 
upon  it.) 


JOSE. 


(Hairing  hoisted  the  flag.)     That   is  good.      It  is  six — 
seven  months  since  a  Consul  put  up  that  flag. 


HYNE. 


Yes,  and  then  he  put  it  at  half  mast  for  the  last  Consul 
that   died —     (Looks  at  portraits  over  desk.)     Are  those 


yours  ? 


JOSE. 


(Coming  down  to  left.)  No,  not  mine.  What  good  are 
they  in  the  consulate  when  there  is  no  Consul  ?  So  I  have 
hang  them  in  my  barroom.  It  makes  the  Americans  in 
Puerto  Banos  feel  just  like  home. 

HYNE. 

\Vhich — the  pictures  or  the  barroom  ?  I  guess  I'll  go 
over  and  see  if  I  can't  feel  at  home.  Tell  Colonel  Bowie 
to  be  careful  whose  name  he  signs  to  those  papers. 

JOSE. 
What  is  that? 

HYNE. 

(Takes  up  papers  and  then  at  centre  door  turns  back.) 
Never  mind,  I'll  do  it  myself.  Oh,  Jose,  tell  me  something. 

[55] 


THE   DICTATOR 

Tell  me  the  truth.     But  break  it  to  me  gently.     Is  the 
ice  machine  out  of  order  this  morning  ? 

JOSE. 
No,  senor. 

HYNE. 

Saved!     Saved!     (Exit.) 

(The  voice  of  DUFFY  is  heard  off  left.)  'Tention !  Right 
face!  March!  (A  native  policeman  enters  left.)  Halt! 
(DUFFY  enters  with  the  REV.  MR.  BOSTICK,  followed  by 
another  policeman.  DUFFY  and  BOSTICK  are  handcuffed 
together.  BOSTICK  has  a  ball  and  chain  attached  to  his 
left  ankle.  He  is  a  well-built,  serious-looking  young  man, 
in  a  much-soiled  white  flannel  shirt  and  trousers,  black 
alpaca  coat,  and  black  straw  hat.  Wisps  of  straw  stick  in 
his  -flannels,  and  he  wears  a  knotted  handkerchief  instead 
of  a  collar.  At  ordinary  times  he  would  be  smooth-shaven, 
but  now  he  has  a  week's  growth  of  beard,  which  gives 
him  a  disreputable  appearance.  He  speaks  in  a  peevish, 
angry  manner.) 

JOSE. 

(Coming  down  quickly.)  That  man  must  not  come  in 
here.  (Points  to  BOSTICK.) 

DUFFY. 

Why  not?  You  know  me — Duffy — secret -service  de 
tective. 

JOSE. 

(Impatiently.)  Yes,  I  know  you,  I  know  you!  What 
you  want? 

DUFFY. 

I  want  the  Consul. 

BOSTICK. 

(Defiantly.)  Yes,  and  /  want  the  Consul.  Where  is  the 
American  Consul? 


THE  DICTATOR 


DUFFY. 


Don't  you  worry,  young  man;  you've  been  howling  to 
see  the  Consul,  and  now  you're  going  to  see  him.  (To 
JOSE.)  Where's  Colonel  Bowie? 


JOSE. 


(Crossing  right  toward  door  to  anteroom.)     I  go  look  out 
for  him  now. 


DUFFY. 

We'll  wait  here. 

JOSE. 


(Jeeringly.)  You  got  prisoner  at  last,  hey?  I'm  glad. 
I'm  afraid  you  take  me.  That  man  he  can't  stop  here. 
Put  him  into  the  patio.  (Goes  out  left.) 

DUFFY. 

(Calling  after  him.)  Tell  the  Consul  we'll  wait  for  him 
in  the  hotel.  (He  starts  toward  the  centre  door.  By 
means  of  the  handcuff  BOSTICK  drags  DUFFY  back.) 

BOSTICK. 
I  demand  that  these  irons  be  taken  off  my  wrist. 

DUFFY. 

There  you  go  again — always  thinking  of  yourself. 
Can't  you  see  I  have  to  wear  'em  too  ? 

BOSTICK. 
You  wait  till  the  Board  of  Missions  learns  of  this. 

DUFFY. 

Oh,  cut  out  the  Board  of  Missions!  You're  a  nice 
looking  missionary! 

BOSTICK. 
I  admit  that  after  a  week  in  a  dungeon  my  appearance  is 

[57] 


THE  DICTATOR 

against  me.     But  I  am  a  missionary — the  Rev.  Arthur 
Bostick. 


DUFFY. 

Well,  if  you're  the  Rev.  Arthur  Bostick,  why  did  you  tell 
me  your  name  was  Jim  Robinson  ? 

BOSTICK. 

(In  distress.)  I  don't  know.  I  did  it  when  I  was 
frightened.  The  disgrace,  the  indignity  of  being  arrested, 
I,  a  clergyman,  arrested  as  a  criminal!  And  I  was  ex 
pecting  a  friend  on  this  steamer.  I  didn't  want  her  to 
know.  I  don't  want  her  to  know  now.  I  admit  it  was 
wrong  of  me.  It  was  a  lie. 

DUFFY. 

(Cheerfully.)  I  know  it  was  a  lie.  Your  name  is 
Brooke  Travers. 

BOSTICK. 

I  tell  you  my  name  is  Arthur  Bostick. 

DUFFY. 

Well,  prove  it. 

BOSTICK. 

How  can  I  prove  it  here;  no  one  knows  me  here.  I  tell 
you,  I  came  in  from  the  Pacific  side.  But  back  there  in 
the  mountains  everybody  knows  me.  (Appealingly.)  It's 
only  a  six  days'  ride. 

DUFFY. 

Yes,  I  see  myself  riding  into  these  mountains  alone 
with  you.  You'd  lead  me  into  an  ambush  and  escape. 
I've  caught  you  in  one  plot  to  escape. 

BOSTICK. 

I — tried  to  escape?     Now,  see  here,  you,  if  you  dare — 

[58] 


THE  DICTATOR 

DUFFY. 

(Pulling  BOSTICK'S  hand  down  by  means  of  the  hand 
cuff.)  Don't  you  raise  your  hand  to  me.  You  did  plot 
to  escape  last  night,  and  (touching  pocket)  I  have  a  war 
rant  here  for  your — accomplice. 

BOSTICK. 
Bah !  I  have  no  accomplice. 

DUFFY. 

Who's  been  bringing  food  to  the  jail  for  you  this  last 
week  ? 

BOSTICK. 

Well,  you  haven't. 

DUFFY. 

Well,  who  has? 

BOSTICK. 

A  very  honorable,  charitable  lady. 

DUFFY. 
Yes,  your  accomplice. 

BOSTICK. 

You  idiot!  Why,  I  never  saw  the  lady  until  I  was  in 
jail.  She  came  there  with  the  Governor  out  of  curiosity, 
and  when  she  found  a  clergyman  locked  in  with  brigands 
and  murderers,  and  starving,  yes,  starving — her  heart  was 
touched — 

DUFFY. 

It  was!     I  read  her  letters. 

BOSTICK. 
You  read  her  letters — to  me? 

DUFFY. 

There  was  one  in  each  basket  of  food,  and  they  were 
the  love  letters  of  an  accomplice. 

[59] 


THE   DICTATOR 


BOSTICK. 

They  were  letters  of  sympathy  from  a  noble-hearted 
woman.  I — I  admit  Juanita's  style  is  rather  tropical, 
even  passionate — 

DUFFY. 

I  know  all  about  Juanita,  and  I'll  tell  you  what  else  I 
know.  Yesterday  you  didn't  get  anything  to  eat. 

BOSTICK. 
(Savagely.)     I  know  that  just  as  well  as  you  do! 

DUFFY. 

(Triumphantly.}  And  why?  Because  I  captured  yes 
terday's  basket  of  food,  and  the  letter  in  it — and  I  stopped 
your  plot  to  escape. 

BOSTICK. 

There  was  no  plot  to  escape. 

DUFFY. 

Oh,  no!  She  only  plotted  to  "fly  with  her  beloved  to 
this  mountain  home." 

BOSTICK. 

(Excitedly.}  Fly  with  me — "her  beloved"? — Juanita 
proposed —  (Feeling  the  stubble  on  his  chin.}  Look  here, 
Duffy — before  I  see  Juan — before  I  see  the  Consul,  can't  I 
make  myself  a  little  cleaner?  If  he  sees  me  like  this,  he'll 
never  believe  I'm  a  missionary. 

DUFFY. 
You  certainly  are  a  shine-looking  missionary. 

BOSTICK. 

Just  a  shave  and  a  bath — or— or,  just  a  collar,  even? 
[60] 


THE  DICTATOR 

DUFFY. 

Yes,  that's  fair!  Well,  you'll  have  to  hurry.  We  got  to 
take  that  steamer  inside  of  one  hour,  soon  as  the  Consul 
signs  your  extradition  paper.  You'll  have  time  for  a 
shave  and  a  collar — but —  (Looks  at  handcuffs.)  I  don't 
see  how  you  can  take  a  bath  without  my  taking  one  too, 
and  I  won't  do  that.  I  won't  do  it!  (He  calls  off  left  to 
JOSE.)  Hello  there,  Jose! 

JOSE. 
(Speaking  from  the  anteroom.)     Well. 

DUFFY. 

We're  going  to  the  hotel — to  find  the  barber.  The 
moment  the  Consul  gets  here — let  me  know.  (JosE  ap 
pears  in  doorway.) 

JOSE. 

Yes,  I'll  tell  him. 

DUFFY. 

Don't  forget !  ( They  exit  at  centre.  JOSE  walks  to  centre 
and  stands  looking  after  them.  A  porter  enters  left,  carry 
ing  a  steamer  trunk.) 

JOSE. 
Que  esta  ? 

PORTER. 

El  consolato  Americano  ! 

JOSE. 

(Joyfully.)  Ah,  the  Consul!  (Waves  PORTER  to  room, 
left.)  Por  aqui,  por  qui !  (PORTER  carries  trunk  to  door 
of  bedroom  and  exits.  JOSE  runs  to  door  left  and  speaks 
off,  bowing  low.)  Good  morning,  Excellency.  I  make 
you  welcome,  Excellency !  (STEVE  and  JIM  enter  from  the 
anteroom.) 

[61] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Good  morning!  How  do  you  do?  Who  are  you? 
(PORTER  returning  from  room  right,  after  placing  trunk, 
and  disappears  centre.) 

JOSE. 

I  am  Jose,  the  landlord!  This  is  my  hotel.  It  is 
yours. 

STEVE. 

Thank  you  very  much.  We're  looking  for  the  con 
sulate. 

JOSE. 

This  is  the  consulate.     It  is  yours. 

STEVE. 

Thank  you,  again. 

JOSE. 

(Pointing.)  And  this  is  the  sleeping  room  of  the  Consul 
— and  there  is  my  hotel,  where  you  come  for  la  comida — 
the  food — to  eat.  And  there  is  the  telegraph — the  wire 
less. 

STEVE. 

Wireless?  (Points  to  door,  left.)  And  in  there — is  that 
mine,  too? 

JOSE. 

Yes,  Excellency,  the  room  on  the  street  is  for  the  Vice- 
Consul. 

STEVE. 

(To  JIM.)  You  have  a  room  on  the  street.  What's  the 
name  of  that  street  ? 

JOSE. 

It  is  called  Bogran,  in  memory  of  the  great  President 
Bogran.  He  was  President  long,  long  time — eight  months. 

[62] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

You  mean  years? 

JOSE. 

No!  Eight  months  is  long  time  to  be  President  in  San 
Manana.  Bogran  was  good  President.  He  was  assassi 
nated. 

STEVE. 

Assassinated?  (To  JIM,  right.)  I  wonder  what  they 
do  to  a  bad  President?  Then  all  this  wing  of  the  hotel  is 
the  consulate? 

JOSE. 

Si,  senor,  for  ten  years.  Since  I  keep  the  hotel  I  know 
three,  four,  five  Consuls! 

STEVE. 
Indeed ! 

JOSE. 
(Sadly.)     All  die. 

STEVE. 

All  what? 

JOSE. 

All  die. 

JIM. 

(Timidly.)     What — what  did  they  die  of? 

JOSE. 
Just  the  fever. 

JIM. 
Fever ! 

STEVE. 

And  are  we  likely  to  die  of  fever,  too? 

JOSE. 

No,  no !  I  take  good  care  of  you.  Fever  not  touch  you 
if  you  come  my  hotel  and  I  give  you  big  glass  brandy. 

[63]    ' 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Why  didn't  the  other  Consuls  take  "  big  glass  brandy  "  ? 

JOSE. 
(Indignantly.)     They  take  too  many  glass  brandy. 

STEVE. 

(To  JIM.)  We  lose  both  ways.  (He  sinks  despondently 
into  the  swivel  chair.)  And  I  was  so  anxious  to  get  this 
job  that  I  paid  five  thousand  dollars  for  it.  Jolly  place 
this  to  spend  the  rest  of  your  life  in.  Only  comfort  I  can 
see  is  that  it  will  be  short  life.  (Picks  up  stamp  on  desk.) 
Is  this  the  consular  seal  ? 

JOSE. 

Yes,  Excellency.  I — myself — prepared  everything  for 
you  as  soon  as  I  received  your  letter. 

STEVE. 

(Startled.)  My  letter?  (J IM  nudges  him.)  Oh,  yes,  so 
I  wrote  you  I  was  coming,  did  I? 

JOSE. 

Yes,  Consul,  but  you  wrote  me  also  that  madame,  your 
wife,  was  coming. 

STEVE. 

(Rises.)     My  wife!     (Turns  to  JIM.) 

JOSE. 

She  is  not  coming,  no  ? 

STEVE. 

My  wife,  no,  no,  she's  not  coming!  No!  You  see  the 
Health  Officer  told  us  about  the  fever,  so  I  sent  her  on  to 
Jamaica.  (Fiercely.)  And  she'll  stay  in  Jamaica  until  I 
send  for  her. 

[64] 


THE   DICTATOR 

JOSE. 

Ah,  I  am  sorry! 

STEVE. 

Yes,  I'm  sorry  too.  I'll  miss — I'll  miss —  (Aside  to 
JIM.)  What's  the  name  of  my  wife? 

JIM. 
Julia. 

STEVE. 

Julia.  (To  JOSE.)  Yes,  I'll  miss  Julia  very  much, 
dear  little  Julia,  bless  her! 

JOSE. 

(Mysteriously.)  Perhaps,  Excellency,  it  is  just  so  good 
that  she  did  not  come. 

STEVE. 

What's  that? 

JOSE. 

Pardon,  Excellency,  but  perhaps  it  is  just  as  good  as  she 
did  not  come  until  the  other  lady  has  gone  away. 

STEVE. 
Other  lady?     WThat  other  lady? 

JOSE. 
The  lady  in  my  hotel — who  is  waiting  to  marry  you. 

STEVE. 

Waiting  to  marry  me !  (To  JIM.)  Juanita!  (To  JOSE.) 
Is  she  in  this  hotel?  I  mean,  is  there  a  woman  in  this 
hotel  who  says  I'm  going  to  marry  her  ?  She  must  be  mad ! 
What  nonsense!  Why,  I  am  married — married  to  Edna! 

JIM. 

(In  a  quick  whisper.)     Julia! 
[65] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Yes,  Julia,  dear  little  Julia — down  in  Jamaica! 

JOSE. 

I  am  sorry,  Excellency !  The  senora  tells  my  wife  you 
come  here  to  marry  her,  but  when  I  read  the  Excellency's 
letter  and  he  says  his  wife  comes  with  him — I  tell  my  wife 
to  say  nothing. 

STEVE. 

That's  quite  right!  Don't  let  that  woman  know  I'm 
here. 

JOSE. 

But  she  saw  the  ship  come  in. 

STEVE. 

Well,  she  can  see  the  ship,  but  she  mustn't  see  me. 
Before  I  see  anybody  I  must  pay  my  respects  to  the  Presi 
dent.  I  haven't  presented  my  credentials  yet.  (He  takes 
credentials  from  pocket  and  shows  a  loose  page.)  And 
there's  my  speech.  I  don't  know  a  word  of  it.  I  hope 
the  President  will  like  my  speech.  Bowie  wrote  it.  Jim, 
old  man,  would  you  mind  opening  my  trunk  and  laying 
out  my  frock  coat  and  high  hat? 

JIM. 
High  hat,  sir? 

STEVE. 

Yes — in  the  tropics  I  have  noticed  that  diplomats  and 
American  dentists  always  wear  silk  hats. 

JIM. 
Certainly!     (Exit  left.) 

STEVE. 

Now  listen,  landlord!  There  is  a  secret-service  de 
tective — 

[661 


THE  DICTATOR 

JOSE. 

Senor  Duffy? 

STEVE. 
Oh,  you  know  him  ? 

JOSE. 

(Indignantly.}  We  all  know  him!  He  has  tried  to 
arrest  everybody! 

STEVE. 

That's  the  man.  Well,  he  has  arrested  some  one  at  last, 
and  I'm  going  to  ship  him  and  his  prisoner  on  that  steamer 
(points  off  upper  left)  to  New  York  by  way  of  Jamaica. 
He's  gone  to  the  jail — 

JOSE. 
No,  Excellency,  he  is  at  my  hotel. 

STEVE. 
(Eagerly.)     Has  he  got  a  prisoner  with  him? 

JOSE. 
Yes,  Excellency! 

STEVE. 

(Delightedly.)  Good!  Tell  him  I  want  to  see  him. 
(JosE  turns  up  and  looks  off  left.) 

JOSE. 
Si,  scfior.     Ah!  a  lady,  Excellency. 

STEVE. 

(Terrified.)  A  lady!  I'm  not  at  home!  I'm  out!  Is 
it  that  lady  ? 

JOSE. 

No,  senor.     (Lucy  appears  in  door  left.) 
[67] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Ah,  Miss  Sheridan!     Ah,  do  come  in!     (Lucy  coldly 
turns  her  head  from  him  and  addresses  JOSE.) 

LUCY. 
Is  this  the  United  States  Consulate? 

JOSE. 
Si,  senorita. 

LUCY. 

Colonel  Bowie,  the  Consul,  has  he  arrived? 

JOSE. 
Si,  senorita.     This  gentleman — 


STEVE. 

(Waving  him  off  left.)  That'll  do,  landlord;  that'll  do. 
(Crosses  to  JOSE,  and  pushes  him  up  steps.)  The  lady 
knows  who  I  am  perfectly  well.  You  don't  have  to  tell 
her  who  /  am.  Just  wait  in  there  please,  and  when  I'm 
ready  for  the  detective,  I'll  ask  you  to  bring  him  here. 

JOSE. 
Si,  senor.     (Exit  left.} 

STEVE. 

(Cordially  turning  to  LUCY.)  My !  It  is  good  to  see  you 
again.  I  was  afraid — 

LUCY. 
Pardon  me,  but  I  am  here  to  see  the  Consul 


STEVE. 


The  Consul — yes — but  wrhile  he — eh — while  we're  wait 
ing  for  the  Consul  have  you  any  objections  to  my  company  ? 

[08] 


THE  DICTATOR 

LUCY. 

I  have — very  strong  objections. 

STEVE. 
I  beg  your  pardon. 

LUCY. 

As  any  woman  would — after  your  conduct. 

STEVE. 
My — conduct  ?     When  ? 

LUCY. 
You  know  when. 

STEVE. 

(After  a  pause.)     Oh! 

LUCY. 

Yes. 

STEVE. 

You  mean  when  I  left  the  ship — Mrs.  Bowie —     (With 
disgust.)     Julia! 

LUCY. 
(Indignantly.}     Julia ! 

STEVE. 

Yes,  wasn't  that  perfectly  outrageous? 

LUCY. 
It  wasl 

STEVE. 

I  was  never  so  embarrassed  in  my  life — to  be  suddenly 
embraced — by  a  married  woman — 

LUCY. 

(Coldly.)     I  didn't  see  that. 
[69] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Didn't  you  see  that?  Oh,  it  was  awful!  Oh!  you 
ought  to  have  seen  that.  If  you  didn't — see  it,  you  wouldn't 
believe  it. 

LUCY. 

I  don't  believe  it?  I  saw — you — force  your  attentions 
upon  a  lady  against  her  protest,  in  spite  of  her  struggles. 

STEVE. 

(In  a  tone  of  indignation.)  Well,  well,  well!  Now, 
that  shows  you  no  one  is  safe,  no  one  is  safe.  If  you  could 
turn  things  against  me  that  way,  no  innocent  man  is  safe. 

LUCY. 

But  I  saw  you — and  the  passengers  saw  you — and  her 
husband  saw  you. 

STEVE. 

(Triumphantly.)  Ah!  You  admit  her  husband  saw 
me — and  yet — and  yet — you  never  guessed ! 

LUCY. 

(Turning  away  from  him.)  I  never  guessed  you  cared 
for  Mrs.  Bowie! 

STEVE. 

I — care  for  Mrs.  Bowie!  You — say  that  to — me!  I 
merely — it  \vas  this  way — I  will  explain  how  it  happened — 
(She  moves  away  impatiently.)  No,  I  insist — you  have 
doubted  me,  and  I  will  explain.  And  I'm  going  to  tell  the 
truth,  too. 

LUCY. 
Of  course  you  are. 

STEVE. 

Of  course  I  am.  Mrs.  Bowie  was  er — er — thanking 
me. 

[70] 


THE  DICTATOR 

LUCY. 

Thanking  you  ? 

STEVE. 

That  was  all.  Thanking  me.  She  was  grateful.  I 
had  rendered  her  husband  a  slight  service.  You  know 
there's  yellow  fever  here? 

LUCY. 
Well? 

STEVE. 

Well,  it's  very  bad,  and  they  wanted  to  go  to  Jamaica 
and  wait  there  until  the  fever  here  was  stamped  out,  but 
they  couldn't  go  to  Jamaica  because  he  had  no  money. 

LUCY. 
Why  not? 

STEVE. 

Because  he  lost  it  all  to  me  on  his  way  down — betting 
on  the  run.  I  gave  him  a  run  for  his  money.  He  got  the 
run,  1  got  the  money. 

LUCY. 

That — was  gambling. 

STEVE. 

Yes,  but  wait !  When  I  learned  I  was  forcing  that  young 
couple  to  spend  their  honeymoon  in  this — fever  swamp,  I 
gave  him  back  his  money  and  she,  in  a  burst  of  gratitude, 
in  her  innocent  girlish  way — threw  her  arms  around  my 
neck,  and  you — came  out  at  that  exact  moment  and  im 
agined  that  I — that  I—  (His  voice  breaks  with  emotion.} 
Oh,  how  could  you — 

LUCY. 

I  am  very  sorry.  I  didn't  know.  Won't  you — forgive 
me?  (She  comes  toward  him.) 

STEVE. 

(Magnanimously.)     Of  course  I  will  forgive  you.     But 
[71] 


THE   DICTATOR 

how  could  you  doubt  me,  I — I  who  have  never  looked  into 
a  woman's  eyes  until  I  looked  into  yours — 

LUCY. 

(Moving  away.)     Oh!     You  know  you  must  not  speak 
so  to  me.     I  told  you  not  to  do  it. 

STEVE. 
Then  you  mustn't  let  me  see  you.     For  when  I  see  you, 


LUCY. 
Oh! 

STEVE. 

"Oh"  what? 

LUCY. 


If  Mrs.  Bowie  has  gone  to  Jamaica,  what  am  7  to  do? 
Who's  to  chaperone  me?  The  Board  of  Missions  put  me 
in  charge  of  the  Consul — and  his  wife? 


STEVE. 

By  Jove !  that's  so.     But  there's  Bostick,  confound  him ! 
By  the  way,  where  is  Bostick? 

LUCY. 
I — I  don't  know. 

STEVE. 

Don't  know!     Didn't  he  meet  you ? 

LUCY. 
No. 

STEVE. 

He  didn't!     Hurrah!     Perhaps  he's  dead!     But  he  sent 
some  one  to  meet  you. 

LUCY. 

No. 

[72] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

(Indignantly.}     He  didn't? 

LUCY. 

(Apologetically.}  He  lives  very  far  back  in  the  moun 
tains,  six  days'  ride  from  the  coast,  and  they  tell  me  the 
rivers  are  swollen  and  the  trail  is  impassable — 

STEVE. 

(Fiercely.}  I'd  like  to  see  the  swollen  river  that  could 
keep  me  back  if  you  were  coming  to  marry  me !  Why,  he 
should  have  been  camping  out  at  the  end  of  that  wharf  a 
month  ago,  with  a  telescope  stuck  in  each  eye!  I'd  like 
to  be  on  the  bank  of  a  s\vollen  river  while  Bostick  was 
trying  to  climb  the  bank.  (He  kicks  violently  in  front  of 
him.) 

LUCY. 

You  forget  yourself !  You  are  speaking  of  the  man  I  am 
going  to  marry. 

STEVE. 

I  can't  help  it,  if  you  are  going  to  marry  him.  I  wish  I 
could  help  it.  Why  are  you  going  to  marry  him,  anyway  ? 
Because  you  love  him  ? 

LUCY. 

Because  I  have  promised  to  marry  him.  I  have  prom 
ised  all  of  them. 

STEVE. 

(Violently.)     All  of  them  I     How  many  more  are  there? 

LUCY. 

All  of  the  Board  of  Missions.  I  promised  them  I  would 
help  him  in  his  work. 

[73] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

How  can  you  help  him  when  he  isn't  here  ?  Now  listen ! 
Bostick  has  lost  his  chance.  Why  don't  you  give  me  a 
chance  now?  I  wish  the  Board  of  Missions  had  put  you 
in  charge  of  me,  instead  of  Bowie. 

LUCY. 

Yes,  but  you  see  Colonel  Bowie  is  our — Consul,  and  he — 
has  a  wife,  and  you  are  not  the  Consul !  And  you  are  not 
married,  are  you? 

STEVE. 

(Thoughtfully.)  No,  I  suppose  not.  No,  in  a  way  I"m 
not. 

LUCY. 

(Sharply.)     Are  you  married? 

STEVE. 

How  dare  you  ask  me  that?  I — I  who  have  never 
looked  into  a  woman's  eyes  until  I  looked  into  yours. 

LUCY. 
I  told  you  not  to  say  that  to  me. 

STEVE. 

Well,  then,  don't  bring  your  eyes  where  I  am.  (JosE 
appears  excitedly  at  door  left.) 

JOSE. 

Excellency!  Excellency!  (JosE  signals  in  pantomime 
that  there  is  some  one  in  the  room  behind  him.) 

STEVE. 
Who!    What! 

JOSE. 

The  lady !    The  widow  lady ! 

[74] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Juanita  ? 

JOSE. 
Si,  senor. 

STEVE. 

(Running  to  LUCY.)  Don't  desert  me!  Don't  leave 
me !  There's  an  awful  woman  coming  here,  old  friend  of 
Bowie's.  Bowie,  no,  I  guess  you'll  have  to  go.  It's  a 
private  affair — of  Bowie's — Bowie  wouldn't  like  it  known. 

LUCY. 
Of  course  I'll  go.     (Sadly.)     But  where? 

STEVE. 

Where?  To  the  hotel.  There's  no  other  place.  Jose, 
your  wife  will  take  care  of  Miss  Sheridan,  won't  she? 

JOSE. 
(To  LUCY.)     Ah!  si,  sefiorita.     (Exits  into  room  left.) 

STEVE. 

His  wife  will  take  care  of  you.  (He  calls.)  Jim!  Jim! 
go  with  Miss  Sheridan  to  the  hotel.  (JiM  enters,  JIM  bows, 
and  with  LUCY  moves  to  door  centre.} 

STEVE. 

(Taking  LUCY'S  hand  and  speaking  hysterically.}  Good- 
by,  good-by,  and  if  we  should  never  meet  again 

LUCY. 
Aren't  you  coming  to  lunch  ? 

STEVE. 

(Wildly.}  Lunch!  In  this  country  you  can't  look  as 
far  into  the  future  as  lunch.  What  with  assassinations, 

[75] 


THE   DICTATOR 

revolutions,  yellow  fever — and — and  —  Juanita  —  you're 
lucky  to  live  till  after  breakfast.  Farewell —  (Taking 
her  hand.}  Remember,  I — never  looked  into  a  woman's 

eyes 

LUCY. 

(Indignantly,  withdrawing  her  hand.}  Good  morning. 
(Exits  centre,  with  JIM.) 

STEVE. 

(Reproachfully.}  Not  good  morning,  good-by,  perhaps 
forever!  (JosE  appears  at  door  left.} 

JOSE. 

Excellency !  she  will  not  wait.  She  is  coming.  (STEVE 
comes  down  to  JOSE.) 

STEVE. 

(Desperately.}  Let  her  come!  Jose,  we  who  are  about 
to  die,  salute  thee.  (He  crosses  and  stands  by  swivel 
chair.} 

JOSE. 

(Sympathetically.}  Ah,  senorl  (Speaks  into  door  left.) 
Enter  Senora.  (  JUANITA,  a  dark,  Spanish-looking  woman, 
enters.  She  wears  a  black-lace  walking  dress,  open  at  the 
throat ;  in  her  hair  is  a  high  comb  on  which  is  draped  a  man 
tilla  ;  she  carries  a  fan.  She  rushes  down  steps ;  on  seeing 
STEVE  halts,  looks  at  him,  and  then  turns  upon  JOSE.) 

JUANITA. 

(Looking  from  STEVE  to  JOSE.)  I  told  you  to  bring  me 
to  Colonel  John  T.  Bowie. 

JOSE. 

Si,  senora.     (Points  at  STEVE.) 

STEVE. 

(Hurriedly.)     That'll  do,  Jose.     You  can — go! 

[70] 


THE   DICTATOR 

JOSK. 

I — go,  seilor.     (Exit  eagerly  left.) 

JUANITA. 

(Calling  after  him.)  Jose!  Jose!  (Turns  to  STEVE.) 
How  dare  you  give  commands?  That  man  deceived  me. 
He  told  me  I  would  find  here  Colonel  John  T.  Bowie.  (As 
she  speaks  the  name,  she  stabs  the  air  with  her  fan  as  though 
it  were  a  dagger.  STEVE  observes  this  with  horrified  inter 
est  and  moves  down  nearer  to  table.) 

STEVE. 
(Hesitatingly.)     I  am  Colonel  John  T.  Bowie! 

JUANITA. 

You!     (Turns  away  in  anger.)     You  are  crazy! 

STEVE. 

Yes,  I'm  nearly  crazy;  but  it  is  also  true,  madam,  that 
I  am  the  Consul. 

JUANITA. 
Bah !     Is  this  a  joke  ? 

STEVE. 

(Hysterically.)  A  joke!  Hah,  hah,  Hike  that!  (Laughs.) 

JUANITA. 

(Fiercely.)     You  laugh!     (Moves  toward  him.) 

STEVE. 

(Retreats  to  desk.)  I  assure  you  that  being  Colonel 
Bowie — is  no  joke.  ( Takes  credentials  from  table.)  If  you 
doubt  my  word,  madam,  here  are  my  credentials  from 
the  State  Department. 

JUANITA. 

And  do  you  think  you  are  man  enough  to  carry  that  off  ? 
[77] 


THE  DICTATOR 


STEVE. 


(Smiling  ingratiatingly  and  weighing  envelope  in  his 
hand.)     That's  not  heavy! 


JU  ANITA. 

Bah!  Don't  trifle  with  me!  What  are  you  trying  to 
do  here  ?  What's  your  little  game,  eh  ? 

STEVE. 

(With  attempt  at  dignity.)  My — "game" — madam! 
I  beg  you  to  remember  that  you  are  addressing  the  Ameri 
can  Consul — John  Bowie!  (He  strikes  an  attitude,  and 
attempts  to  lean  upon  the  back  of  the  swivel  chair,  which 
sinks  beneath  his  weight.  He  recovers  and,  folding  his 
arms,  scowls  fiercely.) 

JUANITA. 

You  cannot  persuade  me  that  you  are  Colonel  Bowie. 
I — who  for  three  years  have  loved  John  Bowie;  I — who 
for  three  years  have  hated  John  Bowie! 

STEVE. 
How  are  you  feeling  toward  John  this  morning  ? 

JUANITA. 

I  hate  him  so  that  if  I  thought  you  were  he  (draws 
dagger  from  left  sleeve)  I  would  plant  this  in  your  treach 
erous  heart. 

STEVE. 

(Drawing  chair  between  them.)  But  you  don't  think  I'm 
he.  You  just  said  so.  I  heard  you.  (Points.)  You 
were  standing  right  over  there.  The  man  you  want  to 
stab  is  an  impostor. 

JUANITA. 

You  are  the  impostor!     I  have  known  John  Bowie  in 

[78] 


THE   DICTATOR 

Panama  for  eleven  years.  I  would  have  married  him,  but 
my  husband  objected.  When  my  husband  died,  Bowie 
married  a  Northern  woman.  Two  weeks  ago  he  sailed 
for  this  place  in  that  steamer;  but  to-day,  when  he  read 
the  letter  I  sent  on  board,  he  was  afraid  to  come  on  shore; 
and  now  you — aha!  I  see — I  see — how  much  did  Bowie 
pay  you  for  this  ? 

STEVE. 

Pay  me  ?  Oh,  yes !  I'm  making  my  fortune  at  this.  The 
Bank  of  England  couldn't  pay  me  for  what  I'm  going 
through. 

JU  ANITA. 

Ah!  he  did  not  pay  you.  Then,  why  do  you  pretend — 
unless —  (Triumphantly.)  Ah!  I  see,  I  see!  (Eagerly.) 
There  is  a  detective  here,  searching  for  two  Americans 
from  New  York.  He  has  arrested  a  good  and  noble  gentle 
man,  who  has  lived  here  for  months.  If  Duffy  were  not 
the  fool  he  is,  he  would  know  that  the  only  steamer  on 
which  these  men  could  have  escaped  from  New  York 
arrived  here  this  morning,  and  that  one  passenger,  with 
his  friend,  came  ashore  under  a  name — that  is  not  his. 
(She  approaches  STEVE,  smiling  mockingly,  and  leans  on 
the  chair.}  Tell  me,  which  are  you — the  valet  or  Mr. 
Brooke  Travers? 

STEVE. 

Tell  you !  Madam,  compared  to  you  Sherlock  Holmes 
is  in  the  same  class  with  Duffy. 

JUANITA. 

Don't  interrupt  me!  I'm  thinking!  You  are  not  the 
valet.  You  are  the  sort  of  person  who  would  need  a 
valet.  So  you  are  Brooke  Travers. 

STEVE. 
(With  an  attempt  at  gayety.)     Oh !  so  I'm  Travers,  am  I  ? 

[79] 


THE   DICTATOR 

JU  ANITA. 

You  know  you  are.  Now,  if  I  tell  Duffy  that  you're  the 
man  he  really  wants,  he  will  release  his  prisoner  and  take 
you  back  to  New  York.  (Pause.}  No,  I've  nothing 
against  you.  No,  I  will  not  send  you  back  to  New  York. 

STEVE. 
Oh,  well!  just  arrange  this  to  suit  yourself. 

JUANITA. 

I  mean  to.  In  a  few  minutes  the  detective  will  be 
here  with  his  prisoner.  He  will  ask  you  to  sign  the  extra 
dition  paper.  You  will  refuse  to  do  so  and  you  will  set 
the  prisoner  free. 

STEVE. 

Now  see  here,  madam,  here  is  where  the  worm  turns. 
7  am  running  this  consulate,  and  I  will  not  set  that  prisoner 
free,  but  I  am  going  to  ship  him  and  that  damned  detective 
out  of  this  town  as  fast  as  that  steamer  can  carry  them. 

JUANITA. 

You  are  mad !  The  prisoner — is  the  man — I  love !  And 
if  you,  as  the  American  Consul,  do  not  set  him  free  I  will  tell 
Duffy  who  you  are!  Now,  if  you  wish  to  remain  here  in 
peace  and  safety  as  John  Bowie,  the  Consul,  you  will  tear 
up  that  extradition  paper.  If  you  refuse,  Mr.  Brooke 
Travers,  you  will  go  back  to  New  York — a  prisoner  your 
self.  Choose ! 

STEVE. 

Choose?  You  haven't  left  me  any  "choose."  I've  got 
to  let  him  go  free. 

JUANITA. 

Ah!  I  thank  you,  Consul. 

[80] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Don't  thank  me.     You  drive  a  hard  bargain,  madam. 

JU  ANITA. 

It  is  for  the  man  I  love*  But  I  can  be  generous,  too.  I 
will  help  you.  Do  you  believe  me?  (She  holds  out  her 
hand,  in  the  palm  of  which  is  the  dagger  with  the  blade 
pointed  up  her  arm.  STEVE  starts  to  take  her  hand,  sees  the 
dagger,  and  jumps  back.) 

STEVE. 
(Anxiously.)     Aren't  you  afraid  you'll  cut  yourself? 

JUANITA. 

Ah,  no !  I  am  used  to  that  dagger.  And  I  have  used  it, 
too. 

STEVE. 

Yes,  you  told  me  you  were  a  widow.  (A  bugle  sound  off 
left.  JOSE  enters  excitedly.) 

JOSE. 

Excellency !  El  Presidente !  The  President.  He  come 
to  call  upon  your  Excellency. 

STEVE. 

The  President?  I  say,  that's  very  polite  of  him,  isn't 
it?  How  do  I  look?  I  ought  to  have  a  high  hat,  Jose — 
has  he  got  on  a  high  hat?  (From  off  left  comes  the  sound 
of  muskets  brought  to  a  "ground  arms,"  and  a  bugle  sounds. 
JUANITA  starts  left.) 

STEVE. 

Don't  go!  I  can't  speak  a  word  of  Spanish;  stay  here 
and  interpret  for  me.  (JUANITA  returns  and  stands  below 
table.)  Jose,  run  to  the  hotel  and  get  some  champagne, 
quick!  (JosE  runs  off  centre.  STEVE  addresses  por- 

[81] 


THE  DICTATOR 

traits  on  the  wall.)  O  General  Washington  and  General 
Jackson,  don't  look  so  ashamed  of  this  American  Consul; 
he's  doing  the  best  he  can.  Wait  till  you  hear  my  speech. 
(He  runs  into  bedroom.  Bugle  and  drum  sound,  and 
shouts  of  "  Viva  el  Presidente!"  COLONEL  GARCIA  enters 
and  stands  at  foot  of  steps.) 

GARCIA. 

El  Presidente !  (Voices  cry,  outside,  "  Viva  el  Presi 
dente  !  Viva,  viva  I "  The  flare  of  bugles  is  repeated. 
CAMPOS  enters,  accompanied  by  CORPORAL,  and  soldiers 
who  jail  to  right  and  left  of  steps.  CAMPOS  is  a  large, 
fierce-looking  man,  of  dark  complexion,  in  the  uniform  of  a 
general.) 

CAMPOS. 

Where  is  this  Colonel  John  T.  Bowie  ?  (He  sees  Ju AN 
ITA.)  Ah,  seTioral  (He  bows.) 

JUANITA. 

(Making  a  deep  courtesy.)  El  Presidente !  (STEVE  en 
ters  from  bedroom.  He  has  changed  into  a  frock  coat  and 
carries  a  high  hat.) 

CAMPOS. 

You  are  Colonel  John  T.  Bowie 

STEVE. 

Yes,  your  Excellency,  I  have  that  honor.  (Reaches  be 
hind  him  for  the  written  copy  of  his  speech,  which  is  lying 
open  on  the  table,  and  moves  the  paper  where  he  can  see  it. 
Reading.)  I  welcome  your  Excellency.  (Glances  again 
at  speech  on  desk.)  I  mean,  "  Thank  you  for  your  welcome, 
and  allow  me  the  honor  of  presenting  my  credentials — 
(picking  up  credentials) — and  also  to  present  you  with 
assurances  of  my  distinguished  consideration,  and  the  hope 
that  those  cordial  relations — 

[82] 


THE  DICTATOR 

CAMPOS. 

Silence ! 

STEVE. 
I — I  beg  your  pardon ! 

CAMPOS. 


Silence!     I  will   not   receive  your  papers.     I  will   not 
receive — you !     You  are  under  arrest ! 


STEVE. 


Under    arrest!     (To    Ju ANITA.)     What's    the    matter? 
Doesn't  he  like  my  speech? 

CAMPOS. 
You  are  under  arrest  for  plotting  against  me. 


STKVK. 


(Indignantly.)  I — plot  against  you?  Why — I  made 
you !  I — oh !  I  see.  (Crosses  and  takes  CAMPOS  familiarly 
by  the  arm.)  Look  here,  General,  can  I  speak  to  you 
alone?  Why,  I  am  the  last  man — my  dear  General 

Rivas 

CAMPOS. 

(Savagely  withdrawing  his  arm.)     Rivas! 

JUANITA. 
(In  a  whisper  to  STEVE.)     That — is  not  Rivas. 


STEVE. 


(Lightly.)     Not  Rivas?     Oh,  I   beg   your   pardon!     I 
thought  you  were  the  President.     (Laughs.) 

CAMPOS. 

I  am  the  President — by  the  voice  of  the  people-. 

[83] 


THE   DICTATOR 


STEVE. 


Well,  then,  by  the  voice  of  the  people,  if  you  are  Presi 
dent,  where  is  Rivas? 

CAMPOS. 

In  jail,  waiting  to  be  shotted!  (He  turns  his  back,  and 
whispers  with  COLONEL  GARCIA.) 

STEVE. 
(To  Ju ANITA.)     Rivas — in  jail? 

JUANITA. 

This  is  Campos — there  has  been  a  revolution. 

STEVE. 
When  ? 

JUANITA. 

Last  Tuesday. 

STEVE. 

Last  Tuesday!  When  we  were  at  sea!  Oh!  John 
Bowie!  (To  JUANITA.)  He  knew  of  this — this  is  why 
he  wouldn't  come  on  shore.  He  wasn't  afraid  of  yellow 
fever.  He  wasn't  even  afraid  of  you.  It  was  this  he  was 
afraid  of.  (Raises  his  clenched  fists  in  the  air.)  O  John 
Bowie,  if  we  ever  meet  again. 

CAMPOS. 

Listen  to  me!  I  sent  my  soldiers  to  the  wharf  to  arrest 
you,  but  they  did  not  recognize  you  by  the  description.  If 
any  of  my  men  had  caught  you  in  the  street,  they  would 
have  shotted  you  against  a  wall.  But  here,  in  the  consul 
ate — I  cannot  touch  you. 

STEVE. 
I'm  sorry  you're  disappointed. 

[84] 


THE  DICTATOR 

CAMPOS. 

But  I  will  keep  you  here  a  prisoner  as  long  as  you  live. 

STEVE. 

Keep  me  a  prisoner!  My  government  will  send  a  war 
ship  down  here,  and — 

CAMPOS. 

That!  (Snaps  his  fingers.)  That — for  your  govern 
ment.  Before  a  warship  comes  to  Puerto  Banos,  you  will 
be  dead.  You  are  my  prisoner  in  this  room.  You  will 
never  leave  it  again.  (STEVE  runs  to  centre  door.)  Halt! 
(To  the  soldiers.)  Guard  those  doors.  Do  not  let  that 
man  escape.  (Two  soldiers  mount  guard  on  either  side  of 
the  steps.  Two  others  go  up  centre  and  stand  at  either  side 
of  the  doorway.  To  STEVE.)  If  you  walk  into  the  patio, 
you  will  be  shotted.  If  you  go  into  the  street,  you  will  be 
shotted.  Do  I  speak  the  English — very  plain  ? 

STEVE. 

I  understand  every  word  you  say.  But  you  don't  un 
derstand  me.  (To  JUANITA.)  I  think  this  has  gone  quite  far 
enough.  (To  CAMPOS.)  General,  you  must  know  that 
you  are  the  victim  of  a  mistake — 

CAMPOS. 
Bah!     (He  turns  to  GARCIA.) 

JUANITA. 

(Angrily.)     What  are  you  going  to  do? 

STEVE. 

Going  to  tell  him  I'm  not  Colonel  Bowie.  I  don't  intend 
to  get  "shotted." 

[85] 


THE  DICTATOR 

JUANITA. 

You  cannot  do  that — I  forbid  it ! 

STEVE. 
Why  can't  I  do  it? 

JUANITA. 

Because — if  you  are  not  John  Bowie,  the  Consul,  you 
cannot  free  the  man  I  love. 

STEVE. 

Oh,  the  man  you  love  be  hanged!  I'm  a  prisoner  my 
self,  now.  I've  got  to  get  myself  free. 

JUANITA. 

No!  First  free  the  man  I  love,  and  then  when  we  have 
escaped  to  the  mountains — then  let  them  know  that  you 
are  not  John  Bowie. 

STEVE. 

We  !     Are — you  going  with  him  ? 

JUANITA. 
Of  course  I  am. 

STEVE. 

Hurrah !  I'll  set  him  free.  (He  turns  to  CAMPOS.  JOSE 
enters  centre  bearing  a  tray  on  which  are  champagne  bottles, 
and  glasses  filled  with  champagne.  JIM  and  HYNE,  much 
excited,  follow  JOSE.)  Now,  then,  General;  sorry  to  lose 
you,  but  if  you  are  quite  ready  to  go —  (To  JOSE,  who 
is  approaching  CAMPOS  with  champagne.)  No,  no!  Not 
for  that  man — that's  the  wrong  President.  (JosE  places 
champagne  on  desk.) 

JOSE. 

(As  he  passes  STEVE.)  Pardon,  Excellency,  the  de 
tective  and  the  prisoner  insist  on  coming  in. 

[86] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Bring  them  here  at  once.  (JosE  exits  centre.)  Now, 
General,  this  is  my  consulate,  and  this  is  my  busy  day. 

CAMPOS. 
Bah!     (To  JUANITA.)     A  dios,  scnora. 

JUANITA. 

A  dios,  el  Presidente. 

CAMPOS. 

Good  morning,  Colonel  Bowie. 

STEVE. 

Drop  in  whenever  you're  passing.  (Glancing  at  soldiers.) 
I'm  sure  to  be  at  home.  (CAMPOS  exits  with  officer  left. 
DUFFY  and  BOSTICK  enter  centre,  followed  by  two  policemen.) 

DUFFY. 

Ah,  Mr.  Consul,  glad  you've  arrived.  I'm  in  a  great 
hurry  to  catch  the  steamer.  Put  your  seal  on  this,  please. 
(Gives  extradition  paper  to  STEVE.)  Extradition  paper  for 
the  prisoner.  (JUANITA  draivs  near  to  STEVE  and  shows 
him  the  dagger.) 

JUANITA. 

Remember ! 

STEVE. 

Don't  do  that!  Do  you  think  I'm  likely  to  forget ?  (To 
DUFFY.)  Now,  Duffy,  you're — you're  quite  sure  this  is  all 
right  ? 

DUFFY. 
Perfectly  sure. 

STEVE. 

(Appealingly  to  JUANITA.)  He  says — he  thinks,  it's  all 
right. 

[871 


THE   DICTATOR 

JUANITA. 

(Brandishing  knife.)     Dios  mio  ! 

STEVE. 
Duffy,  are  you  sure  this  is  the  man  ? 

DUFFY. 

There's  no  mistake  about — him.  That  is  Brooke 
Travers. 

BOSTICK. 
I  am  not  Brooke  Travers! 

JUANITA. 
(Close  at  STEVE'S  elbow.}     Well? 

STEVE. 

(To  BOSTICK.)  You're  right — you're  not  Brooke  Trav 
ers.  I'm  sorry  you're  not,  sir,  but  you're  not. 

DUFFY. 
What's  that? 

STEVE. 

I  can't  help  it,  I  feel  just  as  bad  as  you  do.  That  man  is 
not  Brooke  Travers.  That  man  is  free!  (To  JUANITA.) 
Are  you  satisfied  now  ? 

JUANITA. 
Yes,  my  friend. 

DUFFY. 

This  is  an  outrage.  (LucY  runs  on  from  anteroom  left. 
As  his  back  is  turned  to  her  she  does  not  recognize  BOSTICK.) 

LUCY. 

(To  STEVE,  in  great  distress.)  They  told  me  the  Presi 
dent  had  ordered  you  to  be  shot.  (BOSTICK  turns  toward 
her.  She  recoils.)  Arthur! 

[88] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Arthur?     Do  you  know  this  man? 

LUCY. 
This  is  the  man  I  am  going  to  marry,  Arthur  Bostick. 

STEVE. 

(With  wild  delight — to  JIM.)  He's  mine!  He's  mine! 
(To  LUCY.)  That  isn't  Arthur  Bostick!  That's  Brooke 
Travers.  Why  every  man  in  New  York  knows  Brooke 
Travers.  Ask  any  New  Yorker  you  like.  (Points  to 
JIM.)  Ask  that  man.  (Points  at  BOSTICK.)  Isn't  He 
Brooke  Travers? 

JIM. 

Of  course  he  is !  (STEVE  runs  to  desk  and  violently  stamps 
the  extradition  paper  with  the  consular  seal.) 

STEVE. 

Of  course  he  is!  (Shoves  paper  at  DUFFY.)  Officer, 
there  is  your  prisoner.  Take  him  to  New  York. 

JUANITA. 

You  dare  to  defy  me  ?  (STEVE  in  fear  springs  from  her, 
which  shows  her  to  DUFFY.) 

DUFFY. 

The  accomplice!      I  have  a  warrant  for  you,  too! 
STEVE. 

(Leaping  back  with  delight.)  You  have  a  warrant  for 
her  ?  Then  take  her,  too.  Take  them  both  to  New  York. 
(DUFFY  seizes  her  wrist  and  with  the  assistance  of  two  police 
men  pulls  BOSTICK  and  JUANITA  to  the  steps.)  Put  them 
in  the  hold  of  the  ship — and  yourself  with  them,  and— 
sink  the  ship! 

[89] 


THE  DICTATOR 

BOSTICK. 

This  is  an  outrage,  an  outrage! 

JUANITA. 

I  will  have  revenge — revenge!  (DUFFY  and  the  police 
rush  up  steps  and  go  off,  dragging  with  them  JUANITA  and 
BOSTICK.  LUCY  is  at  the  foot  of  steps  looking  after  them. 
STEVE  dances  across  the  stage  to  table.) 

LUCY. 

(Indignantly.)  Why  did  you  send  that  man  to  New 
York? 

STEVE. 

So  that  you  couldn't  marry  him !  (LucY,  with  a  gesture 
of  anger,  runs  off  left.  STEVE  attempts  to  rush  after  her  ;  the 
sentinels  lock  their  bayonets  in  front  of  him.  To  soldiers.) 
How  dare  you  stop  me !  I  am  the  American  Consul ! 

CORPORAL. 
El  Presidente  commands  it. 

STEVE. 

The  President!  I  made  him  President.  Jim,  bring 
these  gentlemen  some  of  that  champagne.  Jose,  help 
those  gentlemen.  (To  CORPORAL.)  How  much  does  the 
President  give  you  to  guard  me? 

CORPORAL. 
Eighteen  cents  a  day,  but  he  doesn't  give  it. 

STEVE. 

Eighteen  cents  for  a  brave  soldier.  Why,  I  will  give  you 
twenty  cents  a  day.  Are  there  many  more  like  you  ? 

[90] 


THE  DICTATOR 

CORPORAL. 

There  are  two  thousand  more,  just  as  brave  as  I  am. 

STEVE. 

Will  they  be  my  guard  of  honor,  too,  for  twenty  cents  a 
day? 

CORPORAL. 

Yes,  Excellency. 

STEVE. 

(Shouting.)     I'll  do  it!  I'll  do  it! 

JIM. 

What — what  are  you  going  to  do  ? 

STEVE. 

(Leaping  upon  table,  and  ivaving  a  bottle  of  champagne.) 
I  am  going  to  start  a  revolution  against  Campos.  I  am 
going  to  make  myself  President.  I  will  be  Dictator  of  San 
Manana!  (HYNE,  JIM,  JOSE,  and  the  soldiers  raise  the 
glasses  of  champagne  toward  STEVE,  and  cheer  him  wildly, 
waving  their  muskets,  as  the  curtain  falls.) 


91] 


ACT  III. 

Same  as  in  Act  II,  except  that  there  is  now  in  the  centre  of 
the  stage  a  round  table.  About  it  arc  set  three  short 
wooden  benches.  On  these  are  seated  STEVE,  the 
CORPORAL,  and  three  other  soldiers  engaged  most 
amicably  in  playing  poker.  On  the  table  are  the 
bottles  of  champagne  and  glasses  of  the  Second  Act. 
At  the  desk  JOSE  is  busily  writing.  Everyone  is 
smoking  a  huge  cigar. 

STEVE. 

I'll  take  two  cards,  please.     (Soldier  on  his  left  deals 
him  two  cards.) 

CORPORAL. 

I'll  take  two  cards,  also. 

STEVE. 

You  want  two  cards?     Now,  are  you  sure  you  under 
stand  this  game  ? 

CORPORAL. 
Si,  senor. 

STEVE. 

You're  sure  you  want  two  cards? 

CORPORAL. 

Si,  senor. 

STEVE. 

All  right.     Give  him  two  cards.     You  can  have  more  if 
you  want. 

[92] 


THE   DICTATOR 

CORPORAL. 

No,  gracias.     (He  is  dealt  two  cards.} 

STEVE. 

Is  that  all,  now ?  You  took  two  cards,  hey?  Well,  I'll 
bet  five  cents. 

CORPORAL. 

I — I  raise  you  one  peseta. 

STEVE. 
You  raise  me\ 

CORPORAL. 

Una  peseta. 

STEVE. 

Humph!     Well,  I'll  raise  you. 

CORPORAL. 

Well,  I  raise  you  one  more  time. 

STEVE. 

Raise  me  again.  (He  counts  the  money  in  the  pot.} 
There's  forty  cents  in  that  pot.  I'll  have  to  see  you  for 
the  percentage.  I  call  you. 

CORPORAL. 
You  call  me? 

STEVE. 
Yes.     What  you  got? 

CORPORAL. 

I  got  three  kings. 

STEVE. 

You  are  learning  the  game !  You  got  three  kings,  hey  ? 
That's  odd,  for  I  have  three  kings  too.  What's  your  next 
highest  card? 

[931 


THE   DICTATOR 

CORPORAL. 

My  next  highest  card  is — another  king! 

STEVE. 

Oh,  that's  no  good!  Mine's  an  ace!  (As  he  throws 
down  his  cards  the  key  of  the  wireless  telegraph  sounds; 
STEVE  holds  up  his  hand  for  silence.)  Hush!  Listen! 
(Calling.)  Is  that  you,  Jim? 

JIM. 

(From  the  bedroom.)  Yes,  sir.  (JiM  appears  at  door.) 
Is  it  working  ? 

STEVE. 

Yes,  working  fine.  Do  it  again.  (JiM  exits  right,  and 
key  again  sounds.)  Keep  it  up,  it  sounds  great.  (HYNE 
enters  left,  and  with  surprise  halts,  listening  to  the  wireless.) 

HYNE. 

Hello,  who's  that  calling  me? 

STEVE. 

That's  Jim!  (Calling.)  Come  out,  Jim!  (JiM  ap 
pears  at  door.) 

HYNE. 

Jim? 

STEVE. 

Yes,  we've  tapped  your  machine  and  run  a  private  wire 
into  my  bedroom. 

HYNE. 

A  wire  in  your  bedroom!     What  for? 

STEVE. 

Well,  you  see,  some  one  might  question  the  fact  that  I  am 
[94] 


THE  DICTATOR 

the  American  Consul,  and  it  occurred  to  me  it  would  be 
very  convenient  if  we  could  call  up  the  State  Department 
and  the  State  Department  would  answer  that  I  am  all 
right — 

HYNE. 

(Laughing.}     Oh,  I  see! 

STEVE. 

No  one  could  tell  whether  the  answer  came  from  the 
White  House  or  my  bedroom.  With  the  Marconi  you've 
got  to  take  any  answer  they  give  you,  but  from  my  bed 
room  you  get  the  exact  answer  you  want.  (In  an  eager 
whisper.}  Well,  how  did  you  succeed?  Have  you  bribed 
everybody  ? 

HYNE. 

I've  bought  up  all  the  friends  Campos  ever  had.  Every 
officeholder  in  this  town  is  now  out  for  you. 

STEVE. 
Good! 

HYNE. 

But  you  came  near  losing  me. 

STEVE. 
How? 

HYNE. 

The  shock  I  got  giving  away  thousand-dollar  bills.  I 
haven't  quite  woke  up  yet. 

STEVE. 
But  the  town's  awake. 

HYNE. 

I  wish  you  fellows  were  not  prisoners,  you  could  go  out 
and  see  for  yourselves. 

[95] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

I'm  not  a  prisoner.     I'm  a  patriot. 

HYNE. 
Patriot!     Why,  this  isn't  your  country. 

STEVE. 

No,  but  I  find  that  anyone  down  here  who  is  against 
the  government  is  a  patriot.  (He  crosses  to  JOSE  and 
reads  what  he  is  writing.}  Another  proclamation? 

JOSE. 
Si,  senor. 

STEVE. 

That's  good!  Put  it  up  in  the  Plaza.  (JosE  goes  out 
left.  To  HYNE.)  We  give  them  proclamations  fresh 
every  hour.  Did  you  read  the  one  in  the  Plaza?  No? 
Oh,  I  wish  you  had!  I  wrote  that  one.  I  said  if  their 
warships  tried  to  enter  this  harbor — my  warships  would 
sink  them. 

HYNE. 

But  you  haven't  got  any  warships. 

STEVE. 

Neither  have  they.  And  I  said,  "  Campos  has  insulted 
a  distinguished  diplomat" — that's  me — "for  which  reason 
the  Liberal  Party  will  tolerate  Campos  no  longer." 

HYNE. 
The  Liberal  Party? 

STEVE. 

Yes,  I'm  the  Liberal  Party.  I'll  bet  I'm  the  most  liberal 
party  this  town  ever  saw.  The  Governor  alone  cost  me 
two  thousand  dollars.  I  offered  him  fifteen  hundred  to 

[96] 


THE   DICTATOR 

betray  the  President,  but  he  held  out  for  two  thousand. 
Said  Campos  was  his  dearest  friend — and  he  couldn't  do 
it  for  less.  The  army — that  goes  by  contract;  you  pay  the 
commanding  general  and  he  rents  it  out  by  the  week. 
I've  got  it  for  this  week.  They  cost  me  four  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars.  That's  not  dear  for  an  army,  is  it?  Still, 
even  with  a  cheap  army,  I  don't  see  what  can  prevent  my 
being  Dictator  by  lunch  time.  My  revolution  breaks 
loose  at  eleven.  Now  the  only  thing  that's  worrying  me 
is  that  that  ship  hasn't  sailed,  and  until  Duffy  and  Juanita 
have  started  for  New  York  I'm  likely  to  be  arrested  in 
earnest — and  to  be  stabbed,  too. 

HYNE. 

Well,  if  you  want  to  get  rid  of  the  ship,  why  don't  you 
sign  those  papers  ? 

STEVE. 

No!  that  ship  can't  leave  with  John  T.  Bowie  on  board. 
Before  she  sails  I  want  him  on  shore. 

HYNE. 
What  are  you  going  to  do  with  Bowie? 


I'm  undecided  yet.  (Takes  slip  of  paper  from  his 
pocket.)  Here's  a  copy  of  the  message  I  sent  him  by  Jose 
to  lure  him  on  shore. 

HYNE. 

(Looking  at  paper.)     It's  signed  Rivas. 

STEVE. 

Yes;  Jose  copied  Rivas's  handwriting  and  signed  Rivas's 
name. 

HYNE. 

(Reads.)     "To-day  I  will  be  released  from  jail.     To- 

[97] 


THE   DICTATOR 

night  I  will  again  be  President.     Come  on  shore  at  once 
and  receive  your  reward." 

STEVE. 
And  he'll  get  it,  too. 

HYNE. 

"Wait  at  the  consulate.  Rivas."  That  ought  to  fetch 
dim,  but  he  won't  come  to  the  consulate. 

STEVE. 

Yes,  he  will.  Jose  will  tell  him  I'm  in  jail  or  shot — as 
lie  planned  I'd  be.  (HYNE  goes  up  to  wireless.)  What  are 
you  going  to  do? 

HYNE. 

I'll  just  telegraph  the  ship  and  find  out  if  Bowie  has  left 
it.  (He  works  the  key  of  wireless,  receiving  answer  during 
following  speech.) 

STEVE. 

'Good!  Everything  is  coming  my  way  now.  I've  got 
rid  of  Duffy  and  Juanita  and  Bostick — my  hated  rival. 
Now,  if  Bowie  wrill  walk  only  into  my  parlor. 

HYNE. 

(Having  received  message.)  It's  all  right.  Second  offi 
cer  says  Bowie  and  his  wife  left  the  ship  ten  minutes  ago. 

STEVE. 

(Down  at  desk.)  Fine!  Now,  then,  I'll  seal  the  ship's 
papers  (picks  up  ship's  papers  from  desk  and  begins  to 
stamp  them  with  consular  seal),  and  you  send  the  Captain  a 
wireless  and  tell  him  he  can  weigh  anchor  in  ten  minutes. 
(HYNE  works  the  wireless.  STEVE  stamps  the  papers 
violently.)  Good-by,  Mr.  Duffy,  good-by! 

SOLDIER. 
(Off  left.)     Halto! 

[98] 


THE   DICTATOR 

DUFFY. 

(Off  left  in  a  tone  of  terror.)  Don't  stop  me!  I'm  a 
secret  service  detective. 

STEVE. 

Duffy!  (DUFFY  rushes  on  left  with  clothes  muddy  and 
torn  and  eyes  blackened.  He  throws  himself  in  front  of 
STEVE  and  clasps  him  around  the  knees.  The  two  soldiers 
follow  him  from  left,  and  CORPORAL  and  the  other  soldier 
come  down  from  centre.) 

DUFFY. 

Save  me!  Protect  me!  I  claim  the  protection  of  the 
American  Consul! 

STEVE. 

(Shaking  him  off.)  Save  you  I  Where  are  your  pris 
oners  ? 

DUFFY. 

They're  not  my  prisoners.     I  was  their  prisoner. 

STEVE. 

What  have  you  done  with  Brooke  Travers? 

DUFFY. 

That  wasn't  Brooke  Travers.  He  was  the  man  he  said 
he  was — a  missionary  from  the  mountains — 

STEVE. 
Nonsense ! 

DUFFY. 
I'm  convinced  of  it!  (He  rises.) 

JIM. 
Who  convinced  you  ? 

DUFFY. 

About  a  hundred  of  his  parishioners — each  with  a  ma 
chete  that  long. 

[99] 


THE   DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

Where? 

DUFFY. 

At  the  Market  Place.  About  a  hundred  mountaineers 
shouted  out "  El  Padre!  "  and  he  yelled,  "  To  the  rescue  my 
children ! "  They  chased  me  all  the  way  to  the  hotel  with 
that  Juanita  woman  in  front  with  a  knife — that  long.  She 
swears  she'll  have  my  heart's  blood.  Hide  me,  please 

hide  me 

STEVE. 

(With  disgust.)     Bah!     Are  you  afraid  of  a  woman? 

DUFFY. 

I  ami  And  she  swears  she'll  have  your  heart's  blood, 
too! 

STEVE. 

My  heart's  blood. 

DUFFY. 

She's  coming  now  to  get  it. 

STEVE. 

(To  soldiers.)  Here!  What  do  you  mean  hanging 
around  doing  nothing?  Guard  those  doors!  (Soldiers 
run  off  left  and  centre.)  Don't  let  anybody  get  in! 
Heavens!  here  am  I  paying  for  a  whole  army  and  I'm 
not  safe  from  that  woman  yet. 

DUFFY. 

Well,  I'm  not  safe  either.  Can't  you  hide  me  some 
place  ? 

STEVE. 

No!  Yes,  I  have  it.  Go  hide  yourself  on  the  steamer. 
She  sails  in  ten  minutes.  Go  back  to  New  York.  You 
will  be  safe  there.  (Pushes  him  left.)  I  shall  be  so  sorry 

[100] 


THE   DICTATOR 

to   part  with   you,  Duffy,  but   it's   your   only   chance  to 
escape. 

DUFFY 
No! 

STEVE. 

Your  life  is  in  danger.     If  Juanita  catches  you — 

DUFFY. 

I  won't  leave  this  place  until  I  have  arrested  Brooke 
Travers. 

STEVE. 

(Crosses  and  whispers  to  HYNE.)     Hyne,  I  wonder  if 
we  could  persuade  him  that  Bowie  is  Brooke  Travers. 

HYNE. 
I  guess  so. 

STEVE. 

You'll  help  me,  won't  you. 

HYNE. 

Sure,  I  will. 

STEVE. 

Jim — 

JIM. 

Colonel. 

STEVE. 

Go  back  to  the  hotel  and  bring  that  criminal  here  with 
Mrs.  Bowie,  and  tell  Mrs.  Bowie  I'm  in  jail. 

JIM. 
Yes,  sir.     (Exit  centre.) 

DUFFY. 

Why  do  you  want  your  wife  to  think  you're  in  jail? 
[101] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

(Startled.)     My  wife! 

DUFFY. 

I  don't  see  why 

STEVE. 

(He  glances  meaningly  at  HYNE.)  That's  it,  Duffy, 
you  don't  see  why.  (To  HYNE.)  He — he — wouldn't  see 
why — would  he? 

HYNE. 

(Mysteriously.)     Ah,  no! 

STEVE. 

But  we— we  see  why ! 

HYNE. 

Yes — we  see  why! 

STEVE. 

Duffy,  you  are  happily  married. 

DUFFY. 

Yes,  sir. 

STEVE. 

Your  wife  loves  you,  Duffy. 

DUFFY. 

Yes,  sir. 

STEVE. 

(To  DUFFY.)  But  suppose  she  did  not,  Duffy.  Suppose 
she  loved  a  villain — a — viper.  Suppose  she  refused  to 
come  on  shore  and  share  your  home,  and  planned  to  fly 
with  the  viper  to  Jamaica  on  that  very  steamer,  Duffy, 
would  you  not  liide  your  sorrow  from  such  a  wife — even  in 
a  jail? 

DUFFY. 

No,  I  don't  think  I  would.     I'd  make  her  come  home. 
[102] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

But  she  has  ceased  to  love  me,  Duffy.  And  what  is 
home  without  love?  She  has  loved  that  viper  ever  since 
we  left  New  York,  when  he  rushed  up  the  gangplank,  pale 
and  trembling,  and  begged  me  to  conceal  him  in  my  cabin. 
"Hide  me!"  he  cried,  "the  police  are  on  my  track." 

DUFFY. 
(Excitedly.}     The  police? 

STEVE. 

Ah!  I  should  not  have  told  you  that.  I  promised  him 
I  would  not  betray  him. 

HYNE. 

Oh,  go  on  and  tell  him !     Why  should  you  shield  him  ? 

STEVE. 

I  promised  him.  I  even  tried  to  sacrifice  that  young 
missionary  in  order  that  he  might  escape. 

DUFFY. 

Look  here,  gentlemen,  you're  keeping  something  back 
from  me.  I  demand  the  name  of  that  man. 

STEVE. 

No.  Cruelly  as  he  has  wronged  me,  I  will  not  tell  you 
his  name. 

DUFFY. 

That's  enough!     You  don't  have  to!     I  know  his  name! 

STEVE    AND    HYNE. 

(Admiringly.}     You  do? 

DUFFY. 

I  worked  it  out  by  deductions. 
[103] 


THE  DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

Isn't  he  wonderful! 

STEVE. 

What  folly  for  us  to  try  and  hide  anything  from  that 
man.  He  frightens  me.  He  reads  my  very  soul. 

DUFFY. 

(Producing  handcuffs.}  There'll  be  no  mistake  this 
time. 

STEVE. 

Ah,  spare  him,  Duffy!  I  cannot  forget  that  my  wife 
loves  him.  Let  those  poor  guilty  souls  go  free.  What's 
ten  thousand  dollars  to  you? 

DUFFY. 
Ten  thousand  dollars! 

STEVE. 

(Impatiently.}  Yes,  the  reward  the  New  York  police 
offered  for  him — dead  or  alive.  (HYNE  to  conceal  his 
smile  turns  up  stage.} 

DUFFY. 

Have  the  New  York  police  offered  ten  thousand  dollars 
for  that  fellow  ? 

STEVE. 

Dead  or  alive. 

DUFFY. 

(Explosively.}  I  don't  care  who  he  is !  He  goes  back 
to  New  York ! 

HYNE. 

(At  centre  looking  off  right.)      Look  out!     He's  coming! 

DUFFY. 

(Excitedly.}  I  call  on  you  two  to  help  me  arrest  this 
man. 

[104] 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Not  that,  Duffy,  not  that ! 

DUFFY. 

Yes,  in  the  name  of  the  law.  (STEVE  and  DUFFY  hide 
on  right  of  centre  door,  HYNE  on  left.  BOWIE  enters  centre, 
following  JIM  coming  from  right.) 

JIM. 

(Speaking  as  he  enters.}  No,  sir,  Campos  put  him  in 
jail  an  hour  ago. 

DUFFY. 

Now  then!  (From  behind  him  DUFFY,  STEVE,  and 
HYNE  each  seize  BOWIE'S  arms  and  DUFFY  handcuffs  his 
hands  behind  his  back.)  Run,  get  me  a  cab!  (JiM  runs 
off  left.)  You  are  my  prisoner,  Mr.  Brooke  Travers. 
(MRS.  BOWIE  enters  centre.) 

BOWIE. 

(Struggling  violently  with  handcuffs.)  Brooke  Travers! 
What  does  this  mean  ?  Take  those  things  off  me !  ( Turns 
and  sees  STEVE.)  You!  Oh,  so  you  did  this! 

DUFFY. 

(Eagerly.)  No,  he  didn't — I  did  it  all  myself.  I  get 
all  the  reward. 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

(Clinging  to  BOWIE.  Hysterically.)  John !  John !  what 
does  this  mean? 

BOWIE. 

(To  DUFFY.)  Take  these  things  off  me.  I  am  the 
American  Consul. 

STEVE. 

Pardon  me,  /  am  the  American  Consul. 
[105] 


THE   DICTATOR 

DUFFY. 

(To  BOWIE.)     Of  course  he  is;  you  told  me  so  yourself. 

BOWIE. 

(DUFFY  and  HYNE  drag  BOWIE  to  the  steps.)  I  will 
appeal  to  the  President. 

STEVE. 

Who  made  him  President?  I  did.  Officer,  take  him 
to  New  York. 

BOWIE. 

(Struyyliny.)     I'll  be  hanged  if  I  go  to  New  York. 

STEVE. 

So  will  I.     (BowiE  is  now  on  steps.) 

MRS.   BOWIE. 

John!  they  will  have  to  arrest  me,  too.  I  will  never 
desert  you.  (DuFFY  endeavors  to  separate  them.) 

DUFFY. 

Now,  madam,  now — madam! 

MRS.  BOWIE. 
Don't  touch  me,  you  monster! 

DUFFY. 

Madam,  I  am  not  speaking  to  you  officially,  but  as  a 
family  man,  married  eight  years.  Before  it  is  too  late-, 
go  back  to  the  husband  you  promised  to  honor  and  obey, 
(Points  at  STEVE.) 

MRS.  BOWIE. 

To  that  man!    That  brute! 
[106] 


THE   DICTATOR 

DUFFY. 

(Beseechingly.}     Now,  do,  Mrs.  Bowie. 

STEVE. 

No,  it's  too  late,  Duffy,  old  friend,  let  her  go.  She  has 
chosen  that  man,  let  her  go  with  him.  (To  MRS.  BOWIE.) 
You  never  loved  me,  Kittic — Julia. 

MRS.  BOWIE. 
No,  I  certainly  never  did. 

STEVE. 
Oh,  you  hear  that,  Duffy? 

DUFFY. 

(Horrified.}     She  admits  it !     (JiM  appears  at  door  left.) 

JIM. 

The  cab's  ready,  sir. 

DUFFY. 

Good!     Come  on,  now!     (Pushes  BOWIE  up  steps.) 

BOWIE. 

(To  STEVE.)  You  think  you're  mighty  smart,  don't 
you,  but  I  took  five  thousand  dollars  from  you. 

STEVE. 

You  took  my  wife  from  me.  That's  worth  five  thousand. 
(MRS.  BOWIE  turns  suddenly  and  screams  at  him.)  It's 
worth  fifty  thousand.  (DuFFY  rushes  off  with  BOWIE 
and  MRS.  BOWIE,  assisted  by  JIM.  Eagerly  to  HYNE.) 
Do  you  think  Duffy  can  get  him  to  New  York  ? 

HYNE. 

Didn't  you  tell  Duffy  if  he  got  him  there  he'd  have 
ten  thousand  dollars? 

no?! 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Yes. 

HYNE. 

He'll  get  him  there. 

STEVE. 

But  Bostick  got  away  from  Duffy. 

HYNE. 

Yes,  but  he  had  Juanita  to  fight  for  him. 

STEVE. 

Juanita !  Heavens !  I'd  forgotten  her.  And  she's  com 
ing  here  for  my  heart's  blood.  I'll  never  get  my  revolution 
started  if  they  don't  leave  me  alone.  (Looks  at  watch.) 
It's  to  break  out  at  eleven,  and  it's  twenty  minutes  to  that 
now. 

CORPORAL. 

(At  centre,  looking  off  right.)  Excellency,  here  comes  a 
woman.  Do  I  shoot? 

STEVE. 

Yes,  shoot  her. 

HYNE. 

(Looking  off  right  to  CORPORAL.)  No,  stop!  (To 
STEVE.")  It's  Miss  Sheridan. 

STEVE. 

Miss  Sheridan !     (Enter  LUCY  and  JOSE.) 

LUCY. 

I  saw  Mrs.  Bowie  come  in  here.  Could  I  speak  to  her  ? 
(HYNE  indicates  STEVE — she  turns.) 

STEVE. 

Can  I  do  anything  for  you  ? 

[108] 


THE   DICTATOR 

LUCY. 

Senor  Jose  says  that  at  the  hotel  I'm  in  danger. 

STEVE. 

In  danger? 

JIM. 
Colonel — Colonel ! 

STEVE. 

Well! 

JIM. 

Juanita!     I've  just  seen  her  at  the  hotel. 

JOSE. 

Si!  She  is  coming  with  a  knife  so  long.  (Holds  his 
hands  far  apart.) 

STEVE. 

That  knife  of  hers  grows  longer  every  minute.  No  one 
is  safe  from  that  woman.  But  don't  be  frightened,  my 
guard  of  honor  will  protect  you.  Ilyne,  have  you  got  a 
gun? 

HYNE. 

(Touching  his  hip  pocket.)     Yes. 

STEVE. 

Then  go  in  there,  please.  (Points  left.)  And  see  she 
doesn't  get  in  that  way.  And  Jose,  you  go  with  him. 
(HYNE  and  JOSE  exit  left.  To  JIM.)  Is  your  gun  loaded  ? 

JIM. 
(Picks  up  shotgun  and  looks  down  barrel.)     I  think  so. 

STEVE. 

Well,  go  in  my  bedroom  and  find  out.  Put  it  at  your 
head — and  pull  the  trigger.  If  it  goes  off — it's  loaded. 

[109] 


THE  DICTATOR 

JIM. 

(Crossing  to  door  right.}  Yes,  sir.  (Slaps  his  chest.) 
If  that  woman  comes,  you'll  find  me — 

STEVE. 

Under  the  bed;  yes,  I  know.  (JiM  exits  into  bedroom. 
To  soldiers  at  centre  door.)  Now,  don't  let  her  slip  by 
you,  boys. 

LUCY. 

(Admiringly.)  You  are  very  resourceful.  Somehow  I 
feel  I  am  safer  with  you  than  I  would  be  with  Colonel 
Bowie.  I  don't  trust  him. 

STEVE. 

Do  you  trust  me  ?  (From  the  bedroom  there  comes  a  puff 
of  smoke  and  the  report  of  a  gun.  JIM  appears  at  door.) 

JIM. 
It  was  loaded,  sir! 

STEVE. 

You're  a  bad  shot.  Try  the  other  barrel.  (Exit  JIM. 
To  LUCY.)  Do  you  trust  me? 

LUCY. 

I'd  like  to,  but  I  can't  after  the  way  you  treated  poor 
Mr.  Bostick.  Oh,  why  did  you  say  he  was  Brooke  Tra- 
vers? 

STEVE. 

Well,  somebody  had  to  be  Brooke  Travers. 

JIM. 
(At  door.)     Look  out!     Juanita's  coming! 

LUCY. 

What  shall  I  do? 

[110] 


THE   DICTATOR 


(Pushing  LUCY  behind  the  desk.)  Get  behind  me,  get 
behind  me.  (JuANlTA  enters  from  upper  right  leading  the 
CORPORAL  by  the  ear.  At  centre  she  pushes  him  from  her 
and  enters.) 

JUANITA. 

Don't  try  to  stop  me!  Where  is  the  traitor?  ( JUANITA 
discovers  STEVE  and  LUCY.)  Ah,  ha!  and  the  girl  too! 

STEVE. 
(To  LUCY.)     Look  out!  she's  got  a  knife! 

JUANITA. 

Se-narita,  I  want  a  word  with  you. 

STEVE. 

(Timidly.}  How  do  you  do?  You  didn't  go  to  New 
York,  did  you  ? 

JUANITA. 

Traitor !  I  will  have  my  revenge  on  you  later.  You  can 
wait. 

STEVE. 

Oh,  yes!  I  can  wait.     I'm  in  no  hurry. 

JUANITA. 

Senorita,  you  wish  to  marry  the  man  I  love.  Well,  I 
have  come  to  ask  you  why  ? 

LUCY. 

Why  what? 

JUANITA. 

Why  should  you  marry  the  man  I  love.  What  have 
you  done  for  him,  that  you  should  be  his  wife?  Have  you 
ever  saved  him  from  a  jail;  have  you  brought  him  food 

[111] 


THE  DICTATOR 

when    he   starved;   have   you,  with  your  knife  in  hand, 
fought  for  him  in  the  public  street? 

LUCY. 
I  certainly  have  not! 

JU  ANITA. 

(Scornfully.)     No,  not  youl  not  youl 

STEVE. 

You  see,  where  she  comes  from  young  ladies  who  fight  in 
the  streets  find  it  difficult  to  get  anybody  to  marry  them. 

JUANITA. 

You  are  a  child,  you  are  afraid,  you  should  marry  a  man 
(points  contemptuously  at  STEVE)  like  that — 

STEVE. 
Yes,  just  like  me.     That's  what  I've  been  telling  her. 

LUCY. 

Madam,  what  right  have  you  to  question    me    about 
Mr.  Bostick? 

JUANITA. 

What  right?     Because  I  love  him.     I  would  go  with  him 
to  the  end  of  the  world. 

STEVE. 

Well,  there's  a  steamer  leaving  in  just  ten  minutes — 

JUANITA. 

And  if  you  want  Arthur  Bostick  for  your  husband  you 
will  have  to  fight  for  him. 

STEVE. 

Oh,  well,  that  settles  it!     If  we  have  to  fight  for  him,  we 
don't  want  him,  do  we?     We'll  let  him  go. 

[112] 


THE   DICTATOR 

LUCY. 

Pardon  me,  madam,  but  I  cannot  discuss  my  engage 
ment  with  you. 

JUA.NITA. 

Very  well.  (Goes  up  centre.)  Then  you  shall  discuss  it 
with  Mr.  Bostick  in  my  presence.  He  is  at  the  hotel.  I 
will  bring  him  here,  and  he  shall  choose  between  us. 
(Exits  centre.) 

LUCY. 

Oh!  this  is  intolerable!  How  dare  she  bring  him 
here  to  choose  between  us?  I  won't  bear  it!  It  is 
humiliating,  insulting.  I  have  come  all  the  way  down 
here  to  marry  Mr.  Bostick  because  my  conscience  told 
me  to,  and  now  he  can't  make  up  his  mind  whether  he 
wants  to  marry  me  or  somebody  else.  If  he  doesn't  make 
up  his  mind  soon,  /  will. 

STEVE. 

That's  the  way  to  talk!  That's  splendid!  You're  a 
girl  after  my  own  heart.  That  is,  I  wish  you  were.  I've 
suspected  several  young  ladies  of  being  after  my  own  money 
but  no  one  has  ever  cared  for  my  heart,  and  it's  all  yours — 
and  you  don't  want  it.  (Sadly.)  Oh,  how  different  things 
might  have  been,  if  they'd  only  been  different! 

LUCY. 
(Gently.)     In  what  way  different? 

STEVE. 

Oh,  if  you  could  only  have  cared  for  me — and  if  Campos 
wasn't  going  to  shoot  me  on  sight,  and  if  I  could  go  back 
home  without  going  to  jail. 

LUCY. 

(Incredulously.)     To  jail?     You? 
[113] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Miss  Sheridan,  I  have  deceived  you  outrageously.  If 
you  knew  the  truth  you  would  despise  me. 

LUCY. 

No,  Mr.  Steve— 

STEVE. 

My  name's  not  Steve.     I'm  Brooke  Travers  myself! 

LUCY. 
Brooke  Travers! 

STEVE. 

(Alarmed.)  Hush!  Don't  let  anybody  know  it.  Down 
here  they  think  I'm  Colonel  Bowie. 

LUCY. 

Why  do  they  think  you  are  Colonel  Bowie? 

STEVE. 

I  guess  I  must  have  told  them.  I  bribed  Bowie  to  let  me 
take  his  name.  You  despise  me.  You're  right.  But  I 
swear  to  you,  Miss  Sheridan,  that  the  only  thing  of  wrhich 
I  have  been  certain  since  I  left  New  York  was  that  I  love 
you  more  than  any  other  woman  I  ever  knew. 

LUCY. 
Don't,  please  don't,  Mr.  Steve!     I'm  sorry. 

STEVE. 
Only  sorry? 

LUCY. 

Don't  think  it's  easy  for  me.  I  promised — and  I've 
kept  my  promise.  I'm  here!  Two  thousand  miles  from 
my  home,  and  Mr.  Bostick  is  ashamed  to  show  his  face. 

[114] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

No  lie  isn't,  here  he  comes  now.  (Enter  BOSTICK  and 
JUANITA.)  Now,  Mr.  Bostick,  this  is  a  great  crisis  in  your 
life  and  I  want  to  advise  you. 

BOSTICK. 

I  can't  see  that  you  have  any  interest  in  this. 

STEVE. 

I  haven't.  That's  the  reason  my  advice  is  so  valuable. 
If  you  want  a  wife  who  never  will  bore  you,  I  advise  you  to 
choose  Juanita. 

BOSTICK. 

Thank  you,  but  I  promised  Miss  Sheridan.  My  con 
science — 

STEVE. 

Never  mind  your  conscience.  Think  of  your  heart — 
remember,  Juanita  saved  you  from  jail. 

BOSTICK. 
You're  right. 

JUAXITA. 

Arthur,  I'm  waiting. 

BOSTICK. 

Juanita,  will  you  be  my  wife? 

LUCY. 
(With  delight.)     I'm  free!     Free! 

STEVE. 
I  congratulate  you,  Bostick. 

BOSTICK. 

Thank  you.     Juanita  will  make  an  ideal  wife  for  a  mis- 
[115] 


THE  DICTATOR 

sionary.     She  will  persuade  many  of  the  natives  to  enter 
my  church. 


STEVE. 


If  she  persuades  them  the  way  she  persuaded  me,  I  bet 
they  enter  your  church  on  the  run. 


JUANITA. 


(Grimly.}  I'd  like  to  see  anyone  stay  out  of  my 
Arthur's  church. 

STEVE. 

(To  BOSTICK.)  I  can't  see  how  I  ever  mistook  you  for 
Brooke  Travers.  He  never  could  have  shown  the  courage 
that  you  are  exhibiting  now.  (To  JUANITA.)  My  best 
wishes,  senora.  (BOSTICK  crosses  to  LUCY,  who  shakes 
hands  with  him.) 

JUANITA. 
The  same  to  you —     Have  you  told  her  who  you  are  ? 

STEVE. 
Yes. 

JUANITA. 

And  you  have  asked  her  to  marry  you  ? 

STEVE. 

No. 

JUANITA. 

It  would  be  a  brave  girl  who  would  marry  an  escaped 
criminal. 

STEVE. 

Well,  the  man  who  is  to  be  your  next  husband  is  no 
coward. 

[116] 


THE  DICTATOR 


BOSTICK. 


We  would  be  happy,  Consul,  if  you  would  add  the  joy 
of  your  countenance  to  our  wedding  breakfast. 

STEVE. 

I'm  sorry,  but  if  I  go  outside  of  the  consulate  I  will  be 
shotted. 

BOSTICK. 

I'm  sorry!     Good-by!     (BOSTICK  exit  centre.} 

JUANITA. 

Wait  forme,  Arthur!  Senorita,  let  me  advise  you  the 
next  time  not  to  wait  too  long  to  get  married,  as  the  senor- 
itas  here  are  very  attractive. 

LUCY. 

I  thank  you,  but  I  prefer  to  remain  free. 
JUANITA. 

If  you  marry  that  man  (points  at  STEVE),  you  will  be 
free  in  a  week. 

LUCY. 
Free  in  a  week? 

JUANITA. 

Yes,  you  will  be  his  widow. 
STEVE. 

I've  got  as  good  a  chance  to  live  as  Bostick.  (Exit 
JUANITA.  HYNE  rushes  on  left  followed  by  four  soldiers. 
JIM  appears  left.) 

HYNE. 

Colonel,  Campos  is  returning  for  you. 
[117] 


THE   DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

Campos ! 

HYNE. 

With  a  hundred  soldiers. 

STEVE. 
I'm  paying  for  those  soldiers. 

HYNE. 

Yes,  but  he  has  them. 

STEVE. 
(To  LUCY.)     You  must  go  back  to  the  hotel.     Quick! 

LUCY. 

No,  I  won't  leave  you  when  you  are  in  trouble. 

STEVE. 

Then  you'll  never  leave  me,  for  I'm  always  in  trouble. 
But  now,  please  go. 

LUCY. 

(Moving  to  chair  below  desk.)     No,  I  will  not. 

STEVE. 

Very  well,  then  give  me  moral  support.  I  need  it.  (To 
soldiers.)  Here!  You 're  not  a  guard  of  honor  now.  No, 
I'm  your  prisoner.  You're  keeping  me  prisoner.  Take 
away  that  barricade,  Jim;  hide  that  shotgun.  Look  in 
nocent  everybody,  look  innocent.  Look  as  though  you 
never  heard  of  a  revolution.  (Outside  left  are  heard  cries 
of  "  Viva  el  Presidente!  Viva!  Viva  !  "  CAMPOS  enters 
left  accompanied  by  officer  and  two  soldiers  who  remain  on 
top  step.  After  his  entrance  orders  of  command  are  heard 
from  outside,  suggesting  the  presence  of  a  large  number  of 
troops.  The  CORPORAL  and  the  three  other  soldiers  raise 

[118] 


THE   DICTATOR 

their  rifles  to  CAMPOS  in  salute.     CAMPOS  looks  with  some 
surprise  at  LUCY,  and  bows  stiffly.     Then  to  STEVE.) 

CAMPOS. 

Well,  Colonel  Bowie,  I  have  found  you  out. 
STEVE. 

No,  you  find  me  in.  Naturally,  with  soldiers  at  each 
door — 

CAMPOS. 

I  have  read  your  proclamation  in  the  Plaza.  I  come 
myself  to  take  you  to  El  Morro  prison. 

STEVE. 

Oh,  I  think  not!  Not  this  American  Consul.  When 
my  President  hears  of  this — 

CAMPOS. 

Your  President — he  will  never  hear  of  it. 
STEVE. 

(Points  off  to  harbor.)  Won't  he?  I'll  send  him  a 
report  by  the  Bolivar. 

CAMPOS. 

The  Bolivar  has  sailed  for  Jamaica  with  Sergeant  Duffy 
and  his  prisoner.  (Slowly  and  impressively.)  No,  you  will 
not  send  a  report  by  that  ship.  No  one  will  ever  hear  from 
you  again.  My  post  office  will  not  receive  your  letters,  no 
steamers  will  be  permitted  to  carry  one.  And  at  Puerto 
Banos  we  have  no  cable.  You  may  cry  out  for  help,  but 
the  four  walls  of  a  dungeon  carry  no  sounds.  (STEVE, 
overwhelmed  by  the  solemnity  of  this  sentence,  for  a  short  time 
stands  stupefied.  If  is  ei/es  turn  helplessly  from  LUCY  to 
HYNE,  until  finally  they  rest  upon  the  wireless.  He  smiles 
exultingly.  HYNE,  following  the  direction  of  his  eyes, 

[119] 


THE   DICTATOR 

comprehends.,  and  they  approach  and  silently  shake  hands. 
LUCY  is  puzzled.     JIM  remains  unmoved.) 

STEVE. 

(To  CAMPOS.)  Yes,  you're  right  about  a  dungeon  cell 
being  a  poor  transmitter.  But  my  government  is  an  up- 
to-date  government  and  every  Consul's  office  nowadays  is 
fitted  up  with  one  of  those!  (Points  at  wireless.) 

CAMPOS. 
The  wireless!     You  can  talk — with  him! 

STEVE. 

I  can  talk  with  him  or  her  or  anybody  I  want  to.  What 
do  you  suppose  I  keep  it  for?  Why — I've  had  that  work 
ing  overtime  ever  since  you  put  me  under  arrest.  I've 
had  New  York  on  the  wire  since 

CAMPOS. 

New  York !  Oh  no !  oh  no !  You  cannot,  how  you  say  ? 
—pull  the  blind  over  my  eyes.  New  York  is  two  thousand 
miles  away. 

STEVE. 

Pardon  me,  I  said  the  New  York 


CAMPOS. 

Yes,   I  know,  the  City  of  New  York — two  thousand 
miles 

STEVE. 

No,  no,  the  battleship  New  York — ten  thousand  tons. 

CAMPOS. 

You  talk — with  that — to  a  battleship. 
[120] 


THE  DICTATOR 


STEVE. 

I've  been  talking  all  morning  to  the  whole  Caribbean 
.squadron.  There  are  four  battleships,  six  cruisers,  and  a 
dozen  torpedo  boats.  (To  HYNE.)  Hyne,  where  was 
that  squadron  when  we  called  it  up  last? 

HYNE. 
I  think — it  was  about — 

STEVE. 
About  twenty  miles  off  shore,  wasn't  it? 

HYNE. 

Yes,  about  twenty,  or  possibly  twenty-one. 

STEVE. 

Yes,  perhaps  twenty-one,  and  they  were  coming  this 
way  at  fifteen  knots  an  hour,  weren't  they?  At  full  speed, 
I  think  you  said. 

HYNE. 

Full  speed,  and  cleared  for  action. 

STEVE. 

(Looking  off  at  door  centre  toward  harbor.)  Why,  I 
believe  the  torpedo  boats  are  coming  in  now. 

CAMPOS. 

(Running  to  window  upper  left.)  No,  no,  you  do  not. 
7  do  not  see  them. 

STEVE. 

Of  course  you  can't  see  them.  They  are  submarines. 
(To  HYNE.)  You  might  just  call  them  up  again  to  con 
vince  the  President  that  they  really  are  coming.  ( To  JIM 
impressively.)  Jim,  go  into  my  bedroom — and — bring 
me  my  cigar  case. 

[121] 


THE  DICTATOR 

JIM. 

Yes,  sir.     (Exit  door  right.) 

STEVE. 

(7/i  a  whisper  to  LUCY.)  I  have  a  private  wire  into  that 
room.  Jim  sends  the  answers.  (To  CAMPOS.)  Will  you 
have  a  cigar,  General? 

CAMPOS. 

(Nervously,  with  his  eyes  turned  toward  the  wireless.) 
No,  gracias,  I  have  not  the  appetite. 

STEVE. 

Hyne,  just  call  up  the  Admiral.  (HYNE  solemnly  works 
the  key  of  the  wireless.) 

CAMPOS. 
The  Admiral !     Which  Admiral  is  that  ? 

STEVE. 

There  is  only  one  "  the  "  Admiral — sit  down  and  you  will 
hear  him  talk  to  me.  (CAMPOS  and  his  officer  sit  on  bench 
left,  while  HYNE  works  the  key.  There  is  a  pause.  HYNE 
stops,  and  STEVE  listens  complacently  for  the  reply.)  Now, 
you'll  hear  how  it  works.  (After  a  longer  pause,  STEVE 
glances  uneasily  toward  the  door  right,  and  coughs.  HYNE 
looks  off  right  and  coughs  more  violently.) 

CAMPOS. 

(To  his  officer.)  The  Admiral — I  think  he  is  asleep! 
(He  laughs  jeeringly.) 

OFFICER. 

Si,  Excellency,  si.     (They  both  laugh.) 

HYNE. 
(Nervously.)     Now,  General,  there's  quite  a  little  fog 


THE   DICTATOR 

out   there;    in   a   fog    the  electric  waves  don't  vibrate  as 
quickly — 

STEVE. 

And  icebergs — several  icebergs,  they're  always  in  the  way 
when  you — 

CAMPOS. 

(To  the  officer.)  Icebergs!  In  the  tropics!  Yes,  ha! 
ha!  (They  laugh.} 

STEVE. 

(Sternly.}  You  might  just  repeat  that  message,  Hyne. 
Hurry  him  up  a  bit;  speak  sharply  to  him.  I  don't  care  if 
he  is  the  Admiral,  he's  no  right  to  keep  a  Consul  waiting. 

HYNE. 

No,  certainly  not.  (Works  key,  while  lie  looks  anxiously 
at  door  right.}  Hello!  Hello!  Hello! 

STEVE. 

(With  confidence.}  That  will  fetch  him,  I  think.  Now 
you  wait  and  you'll  hear  him  speak.  (There  is  a  pause. 
As  no  answer  comes,  STEVE  shows  his  dismay.  JIM 
enters  from  room  right,  unconcernedly  carrying  a  cigar 
case.  He  comes  down  to  STEVE  and  proffers  it  to  him.} 

JIM. 
Your  cigars,  sir. 

STEVE. 

You — you  idiot !     Cigars !     What  do  I  want  with  cigars  ? 

JIM. 
You  said  cigars,  sir. 

STEVK. 

I  said — I  said,  I  want  cigarettes.  Keep  your  ears  open, 
can't  you?  Listen!  If  you'd  listen,  you'd  known  what  I 

' 


THE   DICTATOR 

do  want.  Go  back  there  and  get  me  the  Navy  Plug  cigar 
ettes,  the  Admiral  cigarettes,  the  Battle-ax,  battleship 
cigarettes  and  keep  your  ears  open.  Get  out! 

JIM. 
Yes,  sir.     (Runs  off  right.} 

CAMPOS. 

(Rises.)  Well,  I  have  waited  so  long  as  I  can.  You 
come  with  me  now  to  El  Morro. 

HYNE. 

(Excitedly.)  No,  no!  (Works  key.  At  the  sound,  CAM 
POS  halts  uncertainly.) 

STEVE. 

Take  me  to  El  Morro  now?  With  a  squadron  and 
the  Admiral  at  your  very  gates? 

CAMPOS. 

(Advances  to  him.)  Bah!  you  make  a  bluff.  There  is 
no  Admiral,  there  is  no  squadron.  You  are  a  Yankee 
fraud.  (HYNE  withdraws  from  the  key.  There  is  a 
pause.  The  eyes  of  all  are  turned  upon  the  wireless.  Then 
the  key  ticks  slowly  in  answer.  CAMPOS  starts  in  conster 
nation.) 

STEVE. 

General — listen ! 

CAMPOS. 

What  is  that? 

STEVE   AND    HYNE. 

Hush!  (They  pretend  to  listen.  They  look  at  each 
other,  nodding  approvingly  and  smiling  as  though  what  the 
wireless  said  amused  them.  They  move  their  lips  as 
though  reading  a  message.) 

[124] 


THE   DICTATOR 

CAMPOS. 

(Breathlessly.)     You  understand  him,  eh? 

STEVE. 

(Impatiently.)  Hush!  can't  you?  (The  key  ceases 
licking.  STEVE  heaves  a  sigh  of  relief,  as  though  greatly 
pleased  with  the  message.) 

CAMPOS. 
What  does  he  say? 

STEVE. 

What  does  he  say?  Can't  you  understand  the  Morse 
alphabet  ? 

CAMPOS. 
No,  what  did  he  say? 

STEVE. 

(To  HYNE,  laughing.)  He  wants  to  know  what  he  said. 
(They  laugh,  their  laughter  increases.)  You  don't  want 
to  know  what  he  said?  (To  HYNE.)  It  was  just  like 
George,  wasn't  it? 

HYNE. 

The  very  image  of  him. 

STEVE. 

You  could  almost  hear  his  voice?  Just  the  sort  of 
thing  George  would  say. 

CAMPOS. 
George?     Who  is  George? 

STEVE. 

The  Admiral.     George  Dewey. 
CAMPOS. 
Bah !     I  don't  believe  you ! 


THE  DICTATOR 

STEVE. 

All  right !  You  don't  believe  me,  eh  ?  Hyne,  just  send 
him  one  from  me.  (Dictates.)  "The  Admiral,  on  board 
Olympia,  off  Porto  Banos."  (HYNE  works  keys.)  Got 
that?  "Dear  George — the  President  is  here,  the  Presi 
dent  is  here  " — and  no,  say,  "  the  man  who  was  President 
is  here  and  is  using  threatening  language."  Wait!  "Please 
throw  a  twelve-inch  shell " — no,  make  it  a  six-inch.  We 
don't  want  to  blow  up  the  whole  town.  "  Throw  a  six- 
inch  shell  into  the  Plaza  to  let  them  know  you're  com 
ing.  "  Sign  it  "  Bowie,  Consul."  (Triumphantly  to  CAM 
POS.)  The  answer  to  that  will  be  a  six-inch  shell. 

CAMPOS. 

(Savagely.)  And  the  answer  to  that — will  be  two  hun 
dred  six-inch  shells  from  the  fortress  of  Puerto  Banos!  I 
will  sink  those  ships!  I  will  blow  up  those  ships!  I  will 
fill  the  harbor  with  scrap  iron! 

STEVE. 

(Alarmed.)  Here,  you  mustn't  talk  in  that  way  of  an 
American  warship;  you  don't  appreciate  your  danger.  You 
ought  to  be  frightened. 

CAMPOS. 

Me,  frightened!  I  will  fight  those  ships  until  Puerto 
Banos  lies  in  ruins.  (To  soldiers.)  Guard  that  man  well. 
(To  STEVE.)  When  I  have  placed  my  soldiers  on  the  ram 
parts,  I  will  return  and  shoot  you  with  my  own  hand.  (He- 
draws  his  sword.)  In  ten  minutes.  Unless  your  battle 
ships  arrive  in  ten  minutes,  you  are  a  dead  man.  (Rushes 
off,  followed  by  officer,  shouting.)  To  the  ramparts! 
Death  to  the  Americans!  (Cheers,  and  the  cry  "Death 
to  the  Americans!"  is  heard.  STEVE,  LUCY,  and  HYNK 
listen  in  alarm.  Each  time  the  cry  is  repeated  they  jump 
nervously.) 

[126] 


THE   DICTATOR 

HYNE. 

(In  an  awed  whisper.}     What  are  you  going  to  do? 

STEVE. 

What  can  I  do  ?  Can  I  evolve  battleships  out  of  thin  air 
in  ten  minutes? 

LUCY. 

You  shouldn't  have  frightened  him. 

STEVE. 

Frightened  him!  Did  he  act  to  you  as  though  he  were 
frightened.  (Points  left.  To  HYNE.)  Go  watch  in  the 
street,  and  let  me  know  when  he's  coming.  (HYNE  exits 

left.) 

LUCY. 

Now  you  must  try  to  escape.  You  still  have  seven 
minutes. 

STEVE. 

No,  dear  girl,  even  if  I  could  escape,  I  couldn't  leave  you. 
(He  takes  her  hands  and  kisses  them.)  Good-by.  (The 
wireless  begins  to  tick  slowly.  At  the  sound  STEVE  raises 
his  head.)  Confound  that  idiot!  (Calls  off  right.)  Jim, 
stop  that  noise!  (The  instrument  continues  to  tick.)  Stop 
it,  there's  no  use  doing  that  now,  he's  gone.  (STEVE  turns 
to  LUCY.  JIM  enters  and  comes  down  unseen  by  STEVE  and 
LUCY.  The  wireless  continues  to  tick.}  Confound  that 
idiot !  (STEVE  turns  and  in  amazement,  sees  JIM,  and  from 
him  looks  at  the  wireless.)  Who's  doing  that? 

JIM. 
I  don't  know,  sir.     I'm  not. 

STEVE. 
(Rushes  to  wireless  excitedly.)      Good  heavens!     We've 

[127] 


THE  DICTATOR 

hooked  something !  We've  tapped  a  real  wire !  (Calls  off 
left.)  Hyne!  Hyne!  come  here!  we've  got  a  bite,  we've  got 
a  bite!  (HYNE  runs  on  left  and  halts  on  steps,  listening  to 
the  wireless.) 

HYNE. 

(Excitedly.)  Hush!  That's  some  one  calling  us.  (He 
runs  to  instrument  and  violently  works  the  key.) 

STEVE. 

(Hysterically.)  Don't  lose  him !  Play  him  gently !  Be 
careful!  Don't  let  him  get  away  from  you ! 

HYNE. 

(Leaning  over  key.)  Hush,  be  quiet!  (The  instrument 
ticks  in  answer.) 

STEVE. 

Who — who  is  it  ?     What's  he  say  ? 

HYNE. 
He's  calling  us  up!     He  wants  to  know  who  we  are! 

STEVE. 

Never  mind  who  we  are,  find  out  who  he  is.  Tell  him 
we're  in  great  danger,  we  want  help,  we  want  it  quick. 
(HYNE  works  the  key.)  What  did  you  say  to  him? 

HYNE. 

I  asked  him  who  he  is.     (The  key  answers.) 

STEVE. 
\Vho  is  he? 

HYNE. 

Hush!  He's  trying  to  tell  me.  (As  the  instrument 
sounds,  HYNE'S  lips  move  as  though  Beading  a  message.) 
"  The — battleship— Oregon." 

[128] 


if. 


THE   DICTATOR 

LUCY. 

(Wildly.)     A  battleship!     We're  saved! 

JIM. 

Hurrah ! 

STEVE. 

(In  great  excitement.)  Keep  your  hand  on  the  key. 
Don't  let  him  get  away  from  you. 

HYNE. 

(Working  key  violently.)  What  good  can  she  do  us? 
She  may  be  two  hundred  miles  away. 

STEVE. 

Two  hundred  miles?  And  Campos  is  coming  back  in 
two  minutes.  Find  out  where  she  is,  can't  you  ? 

HYNE. 

That's  what  I'm  trying  to  do,  if  you'll  only  keep  quiet. 
I  want  to  find  out  where  she  is  just  as  much  as  you  do. 
I  don't  want  to  die.  (They  all  wait  breathlessly  for  the 
answer.  The  key  answers.  HYNE  raises  his  hand  for 
silence.)  Hush!  (He  reads  message  aloud.)  "Ten  min 
utes  ago — we — landed — marines  at  Porto  Banos."  (HYNE 
shouts.)  She's  here  now! 

STEVE. 

Hurrah!  (He  embraces  JIM.  HYNE  embraces  LUCY, 
and  then  leaps  around  stage,  shouting  and  waving  his  hat. 
STEVE  in  search  for  marine  glasses  throws  all  the  books  and 
papers  off  the  desk.  With  glasses  he  runs  to  centre  door, 
and  looks  toward  harbor.)  There  she  is!  As  big  as  the 
Flatiron  Building!  (He  seizes  LUCY  and  waltzes  with  her. 
Outside  cheers  and  cries  are  heard.)  "  Los  Americanos  !" 
"  Los  Americanos  ! " 

[  129] 


THE   DICTATOR 

CORPORAL. 

(Running  on  left.)  Excellency!  The  Americanos,  the 
Americanos!  (LIEUTENANT  VICTOR  and  a  dozen  blue 
jackets  carrying  arms  run  down  steps.) 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

(Saluting.)     Are  you  the  American  Consul,  sir? 

STEVE. 

Never  mind  who  7  am.  You're  here,  that's  the  main 
thing.  You're  in  charge  of  this  office.  (Shakes  his  hand 
violently.)  And  you  didn't  take  charge  a  minute  too  soon. 
(Shakes  hands  warmly  with  each  blue  jacket.)  How  are 
you?  How  do  you  do?  I  am  very  glad  to  see  you. 
(Slips  between  two  of  them  and  takes  an  arm  of  each.)  Say, 
I'll  never  leave  you  fellows.  Don't  lose  sight  of  me,  will 


you  ? 


LIEUT.    VICTOR. 


Your  wireless  was  to  Admiral  Dewey,  but  we  read  it. 
was  sent  ashore  to  protect  Americans. 


STEVE. 

The  only  Americans  in  Porto  Banos  are  in  this  room. 
So  you  just  stay  where  you  are. 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

(Saluting.)  Very  good,  sir.  (To  the  blue  jackets.) 
Guard  that  door  over  there — and  you  fall  back  on  that  one. 
(Blue  jackets  separate  and  at  each  door  stand  at  attention. 
To  STEVE.)  Oh,  Mr.  Consul!  before  leaving  Porto 

'  O 

Rico,    we   received   instructions   to   inquire   here   for   an 
American  named  Duffy.     Have  you  heard  of  him  ? 

STEVE. 
(Alarmed. )     Duffy  ? 

[  130  ] 


THE   DICTATOR 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

Yes,  Duffy — have  you  seen  him  ?  (All  look  consciously 
at  STEVE.  JIM  draws  near  him  on  his  right.  LUCY  and 
HYXE  are  at  writing  desk.) 

STEVE. 
(Cautiously.)     Yes,  I've  seen  him. 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

Did  he  say  anything  to  you  about  Brooke  Travers  and 
his  valet?  (JiM  falls  helplessly  against  STEVE.) 

STEVE. 

(Aside  to  JIM.)  Stand  up,  can't  you?  (Aloud.)  Yes, 
I  think  he  did  casually  mention  the  name. 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

It's  a  terrible  affair.  Even  in  Porto  Rico  the  papers 
are  full  of  that  murder.  (STEVE  collapses  against  JIM.) 

STEVE. 
(In  a  weak  voice.)     Then — then — it  was  murder? 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

Yes,  it  seems  that  Travers  and  his  servant  got  into  a 
fight  on  a  wharf  with  a  cabman  and  a  crowd  of  roughs. 
Travers  had  on  his  person  twenty-five  thousand  dollars. 
That  was  the  last  time  they  were  seen  alive.  So  it's  pretty 
evident  that  they  were  both  robbed  and  murdered.  (JiM 
whispers  excitedly  to  STEVE.) 

STEVE. 

(To  JIM.)  Be  quiet!  He's  trying  to  make  us  confess. 
It's  a  trap.  He's  trying  to  make  us  give  ourselves  away. 
(Turns  suspiciously  to  LIEUTENANT.)  But  why — why,  if 

[131] 


THE  DICTATOR 

these  men  were  murdered  in  New  York  is  Duffy  looking 
for  them — down  here? 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

Two  men  answering  their  description  sailed  on  the 
Bolivar  a  few  hours  after  the  murder.  Duffy  was  ordered 
here  to  find  out  if  they  were  the  men.  Their  friends  sent 
him. 

STEVE. 

Their  friends!     Then  why  did  he  try  to  arrest  them? 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

(Indignantly.}  Arrest  them?  The  idiot!  He  was  told 
to  find  them. 

STEVE. 

(Eagerly.)     And — and  the  cabman — is  he  alive? 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

Of  course. 

STEVE. 

(Wildly.)  Then  if  Brooke  Travers  was  not  murdered, 
could  he  come  to  life  again  without  being  hanged? 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

Certainly. 

STEVE. 

Jim,  we've  been  murdered  for  two  weeks,  and  we  didn't 
know  it. 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

What  do  you  mean  ?     Who  are  you  ? 

STEVE. 

I  am  Brooke  Travers,  and  this — is  my  murdered  valet. 
(Stiffly.)  Simpson,  you  can  come  to  life  now. 

[132] 


THE  DICTATOR 

JIM. 

Thank  you,  Colonel. 

STEVE. 
Not  Colonel  now — Mr.  Travers. 

JIM. 
Yes,  Mr.  Travers. 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

But  I  thought  you  were  Colonel  Bowie! 

STEVE. 

It's  a  long  story.  I  thought  I  was  going  to  be  killed, 
and  I—  (Outside  there  is  a  sudden  sound  of  firing,  shouts 
and  cries  of  "  Viva,  viva  BOWIE  ! "  LIEUTENANT  draws  his 
sword  and  motions  blue  jackets  left.)  "Viva  Bowie !"- 
why—  (Suddenly.)  That's  my  revolution!  (Looks  at 
watch.)  To  the  minute!  To  the  minute!  (To  LIEU 
TENANT.)  Sir,  in  me  you  now  see  the  President  and  Dic 
tator  of  San  Manana. 

LIEUT.    VICTOR. 

(Gravely  saluting  STEVE.)  As  the  representatives  of  the 
United  States,  we  recognize  your  government. 

STEVE. 

That's  the  fastest  recognition  on  record.  That  beats 
Panama.  ( Takes  LUCY  in  his  arms.)  Lucy,  I  will  go  home. 
If  I  must  be  a  dictator,  I  prefer  to  do  my  dictating  to  a 
stenographer  in  little  old  New  York. 


CURTAIN. 


[133] 


THE   GALLOPER 


The  CAST  of  THE  GALLOPER  as  presented  on  January 

22,  1906,  at  the  GARDEN  THEATRE,  New 

York,  by  HENRY  W.  SAVAGE. 

THE  PERSONS  IN  THE  PLAY 

COPELAND  SCHUYLEK,  of  New  York  .............  Raymond  Hitchcock 

KIRKE  WARREN,  war  correspondent  of  the  Republic.  .Edgar  L.  Davenport 
MR.  HEWITT,  war  correspondent  of  Collier's  Weekly  ........  Harry  Stone 


CAPTAIN  ANSTRUTHER.  .  '  '  ^  ***» 


MB-  «««»  .....  {  thT/^XSondl  }  "  "  '  'Harold  Vizard 
BILLY  ASHE,  manager  for  the  Republic  at  Athens  .....  Herbert  Cothell 
CAPTAIN  O'MALLEY..  ..{  f«jgj  £«£  }  .....  T.  Daniel  Frawley 

COLONEL  OSTAH,  Turkish  Army  .........................  Scott  Cooper 

CAPTAIN  MOUZAFFER,  Turkish  Army  ...................  Harry  Stone 

THE  CROWN  PRINCE  OF  GREECE  ........................  E.  B.  Tiltoii 

FIRST  OFFICER  of  the  transport  to  Volo  ..............  Fred  Johnstoiio 

FIRST  OFFICER  of  the  steamer  to  Constantinople  ............  H.  White 

SERGEANT  ..............................................  Alf.  Hudson 

BOATSWAIN  ................................................  M.  Black 

CAPTAIN  ZONYA,  Foreign  Legion  ..........................  H.  Potter 

MAX,  head  waiter  at  "  Angleterre  "  .  .  ) 

>  ..................  M.  \V  .  Rale 

INNKEEPER  .........................  ) 

GRACE  WHITNEY  ..................................  Nanette  Comstock 

BLANCHE  BAILEY  ......................................  May  Buckley 

MRS.  SYBIL  SCHWARTZ  ...............................  Helen  Lackaye 

A  GREEK  GIRL  .......................................  May  Helmuth 

ACT  I 
Hotel  Angleterre,  Athens. 

ACT  II 
The  Wharf  at  the  Piraeus. 

ACT  III 
An  Inn  near  Volo,  between  the  Greek  and  Turkish  lines. 

TIME—  1897.     During  the  Grseco-Turkish  War. 


ACT    I 

This  scene  shoivs  the  interior  of  the  reading  room  in  the 
Hotel  Anglcterre  at  Athens.  It  is  large,  cheerful- 
looking,  and  sunny,  with  a  high  ceiling.  Extending 
nearly  across  the  entire  width  of  the  rear  wall  is  a 
French  window,  which  opens  upon  the  garden  of 
the  hotel.  Outside  it  are  set  plants  in  green  tubs, 
and  above  it  is  stretched  a  striped  green-and-white 
awning.  To  the  reading  room  the  principal  entrance 
is  through  a  wide  door  set  well  down  in  the  left  wall. 
It  is  supposed  to  open  into  the  hall  of  the  hotel. 
Through  this  door  one  obtains  a  glimpse  of  the  hall, 
where  steamer  trunks  and  hatboxes  are  piled  high 
upon  a  black-and-white  tiled  floor.  In  the  right  wall 
there  is  another  door,  also  well  down  on  the  stage.  It 
is  supposed  to  open  into  a  corridor  of  the  hotel.  Be- 
loiv  it  against  the  wall  are  a  writing  desk  and  chair. 
A  similar  writing  desk  is  placed  against  the  rear  wall 
between  the  right  wall  and  the  French  window.  On 
the  left  of  the  stage,  end-on  to  the  audience,  is  a  long 
library  table  over  which  is  spread  a  dark-green  baize 
cloth.  On  top  of  it  are  ranged  periodicals  and  the 
illustrated  papers  of  different  countries.  Chairs  of 
bent  wood  are  ranged  around  this  table,  one  being 
placed  at  each  side  of  the  lower  end.  Of  these  two, 
the  chair  to  the  left  of  the  table  is  not  farther  from 
the  left  door  than  five  feet.  The  walls  of  the  room 
are  colored  a  light,  cool  gray  in  distemper,  with  a 
black  oak  wainscot  about  four  feet  high.  On  the 
walls  are  hung  photographs  of  the  Acropolis  and  of 
[137] 


THE   GALLOPER 

classic  Greek  statues.  On  the  black  frames  holding 
these  photographs  appear  the  names  of  shopkeepers 
in  Greek  letters  of  gilt.  The  floor  is  covered  with  a 
gray  crash.  The  back  drop,  seen  through  the  French 
window,  shows  the  garden  of  the  hotel,  beyond  that 
the  trees  of  a  public  park,  and  high  in  the  air  the 
Acropolis.  The  light  is  that  of  a  bright  morning 
in  May. 

Before  the  curtain  rises  one  hears  a  drum-and-fife  corp* 
playing  a  lively  march,  and  the  sound  of  people 
cheering.  This  comes  from  the  rear  and  to  the  left, 
and  continues  after  the  curtain  is  up,  dying  away 
gradually  as  though  the  band,  and  the  regiment  with 
it,  had  passed  the  hotel  and  continued  on  up  the 
street. 

ANSTRUTHER  is  discovered  seated  on  the  lower  right-end 
corner  of  the  table,  with  his  right  foot  resting  on 
the  chair  at  that  corner.  He  is  reading  the  Paris 
"  New  York  Herald  "  and  smoking  a  cigarette.  He  is 
a  young  man  of  good  manner  and  soldierly  appearance. 
He  wears  gray  whipcord  riding  breeches,  tan  rid 
ing  boots,  and  Norfolk  jacket  of  rough  tweed.  His 
slouch  hat,  with  a  white  puggaree  wrapped  around  it, 
lies  on  the  table  beside  him.  GRIGGS  stands  at  the 
edge  of  the  French  window  looking  off  left.  In  his 
hand  he  holds  a  notebook  in  which  he  takes  notes. 
He  is  supposed  to  be  watching  the  soldiers  who  are 
passing.  He  is  a  pompous  little  man  of  about 
forty  with  eyeglasses.  He  wears  a  khaki  uniform 
similar  to  that  of  an  officer  of  the  British  army,  with 
the  difference  that  the  buttons  are  of  bone.  His  left 
chest  is  covered  with  the  ribbons  of  war  medals. 
HEWITT,  a  young  man  with  a  pointed  beard  and 
mustache,  stands  to  the  left  of  GRIGGS,  also  looking 
off  left.  He  wears  a  khaki  coat  made  like  a  Nor 
folk  jacket,  khaki  riding  breeches,  and  canvas  United 

[138] 


THE   GALLOPER 

States  Army  leggings  and  tan  shoes.  On  the  table 
are  his  slouch  hat  and  the  khaki-colored  helmet  of 
GRIGGS. 

CAPTAIN  O'MALLEY  enters  right.  He  is  a  dashing  young 
Irishman,  in  the  uniform  of  an  officer  of  the  Greek 
Army.  He  halts  to  right  of  ANSTRUTHER  and 
salutes. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Pardon,  I  am  Captain  O'Malley  of  the  Foreign  Legion. 
Am  I  addressing  one  of  the  foreign  war  correspondents  ? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Yes. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Showing  him  a  visiting  card.)     Pardon,  is  this  your 
card  ? 

CAPT.    ANSTRTTTHKR. 

(Reading  card.)     "Mr.  Kirke  Warren."     No. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Do  you  know  if  Mr.  Warren  is  in  this  hotel  ? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

I  couldn't  tell  you.     We  arrived  in  Athens  only  last 
night. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Saluting   and   moving   off   left.)     I   thank   you.     (He 
exits  left.) 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

You're  welcome!     (Returns  to  reading  paper.     HEWITT 
comes  down.} 

HEWITT. 

I  say,  if  Kirke  Warren  isn't  at  the  front  yet,  were  not 
so  late. 

[180] 


THE  GALLOPER 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Who's  Kirke  Warren? 

HEWITT. 

(Amazed.}     Who's  Kirke  Warren! 

GRIGGS. 

(Coming  down  left  of  table.)  Wish  I'd  asked  that  officer 
which  regiment  it  was  that  just  passed  the  hotel.  Had 
red  facings  with  leather  helmets. 

HEWITT. 
That  would  be  an  Albanian  regiment. 

GRIGGS. 

Thank  you.  (Writes  in  notebook.)  "Albanian  regi 
ment — departing  for  the  front."  I  can  make  a  few  lines 
of  that. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Albanians,  nonsense!  Albanians  are  the  chaps  that 
wear  those  white  starched  petticoats.  I  am  always  sure  of 
them,  because  they  look  like  the  Barrison  Sisters. 

HEWITT. 

(To  GRIGGS.)  Pardon  me,  did  you  say  leather  helmets? 
That  was  an  Evzone  regiment  from  Arta.  Infantry. 

GRIGGS. 

Thank  you.  (Reads  as  he  again  writes  in  his  notebook.) 
"  Evzones  departing  for  the  front.  Infantry." 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Infantry!  They  were  cavalry,  Governor,  dismounted. 
Use  your  eyes,  man ! 

[140] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRIGGS. 

Use  my  eyes!  Confound  it!  sir,  I  beg  to  remind  you 
that  I — though  I  say  it  myself — am  the  dean  of  the  Corps 
of  Correspondents.  I  have  taken  part  in  ten  wars,  eight 
revolutions,  and  six  coronations.  Throughout  Great  Brit 
ain  and  her  colonies  I  am  known  as — "  The  War  Eagle." 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Looking  off  into  hall  left.)  Well,  we'll  leave  it  to  Mr. 
Ashe,  that  American.  He'll  know!  He  seems  to  be 
running  this  war. 

GRIGGS. 

I  think  I  ought  to  know  a  cavalry  regiment  when  I  see 
one. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

You  ought  to,  Governor,  but  you  don't.  (AsiiE  enters 
hurriedly  left.  He  is  a  big,  smooth-faced,  poiverful-looking 
young  man.  He  wears  a  blue  serge  suit,  carries  a  straw 
hat  under  his  arm,  and  has  his  hands  filled  with  cable 
grams,  letters,  and  rolled-up  newspapers.)  Mr.  Ashe! 

ASHE. 
(Gloomily,  and  with  a  growl.)     Hello!     Morning! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

To  decide  a  wager — what  regiment  was  that  just  passed 
the  hotel? 

ASHE. 

What  regiment  ?  That  was  the  Athens  Fire  Department. 
Gee!  I'm  glad  I'm  only  a  plain  reporter  and  not  a  war 
correspondent.  (Crosses  to  the  writing  table  lower  right 
and  puts  his  mail  on  it.) 

HEWITT. 
Are  we  keeping  you  from  your  breakfast,  Mr.  Ashe? 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

(Turning  sharply.}  I  can  be  just  as  disagreeable  after 
breakfast  as  I  can  before,  Mr.  Hewitt. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Smiling  good  naturedly.}     To  us? 

ASHE. 

Especially  to  you !  Here  are  you  fellows  all  leaving  in 
an  hour  for  the  firing  line,  and  I  can't  get  a  man  within  a 
hundred  miles  of  it.  Three  months  ago  I  cabled  the  Re 
public  for  five  correspondents,  and  they  sent  me  five 
reporters  who  had  never  been  farther  from  Park  Row  than 
the  Battery ;  not  one  of  them  in  his  life  had  ever  used  a  wire 
except  to  telephone  to  Shanley's  for  a  table.  But  as  soon 
as  they  reached  Athens  they  put  on  revolvers  and  khaki 
yachting  caps  and  called  themselves  war  correspondents. 
And  then  they  lost  themselves  in  those  mountains,  and  they 
haven't  found  the  Greek  army  and  the  whole  Greek  army 
can't  find  them.  No  wonder  I'm  disagreeable. 

HEWITT. 

What's  the  matter  with  your  "star"  man,  the  great 
Kirke  Warren,  that  you  advertised  all  over  America  ? 

ASHE. 

(Hotly.}  Kirke  WTarren  doesn't  need  any  advertising. 
He's  the  greatest  war  correspondent  since  Julius  Caesar. 
Everyone  has  heard  of  him! 

GRIGGS. 
Well,  /  never  heard  of  him.     Is  he  in  this  war? 

ASHE. 

(Scornfully.}  Is  he  in  it?  He  caused  it!  It's  his  own 
private  war.  If  he  hadn't  led  the  Cretans  against  the 

[142] 


THE  GALLOPER 

Turks  last  winter  there  wouldn't  have  been  a  war.     It's 
very  civil  of  Kirke  to  let  you  fellows  even  look  at  it. 

HEWITT. 
Oh,  tell  that  to  your  readers! 

ASHE. 

I  have.  Our  readers  are  so  well  trained  that  they  be 
lieve  the  Sultan  and  the  King  of  Greece  wouldn't  declare 
war  until  Kirke  Warren  promised  to  report  it.  (Con 
fidentially.)  And  now  that  he's  here,  I  can't  get  him  out 
of  Athens!  I  take  photographs  of  him  in  khaki  uniform 
in  that  garden,  and  send  them  to  the  paper  marked 
"  Kirke  Warren  in  the  trenches,"  "  Kirke  Warren  at  the 
front."  The  only  front  he's  seen  is  the  front  of  this  hotel. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Oh !  that  must  be  the  man  the  proprietor  was  gossiping 
about  last  night. 

ASHE. 

W7hat'd  he  say? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Said  he  was  playing  Anthony  to  some  Cleopatra. 

ASHE. 

That's  the  man !  That  woman  has  made  him  lose  two 
weeks'  fighting. 

GRIGGS. 

(Importantly.)  The  proprietor  said  the  lady  in  question 
is  a  princess — from  Russia. 

ASHE. 

Well,  a  long  way  from  Russia.  Her  name  may  come 
from  Russia,  but  the  rest  of  her  came  from  Long  Acre 

[143] 


THE   GALLOPER 

Square.  (Explosively.}  But  it  ends  to-day!  If  Kirke 
doesn't  leave  with  you  fellows  this  morning,  to-morrow 
he'll  head  the  list  of  killed  and  wounded.  (Contemptu 
ously.}  And  that's  the  man  the  Cretans  wanted  to  make 
President  of  Crete. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Do  the  Cretans  know  they  wanted  to  do  that? 

HEWITT. 
Of  course  they  do!     He  told  them  so  himself. 

ASHE. 

What! 

HEWITT. 

He  told  everyone  else. 

ASHE. 

That's  right!  All  the  brass  knockers  aren't  broken  on 
our  street.  You  war  correspondents  are  as  jealous  as  a 
bunch  of  prima  donnas.  Kirke  Warren  makes  more 
money  than  all  of  you,  and  his  expense  bills  would  pay  the 
national  debt. 

GRIGGS. 

Oh,  pardon  me,  sir,  pardon  me!  /  hold  the  record  for 
the  largest  expense  bill.  I'm  the  only  correspondent  who 
goes  to  war  with  five  servants  and  thirty-two  pieces  of 
luggage. 

ASHE. 

Thirty-two! 

GRIGGS. 

On  this  campaign  I'm  travelling  with  only  thirty.  My 
rascally  valet  lost  two  of  my  boxes.  (Consults  sketchbook.) 
Numbers  twenty-eight  and  fourteen!  You  see  my  system 
—I  number  my  boxes  and  keep  a  list  of  their  con 
tents.  Now,  number  twenty-eight  contained  (reads) 

[144] 


THE   GALLOPER 

"Two  dozen  jars  of  marmalade."  All  gone!  (Reads.) 
"Number  fourteen — tin  bath  tub."  You  see  the  advan 
tage  of  my  system.  Without  this  (raising  book)  I  might 
have  gone  through  the  entire  war  and  not  have  known 
that  I  had  lost  my  bath  tub.  (Moves  to  door  left.)  Which 
reminds  me,  we  must  bring  our  luggage  down  the  lift.  Are 
you  coming,  Mr.  Hewitt?  (HEWITT  follows  him  to  door.) 
As  for  Mr.  Kirke  Warren;  Mr.  Kirke  Warren  may  be  a 
very  nice  fellow,  but  has  he  ever  seen  six  coronations  ?  No ! 
/  have.  I,  gentlemen,  have  helped  to  place  the  crown 
upon  the  head  of  six  kings — four  savage  and  two  tame. 
(Turns  to  leave  room.  O'MALLEY  enters  left.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(To  GRIGGS.)  Pardon  me,  sir,  I  take  it  you  are  a  war 
correspondent. 

GRIGGS. 
I  certainly  am. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Is  that  your  card  ? 

GRIGGS. 

(Reading  card.)  "Mr.  Kirke  Warren."  No!  I  never 
heard  of  the  man,  never  heard  of  him !  (Exits  angrily,  fol 
lowed  by  HEWITT.  O'MALLEY  crosses  to  ASHE.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Are  you  a  war  correspondent  ? 

ASHE. 
No,  7'ra  just  a  plain  newspaper  man. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Oh !  then,  might  this  be  your  card  ? 

ASHE. 
(Reads.)     "Mr.  Kirke  Warren."     No! 

[145] 


THE  GALLOPER 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  thank  you.     (Crosses  to  door  right.) 

ASHE. 

May  I  ask  what  you  want  with  Kirke  Warren  ? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
You  may  not.     (Exit,  right.) 

ASHE. 

Thank  you!  (Laughing,  to  CAPTAIN  ANSTRUTHER.) 
What  is  he,  a  bell  boy?  (Imitates  bell  boy  at  Waldorf- 
Astoria.)  "  Card  for  Mr.  Warren !  Card  for  Mr.  Warren ! 
Room  47!  Room  47!"  (Bell  rings  loudly  off  left.) 

VOICE. 

(Off  left.)  "Joseph!  Joseph!  Max!  Max!  porter! 
porter! " 

MAX. 

(Off  left.)     Coming,  sir!     Coming! 

ASHE. 

Ah!  There's  the  hotel  bus  back  from  the  Pirseus  with 
the  steamer  passengers. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

What  steamer? 

ASHE. 

From  New  York.  Brings  the  American  mails,  and  I 
hope  to  Heaven  it  brings  the  females,  too.  I  haven't  seen 
a  girl  from  home  for  three  months.  (He  crosses  with 
CAPTAIN  ANSTRUTHER,  and  they  stand  in  doorway  left, 
looking  into  the  hall.  There  is  the  noise  of  moving  trunks 
and  the  following  voices  are  heard.) 

[146] 


THE   GALLOPER 


VOICES. 

But  I  wrote  four  weeks  ago  for  the  rooms! 
Quite  right,  sir,  quite  right! 
All  my  trunks  are  at  the  custom  house ! 
I  said,  two  bedrooms  and  sitting  room! 
In  one  moment,  sir,  in  one  moment! 

BLANCHE. 

(Off  left.)  I  have  fourteen  trunks  and  five  dress-suit 
cases ! 

ASHE. 

That  sounds  like  home !  There  are  two  girls  from  Amer 
ica,  anyway. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

She  knows  you ! 

ASHE. 

(Retreating.)     Heavens.     Who  is  she?     Quick! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Whispering.)     I've  seen  her  face  somewhere. 

ASHE. 

(Smiling  idiotically  off,  in  a  whisper.)  But  what's  her 
name?  (BLANCHE  BAILEY  enters  left,  with  outstretched 
hands.  She  is  an  attractive,  dashing-looking  woman  of  the 
adventuress  type.  She  speaks  with  great  self-reliance  and 
vivacity.  Under  her  arm  she  has  a  roll  of  one-sheet  posters.) 

BLANCHE. 

(To  ASHE.)  How  do  you  do?  Think  of  meeting  you 
way  out  here !  (Reproachfully.)  You  don't  remember  me. 

ASHE. 
Oh,  yes!  only  I  can't  just — 

[147] 


THE   GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

Don't  you  remember  me  when  I  was  at  Koster  &  Dial's  r 
You  interviewed  me — that  time  I  committed  suicide. 

ASHE. 

I  did!     I  mean,  did  you  ?     You  don't  look  it. 

BLANCHE. 

Oh,  it  was  the  press  agent's  idea!  There  was  nothing 
in  it  for  me.  But  you  wrote  such  a  beautiful  piece  about 
me  lying  on  the  floor  with  the  gas  stove  turned  on,  and 
Marie,  my  maid,  finding  me.  (Confidentially.}  You 
know,  I'd  never  had  a  maid  up  till  then,  but  it  sounded  so 
dead  swell  I  went  right  out  and  got  one.  I've  got  her  yet. 
Hannah.  She's  not  French,  she's  a  black-face  act.  She 
wears  that  color  that  won't  come  off.  Does  your  gentle 
man  friend  write  for  a  newspaper? 

ASHE. 
No.     He  writes  for  the  London  Times. 

BLANCHE. 

(Smiling  upon  CAPTAIN  ANSTRUTHER.)  From  London  ? 
Well,  you  remember  me,  surely.  At  the  Alhambra? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

I  remember  your  face  perfectly,  Miss 

BLANCHE. 

Oh,  my!  You  make  me  feel  far  from  home.  When 
two  newspaper  boys  don't  know  little  Blanche,  she's  sure 
camping  out.  Now  think!  Last  season  on  the  Casino 
roof — I  worked  with  eight  pickaninnies.  (Sings  and 
dances.) 

"  She  is  my  Honolulu  lady 
She's  my  baby" 

[148] 


THE   GALLOPER 

(AsHE  and  CAPTAIN  ANSTRUTHER  apparently  recognize 
her  by  the  dancing. 

ASHE. 

(To  CAPTAIN  ANSTRUTHER.)  Blanche  Bailey!  She's 
Blanche  Bailey! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Of  course!     You're  Blanche  Bailey! 

BLANCHE. 

Of  course  I  am!  (Shakes  hands.}  How  are  you  ?  Well, 
that's  better.  (To  ASHE.)  Now  that  you  know  me  so 
well,  will  you  do  me  a  favor? 

ASHE. 

Anyone  who  can  get  me  back  as  quick  as  that  to  little 
old  New  York  can  have  half  my  fortune.  How  much, 
Miss  Bailey?  (Puts  his  hand  in  the  pocket  of  his  coat.) 

BLANCHE. 

No.  What  I  wanted  from  you  is  a  newspaper  story, 
like  that  suicide.  I  want  you  to  cable  it. 

ASHE. 
That's  not  so  easy. 

BLANCHE. 

But  it's  a  great  story!  You  know  I  open  here  at  the 
Royal  Music  Hall  next  Monday — 

ASHE. 
(Delightedly.)     No,  do  you? 

BLANCHE. 

(Indignantly.)  Do  I?  Now,  that's  just  what  I  told 
them.  What's  the  use  of  handbills  if  you  print  them  in 

[149] 


THE   GALLOPER 

dead  languages.  (Unrolls  the  handbills,  lohich  are  printed 
in  Greek.}  Look  at  that!  That  says  I  open  here  at  the 
Royal  Music  Hall  on  the  15th  of  May.  You  wouldn't 
think  so  to  look  at  it,  would  you?  Same  way  in  Con 
stantinople.  I  got  three  interviews  there.  Elegant!  But 
no  one  could  read  'em.  Printed  in  Arabic.  I  sent  them 
home  to  the  Telegraph  and  they  charged  me  space 
rates — thought  they  were  advertisements  for  a  Turkish 
cigarette.  (Throws  roll  of  playbills  on  table.)  That's 
why  I  want  this  story  written  in  plain  American.  (She 
draws  the  men  familiarly  toward  right  of  stage.)  I  got  the 
idea  from  a  girl  I  came  over  with  on  this  steamer  from 
Egypt.  Her  father  lived  here.  He  used  to  dig  up  buried 
cities.  He  was  an  architect — archi 

ASHE. 
Archeologist  ? 

BLANCHE. 

That's  what  he  was !  Anyway,  it  killed  him.  And  she 
went  back  to  America  and  turned  trained  nurse  for  a  living. 
Now  she's  volunteered  for  the  Red  Cross.  You  know 
there's  a  war  out  here. 

ASHE. 

(Dryly.)     Yes,  I've  heard  of  it. 

BLANCHE. 

With  the  Turks.  Those  that  wear  the  red  fezes,  like 
Mystic  Shriners  on  a  benefit  night. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

I  understand. 

BLANCHE. 

Well,  my  story  is  that  little  Blanche's  father  was  a  vol 
unteer  in  the  last  Greek  war — I  come  out  here  to  act,  my 
heart  bleeds  for  the  Greek  soldiers,  and  I  volunteer  as  a 

[150] 


THE   GALLOPER 

Red  Cross  nurse — I  go  to  the  front — get  wounded —  (Holds 
her  arm  as  though  it  were  in  a  sling.)  Come  back  by 
Monday  night — and  open  to  two  hundred  million  dollars. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

I  see.     Was  your  father  a  volunteer  ? 

BLANCHE. 

Sure!  He  ran  with  Jim  Morrisey's  machine.  The  Big 
Eight. 

ASHE. 

How  have  you  arranged  to  get  wounded? 

BLANCHE. 

Same  way  I  committed  suicide.  You'll  attend  to  that. 
Now,  then,  lead  me  to  the  place  where  you  volunteer. 

ASHE. 

Anstruther,  take  Miss  Bailey  to  General  Damaros  at  the 
War  Department.  (To  BLANCHE.)  You  know  they  have 
so  few  nurses  and  so  many  wounded  that  he  may  take  you 
up. 

BLANCHE. 

That's  all  right!  I'll  be  there  only  two  days  before  I  get 
wounded  myself.  Meanwhile,  you  keep  the  people  here 
hungry  for  my  new  act. 

ASHE. 

Which  ?     "  She  is  My  Honolulu  Lady  ?  " 

BLANCHE. 

No,  no!  I  walk  on  the  ceiling  now,  and  do  a  fire  dance 
on  the  stage.  I  wear  two  hundred  yards  of  liberty  silk, 
and  they  turn  five  cinematographs  on  me.  Oh,  it's  great! 
It  makes  Loie  Fuller's  act  look  like  a  smoky  kerosene  lamp, 
and  it's  all  protected.  There's  a  patent  on  it. 

[151] 


THE   GALLOPER 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

That's  good !     You  sure  it's  patented  ? 

BLANCHE. 

Sure  ?  I  ought  to  know.  The  man  who  owns  the  patent 
is  suing  me  for  stealing  it.  (The  two  men  close  in  and 
talk  to  her  in  dumb  show  as  MAX,  a  German  waiter,  enters 
left,  escorting  GRACE  WHITNEY.  GRACE  is  a  distinguished- 
looking  American  girl.  She  wears  a  simple  travelling  dress, 
and  carries  a  small  hand  bag.) 

MAX. 

Will  you  come  this  way,  lady,  please.  Please  sit  down.  I 
find  you  a  room  in  just  a  minute.  (GRACE  seats  herself  in 
the  chair  at  the  lower  left  corner  of  the  table.  She  shows 
that  she  recognizes  BLANCHE,  and  then  picks  up  a  news 
paper  from  the  table.  MAX  crosses  to  ASHE.)  Oh,  Mr. 
Ashe,  excuse  me !  (Hands  him  a  letter.)  A  note  from  Mr. 
Warren.  (AsHE  takes  the  letter.)  Thank  you. 

ASHE. 

Here,  don't  go  away!  May  be  an  answer!  (Begins  to 
tear  open  letter.) 

BLANCHE. 

(Having  heard  the  name  "  Mr.  Warren.")  Mr.  Warren ! 
That  reminds  me.  Where  is  Mr.  Kirke  Warren,  the  war 
correspondent,  these  days? 

ASHE. 
Kirke  Warren?     (Points  up.) 

BLANCHE. 

(Startled.)     Dead! 

ASHE. 

Upstairs. 

[152] 


THE  GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

(Excitedly.}     Kirke  Warren  is  upstairs  in  this  hotel? 

ASHE. 
Yes;  do  you  know  him? 

BLANCHE. 

I  am  suing  him  for  two  thousand  dollars!  (Vindic 
tively.}  And  I'll  get  it,  too!  How  long  will  he  be  in 
Athens  ? 

ASHE. 

Well,  not  very  long,  if  I  can  help  it.  I  am  sending  him 
to  the  front  in  an  hour — to  Volo. 

BLANCHE. 

Volo?     Is  there  fighting  at  Volo? 

ASHE. 
Big  fighting. 

BLANCHE. 

Then  they'll  need  Red  Cross  nurses. 

ASHE. 

(Uneasily.}  They  may.  (Crosses  to  writing  desk  and 
picks  up  mail.) 

BLANCHE. 

Thank  you.  Good-by.  (She  fakes  ANSTRUTHER  by 
the  sleeve  and  starts  up  centre.)  Tell  this  General — what's- 
his-name — to  send  me  to  Volo — don't  forget — to  Volo. 
(They  exit  centre.) 

MAX. 

Mr.  Ashe? 

ASHE. 

Yes. 

[153] 


THE   GALLOPER 


MAX. 


Excuse   me,   is   Mr.    Warren    and   the   high   gebornen 
princessen  leaving  the  rooms  to-day? 


ASHE. 


I  don't  know  about  the  high-born  princessen,  but  Mr. 
Warren  is  leaving  his  room  to-day. 


MAX. 


Yes?     Yes,  but  please  so  many  times  he  says  he  goes, 
you  think  to-day  he  leaves  his  room? 

ASHE. 

I  can't  say  whether  he  will  leave  his  room  alive  or  dead, 
but  the  room  will  be  vacant! 

MAX. 
Thank  you.     (Turns  to  GRACE.)     You  wait,  please! 

GRACE. 
(In  a  low  voice.)     Is  that  gentleman  Mr.  Ashe? 

MAX. 

Yes,    lady,    Mr.    Ashe.     (Calls   to   ASHE.)    Mr.    Ashe, 
please ! 

GRACE. 
No,  no! 

ASHE. 

Yes? 

MAX. 

No,  no!  the  lady  does  not  want  to  speak  to  you.     (Exit 
left.) 

ASHE. 

I  beg  your  pardon  ? 

[154] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

I  beg  your  pardon.  I  asked  the  waiter  if  you  were  Mr. 
Ashe,  the  manager  of  the  Daily  Republic. 

ASHE. 
Yes. 

GRACE. 

I  have  a  letter  for  you  from  Mrs.  Corbin — Senator  Cor- 
bin. 

ASHE. 
Oh,  indeed! 

GRACE. 

Mrs.  Corbin  said  I  was  to  give  it  to  you  if  I  got  into 
trouble. 

ASHE. 
Have  you  ? 

GRACE. 

I  haven't  had  time  yet.     I've  just  arrived. 

ASHE. 

Well,  if  you're  looking  for  trouble  you've  come  to  the 
right  place.  Aren't  you  afraid  of  a  war? 

GRACE. 

No,  it's  on  account  of  the  war  I  came.  I'm  Miss  Whit 
ney.  I'm  a  trained  nurse  from  Johns  Hopkins,  and  I  came 
here  to  join  the  Red  Cross. 

ASHE. 

By  jove!  (Eagerly.)  Would  you  mind  putting  on  your 
nursing  uniform  while  I  go  hire  a  soldier?  We'll  lay  him 
out  at  the  foot  of  that  wall  (nods  toward  the  garden)  and 
I'll  photograph  you  putting  bandages  on  him. 

GRACE. 
Oh,  no! 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

Oh,  please!  We'll  call  it,  "Miss  Whitney,  the  brave 
American  girl"-  -"society  girl"-  -"the  brave  American 
society  queen  "-  Are  you  a  society  queen  ? 

GRACE. 
Indeed,  no! 

ASHE. 

Well,  you  are  now —  "Brave  American  society  queen, 
nursing  a  Greek  soldier  beneath  the  ramparts  of  Do- 
mokos." 

GRACE. 

That  wall  doesn't  look  like  the  ramparts  of  Domokos 
to  me. 

ASHE. 

Not  to  you,  perhaps,  but  to  our  readers — yes.  That's 
the  only  wall  of  Domokos  they've  seen  in  three  months. 
Isn't  there  any  other  American  on  your  steamer  I  could 
interview  ? 

GRACE. 

None  except  Miss  Bailey — and  you've  seen  her. 

ASHE. 

No.  She  is  not  well  known  enough.  She  is  not  very 
high  up. 

GRACE. 

Isn't  she?  She  told  me  she  walked  on  the  ceiling.  And 
at  the  ship's  concert  she  danced  rag  time  with  a  man — 
who  said  he  was  a  friend  of  yours. 

ASHE. 

A  friend  of  mine!  Danced  rag  time  for  the  benefit  of 
sailors'  orphans?  Never!  What  does  he  call  himself— 
out  here? 

[156] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

Copeland  Schuyler. 

ASHE. 

Cope  Schuyler!  On  board  your  steamer?  Is  Cope 
Schuyler  in  Athens? 

GRACE. 

Yes. 

ASHE. 

(Enthusiastically.)  That's  great!  That's  as  good  as 
being  back  on  Broadway !  But  I  thought  Cope  was  going 
to  India  for  tiger  shooting,  or  polo,  or — 

GRACE. 

Yes,  I  think  when  he  left  New  York  he  was,  but  he 
changed  his  plans. 

ASHE. 

Changed  his  plans  right  in  mid  ocean.  That's  just  like 
Cope.  I  suppose  it  was  the  war  that  attracted  him  here? 

GRACE. 
(Dryly.}     I  suppose  so. 

ASHE. 

Cope  cares  for  only  one  thing  in  this  world — that's  ex 
citement. 

GRACE. 

Oh,  really? 

ASHE. 

Yes,  I  know  Cope  well.  How  long  have  you  known 
him? 

GRACE. 

I  don't  know  him  at  all.  I  only  met  him  on  the  steamer. 
(GRACE  moves  to  door  an  MAX  enters.) 

[157] 


THE   GALLOPER 

MAX. 

Excuse,  please,  your  room  is  ready. 

GRACE. 
(Turns  to  take  hand  bag  from  table.)     Thank  you. 

MAX. 

(To  ASHE.)     Oh,  Mr.  Ashe!  Mr.  Warren  is  downstairs 
now.     He  is  waiting  for  you. 

ASHE. 

He  is!     Good!     (Starts  left.)     Wait!     (In  a  whisper.) 
Is  the  Princess  with  him? 

MAX. 
Yes. 

ASHE. 

Then  ask  him  to  come  here,  alone — you  understand? 

MAX. 
Yes,  Mr.  Ashe.     (Exit  left.) 

GRACE. 

Well,  good-by. 

ASHE. 

Good-by,  I'll  see  you  soon  again. 

GRACE. 

No,  I  think  not.     I'm  ordered  to  leave  in  an  hour  on 
this  transport — for  Volo. 

ASHE. 

Oh,  then  I'll  meet  you  at  the  wharf!     Our  "star"  war 
correspondent  is  going  on  your  boat — Kirke  Warren. 

GRACE. 

(With  great  animation.)     Kirke  Warren!     Oh,  there's 
a  man  I  admire! 

[158] 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

Do  you  know  him? 

GRACE. 
I  know  his  work. 

ASHE. 

Yes,  Kirke's  a  good  worker. 

GRACE. 
I'd  like  to  meet  him. 

ASHE. 

(Doubtfully.}  Well,  I'll  present  him;  if  I  didn't,  he'd 
do  it  himself.  I  suppose  Cope  knows  that  this  is  the 
right  hotel. 

GRACE. 

Yes,  but  I  think  Mr.  Schuyler  said  he  was  first  going  to 
the  War  Office.  He  is  trying  to  get  a  permit  for  Volo  on 
this  transport. 

ASHE. 

To  the  front!     On  this  transport!    Why? 

GRACE. 
(Embarrassed.)    I  can't  imagine!     Good-by.    (Exit  left.) 

ASHE. 

Good-by.  (For  a  moment  ASHE  stands,  puzzled,  looking 
after  her.  Then  he  starts,  and  slaps  his  fist  into  the  palm 
of  his  hand.  Explosively.}  There's  a  story  for  you !  (He 
calls  left.}  Kirke!  I  say,  Kirke!  (KiRKE  WARREN  enters 
left.  He  is  an  extremely  handsome,  dashing  type  of  young 
man,  languid  and  conceited.  In  contrast  to  the  earnestness 
and  excitement  of  ASHE,  his  manner  is  unmoved.  He 
ivears  a  travelling  suit  of  gray  tweed  and  a  gray  Alpine  hat 
ivith  a  black  band.  In  one  hand  he  carries  a  brown  canvas 
hold-all  on  which  is  painted,  in  white  letters,  "Kirke  Warren 

[159] 


THE   GALLOPER 

—Daily  Republic,  U.  S.  A."  In  the  other  he  carries  two 
well-worn  saddlebags,  a  kodak  camera  case,  a  canteen,  and 
a  riding  whip.  Round  his  shoulder  he  wears  a  field  glass. 
As  ASHE  speaks  to  him  he  lowers  these  things  to  the  floor 
in  front  of  the  table.)  I  say,  Kirke,  do  you  see  that  girl? 
(KiRKE  looks  off  left  and  nods.  ASHE  counts  on  his  fingers.) 
L-O-V-E  A-N-D  W-A-R.  Eleven  letters.  "Love 
and  War."  That  just  makes  a  two-column  scare  head. 
And  the  turn  line  is,  "  Miss  Whitney,  a  Red  Cross  nurse, 
engaged  to  New  York's  millionaire  bachelor,  Copeland 
Schuyler.  They  met  at  the  front!  On  a  hospital  ship!" 
I'll  photograph  'em  together  on  the  transport  and  call  it  a 
hospital  ship.  And  you'll  write  the  story,  full  of  heart 
interest.  What  ? 

WARREN. 

(Unmoved.)     No,  I  will  not  write  that  story. 

ASHE. 

(Explosively.}  Let  me  tell  you,  New  York  would  rather 
read  about  a  trained  nurse  marrying  a  millionaire,  than  all 
your  prose  poems  about  shrieking  shrapnel. 

WARREN. 

That  may  be,  but  I'm  not  writing  society  items. 
Where's  the  money? 

ASHE. 

I  gave  you  the  money  last  night. 

WARREN. 

Oh,  that  money!  Yes.  But  the  money  I  asked  for  in 
that  note.  (Points  at  letter  which  ASHE  is  holding.) 

ASHE. 

Oh,  this  note!     I  haven't  read  it. 
[160] 


THE   GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

Haven't  read  it?  Heavens!  Haven't  you  got  a  sub 
stitute  yet  ? 

ASHE. 
A  substitute !     What  for  ? 

WARREN. 

For  mel     I'm  going  away. 

ASHE. 

(Violently.)  You  bet  you're  going  away!  You're  going 
to  Volo  in  an  hour! 

WARREN. 

Oh,  my  boy!  I  thought  you  were  mighty  cool  about  it. 
I  can't  go  to  Volo.  Read  this  cable.  It's  three  weeks 
old.  Missent.  Got  it  only  an  hour  ago.  (Hands  cable 
gram.) 

ASHE. 

(Reading.)  "  Have  missed  my  darling  terribly."  What's 
this! 

WARREN. 

Read  it. 

ASHE. 

(Reading.)  "Have  volunteered  as  Red  Cross  nurse. 
Will  join  you  in  the  field.  Sybil."  Sybil!  Who  is  this 
woman  ? 

WARREN. 

Don't  you  call  the  lady  I  am  engaged  to  marry  a 
"woman." 

ASHE. 

Engaged!     I  thought  you  were  married. 

WARREN. 

I    was    married.     Now    I'm    divorced.     And    if    Mrs. 

[101] 


THE   GALLOPER 

Schwartz  thinks  I'm  in  any  hurry  to  be  married  to  her — 
or  to  anybody  else — she's  mighty  mistaken. 

ASHE. 
Mrs.  Schwartz? 

WARREN. 

Yes,  Sybil;  she's  a  widow.  You  know,  widow  of 
Schwartz,  the  brewer.  He  left  her  two  breweries  and  a  de 
partment  store  in  Newark.  And  I  promised  her  if  she'd 
only  let  me  go  to  this  war,  I'd  marry  and  settle  down — in 
Newark!  And  now  she's  coming  out  here  as  a  Red  Cross 
nurse  to  spoil  my  last  few  days  of  freedom.  That  woman 
never  trusted  me,  Billy.  She  never  trusted  me. 

ASHE. 

But,  she  can't  interfere  with  you.  She'll  be  in  Athens 
and  you'll  be  at  the  front. 

WARREN. 

Can't  you  read?  She  says  she's  going  to  join  me  at  the 
front.  And  she'll  do  it,  too!  You  don't  know  Sybil. 
Idea  of  a  woman  volunteering  as  a  Red  Cross  nurse  in 
order  to  spy  upon  the  man  she  loves.  There's  another 
abuse  of  the  Red  Cross  flag.  I  won't  stand  it.  I'm  off 
to  Constantinople. 

ASHE. 

(Angrily.}     You  are  going  to  Volo  on  that  transport. 

WARREN. 

Billy!  Do  you  suppose  I'll  walk  around  the  field  of 
battle  with  Sybil  tagging  at  my  heels,  telling  me  to  keep 
away  from  the  bullets,  wanting  to  know  if  I've  changed  my 
wet  socks  ?  Did  you  ever  see  a  war  correspondent  with  a 
nurse  ?  Both  Sybil  and  my  first  wife  delight  in  making  me 
ridiculous.  Did  you  know  my  first  wife? 

[162] 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

(Angrily.)     No,  I  did  not!     Listen  to  me 

WARREN. 

(Interrupting.)  After  she  got  her  divorce,  she  went 
back  to  vaudeville  and  walked  on  the  ceiling.  Just  to 
spite  me,  she  billed  herself  as  "Mrs.  Kirke  Warren,  the 
Human  Fly."  She  can't  fly  any  more  than  I  can.  She 
called  me  the  Human  Spider.  Of  course  that  was  easy. 
But  it  made  the  jury  laugh.  In  the  divorce  court  she 
recited,  "  Will  you  walk  into  my  parlor,  said  the  spider  to 
the  fly."  Just  like  her!  She  always  was  amusing!  Did 
you  ever  hear  her  story  of  me  and  the  elevator  shaft  ? 

ASHE. 

No!  Look  here!  We're  paying  you  five  hundred  dol 
lars  a  week  to  write  war  clouds.  Thirty-five  newspapers 
have  bought  your  letters.  Are  you  going  to  write  them, 
or  are  you  not? 

WARREN. 

Of  course  I  am,  Billy!  That's  why  I'm  going  to  Con 
stantinople — to  join  the  Turkish  army. 

ASHE. 
(With  relief.)     Oh! 

WARREN. 

The  Turks  won't  allow  a  Red  Cross  nurse  at  the  front. 
I  can  feel  safe  with  them. 

ASHE. 

But  it  will  be  two  weeks  before  you  can  reach  the 
Turkish  lines.  WTe  ought  to  have  a  cable  from  you  from 
Volo  twice  a  day. 

WARREN. 

Well,  that's  what  I  said  in  my  note.     Get  a  substitute. 
[1631 


THE   GALLOPER 

Send  a  man  to  Volo  and  let  him  sign  my  name  until  I  can 
get  around  to  the  other  army. 

ASHE. 
(Eagerly.)     Will  you  let  us  do  that? 

WARREN. 

Certainly,  it's  only  for  two  weeks. 

ASHE. 

By  Jove!  And  I've  got  the  very  man!  An  old  pal  of 
mine,  so  he  won't  tell  on  us.  (Enter  MAX  right.} 

MAX. 
Mr.  Ashe!     Mr.  Ashe! 

ASHE. 

Go  way!  (To  WARREN.)  And  he  wants  to  go  to  Volo, 
too. 

MAX. 
But  Mr.  Ashe. 

ASHE. 

What? 

MAX. 

There  is  a  crazy  American  gentleman  says  if  I  don't 
find  you  quick,  he  will  kill  me.  (Points  off  left.)  Please 
go  tell  him  that  I  have  found  you. 

ASHE. 
What's  he  want  ? 

MAX. 

He  wants  to  go  to  Volo  in  twenty  minutes.  I  told  him 
nobody  could  go  to  Volo  in  twenty  minutes.  It  is  two  days 

ASHE. 

That's  my  man!  That's  Copeland  Schuyler!  Bring 
him  here  quick. 

[164] 


THE  GALLOPER 

MAX. 

But  no  one  can  go  to  Yolo  in  twenty  minutes. 

ASHE. 

Get  out!  (MAX  exit.)  Now,  give  me  your  corre 
spondent's  pass.  (WARREN  hands  him  a  large  blue  en 
velope.}  Thanks!  And  you  must  leave  these  things  for 
him,  too.  (Kicks  saddlebags  with  foot.)  Understand, 
now,  he  goes  as  Kirke  Warren. 

WARREN. 

What  do  you  mean  ?     Not  as  myself? 

ASHE. 

Yes. 

WARREN. 

(Indignantly.)     Oh,  no\    Why? 

ASHE. 

Because  if  he  doesn't,  he  can't  go.  It's  utterly  impossible 
for  me  to  get  another  pass.  I've  three  more  now  than  I'm 
entitled  to.  Either  he  goes  a.v  you,  on  this  pass,  or  you've 
got  to  go — Sybil  or  no  Sybil ! 

WARREN. 

But  they'll  know  he's  not  Kirke  Warren.  Everybody 
has  seen  me  at  Athens. 

ASHE. 

Yes,  but  no  one  has  seen  you  at  the  front !  Do  you  want 
thirty-five  newspapers  down  on  you?  Do  you  want  to 
lose  five  hundred  dollars  a  week  ? 

WARREN. 

No;  but,  Billy,  I  have  a  slight  reputation  to  lose,  too, 
[  165"] 


THE   GALLOPER 

you   know.     This   fellow   may   sign   checks   and   borrow 
money. 

ASHE. 

Not  a  bit  like  it. 

WARREN. 

Well,  he  may  be  a  coward  and  run  away — in  my  clothes ! 
He  may  be  found  with  my  pass  on  him,  dead.  And  shot 
in  the  back! 

ASHE. 

Not  this  man!  It's  the  only  way,  Kirke.  Either  he 
goes  to  Volo  as  you,  or  you  go. 

WARREN. 

Well,  I  won't,  so  I  suppose  he  must.  But  (impressively} 
if  he  plays  any  tricks  with  my  reputation,  I'll  sue  the 
paper  for  damages. 

ASHE. 

Don't  you  talk  about  suing  for  damages.  You  take  my 
advice  and  get  on  board  your  ship.  There  was  a  girl  here 
not  five  minutes  ago  who's  suing  you  for  two  thousand 
dollars. 

WARREN. 

Suing  me!     Nonsense!     Who? 

ASHE. 
Oh,  a  vaudeville  actress  named  Blanche  Bailey! 

WARREN. 

(Terrified.}  Blanche!  Blanche  here  in  Athens?  Say, 
are  you  joking?  I  don't  believe  you.  (AsHE  picks  up  the 
billposter  which  BLANCHE  BAILEY  has  thrown  upon  table 
and  holds  it  out.} 

ASHE. 

You  don't  believe  me?     Read  that! 

[166] 


THE   GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

I  can't  read  it.     Neither  can  you. 

ASHE. 

Yes,  I  can.  (Reads.)  '"  Royal  Music  Hall,  Monday 
Night,  May  13th.  The  'Fire  Dancer,'  Miss  Blanche 
Bailey."  (Throws  poster  back  on  table.)  Now,  you  be 
careful  she  doesn't  catch  sight  of  you  at  the  wharf.  Her 
transport's  leaving  for  Volo  the  same  time  your  steamer 
starts  for  Constantinople. 

WARREN. 

Why  is  she  going  to  Volo  ? 

ASHE. 

Oh!  some  press  agent's  idea;  advertising  herself  as  a 
nurse. 

WARREN. 

(Struggling  to  conceal  his  amusement.}  Tell  me,  Billy, 
is — is — is  this  young  man  who  is  to  pretend  he  is  Kirke 
Warren  going  to  Volo  on  the  same  boat  with  this  Miss 
Bailey  ? 

ASHE. 

He  is,  if  I  can  make  him. 

WARREN. 

(Beginning  to  laugh.)  That's  right,  you  make  him! 
(Laughs.)  You  make  him  go! 

ASHE. 

What's  the  matter  with  you  ? 

WARREN. 

(Hysterically.)     You  see  you  make  him  go! 
[167] 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

You  bet  I'll  make  him  go! 

WARREN. 

You  see — he  goes —  Oh !  Ha,  ha !  Ha,  ha !  (Runs  off, 
still  laughing.) 

ASHE. 

Here,  come  back!  What's  the  matter  with  you? 
(COPE'S  voice  is  heard  off  left.) 

COPE. 

Can't  you  understand  English?  Billy  Ashe!  Isn't 
that  plain  enough?  Billy  Ashe! 

ASHE. 

Cope !  ( Turns  left  and  calls.)  Cope !  Here  I  am,  Cope ! 
(CoPE  appears  at  centre  pursuing  MAX,  who  crosses  at 
back;  COPE  comes  down.  He  is  a  smart,  alert  young 
man,  of  the  type  known  as  the  New  York  club  man.  He  is 
dressed  in  a  summer  morning  suit  of  tweed,  with  a  gray  felt 
hat  with  a  white  puggaree.  He  seizes  both  of  ASHE'S 
hands  and  shakes  them  violently.) 

COPE. 

Billy,  old  man,  I  haven't  a  minute  to  explain,  but  you 
are  the  only  man  who  can  help  me.  I've  seen  the  Ameri 
can  minister,  I've  seen  two  members  of  the  Cabinet,  and 
I'd  have  seen  the  King  himself  if  the  sentries  hadn't  seen 
me  first,  when  I  was  getting  over  the  wall.  Billy,  I  have 
got  to  go  to  Volo! 

ASHE. 

You  bet  you've  got  to  go  to  Volo! 

COPE. 
But  I  mean  now — to-day. 


Mr.  Hitchcock  as  "The  Galloper." 


THE  GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

I  mean  in  an  hour.  Look  here!  Kirke  Warren,  our 
"  star "  war  correspondent,  can't  get  to  Volo  for  two 
weeks.  We're  advertising  all  over  America  that  he's 
there.  I've  got  to  have  a  man  at  Volo  to  represent  him. 
Will  you  for  my  sake — just  for  two  weeks — go  to  Volo  and 
pretend  that  you  are  Kirke  Warren  ? 


COPE. 


If  you  could  get  me  to  Volo,  I'd  pretend  I  was  Jack- 
the-Ripper.     But  you  can't  do  it. 


ASHE. 

(Taking  papers  out  of  blue  envelope.)  There's  your 
permit!  There's  your  passport!  (Points  to  WARREN'S 
field  kit.)  There's  your  luggage! 

COPE. 
(With  delight.)     Billy! 

ASHE. 

All  those  things  belong  to  Kirke  Warren.  They're  all 
marked  with  his  name.  Now  from  this  moment  on,  if  any 
one  asks  you  who  you  are  (slaps  him  on  shoulder),  tell 
him  you  are  Kirke  Warren,  war  correspondent  of  the 
Daily  Republic. 

COPE. 

(Delightedly  reading  passport.)  Billy,  you've  saved  my 
life!  Billy,  I'm  no  palm  reader,  but  I  see  trouble  ahead 
for  Kirke  Warren.  A  smooth-faced  man  has  crossed  his 
path. 

ASHE. 

(Looking  nervously  off  left.)  Oh!  I  wouldn't  worry 
about  him — he  gets  five  hundred  dollars  a  week  for  this. 

[169] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COPE. 


And  I  get  five  years,  I  suppose.     Heavens!     I  can't  do 
it!     It's  impossible !     (Hands  the  blue  envelope  to  ASHE.) 


ASHE. 
No,  no;  you  must. 

COPE. 


It's  impossible!  Billy,  I  want  you  to  congratulate  me. 
I'm  engaged  to  be  married — to  Miss  Whitney,  of  New 
York.  (He  holds  out  his  hand.  ASHE  shakes  it  hurriedly.} 


ASHE. 


Why,  Cope,  I  do  congratulate  you,  old  man.  I  do. 
But  what's  that  got  to  do  with  your  not  going  to  Volo  ? 

COPK. 

Everything!  She's  going  to  Volo.  That's  why  I  want 
to  go  there.  Did  you  suppose  anything  else  would  take 
me  within  a  hundred  miles  of  the  firing  line?  I  can't  tell 
her  I'm  Kirke  Warren. 

ASHE. 

How  long  has  she  known  you  ? 

COPE. 
Ten  days. 

ASHE. 

Well,  you  can't  have  told  her  everything  about  yourself 
in  ten  days.  How  long  has  she  been  engaged  to  you  ? 

COPE. 
She's  not  engaged  to  me. 

ASHE. 
You  said — 

[  170  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COPE. 


I  said  I  was  engaged  to  her.  Miss  Whitney  is  the  only 
woman  in  this  world  that  I'll  every  marry,  and  I  think 
that  gives  me  some  right  to  say  that  I'm  engaged  to  her. 
But  she's  not  engaged  to  me. 

ASHE. 

She  might  be  if  you  were  Kirke  Warren — she  thinks  a 
lot  of  him. 

COPE. 

How  do  you  know  she  does? 

ASHE. 

She  told  me  so  herself  not  five  minutes  ajjo.     She  asked 

O 

me  to  introduce  him.     Now,  instead,  I'll  introduce  you — 

COPE. 

Introduce  me!  She  knows  me  I  I'm  engaged  to  be 
married  to  her. 

ASHE. 

(Eagerly.}  Introduce  you  as  Kirke  Warren.  We  all 
know  you  are  Copeland  Schuyler,  but  we'll  tell  her  that 
your  pen  name  is  Kirke  Warren;  that  Kirke  Warren  is  the 
name  you  write  under.  That  will  be  true.  That's  the 
name  you're  going  to  write  under  for  the  next  two  weeks. 
(Enthusiastically.}  And  think  of  the  chance  it  gives  you 
at  the  front.  Heavens!  What  a  chance!  To  have  the 
woman  you  love  see  you  facing  the  bullets  with  the  shells 
bursting  about  you. 

COPE. 

(After  a  pause.)  I  don't  know  as  I  want  the  woman  I 
love  to  see  me  facing  the  bullets.  Suppose  I  didn't  face 
'em. 

[171] 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

Nonsense!  Are  you  going  to  let  that  girl  go  to  Volo 
alone  and  unprotected? 

COPE. 

Not  if  I  can  go  as  myself.  But  if  I  go  as  this  other  fellow, 
at  the  end  of  two  weeks  she'll  know  I'm  not — Cake  Walk 
ing,  Kirke  Walking — whatever  his  silly  name  is. 

ASHE. 

Yes,  but  in  those  two  weeks  she  will  have  seen  just  what 
sort  of  a  man  you  are ! 

COPE. 

That's  exactly  what  I'm  afraid  of!  (O'MALLEY  enters 
left.) 

ASHE. 

Well,  if  you  want  to  be  near  her,  that's  your  only 
chance  (Takes  envelope  away  from  COPE.  COPE  stands 
uncertainly  regarding  it.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Saluting  COPE.)  Pardon,  are  you  one  of  the  foreign 
war  correspondents  ? 

COPE. 

(Still  regarding  the  blue  envelope.  Then  with  sudden 
determination.)  Yes,  I  am! 

ASHE. 

(In  a  low  voice.)  Good  work,  old  man!  You'll  never 
regret  it. 

COPE. 

(Mournfully.)     She'll  never  forgive  me. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Is  that  your  card  ? 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

(Without  looking  at  card.)  No !  ( Turns  from  ASHE  and 
glances  at  card.)  Yes!  that's  my  card —  (In  a  whisper 
to  ASHE.)  "Kirke  Warren."  Get  under  me,  get  under 
me. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Fiercely.)     That  is  your  name,  then? 

COPE. 

Of  course. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(In  a  tone  of  triumph.)  Ah!  Then  you  are  the  person 
who  last  night  so  grossly  insulted  our  Colonel  ? 


(Turns  slowly  to  ASHE.)  They're  off!  They're  off! 
They've  started!  Billy,  I'm  no  crystal  gazer,  but  I  can 
see  trouble  ahead  for  me.  I  must  beware  of  a  tall  man 
with  a  short  mustache  and  a  long  sword.  (To  O'MAL 
LEY.)  Sir,  I  have  no  recollection  of  having  insulted  your 
Colonel.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  last  night  I  dined  rather 
well  and — 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

I  know  you  did.  You  dined  with  us,  with  the  Foreign 
Legion. 

COPE. 

Oh,  so  I  did !     Of  course  you  were  there,  weren't  you  ? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Certainly  I  was  there. 

COPE. 

Of  course  you  were.  You  sat  down  on  that  side  of  the 
table.  But  surely  the  dear  old  Colonel — the  dear  old 
Colonel — couldn't  think  that  I  meant  to  insult  him. 

[173] 


THE   GALLOPFR 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

But  you  did  insult  him.  You  poured  a  quart  of  burgun 
dy  into  his  boot. 

COPE. 

I  did  what?  Billy,  I  ask  you — I  couldn't  do  it.  How 
could  I  pour  a —  Does  your  Colonel  drink  out  of  his 
boots  ? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Certainly  not!     The  boots  were  on  his  feet. 

COPE. 

Then  how  could  I  pour  a — there's  no  boot  big  enough  to 
hold  a  man's  foot  and  a  quart  of  burgundy.  I  don't 
know  what  did  happen  last  night,  but  I'll  bet  that  didn't 
happen. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

It  was  witnessed  by  every  officer  of  the  Foreign  Legion. 
This  morning  none  of  us  could  exactly  recall  the  appear 
ance  of  our  guest — 

COPE. 

No,  I  suppose  not. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

— But  we  had  the  card  you  gave  our  Colonel,  and  I 
have  been  delegated  to  find  you  and  demand  satisfaction. 

COPE. 

(Weakly.}  Satisfaction,  nonsense!  I'm  an  American. 
We  don't  believe  in  duelling. 

ASHE. 

(Whispering.}  Yes,  you  do!  Kirke  Warren  has 
fought  three  duels. 

COPE. 

(Aside  to  ASHE.)     Fought  three?     Isn't  that  enough? 

[174] 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

No,  no.     Think  of  Warren's  reputation. 

COPE. 

Think  of  my  young  life.  Won't  it  do  if  I  hit  him  just 
once. 

ASHE. 
Certainly  not. 

COPE. 

(Turning  to  O'M ALLEY  with  an  assumption  of  confi 
dence.)  Well,  as  I  have  already  fought  three  duels — and 
each  time  killed  the  other  chap — not  to  speak  of  having 
wounded  the  surgeon  and  the  cinematograph  man,  I  have 
made  a  vow  never  again  to  take  human  life. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Sternly.)  In  spite  of  your  vow,  the  Foreign  Legion 
demands  satisfaction. 

COPE. 

(Recklessly.)  Oh!  you  will  have  satisfaction,  will  you? 
(Produces  roll  of  bills,  and  separates  them.)  How  much 
did  the  boots  cost? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

You  are  insolent!     Now  you  have  insulted  me\ 

COPE. 

(Hurriedly,  aside  to  ASHE.)  Say,  can't  I  hit  him  just 
once? 

ASHE. 

No;  I'm  sorry  you've  got  to  fight. 

COPE. 

I'm  just  as  sorry  as  you  are,  and  I  won't  fight. 
[175] 


THE  GALLOPER 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Fiercely.}  Well,  what  is  your  answer  to  the  Foreign 
Legion  ? 

COPE. 

You  want  my  answer?  This  is  my  answer.  I  have 
been  a  war  correspondent  in  three  wars 

ASHE. 
(Whispering.}     Six  wars. 

COPE. 

Six  wars — twelve  wars — I  can't  remember  how  many 
wars,  and  when  my  paper  orders  me  to  go  to  the  firing 
line — I  go.  In  half  an  hour  my  duty  calls  me  to  Volo. 
Why  the  Foreign  Legion  is  not  at  Volo,  I  don't  ask.  May 
be  it's  afraid.  (O'MALLEY  laughs.}  Maybe  the  King 
doesn't  send  it  there  because  he  knows  it  would  run  away. 
(O'MALLEY  laughs  contemptuously.}  But  if  the  Legion 
wants  to  fight  me,  it  must  follow  me  to  Volo,  where  the  bul 
lets  come  from.  If  you  have  the  courage  to  come  to  Volo 
I'll  fight  your  old  Colonel  and  every  officer  in  the  Legion 
with  sabres,  pistols,  or  baseball  bats.  That  is  my  answer. 
(Aside  to  ASHE.)  I  got  out  of  that  all  right. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Sir,  I  will  deliver  your  remarkable  answer  to  my  brother 
officers  and  at  once  return  with  their  reply. 

COPE. 
Well,  you'd  better  hurry.     I  leave  Athens  in  an  hour. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Sir,  after  I  have  delivered  your  answer  to  the  Legion  I 
doubt  if  you  will  ever  leave  Athens — alive.  (Exit  left.} 

[176] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

He's  a  cheerful  chap,  isn't  he?  Supposing  he  and  his 
brother  officers  should  come  to  Volo.  (Uneasily.)  I 
don't  know  as  I  want  to  go  to  Volo.  (Looks  off  left.)  Oh ! 
Oh,  yes  I  do!  Yes  I  do!  Bless  her  heart!  Look  there! 
(GRACE  enters  in  the  blue-and-white  uniform  of  a  Red  Cross 
nurse  with  a  brassard  on  her  arm.) 

GRACE. 

Oh,  how  do  you  do  ? 

COPE. 

Miss  Whitney,  Sister  of  Mercy!  I  who  am  about  to 
die,  salute  thee! 

GRACE. 
What  do  you  mean  ? 

COPE. 

I  mean  I  am  going  with  you  to  the  firing  line.  Ashe 
had  all  my  passports  waiting  for  me. 

GRACE. 

Really!  Why,  I  understood  that  you  thought  Mr. 
Schuyler  was  going  to  India. 

COPE. 
Yes,  he  did — you  see — 

ASHE. 
(Shaking  his  head  at  COPE.)  No,  I  didn't. 

COPE. 

(Emphatically.)  No,  he  didn't  \  No,  in  a  way  he 
didn't.  You  see — (to  ASHE)  go  on,  you  tell  her. 

ASHE. 
You  see,  I  cabled  him  to  Gibraltar  asking  him  to  act  as 

[177] 


THE   GALLOPER 

our  war  correspondent;  but  he  hadn't  answered  me,  so  I 
didn't  know. 

GRACE. 

To  act  as  your  war  correspondent.     (To  COPE.)   You  ? 

COPE. 
(Airily.)     Why,  yes. 

ASHE. 

Doesn't  Miss  Whitney  know  who  you  are? 

COPE. 
(Modestly.)     No. 

ASHE. 

Well,  tell  her. 

COPE. 

No,  if  I  told  her  it  would  sound  like  boasting.  You 
tell  her. 

ASHE. 

Miss  Whitney,  you  asked  me  to  present  to  you  the  great 
war  correspondent,  Mr.  Kirke  Warren.  (He  waves  his 
hand  toward  COPE.)  Allow  me! 

GRACE. 

Kirke  Warren?  You?  (CoPE  nods.)  Then  why  did 
you  tell  me  you  were  Copeland  Schuyler? 

COPE. 
I  am  Copeland  Schuyler. 

ASHE. 
He  is  Copeland  Schuyler. 

COPE. 

Kirke  Warren  is  my  pen  name.     The  name  I  sign  to  my 
[178] 


THE   GALLOPER 

war  news.     When  I  write  checks,  I  sign   'em  Copelund 
Schuyler. 

ASHE. 

You  had  better  ask  him  why  he  did  not  tell  you  he  was 
Kirke  Warren —  (Mysteriously  lowering  his  voice.)  Ask 
him  that! 

COPE. 

(With  even  greater  mystery.)  Yes,  ask  me  that.  (Sud 
denly.)  No,  don't  ask  me,  ask  him! 

ASHE. 

You  see,  last  year  Mr.  Warren  led  the  Cretans  against 
the  Turks,  and  the  Turks  hate  him.  And  your  ship  was 
full  of  officers  who  wanted  to  do  him  harm. 

GRACE. 
Oh! 

ASHE. 

So,  on  the  ship  he  did  not  announce  he  was  Kirke  War 
ren  because  he  was  afraid  of  these  Turkish  spies. 

COPE. 

(Briskly.)  I  was  afraid  of  the  pies,  because  they  were 
poisoned. 

ASHE. 

Not  pies.     Spies,  I  said.     Turkish  spies. 

COPE. 

Oh!  I  thought  you  said  pies.  It  seemed  strange,  be 
cause  I  am  not  afraid  of  any  kind  of  pie. 

GRACE. 

(Admiringly  to  ASHE.)  I  believe  I've  read  every  book 
Mr.  Warren  has  written. 

[179] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

(Aside.)     I  wish  I  had! 

GRACE. 

(Approaching  COPE,  who  on  going  to  her  leaves 
ASHE  on  his  right.)  Why  didn't  you  tell  me?  I'm  .90 
interested  in  wars  and  soldiers.  I'm  going  to  make  yon 
tell  me  all  the  brave  things  you've  seen — and  done. 

COPE. 

Oh,  trifles,  trifles!  Don't  mention  them!  (Earnestly.) 
Somehow,  it  embarrasses  me. 

GRACE. 

We  had  a  house  surgeon  at  the  hospital  who  tended  you, 
up  the  Nile,  when  that  shell  fractured  the  right  femur. 
Is  that  all  right  now? 

COPE. 

(Violently  working  his  arm.)  Oh,  yes,  that's  all  right! 
See,  just  as  good  as  new!  (He  sees  that  she  is  looking  at 
his  right  leg.)  Oh,  you  mean  my  old  wound !  Yes,  that's 
all  right,  too.  (Kicks  his  right  leg  violently.)  Yes,  I  got 
that  wound  in  the  first  Greek  war. 

GRACE. 

The  first  Greek  war.     Why,  how  old  are  you  ? 

COPE. 

How  old  am  I?  Not  the  first  Greek  war.  No,  no! 
Crete  war.  Crete,  Crete,  not  Greek.  (Whispers  franti 
cally  to  ASHE.)  Go  out  and  buy  me  a  child's  history  of 
the  world  or  we're  lost.  (AsHE  goes  nervously  up  the 
stage.) 

GRACE. 

(Tenderly.)  Why  didn't  you  tell  me,  when  you  asked 
me  to  marry  you,  that  you  were  the  great  Kirke  Warren? 

[180] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COPE. 


Because  I  wasn't  asking  you  to  marry  Kirke  Warren. 
I  want  you  to  marry  Cope  Schuyler. 

GRACE. 

But  Copeland  Schuyler  is  just  an  idle  young  man  with 
nothing  to  do.  And  he's  always  done  it. 

COPE. 

Well,  you  keep  your  eyes  on  me  for  the  next  two  weeks, 
and  you'll  see  it's  the  man  that  counts,  not  the  name. 
You  watch  me  catching  bullets  in  my  teeth.  (BLANCHE 
BAILEY  enters  on  balcony  with  HEWITT,  GRIGGS,  and 
ANSTRUTHER.) 

BLANCHE. 

(Joyfully  to  ASHE.)  It's  all  right!  The  General  ac 
cepted  me.  I'm  going  to  Volo  in  an  hour.  Oh,  Miss 
Whitney!  how  do  you  do.  I've  been  so  presumptuous.  I 
volunteered  as  a  Red  Cross  nurse,  too. 

GRACE. 

Oh,  I'm  glad!  It  will  be  so  pleasant  to  have  a  com 
panion.  Have  you  had  much  experience  nursing? 

BLANCHE. 

Twenty  years  nursing  father.     He  has  hay  fever. 

GRIGGS. 

(To  ASHE.)  We  will  have  quite  a  pleasant  party  going 
to  Volo.  Mr.  Hewitt  tells  me  Miss  Bailey  accompanies 
us!  I  believe  this  young  lady  is  going  also.  (Bows  to 
GRACE.)  And  how  about  your  friend  ? 

ASHE. 
Here  he  is!     (To  COPE.)     Let  me  present  you  to  Gra- 


THE   GALLOPER 

ham  Griggs,  dean  of  the  Corps  of  Correspondents.    Been 
in  every  war  since  Waterloo. 

COPE. 
Glad  to  meet  you. 

GRIGGS. 

(Jealously.}     How  many  wars  have  you  been  in? 

COPE. 
Six. 

GRIGGS. 

Oh !  I've  been  in  ten — eight  revolutions,  six  coronations. 
I  have  placed  a  crown  upon  the  head  of  six  kings — 
(Enter  O'M ALLEY  left.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(To  GRIGGS.)  I  beg  your  pardon.  Pardon  me,  ladies 
and  gentlemen,  but  I've  only  a  minute  in  which  to  deliver 
a  most  important  message.  (To  COPE.)  I  told  the  offi 
cers  of  the  Legion  that  you  promised  if  they  would  follow 
you  to  Volo  you  would  fight  them  in  rotation. 

COPE. 

(Defiantly.)  Fight  them  in  chain  armor,  if  they'd  feel 
safer. 

GRACE. 
What! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

By  Jove!     You  promised  to  fight  the  lot? 

COPE. 
(Undisturbed.)     Yes,  he's  quite  right,  he's  quite  right. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
It  will  please  you  to  hear  that  during  my  absence  the 

[182] 


EE 


THE   GALLOPER 

government  has  ordered  the  Foreign  Legion  to  embark  in 
one  hour — for  Volo.  (CoPE  staggers  toward  ASHE.) 
There  are  eight  officers.  You  will  find  us  waiting  for  you 
on  the  wharf. 

COPE. 

(Recovering.}  On  the  wharf?  Excellent!  Won't  have 
to  bury  anybody.  Soon  as  I  kill  one  I'll  roll  him  into  the 
water. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Good  day,  sir.     (Moves  left.} 

COPE. 

Good  day.  If  you  want  to  give  your  family  a  lot  of 
money,  insure  your  life.  I'll  see  they  get  it.  (Exit 
O'MALLEY.) 

GRIGGS. 

What's  this  mean,  sir?  Are  eight  officers  going  to  fight 
you? 

COPE. 

(Dramatically.}  No,  I'm  going  to  kill  eight  officers. 
They  will  learn  what  it  is  to  insult  Kirke  Warren. 

BLANCHE. 

(Calmly.}  What  has  Kirke  Warren  got  to  do  with 
this? 

COPE. 

Everything.     I  am  Kirke  Warren. 

BLANCHE. 

You?  Kirke  WTarren,  the  war  correspondent?  (CoPE 
nods.  ASHE,  alarmed,  hurries  down  on  COPE'S  right. 
BLANCHE  is  now  close  to  COPE  on  his  left.  The  others  are 
grouped  still  further  to  the  left.}  Are  you  sure? 

[183] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

(Easily.)  Well,  I  can't  remember  when  I  was  anyone 
else. 

BLANCHE. 

(Triumphantly.}  Then  you  must  remember — that  you 
owe  me  two  thousand  dollars.  (For  a  moment  COPE 
xtares  fixedly  ahead  of  him,  then,  without  moving,  turns  his 
eyes  swiftly  toward  ASHE,  then  again  stares  ahead  of  him.} 

COPE. 

Perfectly!  I  thought  you  said  you  wanted  it  after  we 
reached  Volo.  (Puts  his  hand  into  his  coat  pocket  as 
though  reaching  for  check  book.) 

BLANCHE. 

(Smiling  wickedly.)     Quite  right.     I  can  wait  till  then. 

COPE. 

Of  course — I'm  just  as  sure  I  owe  you  two  thousand 
dollars  as  you  are  that  I  am  Kirke  Warren.  And  you're 
sure  of  that,  arent  you  ? 

BLANCHE. 

Absolutely ! 

GRACE. 

I  think  it's  time  I  started  for  the  transport. 

GRIGGS. 

It's  time  we  all  started.  Are  you  coming,  Miss  Bailey? 
(There  is  a  movement  of  GRIGGS,  ANSTRUTHER,  HEWITT, 
and  GRACE  toward  the  door  left.} 

COPE. 

(In  a  whisper  to  BLANCHE.)     Wait!     If  you  don't  tell 
[184] 


I  divorced  you,  six  months  a«jo." 


THE   GALLOPER 

on  me  you'll  get  that  money.  But  I'll  have  to  explain  it 
somehow.  For  what  do  I  owe  you  two  thousand  dollars? 
(BLANCHE  glances  left  to  see  if  the  others  are  listening. 
COPE  and  ASHE  lean  eagerly  toward  her.} 

BLANCHE. 

For  alimony!     I  divorced  you  six  months  ago.     (CoPE 
falls  back  against  ASHE  as  the  curtain  falls.) 


[185] 


ACT  II. 

This  scene  represents  a  wharf,  with  a  ship  moored  at  cither 
side.  The  ships  lie  bow  on  toward  the  audience, 
who  are  looking  down  the  wharf.  The  ship  on  the 
right  is  masked  by  a  kiosk,  such  as  are  seen  on  the 
street  corners  in  Paris;  the  ship  on  the  left  by  a  high 
pile  of  ammunition  boxes,  covered  at  the  top  with  a 
black-canvas  tarpaulin.  Far  up  the  stage  the  ivharf 
makes  a  sharp  turn  to  the  right,  and  continues  off 
the  stage,  apparently,  toward  the  shore.  The  wharf 
is  built  like  a  letter  L.  The  base  of  the  L,  reversed, 
is  that  part  which  points  toward  the  audience. 
That  portion  of  the  wharf  which  runs  off  the  stage 
to  the  right  is  hidden  by  the  stern  of  the  ship.  The 
characters  on  entering  always  come  from  the  right. 
On  the  back  drop  one  sees  the  harbor  front,  and 
fishing  boats  at  anchor. 

On  each  side  of  the  stage,  running  up  and  down,  is 
a  stringpiece  to  mark  the  edge  of  the  wharf.  The 
ships  lie  a  foot  beyond  each  stringpiece.  Down  on 
the  left,  close  to  the  stringpiece,  is  a  post  around 
which  is  thrown  the  loop  of  an  immense  hawser. 
From  the  deck  of  each  ship  a  gangway  with  a  hand 
rail  of  iron  uprights,  through  which  a  rope  is  run, 
stretches  to  the  stage.  At  each  corner  of  the  lower 
end  of  the  left  gang  plank  are  two  stout  rings  through 
which  ropes  from  the  flies  can  be  hooked  and  the 
gang  plank  drawn  into  the  air.  When  the  act  opens 
the  same  ropes  and  hooks  arc  used  to  lift  and  swing 
ammunition  boxes  through  the  left  gangway. 


THE   GALLOPER 

Below  each  gang  plank  is  a  blackboard  on  an  upright 
stand.  On  the  one  to  the  left  is  this  inscription, 
partly  in  white  paint  and  partly  in  chalk.  The 
parts  written  in  chalk  are  those  that  here  are 

UNDERSCORED : 

B.  and  B.  S.  Line. 
St'r  BOSPORUS  will  sail  WEDNESDAY 

at  11.30  A.  M.  for  VOLO. 
Freight  must  be  delivered  at  — 


The  inscription  on  the  board  to  the  right  is: 

B.  and  B.  S.  Line. 

St'r  ADRIATIC  will  sail  WEDNESDAY 

at  11.30  A.  M.  for  CONSTANTINOPLE. 

Freight  must  be  delivered  TUESDAY  NIGHT. 

The  kiosk  permits  the  Greek  girl  in  attendance  to 
step  back  out  of  sight.  Its  shelves  are  lined  with 
stone  bottles  of  Bass  and  Guinness.  On  ledge  of 
kiosk  are  French  novels  and  piles  of  Greek  news 
papers,  and  higher  up  enamel  signs  in  French  and 
Greek.  Outside  kiosk  are  three  NEW  steamer  chairs 
leaning  against  kiosk;  upon  them  is  a  card  marked 
A  VENDRE.  To  the  right  is  a  stout  square  table 
painted  black,  and  two  stout  ivooden  chairs,  also 
black. 

On  the  left  of  stage  are  a  number  of  powder  kegs. 
Greek  words  are  painted  on  the  tops.  There  also 
are  square  ammunition  boxes,  painted  in  light  blue. 

FIRST  OFFICER,  in  blue  uniform,  stands  at  left  gang 
way  supervising  loading  of  three  boxes  of  ammuni 
tion.  He  holds  a  pad  and  pencil.  BOATSWAIN 
stands  at  top  of  gang  plank  to  receive  boxes.  Two 
[187] 


THE  GALLOPER 

stevedores  are  binding  the  boxes  with  a  rope  sling. 
They  are  assisted  by  three  Greek  soldiers  with  a 
CORPORAL.  The  rifles  of  the  soldiers  are  stacked 
above  the  gang  plank  and  from  the  bayonets  hang 
white  canvas  haversacks  (filled]  and  canteens.  The 
SECOND  OFFICER,  in  white  duck,  is  at  the  kiosk, 
talking  to  the  Greek  Girl.  On  the  ledge  of  the  kiosk 
is  the  glass,  and  stone  bottle  of  Bass's  ale,  from  which 
he  has  just  finished  drinking. 

VOICE. 

(Off  left.)     Mr.  Andrews! 

FIRST   OFFICER. 

Aye,  aye,  sir! 

VOICE. 

That  ammunition  in  the  hold  yet? 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Last  of  it  coming  over  the  side  now,  sir!  ( To  stevedores.) 
Look  sharp  with  that  sling!  All  right? 

STEVEDORE. 

All  right,  sir! 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

(To  BOATSWAIN.)  All  right,  Williams!  (BOATSWAIN 
sounds  whistle.  One  hears  the  noises  of  a  donkey  engine 
and  clank  of  brake  on  cogs.  The  kegs  are  drawn  up  and 
disappear  through  left  gangway.  Whistle  again  sounds. 
Donkey  engine  ceases.  To  stevedores.)  Now,  then,  down 
to  the  end  of  the  wharf,  and  bring  up  the  passengers' 
luggage.  You  savvy?  (To  BOATSWAIN.)  You  go  with 
them,  Williams.  (BOATSWAIN  and  stevedore  exeunt  upper 
right.  The  soldiers  take  muskets,  and  exeunt  up  left  gang 
way.  FIRST  OFFICER  writes  on  pad  and  puts  it  in  pocket.  To 

[188] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SECOND  OFFICER.)     You're  not  working  yourself  to  death, 
are  you  ? 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

(Comes  up.  Greek  Girl  in  kiosk  withdraivs  from  sight 
of  audience.)  Oh!  we  were  ready  to  sail  an  hour  ago; 
only  waiting  for  the  ship's  papers  and  a  passenger  to  Con 
stantinople. 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Fat  lot  of  passengers  you're  carrying  to  Constantinople 
these  days.  They're  afraid  of  the  Greek  gunboats. 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

Our  passenger  isn't  afraid  of  the  gunboats.  He's  a  war 
correspondent. 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Oh,  them]  We're  carrying  a  dozen  of  them.  They're 
all  over  the  ship. 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

Yes,  but  the  one  we  got  is  that  celebrated  American 
correspondent,  Kirke  Warren. 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Kirke  Warren,  my  grandmother!  We  got  him  on  our 
ship. 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

I  lay  you  a  bottle  of  beer  you  haven't. 

FIRST   OFFICER. 

You're  on — and  you  lose.  I  saw  his  name  on  our  pas 
senger  list. 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

Yes,  and  I  see  it  on  our  passenger  list.  Our  Purser  told 
me —  (AsHE  descends  left  gangway.  In  his  pocket  he  car 
ries  a  pocket  camera.} 

[189] 


THE    GALLOPER 


FIRST    OFFICER. 


Here,  now!  Here's  one  of  them  that  knows.  (To 
ASHE.)  Pardon  me,  sir,  is  Mr.  Kirke  Warren  sailing  on 
that  ship  or  is  he  sailing  on  this  ship?  (AsHE  hesitates, 
and  shows  his  annoyance  at  the  question.} 


AS  I  IK. 


He  is  sailing  to  Volo  on  this  ship.  (Points  left,  and 
goes  down  to  kiosk.  Girl  gives  him  brandy  bottle  and 
liquor  glass.  He  places  it  on  table.} 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

Our  Purser  told  me 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Well,  your  Purser  didn't  know.  You  come  buy  me  a 
bottle  of  beer.  (Starts  toward  kiosk.) 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

No.  Wait!  You  come  with  me,  and  we'll  bet  the 
Purser  six  bottles. 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Right,  ho!  (Runs  up  right  plank.  BLANCHE  appears 
top  of  left  plank.) 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

(To  BLANCHE.)  Look  out,  Miss!  Better  take  the 
'commodation  ladder,  forrard.  That's  not  safe  walking. 

BLANCHE. 

Safe  walking!  Young  man,  you  come  to  the  Royal 
Music  Hall  in  two  weeks  and  you'll  see  me  walking  on  the 
ceiling.  (The  two  officers  look  in  surprise  at  each  other 
and  disappear  right.  Comes  down.)  Now,  then,  what 
have  you  got  to  say  to  me  that  you  couldn't  say  just  as 

[190] 


THE  GALLOPER 

well  on  board  ?     Or  was  that  just  a  polite  excuse  to  give 
me  a  drink?     (Sits  right  of  table.) 

ASHE. 
I  beg  your  pardon.     What  can  I  get  you? 

BLANCHE. 

(To  Girl.)  Lemon  soda,  please,  with  plenty  of  ice. 
(Greek  Girl  opens  bottle  and  pours  out  fizzy  drink,  which 
ASHE  takes  from  her.  BLANCHE  reads  label  of  the  bottle 
on  the  table.)  "Three  Star  Brandy."  I'm  a  star,  and 
that's  three  stars,  so  if  I  drank  that  I  would  be  an  "  all-star 
combination." 

ASHE. 

(Tragically.)  Don't!  Don't  do  that!  We're  in  great 
trouble,  Kirke  and  I.  (Hands  her  glass  of  soda.)  And 
you've  got  to  help  us.  (Sits  left  of  table.) 

BLANCHE. 

How? 

ASHE. 

This  morning  Kirke  received  a  cablegram. 

BLANCHE. 

Which  Kirke?     My  late  husband   or  the  understudy? 

(Sips  soda  unconcernedly.) 

ASHE. 

The  real  Kirke  Warren.  The  cable  should  have  reached 
him  three  weeks  ago.  It  is  from  the  woman  he's  en 
gaged  to. 

BLANCHE. 

Ah,  Sybil?  The  angel-faced  Sybil,  hey?  Cat/  What's 
she  done  now? 


THE  GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

She  has  volunteered  as  a  Red  Cross  nurse. 

BLANCHE. 

What!  Another!  They'll  soon  have  more  Red  Cross 
nurses  with  this  army  than  they  have  soldiers.  (Suddenly.) 
Heavens!  Then  she's  coming  out  here\ 

ASHE. 

(In  a  low  voice.}  Last  night  she  crossed  from  Brindisi 
to  Patras,  and  she  arrived  here  this  morning.  She's  look 
ing  for  Kirke  now.  He's  hiding  from  her  in  disguise. 
(BLANCHE  throws  back  her  head  and  laughs  loudly.} 

BLANCHE. 

Ho,  ho,  ho!     That  is  funny.     Oh,  my\  that  is  funny. 

ASHE. 

Stop  that!  (Tearfully.)  Don't  laugh.'  Think  of  my 
position. 

BLANCHE. 

I  ami  That's  why  I'm  laughing.  (AsHE  crosses  left 
and  sits  dejectedly  on  box  of  ammunition.)  You  ought  to 
think  of  Mr.  Schuyler's  position.  There's  a  young  man 
paying  alimony  to  one  Red  Cross  nurse,  so  that  he  can  be 
engaged  to  another  Red  Cross  nurse,  and  now  he'll  find 
out  he's  engaged  to  a  third  Red  Cross  nurse.  If  he  gets 
wounded,  and  Sybil  nurses  him,  the  verdict  will  be  "ac 
cidental  poisoning."  And  what's  more,  that  Russian 
Princess  had  better  make  herself  scarce,  too. 

ASHE. 
She  has,  thank  Heaven! 

BLANCHE. 

She  has?     When? 

[192] 


THE   GALLOPER 


ASHE. 


As  soon  as  they  reached  this  port.  See  that  smoke  out 
there?  (Points  toward  audience.)  That  is  an  Italian  boat 
taking  her  to  Naples,  and  with  her  the  money  I  gave 
Kirke,  and  all  of  his  scarfpins. 


BLANCHE. 
She's  left  him! 

ASHE. 


She's  left  him  his  ulster. 


BLANCHE. 


(After  a  thoughtful  pause.)  Then  she  was  a  Russian 
Princess.  If  she'd  been  a  New  Yorker,  as  you  said  she 
was,  she  wouldn't  have  left  him  the  ulster. 

ASHE. 

It  doesn't  help  any.  I'd  hoped,  now  we  were  rid  of 
her,  Kirke  would  stay  and  face  Sybil;  but  he  won't. 

BLANCHE. 

(After  a  pause.)     You  don't  know  Sybil,  do  you? 

ASHE. 
No.     What  kind  of  a  woman  is  she? 

BLANCHE. 

Sybil?  Oh!  she's  a  sort  of  cozy-corner  girl.  She  owns 
two  breweries  and  a  department  store  in  Newark.  And 
every  other  week  she  thinks  she's  "in  love."  At  present 
she  thinks  she's  in  love  with  my  late  husband. 

ASHE. 

Well,  I  can't  understand  what  Kirke  can  see  in  her  I 
[  193  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

He'd  be  blind — if  he  couldn't  see  a  department  store 
and  two  breweries.  Whenever  you  read  of  a  man  going 
to  discover  the  North  Pole,  you  may  be  sure  he's  got  a  wife 
at  home — like  Sybil. 

ASHE. 

(Earnestly.)  Then  it's  all  the  more  important  that 
Sybil  must  not  find  out  that  Kirke  is  on  that  boat,  and  that 
there  is  a  man  on  that  one  who  is  pretending  to  be  Kirke. 


BLANCHE. 

No.  It  is  Cope  Schuyler  that  mustn't  find  out — that 
Kirke  Warren  is  engaged.  If  he  does,  it's  all  off. 

ASHE. 
Oh!  I  don't  know. 

BLANCHE. 

I  do.  He's  going  to  Volo  only  because  he's  in  love  with 
that  girl.  And  to  please  her — to  be  near  her — he'll  pre 
tend  he  is  Kirke  Warren;  but  not  if  there's  a  prospective 
Mrs.  Kirke  Warren.  How  can  he  ask  Miss  Whitney  to 
marry  him  if  he  finds  out  Kirke  Warren  is  engaged 
already?  Why,  he's  paying  me  two  thousand  dollars  to 
keep  her  from  knowing  that  he  has  even  a  divorced  wife. 
(CopE  enters  centre  looking  fearfully  behind  him.) 

ASHE. 
Yes,  you're  right!     Cope  must  not  find  out. 

BLANCHE. 

(Sees  COPE.)     Hush,  or  he  will. 

COPE. 

(Agitated.)     Hello!     I've  had   an   awful   escape.     If  I 
[1941 


THE   GALLOPER 

hadn't  run  away,  in  five  minutes  I'd  have  been  a  national 
hero ! 

BLANCHE. 

(Rises.)     How? 

ASHE. 

(Rising.)     What  have  you  done? 

COPE. 

7  haven't  done  anything.  Kirke  Warren  did  it.  Last 
winter  he  fought  with  the  Cretans  against  the  Turks, 
and  now  the  local  committee  of  the  Cretan  insurgents  are 
trying  to  give  me  a  reception!  They're  up  there  at  the 
hotel  on  the  end  of  the  wharf,  and  if  I  hadn't  escaped — by 
now  they'd  have  been  naming  babies  after  me. 

ASHE. 

Oh!  those  men  are  exiles.  They  probably  never  saw 
Kirke  Warren  in  their  lives. 

COPE. 

Well,  I'm  not  taking  any  chances.  I  don't  have  to 
advertise  for  trouble.  If  war  correspondents  always  have 
as  much  trouble  as  I've  had  already,  I'm  surprised  they 
don't  stay  at  home  and  raise  squab  chickens. 

ASHE. 

(Soothingly.)  I  know,  old  man,  and  I'm  sorry  there 
should  be  another  danger  that  threatens  your  scheme.  I 
must  warn  you — 

COPE. 

Another  danger!  My  scheme!  Oh!  this  is  my  idea, 
is  it? 

ASHE. 

Well,  it's  the  only  way  to  get  you  to  Volo.     If  you  don't 

want  to  go 

[195] 


THE  GALLOPER 


COPE. 

I  do  want  to  go.  You  know  why  I  want  to  go.  But 
when  I  said  I'd  play  I  was  Kirke  Warren,  you  didn't  tell 
me  I'd  have  to  fight  duels  for  Kirke  Warren,  and  support 
his  divorced  wife,  and  be  embraced  by  five  hundred  in 
surgents,  who  haven't  been  near  the  water  since  they  and 
the  Apostle  Paul  were  wrecked  on  the  island  of  Crete! 
What  is  this  new  danger? 

ASHE. 

Oh!  it's  the  same  old  trouble.  (Sadly.}  I'm  afraid 
Kirke  Warren's  life  has  been  rather  feverish — 

COPE. 

(Explosively.'}  If  it's  been  any  more  feverish  than 
mine's  been  since  I  became  Kirke  Warren,  he'd  be  wear 
ing  a  straight- jacket! 

ASHE. 

In  fact,  Cope,  it's  a  woman. 

COPE. 
Oh,  the  Princess! 

ASHE. 

No,  she's  gone.     It's  another  woman. 

COPE. 

Another  woman!  No  wonder  he  prefers  to  go  with 
the  Turkish  army,  if  he  travels  with  a  harem.  (To 
BLANCHE.)  I  should  think  you'd  have  been  so  glad  to 
get  divorced  from  that  man  you'd  have  paid  him  ali 
mony.  What's  this  woman's  name? 

ASHE. 

(Embarrassed.}  Her  name?  Oh — I — I — he  calls  her 
Sybil. 

[196] 


THE  GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

Yes,  Sybil. 

COPE. 

That  doesn't  describe  her.  She  doesn't  go  round  with 
Sybil  written  on  her,  does  she?  Am  I  to  go  up  to  every 
woman  I  meet  and  ask,  "  Are  you  Sybil  ? "  Some  one  will 
hit  me  with  an  umbrella. 

BLANCHE. 

Well,  she's  an  American. 

AS  HE. 

In  a  red  ulster  and  a  green  parasol,  and  she's  looking 
for  Kirke  Warren.  So  if  she  comes  on  board  the  ship, 
you  put  her  off  with  some  fairy  story— 


(Violently.)  I'll  get  the  ship's  crew  to  put  her  off! 
(Turning  on  BLANCHE.)  Or  must  I  pay  her  a  few 
thousands,  too? 

BLANCHE. 

Oh,  no,  not  Sybil!  Sybil  owns  two  breweries  and  a 
department  store.  Sybil  is  worth  a  million. 

COPE. 

A  million !  And  your  late  husband  is  trying  to  avoid 
her?  She  must  be  something  terrible! 

ASHE. 

It's  the  old  story — she  loves  him,  and  he  runs  away 
from  her. 

COPE. 

Well,  he  can  run  away  from  her,  but  I've  had  enough 
of  this.  (To  BLANCHE.)  This  woman,  Sybil,  probably 
knows  Warren  quite  well  ? 

[197] 


THE   GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

(Doubtfully.)     Yes. 

COPE. 

That  settles  it!  We're  sure  to  be  found  out!  (Starts 
up.) 

ASHE. 

Where  are  you  going  ? 

COPE. 

T  am  going  to  tell  Miss  Whitney  that  I  am  not  Kirke 
Warren. 

ASHE. 

(In  dismay.}     Cope! 

BLANCHE. 

(Greatly  agitated.)  Mr.  Schuyler!  Who's  going  to 
pay  me  my  alimony? 

COPE. 

If  I  own  up  to  Miss  Whitney  now,  that  I'm  not  a  hero, 
she  may  overlook  it;  but  if  some  one  else  tells  on  me,  she 
won't. 

BLANCHE. 

Mr.  Schuyler,  you  listen  to  me.  I  asked  Miss  Whitney 
why  she  didn't  marry  you — you — 

COPE. 

(Eagerly.)  Well,  passing  over  the  fact  that  that  was 
none  of  your  business — what  did  she  say  ? 

BLANCHE. 

She  said  she  was  ashamed  to. 

COPE. 
I  don't  blame  her. 

[198] 


THE   GALLOPER 


BLANCHE. 

She  didn't  mean  it  that  way.  On  the  steamer  she  re 
fused  to  marry  you 

COPE. 
Several  times. 

BLANCHE. 

But  that  was  before  you  said  you  were  Kirke  Warren. 
Noiv,  she  tells  me  she  won't  accept  you  for  fear  you  will 
think  she's  marrying  you  because  you  are  a  hero  and  a 
celebrity. 

COPE. 

But  I'm  not  a  hero,  and  I'm  not  a  celebrity. 

BLANCHE. 

Don't  you  sec?  It's  because  she  thinks  you  arc,  she 
wants  to  marry  you.  You  will  never  marry  that  girl  if 
you  let  her  go  to  the  front  while  you  stay  in  Athens  and 
play  billiards. 

COPE. 

(Despairingly.}     Well,  what  am  I  to  do? 

ASHE. 

(Excitedly.)  Goto  Volo,  and  make  good!  Beat  those 
other  correspondents!  Don't  stay  back  with  the  ambu 
lances  and  the  dead  ones.  Go  right  into  the  firing  line. 
And  when  you've  got  the  story,  ride  for  the  wire  until  you 
and  your  horse  drop  dead! 

BLANCHE. 

That's  the  talk !  Make  Kirke  Warren  look  like  a  two- 
spot.  Fight  his  duels  for  him,  fight  the  Turks.  And 
above  all,  wherever  you  see  the  lime  light,  stand  in  front 
of  it,  and  take  a  bath  in  it! 

[199] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

(Pleased  but  doubtful.}  Honest!  do  you  think  I  can  do 
all  those  things? 

ASHE. 

You  can  do  whatever  Kirke  Warren  did. 

COPE. 

(Fiercely.}  All  right,  then,  I  wiW.  Bring  me  on  a  duel 
for  two  and  a  battle  for  one.  I  won't  run  away. 

ASHE. 

Good  work,  old  man,  good  work! 

BLANCHE. 

But  don't  forget  there  is  one  thing  you  must  run  away 
from — Sybil!  (Starts  toward  left  gangway.} 

COPE. 

Sybil! 

ASHE. 

(Sits  left  on  keg.}  Even  the  great  Kirke  Warren  him 
self  is  running  away  from  her. 

COPE. 

If  he  runs  away  from  her  as  fast  as  I  will,  Sybil  will 
spend  a  very  lonely  afternoon.  (To  BLANCHE.)  Where 
are  you  going? 

BLANCHE. 

I'm  going  to  bring  Miss  Whitney  out  here.  I  believe  in 
keeping  off  a  ship  as  long  as  you  can.  (FIRST  and  SECOND 
OFFICERS  come  down  right  gang  plank.} 

COPE. 

Oh,  do!  Tell  her  it's  cooler  on  the  wharf.  Make  her 
come. 

[200] 


THE   GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

I'll  try.     (Exits  up  gang  plank  left.) 

COPE. 

It's  so  crowded  on  that  transport  that  every  time  you 
move  you  walk  on  a  soldier.  (Lights  cigar.) 

ASHE. 
(Anxiously.)     Don't  smoke  here? 

COPE. 
Why  not? 

ASHE. 

'Cause  you'll  blow  up  the  whole  wharf.  This  is  all 
ammunition,  and  this  is  gunpowder  I'm  sitting  on. 
(Touches  keg.)  And  see  that!  (Points  to  stage.)  See  all 
those  black  specks,  that's  gunpowder  leaked  out  of  these 
kegs. 

COPE. 

That's  not  powder.  Those  are  cinders — from  the  smoke 
stacks. 

ASHE. 

Cinders!     You're  afraid  to  put  your  cigar  in  it. 

COPE. 

Afraid !  Afraid  of  a  few  dead  cinders  ?  (Stoops  to  touch 
stage  with  cigar.) 

ASHE. 

Look  out!     (CoPE  jumps  violently.) 

COPE. 

Don't  do  that!  How  dare  you!  (Officers,  manifesting 
curiosity,  come  down  stage.) 

[  201  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

ASHE. 

You  don't  dare!  I'll  bet  you  five  pounds  you  won't 
touch  your  cigar  to  that!  (Takes  out  bills.) 

COPE. 

Make  it  twenty,  and  I'll  do  it.     My  life's  worth  more 

than  five  pounds 

ASHE. 

All  right!  Twenty!  But  if  it  is  powder,  who  will  col 
lect  the  money? 

COPE. 

Who  will  collect  us?  Have  you  any  farewell  remarks 
to  make?  No?  Then,  look  out!  (AsHE  retreats  toward 
left,  COPE  timidly  stoops  and  touches  cigar  to  stage.  Noth 
ing  happens.  To  ASHE.)  Twenty  pounds,  please !  (Takes 
the  bills  from  As H E . )  Thank  y ou .  (To  officers . )  Captai n , 
are  those  cinders  or  is  that  gunpowder  from  those  powder 
kegs  ? 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

These  are  cinders  from  our  smoke  stacks.  Those  kegs 
are  full  of  green  olives.  (Points  to  top  of  keg.) 

COPE. 

You  see!  (Pointing  to  lettering  on  top  of  keg.)  If  you'd 
only  studied  your  Greek,  you'd  have  saved  twenty  pounds! 
(To  officer.)  My  friend,  you  can  be  of  great  assistance 
to  me.  If  a  lady,  a  plump  lady,  asks  you  if  Mr.  Kirke 
Warren  is  on  board  this  ship,  you  tell  her  that  he  is  not; 
that  he  has  just  gone  to  look  for  her  at  the  hotel. 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Yes,  sir;  the  hotel  on  the  wharf? 
[202] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

Not  at  all.  Which  hotel  in  the  Pirreus  is  furthest  re 
moved  from  this  wharf? 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

The  Grand  would  be  it,  sir. 

COPE. 

Very  well.  Tell  her  he's  gone  to  the  Grand.  Un 
derstand  ? 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Yes,  sir. 

COPE. 

Have  you  got  a  Master's  ticket  ? 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

Oh,  yes,  sir,  two  years  ago ! 

COPE. 

(Hands  him  twenty- pound  note.)  Then  please  take  this 
and  buy  yourself  a  battleship.  (To  SECOND  OFFICER.) 
And  will  you  kindly  tell  her  the  same  story  ? 

SECOND    OFFICER. 

Oh,  yes,  sir! 

COPE. 

(Handing  him  the  other  bank  note.)  Buy  yourself 
another  battleship,  and  fight  his,  double  or  quits!  (CoPE 
sits  on  keg.  Officers  compare  bank  notes  and  exeunt  right 
and  left  gang  planks.)  Well? 

ASHE. 

(Below  COPE  at  lower  left.)  Well,  I  think  we'll  get  away 
with  it  yet.  It's  only  half  an  hour  before  the  transport 
leaves,  and  then — you're  safe. 

[203] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

I  guess  I  can  hold  out  for  half  an  hour.  I  could  if  I  had 
a  drink  now! 

ASHE. 

That  sounds  good  to  me.  (Arm  in  arm  they  start 
briskly  up  stage  as  O'MALLEY  with  CAPTAIN  ZONYA  ap 
pear  from  right  at  centre.  ASHE  and  COPE  fall  back.) 

COPE. 
Heavens!     Here's  that  professional  dentist — duellist! 

ASHE. 

(Returns  to  lower  left  below  COPE.)  Confound  it!  And 
he  looks  like  trouble! 

C'OPE. 

I'd  hate  to  tell  him  what  he  does  look  like! 

ASHE. 

Don't  lose  your  temper! 

COPE. 

I  don't  mind  losing  my  temper,  so  long  as  I  don't  lose 
my  life. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Good  morning! 

COPE. 
Good  morning! 

ASHE. 
Good  morning! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Gentlemen,  I  am  fortunate  in  finding  you.  Allow  me — 
my  second,  Captain  Zonya,  of  the  Foreign  Legion,  late  of 
the  Imperial  Austrian  Army.  (COPE  and  ASHE  rise,  and 
lift  their  hats  stiffly.  ZONYA  salutes  and  kicks  his  heels 

[204] 


THE   GALLOPER 

together.}     I  am  sorry  to  tell  you,  gentlemen,  that  I  bring 
bad  news.     It  relates  to  our  duel. 


COPE. 


Oh,   does  it?     Then  allow  me  to  present  my  second, 
Mr. — Colonel     Ashe.     (O'MALLEY     and    ZONYA     salute 

ASHE.) 


CAPT.    O  M ALLEY. 


(Doubtfully.*)     Colonel?     May    I    ask    where   you  won 
that  title? 


Won  it !  Did  you  think  he  got  it  in  a  lottery  ?  He  was 
born  a  colonel.  He's  a  Kentuckian. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Oh! 

COPE. 

Pardon  me,  if  I  confer  with  my  second. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Certainly!     (O'MALLEY  and  ZONYA  confer  together.) 

COPE. 

(Aloud.)  Now,  Colonel.  (Aside.)  See  here,  Billy, 
as  I  understand  this  duelling  game,  when  people  arrange 
the  details,  they  must  act  strictly  according  to  the  code. 

ASHE. 

Sure! 

COPE. 

Don't  say  "sure."  When  you  are  acting  as  a  second, 
speak  with  more  dignity — say  "I  comprehend." 

AS  FIE. 
I  comprehend. 

[  205  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COPE. 

And  our  manner  to  our  adversaries  must  be — according 
to  the  code — coldly  polite. 

ASHE. 
Coldly  polite. 

COPE. 

Not  so  cold  as  to  make  them  angry. 

ASHE. 

'No. 

COPE. 

Nor  so  polite  as  to  make  them  think  we're  going  to  give 
them  a  drink. 

ASHE. 

No,  no! 

COPE. 

In  a  word,  our  manner  must  combine  the  courtesy  of  a 
floorwalker  with  the  defiant  attitude  of  the  man  who 
says,  "Who  are  you  shoving?  Get  off  me  foot!"  Un 
derstand  ? 

ASHE. 
I  comprehend. 

COPE. 

(To  O'MALLEY.)  Captain  O'Malley,  if  what  you  have 
to  say  relates  to  our  duel,  it  would  be  more  according  to  the 
code  if  your  second  talked  it  over  with  my  second. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  know  that,  but  my  second  can't  talk. 

COPE. 
Can't  what? 

ASHE. 

(Roughly.}     Why  can't  he  talk? 
[206] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COPE. 


(ToAsHE.)  Hush!  Coldly  polite,  please,  coldly  polite. 
(To  O'MALLEY.)  And  why  can  he  not  talk? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

He  can  talk,  but  he  can  talk  only  Hungarianese.  That's 
why  I  chose  him.  In  my  affairs  of  honor,  /  prefer  to  do 
all  the  talking. 

COPE. 

Yes,  I  noticed  you  did.  I  like  the  talking  part  myself. 
Well,  what  have  you  come  to  talk  about? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

This.  It  now  appears  that  the  Foreign  Legion  cannot 
go  to  Volo. 

COPE. 

(Joyfully.)     Can't  go  to  Volo! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Our  orders  have  been  countermanded.  In  an  hour  we 
leave  for  Corfu. 

COPE. 

Can't  go  to  Volo!  Oh,  that's  too  bad!  (To  ASHE.) 
That's  really  too  bad,  isn't  it,  Colonel?  (To  O'MALLEY.) 
How  disappointed  you  must  feel.  We  regret  it  exceed 
ingly,  too.  We  condole  with  you.  (In  a  whisper  to  ASHE.) 
Now  that  we  are  out  of  that  all  right,  we  need  not  be  so 
darned  polite. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Loudly.)     But  the  duel  can  still  go  on ! 

COPE. 

The  duel!     How ?     Do  you  think  I'm  going  all  the  way 
[207] 


to  Corfu  ?     It's  true,  I  hunger  for  your  life's  blood,  but  I'm 
not  that  hungry!    Oh,  no!  you  needn't  be  afraid! 


CAPT.    O  MALLEY. 


You  don't  understand.  We've  found  a  quiet  spot  here, 
in  the  gardens  of  the  hotel,  equally  good  for  swords  or 
pistols.  It's  on  the  grounds  of  the  old  lawn-tennis  court — 

COPE. 

(Eagerly.}  Then  why  isn't  it  equally  good  for  lawn 
tennis?  Let  the  one  that  gets  the  first  three  sets  win  the 
duel. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Furiously.}     Are  you  trifling  with  me? 

COPE. 

Trifling!  You  never  saw  me  play  tennis!  I  hate  to 
talk  about  myself,  but  I  am  the  lawn-tennis  champion  of 
the  Bronx.  (Seats  himself  on  keg.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

You  are  trifling  with  me.  Will  you  come  to  the  gardens 
back  of  the  hotel  and  fight  the  Foreign  Legion,  or  will  you 
not? 

COPE. 

I  certainly  will  not.  My  orders  are  to  proceed  at  once 
to  Volo  on  that  steamer.  She  may  leave  at  any  moment. 
I  cannot  allow  my  private  amusements  to  interfere  with 
my  duty  to  my  paper. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Scornfully.)  Mr.  Kirke  Warren,  you — are  afraid  to 
fight  a  duel!  (There  is  a  long  pause.) 

[208] 


THE   GALLOPER 


(With  great  dignity.)  Captain  O'Malley,  I  don't  be 
lieve  in  duelling,  but  no  man  ever  questioned  my  courage, 
and  got  away  with  it.  I  am  the  challenged  party,  I  believe  ? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
You  are. 

COPE. 

Then  according  to  the  code  I  have  the  choice  of  weap 
ons? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
You  have. 

COPE. 

Very  well;  as  I  am  equally  good  with  either,  I  will 
choose —  (Looks  thoughtfully  at  floor.  Seeing  the  cinders, 
he  winks  at  ASHE,  then  quickly  withdraws  his  cigar  and 
wets  his  left  finger,  touching  the  stage  with  it  and  putting 
it  to  his  lips.  He  turns  sternly  upon  O'MALLEY.)  Captain 
O'Malley,  you  have  questioned  my  courage.  Now,  I'll 
make  this  duel  simply  a  test  of  your  courage  and  mine. 
Do  you  see  those  black  specks  between  the  planks  of  the 
wharf? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Yes. 

COPE. 

About  an  hour  ago,  when  they  were  loading  this  gun 
powder  (touches  the  keg  on  which  he  sits.  Except  ZONYA, 
all  start},  the  sling  broke,  and  two  kegs  fell  and  burst 
open.  This  is  one  of  them.  Now,  I  am  going  to  touch 
that  off,  and  the  first  one  of  us  that  jumps  is  a  coward. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Jumping  back  and  pulling  ZONYA  with  him.)  Stop! 
Stop!  that's  assassination! 

[209] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COPE. 

Hello,  you  jumped  already.     I  haven't  begun  yet! 

ASHE. 

(With  mock  terror.)  Mr.  Warren,  as  your  second,  I 
protest ! 

COPE. 

(Sternly.)  Colonel,  I  must  beg  you  not  to  interfere. 
Please  withdraw  to  the  end  of  the  wharf — and  take  that 
deaf  and  dumb  man  with  you. 

ASHE. 
No !     I  protest !    You  will  both  be  killed ! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Sneering.)  I  think  you  are  needlessly  alarmed,  Colonel. 
He  has  not  the  courage  to  do  it. 

ASHE. 
(Eagerly.)     I'll  bet  you  twenty  pounds,  he  hasl 

COPE. 
Ah,  Colonel,  is  that  strictly  in  accordance  with  the  code? 

ASHE. 
Perfectly  correct,  sir. 

COPE. 

Would  it  be  etiquette  for  me  to  bet  him  twenty  pounds, 
too? 

ASHE. 

No.     For  you  to  bet,  would  not  be  according  to  the  code. 

COPE. 
Oh!     Look  out,  then! 

[210] 


THE   GALLOPER 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Wildly.)  That  is  not  according  to  the  code!  That  is 
suicide!  Murder!  I  will  not  consent  to  it! 

COPE. 

In  five  seconds  I  am  going  to  touch  this  off,  you've  still 
time  to  run.  (Looking  at  his  watch  on  his  wrist,  he  slowly 
lowers  his  cigar.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Stop!  I — I  apologize!  You're  a  brave  man!  It  is  an 
honor  to  fight  a  man  like  you.  This  is  what  I  will  do.  / 
will  go  to  Volo. 

COPE. 

All  right.  If  you  come  to  Volo,  I'll  fight  you  there,  any 
way  you  please. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

I  will  go  beg  my  Colonel — for  the  honor  of  the  Legion — 
to  transfer  me  to  this  steamer.  (To  ASHE.)  Colonel  I, 
owe  you  twenty  pounds.  (To  COPE.)  You  understand, 
we  will  fight  in  Volo. 

COPE. 

All  right,  but  you'll  have  to  hurry. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

I'll  not  be  long;  if  I  get  permission,  I  will  return  here — 
in  twenty  minutes.  (Exit  dragging  ZONYA  with  him.) 

COPE. 

You  came  near  leaving  here  in  twenty  pieces.  (AsHE 
and  COPE  come  down  stage,  laughing.)  That,  my  son,  is 
what  we  call  strategy  and  tactics.  I  got  rid  of  him,  anyway 
—he  can't  get  back  here  before  the  steamer  leaves. 
(Looks  up  and  sees  GRACE  and  BLANCHE  left  gang  plank.) 

[211] 


THE   GALLOPER 

All,  Miss  Whitney,  how  do  you  do?     How  is  the  silver 
lining  ? 

GRACE. 

(Looking  at  her  frock.}     The  silver  lining? 

COPE. 

There's  a  silver  lining  to  every  cloud,  and  you  are  the 
silver  lining  to  my  cloud.  Been  inspecting  the  ship? 

GRACE. 

Yes.  (Bows  to  ASHE.)  I've  been  all  over  her  with  the 
Captain.  He  says  we  get  away  in  half  an  hour. 

COPE. 
Good!    We  can't  get  away  any  too  soon  for  me\ 

GRACE. 

Of  course,  you're  eager  to  be  back  of  the  firing  line 
again. 

COPE. 

Wrhat?  Oh,  yes!  (Aside  to  ASHE.)  About  five  miles  back 
of  it.  (Aloud.}  Let's  all  have  a  cool  and  refreshing  drink 
before  we  sail  away.  (To  GRACE.)  Won't  you  sit  down? 
(GRACE  sits  down  right  of  table.) 

BLANCHE. 

Not  for  me,  thank  you.  (Signals  to  ASHE  to  withdraw 
and  leave  COPE  and  GRACE  together.)  I  must  see  if  my 
luggage  is  on  board.  Will  you  help  me,  Mr.  Ashe? 

ASHE. 

(Uncomprehending.)  Your  luggage  is  all  right.  I  saw 
it  on  board  myself. 

[212] 


THE   GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

(Frowning.)     Not  all  of  it. 

COPE. 

No,  not  all  of  it.  That — that  green  trunk  with  the 
brass  nails,  you  didn't  see  that. 

BLANCHE. 

No,  I'm  sure  he  didn't  see  that. 

COPE. 

You  see!  She's  sure  too.  You  go  look  for  it.  And 
when  you  find  it — I'll  give  you  a  drink.  (Aside.)  He's 
going  to  get  awful  thirsty.  (To  Greek  Girl.)  Some 
Scotch,  please.  (AsHE  and  BLANCHE  go  up  left  gangway 
and  exit.)  She's  a  nice  girl.  That  was  very  kind  of  her 
to  bring  you  out  here,  and  then  go  away  and  leave  us 
together. 

GRACE. 

(Turning  to  look  after  them.)  Oh!  why  did  they  do 
that? 

COPE. 

Because  they  sympathize  with  me.  Because  all  the 
world  loves  a  lover — except  the  girl  he's  trying  to  marry. 

GRACE. 

No,  all  the  world  loves  a  hero. 

COPE. 

Meaning  me  ?  Miss  Whitney,  I  am  no  hero.  I'm  just 
one  of  the — the  "  plain  people."  One  of  the  plainest  of  the 
plain.  (Girl  places  drink  on  table,  and  returns  to  kiosk.) 

GRACE. 

Heroes  are  always  modest. 

[  213  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COPE. 

Don't  think  of  me  as  a  hero.  No  man  is  a  hero  to  his 
wife,  and  I  want  you  to  think  of  me  as  a  wife  should. 

GRACE. 

Mr.  Warren — 

COPE. 

Schuyler,  please.     Warren  is  my  pen  name. 

GRACE. 
Well,  Warren  is  quite  good  enough  for  me. 

COPE. 
I  wish  Schuyler  was  good  enough  for  you. 

GRACE. 
I  asked  you  not  to  speak  of  that. 

COPE. 

I  didn't.  I  merely  expressed  my  regret  that  the  good 
old  New  York  name  of  Copeland  Schuyler  was  not  worthy 
of  your  confidence. 

GRACE. 

I  have  every  confidence  in  it,  and  in  you.  (Looks  about 
her  anxiously.)  And  I  am  going  to  prove  it.  I  have 
wanted  to  do  so  for  some  time.  Sit  down,  please.  Mr. 
Schuyler,  to  a  certain  extent  I  have  not  been  frank  with 
you— 

COPE. 

That's  all  right!  I  have  a  few  secrets  of  my  own  that  I 
haven't — 

GRACE. 

You  have  paid  me  a  high  compliment,  and  I  wish  to 
show  you  I  appreciate  it. 

[214] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

You  are  not  going  to  tell  me  you  are  engaged  to  some 
body  else? 

GRACE. 

Oh,  no! 

COPE. 

Go  ahead,  then.     I  don't  care  what  it  is. 

GRACE. 

For  ten  years  before  my  father  died  we  lived  here  in 
Greece.  He  was  an  archeologist,  and  for  the  last  five 
years  he  made  excavations  around  Volo.  He  was  supposed 
to  be  digging  for  buried  cities,  statues,  coins — but  he  was 
not. 

COPE. 

What  was  he  digging  for — his  health? 

GRACE. 

That  is  his  secret.  (Takes  silk  bag  from  her  dress  and 
removes  small  piece  of  yellow  parchment.) 

COPE. 

Now,  you're  sure  you're  not  going  to  tell  me  you  are 
engaged  ? 

GRACE. 

Please  be  serious.  Have  you  ever  heard  of  the  lost  pearls 
of  Alcibiades  ? 

COPE. 

Why,  yes,  but  no  one — 

GRACE. 

For  five  years  my  father  searched  for  that  treasure.  It  is 
to  continue  his  search  that  I  came  back  to  Greece.  The 
treasure  is  known  to  consist  of  pearls.  They  were  looted 

[215] 


THE   GALLOPER 

during  the  war  in  Thessaly,  and  they  were  buried  in  a 
leather  bag  some  place  within  a  radius  of  twenty  miles 
of  Volo.  It  occurred  to  me  that  as  a  Red  Cross  nurse, 
going  from  camp  to  camp  and  from  village  to  village,  I 
might  discover  the  whereabouts  of  the  treasure,  so  I 
left  the  hospital  and  came  here,  partly  to  look  after  the 
wounded — 

COP?:. 
I  see!     And  partly  to  look  after  the  treasure. 

GRACE. 

Yes.  Now,  as  a  war  correspondent  you  will  have  even 
greater  opportunities  to  move  about,  and  I  want  you  to  go 
into  partnership  with  me — 

COPE. 

I'll  take  you  into  partnership  without  any  treasure.  For 
life! 

GRACE. 

Please  be  serious. 

COPE. 

My  dear  Miss  Whitney,  I  can't  be  serious  about  that 
treasure.  How  long  do  you  suppose  it  \vould  take  me  to 
dig  up  all  the  land  within  twenty  miles  of  Volo  ? 

GRACE. 

(Showing  parchment.)  With  this  you  need  dig  only 
five  feet  of  land. 

COPE. 
What's  that? 

GRACE. 

This  tells  us  where  the  treasure  is  buried. 

COPE. 

(Excitedly.)  The  deuce  it  does !  Hooray!  Then  we're 
all  right! 

[216] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

Not  quite.  It's  written  in  cipher.  It's  a  sort  of  Del 
phic  utterance,  a  riddle. 

COPE. 
And  if  you  guess  the  riddle,  do  you  get  the  treasure? 

GRACE. 
Yes. 

COPE. 

Let  me  guess.     Go  ahead. 

GRACE. 

(Reads.)  "  At  the  foot  of  the  rainbow.  Where  all  men 
are  equal.  Twenty  feet  in.  Twenty  feet  to  the  left. 
Five  feet  up.  Dig!" 

COPE. 
Go  on! 

GRACE. 
That's  all. 

COPE. 

It  doesn't  give  us  much  to  go  on  with.     May  I  read  it? 

GRACE. 
Certainly.     (Gives  him  paper.) 

COPE. 

(Reads.)  "At  the  foot  of  the  rainbow."  Now  there, 
at  the  start,  that's  a  very  vague  address.  Rainbows  are 
very  uncertain.  You  have  to  be  quick  to  catch  a  rainbow. 
That  will  take  an  awful  lot  of  running  about.  And  see 
here!  "  At  the  foot  of  the  rainbow."  Doesn't  say  which 
foot.  You'll  have  to  go  after  one,  and  I'll  run  for  the 
other. 

[217] 


THE  GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

It  doesn't  mean  a  real  rainbow.  It  means  something 
arched,  that  resembles  a  rainbow,  like  a  gateway  to  a  tem 
ple,  or  the  span  of  an  aqueduct. 

COPE. 

Oh!  I  see.  An  archway.  That's  simpler.  When 
we're  going  through  railroad  tunnels  we  must  keep  our 
eyes  open.  (Reads.)  "  At  the  foot  of  the  rainbow.  Where 
all  men  are  equal."  The  place  where  all  men  are  equal? 
That's  the  United  States!  Here!  We're  in  the  wrong 
country.  We  got  to  go  back  home. 

GRACE. 

No,  no!  That  treasure  was  buried  before  America  was 
discovered.  That  also  is  a  metaphor;  it's  merely  poetry. 


Well,  why  doesn't  he  say  what  he  means?  When  you're 
looking  for  buried  treasure  you  don't  want  poetry,  you 
want  facts.  He's  confoundedly  stingy  with  his  old  treas 
ure.  "Where  all  men  are  equal."  I've  got  it!  There's 
only  one  place  where  all  men  are  equal,  and  that's  a  grave 
yard!  We've  got  to  open  up  every  grave  in  Greece. 

GRACE. 
That's  not  bad!     That's  a  good  idea  of  yours! 

COPE. 

(Flattered.)  Why,  it's  really  very  simple — when  you 
put  your  mind  to  it.  (Rises.)  Just  see — just  see  how 
easy  it  works  out.  (Reads  from  parchment.)  "  At  the 
foot  of  the  rainbow."  That  is  a  curved  archway  leading 
into  the  place  "where  all  men  are  equal."  That  is  a  cem 
etery.  It  says,  "Twenty  feet  in."  We  pass  through  the 

[218] 


THE  GALLOPER 

archway  twenty  feet  into  the  graveyard.  "Twenty  feet 
on  the  left."  We  turn  twenty  feet  to  the  left,  and  that 
undoubtedly  brings  us  to  the  grave  in  which  the  treasure 
is  buried!  (Reads.)  "Five  feet  up.  Dig."  Five  feet  up\ 
(Gazes  above  him — then  at  GRACE.)  How  are  you  going 
to  dig  up  in  the  air?  (Angrily.}  The  man  that  wrote 
that  didn't  want  us  to  -find  the  treasure! 

GRACE. 
It's  very  confusing. 

COPK. 

It's  insulting !  The  old  Johnny  that  wrote  that  is  prob 
ably  lying  in  his  grave,  laughing  himself  to  death.  Think's 
he's  done  something  clever.  No  wonder  your  father  was 
five  years  at  this. 

GRACE. 

You  won't  help  ine  then? 

COPE. 

Indeed,  I  will  help  you!  I  am  going  to  dig  up  every 
grave  in  Greece,  if  only  to  find  where  the  man  who  wrote 
that  is  buried.  When  I've  written  what  I  think  of  him  on 
his  tombstone,  he'll  be  sorry  he  ever  died.  (SYBIL  enters 
hurriedly  at  the  centre.  At  sight  of  her,  officers  run  down 
each  gangway.  SYBIL  is  a  pretty,  overdressed  young 
woman,  and  carries  a  red  parasol.  In  dumb  show  she 
speaks  to  the  SECOND  OFFICER.  He  points  off  centre.  She 
shakes  her  head,  crosses  to  FIRST  OFFICER,  who  also  points 
off  centre.  In  spite  of  his  attempt  to  stop  her,  she  ascends 
left  gang  plank.  While  this  goes  on,  the  following  dia 
logue  takes  place.) 

COPE. 

(Offering  parchment.)  You  had  better  keep  this.  It's 
your  secret. 

[219] 


THE  GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

(Taking  parchment.}  That's  been  my  secret  for  five 
years. 

COPE. 

(Sententiously.}  The  best  way  to  keep  a  secret  is  not 
to  have  any  to  keep. 

GRACE. 
That's  true. 

COPE. 

Not  to  have  anything  hidden  in  your  life  that  you  can 
not  declare  openly  to  the  world.  My  sentiments  are — 
that  a  free  man  is  a  man —  ( Turns  and  sees  SYBIL  ascend 
ing  left  gang  plank.) 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

(Aside  to  COPE.)     Is  that  the  woman  ? 

COPE. 

(Pushing  officer  up  aangway.}  Yes!  After  her!  Over 
board!  Drown  her!  (To  GRACE.)  My  sentiments 
are —  (AsHE  in  terror  rushes  down  left  gang  plank  and 
up  right  gang  plank.} 

ASHE. 
Look  out !     Sybil ! 

COPE. 

(Aside.)  I  know.  (BLANCHE  runs  down  left  gang 
plank  and  up  right  gang  plank.} 

BLANCHE. 

(W  arningly .)     Sybil ! 

GRACE. 

What  did  she  say? 

COPE. 

(Agitated.}     She  says  that  woman  wants  to  meet  me,  but 

[220] 


THE  GALLOPER 

I  don't  want  to  meet  her,  so  I'm  going  to  the  hotel.  I 
think  that's  a  good  plan  to  get  rid  of  her. 

GRACE. 

(Indignantly.}  I  think  it's  a  good  plan  to  get  rid  of  me. 
(Exit  up  left  plank.} 

COPE. 

O  Miss  Whitney!  how  could  you?  (Comes  down  to 
right  of  table.)  If  Sybil  finds  out  I'm  pretending  to  be 
Kirke  Warren,  I'll  never  get  to  Volo.  (SYBIL  descends  left 
gang  plank.) 

SYBIL. 

Pardon  me,  sir.  I  am  Mrs.  Sybil  Schwartz  of  Newark. 
(Accusingly  pointing  her  parasol.)  You  are  an  American. 

COPE. 

(Sullenly.)  I  don't  deny  it.  We  can't  all  be  born  in 
New  Jersey. 

SYBIL. 

(Tearfully.)  I  also  am  an  American,  far  from  home,  in 
great  trouble.  The  American  war  correspondents  are 
sailing  from  this  wharf.  Have  you  met  any  of  them  ? 

COPE. 

(Explosively.)  Yes,  I  have,  and  I  wish  I  hadn't!  Ex 
cuse  me,  but  I've —  (Starts  left.) 

SYBIL. 

(Appealingly.)  Stop!  Don't  leave  me!  I  am  a  de 
fenceless,  unprotected  girl,  alone  in  a  strange  land.  The 
moment  I  saw  your  face  I  said,  "  That  is  a  kind  face,  that 
is  the  face  of  a  man  I  can  trust." 

COPE. 

Madam,  you  cannot  judge  by  appearances.  I  am  not  a 
kind  man. 

[221  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SYBIL. 

(Coquettishly.)     Ah,  yes,  you  are. 

COPE. 

I  am  not.  I  am  not  the  sort  of  man  a  girl  should  be 
seen  talking  to.  If  I  were  to  tell  you  my  past,  you  would 
fly  from  me.  (Eagerly.)  Let  me  tell  you  my  past? 

SYBIL. 

Nonsense!  I  can  see  that  you  are  a  good  and  kind  gen 
tleman. 

COPE. 

I  tell  you  I  am  not.  I  am  a  villain.  My  very  presence 
is  an  insult.  Don't  you  feel  that? 

SYBIL. 

No,  I  feel  strangely  drawn  toward  you.  (Pensively.) 
Perhaps  it  is  because  we  both  are  Americans. 

COPE. 

That's  a  silly  reason.  There  are  eighty  million  Ameri 
cans.  Why  don't  you  feel  drawn  to  some  one  else?  (En 
deavoring  to  escape  from  her  he  crosses  to  ammunition 
boxes.) 

SYBIL. 

(Following  him.)  Because  you  can  help  me.  You  can 
find  out  on  which  boat  he  is  sailing! 

COPE. 

(Exasperated.)  Kirke  Warren  isn't  sailing  on  either  of 
these  boats. 

SYBIL. 

Kirke  Warren!  How  did  you  know  I  meant  Kirke 
Warren  ? 

[222] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

(In  desperation.)     Why,  you  said  yourself 

SYBIL. 

I  did  not.     What  did  I  say  ? 

COPE. 

You  said  you  were  looking  for  an  American  named 
Kirke  Warren. 

SYBIL. 

I  never  mentioned  his  name.  Ah!  (She  runs  at  COPE, 
threatening  him  with  her  parasol.)  You  are  in  the  plot  to 
deceive  me,  too.  You — you  villain ! 

COPE. 
(From  top  of  keg.)     I  told  you  I  was  a  villain. 

SYBIL. 

(Shaking  parasol.}  Now,  you  tell  me  for  which  port  he 
is  sailing.  You  know. 

COPE. 

I  know  I  know,  but  I  can't  remember.  I  think  he  is 
sailing  for  Hong  Kong. 

SYBIL. 
You  don't  think  so. 

COPE. 

All  right,  I  don't.     I  remember  now,  it  was  Calcutta. 

SYBIL. 
(Brandishing  parasol.)     It  was  not. 

COPE. 

You're  right  again,  it  was  not.     It  was  San  Francisco. 
[223] 


THE  GALLOPER 


SYBIL. 


(In  a  conciliatory  tone.)  If  I  gave  you  a  hundred  dol 
lars  would  it  help  you  to  remember?  (Opens  purse.) 

COPE. 

It  wouldn't  help  me  a  bit.  Wouldn't  hurt  me,  but  it 
wouldn't  help  me. 

SYBIL. 

Why  do  you  shield  hirnl     Why  don't  you  aid  me? 

COPE. 

(Mysteriously.}  I  will!  But  you  won't  betray  me. 
(SYBIL  eagerly  shakes  her  head.}  Then,  listen.  (Whis 
pers.)  Until  that  boat  sails  he  is  hiding  from  you  at  the 
Grand  Hotel. 

SYBIL. 

And  when  does  that  boat  sail  ? 

COPE. 

At  one  thirty.  (Pushing  her  up  stage.)  You've  just 
time  to  catch  him  at  the  hotel. 

SYBIL. 

They  told  me  at  eleven  thirty.  (Determinedly  seating 
herself.)  I  will  wait  for  him  here! 

COPE. 

(Wildly.)  No,  no,  don't  do  that!  (He  rubs  out  one  of 
the  numerals  in  the  "eleven"  chalked  upon  the  board.)  She 
sails  at  one  thirty.  See.  It  says  so.  Now,  hurry,  or  you 
may  miss  him. 

SYBIL. 

(Rising.)     At  the  Grand  Hotel. 

[224] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

Yes.  They'll  tell  you  he  isn't  there.  But  don't  you 
believe  them.  He  is  in  room  13,  on  the  second  floor;  if 
the  door  is  locked,  break  it  in!  (Aside.)  They'll  arrest 
her!  Hurrah! 

SYBIL. 

(Shakes  umbrella.)  You  bet  I'll  break  it  in!  No  one 
Jan  deceive  me.  (She  goes  up  stage  and  turns.)  And 
when  I  meet  him,  I  only  hope — I  only  hope  I'll  act  like 
a  lady.  (Exit  centre.) 

COPE. 

I'm  sure  I  hope  so  too.  (Turns  to  right  gangway.) 
Hist!  It's  all  right.  Come  out.  (BLANCHE  and  ASHE 
come  cautiously  down  gangway.) 

BLANCHE. 

Has  she  gone? 

COPE. 

Yes,  no  thanks  to  you.  You  helped  me  a  lot,  didn't 
you  ?  You  told  me  I  must  run  away  from  Sybil,  and  then 
you  ran  away. 

BLANCHE. 

Where  did  she  go  ? 

COPE. 

I  sent  her  to  look  for  Kirke  Warren  at  the  Grand  Hotel. 
(Thoughtfully.)  Heavens!  I  wonder  who  is  in  room  13. 

ASHE. 

What  did  she  say? 

COPE. 

Say?  (To  BLANCHE.)  She  thinks  you  and  your  late 
husband  have  become  reconciled,  and  are  running  away 
together.  Is  she  in  love  with  Kirke  Warren  ? 

[225] 


THE   GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

Very  much. 

COPE. 

And  he's  not  in  love  with  her? 

BLANCHE. 

Not  at  all. 

COPE. 

Oh,  I  see!  Well,  she  shouldn't  be  allowed  to  be  at 
large.  Now  I  am  going  to  the  hotel  to  change  into  your 
husband's  campaigning  things,  and  if  I'm  not  back  here  in 
five  minutes,  call  out  the  entire  police  force. 

ASHE. 
Oh!  you're  all  right  now. 

COPE. 

(Going  up.}  It  doesn't  depend  on  me.  It  depends  on 
Sybil.  Let  us  all  pray  that  Sybil  will  act  like  a  lady. 

(Exit  centre.) 

BLANCHE. 

There  you  are!  Do  you  see?  If  he  suspected  for  a 
moment  that  Sybil  was  engaged  to  Kirke  Warren,  you'd 
lose  your  correspondent  at  Volo  and  I'd  lose  two  thousand 
dollars.  He  must  not  find  out!  (Goes  below  kiosk,  where 
she  is  hidden  from  those  in  the  centre  of  the  stage.  To  Girl.) 
Give  me  another  of  those  fizzy  drinks.  I  feel  faint. 

ASHE. 

(Seating  himself  on  box  at  left,  with  eyes  front.)  I  hate 
to  deceive  Cope.  But  if  I  can  only  get  him  safe  on  that 
transport  and  ship  Kirke  off  on  that  one,  I'll  never  deceive 
him  again.  And  she'll  follow  them  only  over  my  dead 
body.  (WARREN  enters  mysteriously  centre.  He  wears  a 
pointed  red  beard  and  bristling  mustache  attached  to  an 

[226] 


THE  GALLOPER 

elastic  band,  a  long  shabby  ulster,  and  his  hat  brim  is  pulled 
over  his  eyes.  He  does  not  see  BLANCHE,  but  glancing 
fearfully  on  either  side  approaches  ASHE  and  touches  him 
on  the  shoulder.) 

WARREN. 

Have  you  seen  her? 

ASHE. 

(Startled.)     Heavens!     Seen   her,   no!     Who  the   devil 
are  you? 

WARREN. 

Hawkshaw!  the  Detective!     (Pulls  down  the  beard  and 
mustache.) 

ASHE. 

(Indignantly.)     Kirke!     You  look  like  a  bomb  thrower. 

WARREN. 

Would  you  know  me  ? 

ASHE. 

No,  I  wouldn't  know  you,  but  I  know  that  a  man  with 
black  hair  doesn't  have  a  red  beard. 

WARREN. 
(Disappointed.)     Yes.     Yes,  it  does  look  odd. 

ASHE. 
It  certainly  looks  oddl 

WARREN. 

(Sadly.)     It  was  the  last  one  in  the  shop.     Well,  it 
fooled  Sybil,  anyway. 

ASHE. 

(Eagerly.)     You've  seen  her? 

[227] 


THE  GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

Seen  her  ?  Just  now,  as  I  walked  on  to  this  wharf,  she 
almost  ran  right  into  my  arms. 

ASHE. 

Did  she  know  you? 

WARREN. 

Do  you  suppose  she'd  have  run  into  my  arms  if  she'd 
known  me.  I  had  a  mighty  close  shave. 

BLANCHE. 

You  don't  look  it,  with  that  beard  on. 

WARREN. 

What?  Oh!  (Embarrassed.}  Oh,  how  do  you  do? 
Billy  told  me  you  were  here.  You're  looking  very  well, 
Blanche. 

BLANCHE. 

I  wish  I  could  say  as  much  for  you,  Kirke. 

WARREN. 

Would  you  know  me  ? 

BLANCHE. 

If  I  did,  I  wouldn't  admit  it. 

WARREN. 

(Bitterly.}  How  like  the  old  days  that  sounds !  Blanche, 
this  is  no  time  for  family  rows.  We're  all  in  this  together. 
And  Billy  tells  me  you  re  making  two  thousand  dollars 
out  of  it:  (Takes  off  beard.) 

BLANCHE. 

(Defiantly.)  Well,  if  Mr.  Schuyler  wants  to  be  Kirke 
Warren,  he  must  pay  Kirke  Warren's  debts. 

[228] 


THE  GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

I  don't  object  to  that.  I  don't  object  to  his  doing  that. 
I  only  want  to  point  out  to  you  that  our  interests  are  one. 
(Impressively.}  I  mean  to  pay  that  alimony  myself. 

BLANCHE. 

Of  course  you  do ! 

WARREN. 

(Sweetly.}  As  soon  as  I  get  the  money,  I'll  give  it  all 
to  you. 

BLANCHE. 

How  like  the  old  days  that  sounds!  (WARREN  turns  and 
angrily  paces  up  stage.} 

ASHE. 

Now,  here,  you  two,  try  to  remember  you  are  no  longer 
man  and  wife,  and  treat  each  other  with  politeness.  We 
are  all  working  together  with  the  same  object.  To  keep 
Sybil  from  finding  out  what  we  are  doing. 

WARREN. 
And  that  she's  what  we  are  doing. 

ASHE. 

Exactly!  (WARREN  comes  down,  keeping  ASHE  on  his 
left,  BLANCHE  on  his  right.) 

WARREN. 

( Tragically.)  A  half  hour  would  have  saved  us !  Thirty 
minutes  would  have  saved  us.  If  Sybil  had  arrived  only 
half  an  hour  later,  Schuyler  would  have  sailed  to  Volo,  and 
I'd  been  on  my  way  to  Constantinople. 

ASHE. 
It  looked  like  a  splendid  scheme. 

[229] 


THE  GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

Fate  was  against  us.  First  she  turned  up!  (Points  at 
BLANCHE.)  With  all  the  places  in  the  wide  world  to  go  to, 
why  should  she  come  to  Athens,  why  wasn't  she  playing  on 
the  Casino  roof  garden — 

BLANCHE. 

Because  they  wouldn't  put  my  photographs  in  the  lobby. 
I  said  to  him 

WARREN. 

Never  mind  what  you  said  to  him!  We  don't  want  to 
hear  what  you  said  to  him.  You  re  fixed!  Schuyler  paid 
you.  But  as  soon  as  we  get  you  squared,  Sybil  turns  up. 
And  Sybil  is  so  jealous!  (AsHE  shakes  his  head  in  despair, 
and  goes  up  stage.} 

BLANCHE. 

Jealous !  Do  you  know  what  she  did  when  they  put  up 
my  name  in  electric  lights  on  Broadway,  where  a  million 
people  could  see  it  every  night  ?  She  said  I  did  it  to  lure 
you  back  to  me. 

WARREN. 

Well,  it  did  lure  me  back,  as  far  as  the  theatre. 

BLANCHE. 

(Eagerly.}     Yes? 

WARREN. 

I  had  an  idea  you  saw  me  that  night.  I  was  in  the  lower 
right-hand  stage  box.  Did  you  ? 

BLANCHE. 

Now,  Kirke!  If  I  could  walk  on  the  ceiling  with  my 
head  down,  and  bow  to  my  friends  in  the  boxes,  I'd  be 
worth  a  thousand  dollars  a  week.  How  did  you  like  the 
new  act? 

[230] 


THE   GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

Great!  (BLANCHE  smiles  with  pleasure.}  Made  me 
laugh. 

BLANCHE. 

(Indignant.}  Laugh!  It  isn't  meant  to  make  you 
laugh.  When  you  see  a  woman  turn  four  somersaults  in 
the  air  and  strike  on  the  back  of  her  neck,  does  that  make 
you  laugh  ? 

WARREN. 

It  does,  if  I'm  paying  her  alimony. 

BLANCHE. 

(Laughs  and  slaps  him  on  the  shoulder.}  Oh,  you!  You 
could  always  make  me  laugh. 

AS  HE. 

(Runs  down  excitedly.}  Hist!  Get  back!  Get  back! 
There's  a  big  crowd  coming.  They  mustn't  see  you.  Put 
on  that  beard. 

BLANCHE. 

If  he  puts  on  that  beard,  he'll  be  the  only  person  they  will 
see. 

WARREN. 

But  Sybil  may  be  with  them.  (Puts  on  beard  and  hides 
below  kiosk  with  BLANCHE  in  front  of  him.) 

ASHE. 

You  wait  there  till  they've  gone  away,  then  you  can  slip 
on  board  your  ship.  (ANSTRUTHER  enters,  looking  back 
right.  Over  one  shoulder  he  wears  a  camera  case,  contain 
ing  a  camera.  Over  the  other  shoulder  a  fieldglass.  From 
off  right  march  music  is  heard.} 

[231] 


THE  GALLOPER 


CAPT.    ANSTRTJTHER. 


(To  ASHE.)     I  say,  your  young  friend  is  getting  a  big 
reception.     He's  a  national  hero. 

ASHE. 
Who? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Kirke  Warren. 

WARREN. 

(To  BLANCHE.)     What's  that? 

BLANCHE. 

Hush! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

They're  escorting  him  to  our  ship. 

ASHE. 

(Nervously.)     Why?     What's  he  done? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Well,  judging  from  the  row  the  Cretan  volunteers  are 
making,  I  should  think  he  must  have  saved  Crete. 

ASHE. 
Oh,  yes!  last  year  I  believe  he  was  with  the  Cretans. 

WARREN. 

(To    BLANCHE.)     Believe    I    was!     Six    months    hard 
fighting. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Well,  they  certainly  appreciate  it.     Every  Cretan  vol 
unteer  has  kissed  him  on  both  cheeks. 

[232] 


THE   GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

(Laughing  delightedly.)  Ha!  ha!  Serves  him  right, 
serves  him  right! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

And  they've  fairly  smothered  him  with  gifts  and  ad 
dresses.  He  had  to  make  three  speeches  from  the  balcony 
of  the  hotel. 

WARREN. 

Of  all  the  colossal  nerve!  (Enter  GRIGGS  centre.  He 
also  wears  a  camera  on  a  strap  and  a  fieldglass  and  revolver 
in  holster.) 

GRIGGS. 

(To  ANSTRUTHER.)  I  never  saw  such  a  thing  in  my 
life!  I've  been  in  ten  campaigns,  and  no  grateful  nation 
ever  gave  me  a  silver  service. 

WARREN. 
A  what  ? 

BLANCHE. 

Hush! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Yes,  it  was  very  handsome.  I'd  rather  have  had  the 
gold  watch. 

WARREN. 

(To  BLANCHE.)  They  give  him  a  gold  watch,  and  all 
I've  got  left  is  this  ulster!  (Stevedore  enters,  carrying 
flowers,  another  carrying  a  basket  of  champagne  and  Boat 
swain  carrying  a  second  basket  of  champagne.  Stevedores 
halt  between  the  gang  planks.) 

BOATSWAIN. 

(Points  left.)  That's  the  ship.  (To  ANSTRUTHER.) 
For  Mr.  Warren.  (Stevedores  followed  by  Boatswain  go 
up  left  gang  plank.} 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRIGGS. 

Look  at  the  champagne  they're  giving  him! 

WARREN. 

My  champagne!  (He  signals  in  dumb  show  to  the 
stevedores  to  go  to  the  other  ship.  To  BLANCHE.)  He  can 
keep  the  flowers.  He's  welcome  to  the  flowers,  but  he 
might  give  me  one  bottle  of  my  own  champagne.  (AsitE 
writing  eagerly  on  a  piece  of  paper  crosses  to  WARREN.  ^l.v 
he  does  so  BLANCHE  crosses  to  ANSTRUTHER  and  GRIGGS. 
They  talk  in  dumb  show.  She  works  up  stage  toward  the 
left  gang  plank.) 

ASHE. 

(Eagerly  to  WARREN.)  I  say,  this  makes  a  great  story 
for  the  paper.  You'll  get  a  column  on  the  front  page. 

WARREN. 

And  he  gets  the  champagne  and  the  gold  watch.  Can  I 
drink  a  front  page?  Can  I  take  a  front  page  to  Simpson's 
and  pawn  it?  (A  band,  discordantly  playing  "Hail  to  the 
Chief,"  enters  right.  BLANCHE  runs  up  left  gang  plank.) 

BLANCHE. 

(Calling  toward  the  left.)  Miss  Whitney!  Miss  Whit 
ney!  Come!  Come  quick!  (BLANCHE  waves  her  hand 
kerchief  to  the  band.  GRACE  appears  above  her.  Boat 
swain  and  sailors  line  the  rail.  FIRST  OFFICER  stands 
above  BLANCHE  and  GRACE,  at  top  of  gang  plank.  COPE 
enters  carried  on  the  shoulders  of  four  Cretans,  surrounded 
by  many  others.  In  his  right  hand  he  waves  his  hat,  in  his 
left  a  Greek  flag.  He  now  wears  a  khaki  uniform  with 
leather  leggings,  a  revolver,  fieldglass,  and  canteen,  and 
sabretache.  He  attempts  to  bow  to  GRACE,  and  losing  his 
balance  pitches  forward.  He  is  caught  and  set  straight  by 
the  Cretans.  They  place  him  on  his  feet  on  the  table.) 

[  234  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 


ASHE. 


Three  cheers  for  Kirke  Warren,  the  Cretan  patriot! 
(All  cheer.  When  the  cheers  subside  WARREN  groans. 
COPE  hands  flag  to  Greek  Girl  in  charge  of  kiosk,  who 
stands  behind  table,  and  when  the  crowd  cheers  waves  it.) 


(His  manner  now  is  assured  and  triumphant.}  Fellow- 
warriors!  Fellow-comrades!  Again  I  thank  you.  (GRIGGS, 
ANSTRUTHER,  and  ASHE  stand  at  the  footlights,  their  backs 
to  the  audience,  with  their  cameras  pointed  at  COPE.) 
My  heart  bleeds —  (He  sees  the  cameras.)  Wait,  wait, 
boys !  Wait  till  I  say  "  Up  and  at  'em ! "  (He  adjusts  his 
hat,  pulls  his  revolver  to  his  right  hip,  and  strikes  an  atti 
tude.)  "Up  and  at  'em!"  (The  three  cameras  click  in 
unison.)  Did  you  get  it?  (AsiiE,  ANSTRUTHER,  and 
GRIGGS  put  away  cameras  and  stand  against  table  with 
backs  turned  to  it.)  My  heart  bleeds  when  I  look  at  your 
battle-scared — scarred,  not  scared.  (To  ASHE.)  Write  it 
down  battle-scarred.  (To  the  Cretans.)  WThen  I  look  at 
your  battle-scarred!  countenances  I  remember  that  together 
we  slept  under  the  same  stars  and  drank  from  the  same 
canteen!  But  now,  under  the  same  flag,  the  North  and 
the  South,  the  gray  and  the  blue —  (AsHE  pulls  at  his 
coat.)  Gosh !  That's  the  wrong  speech !  Men  of  Athens, 
remember  the  victories  of  ancient  Greece — remember 
Marathon ! 

CRETANS     AND     GREEKS. 

(Cheering.)     Zito!     Zito! 

COPE. 
Remember  Thermopylae! 

GREEKS. 
Zito  !     Zito!     (AsHE,  who  is  writing  down  the  speech, 


THE   GALLOPER 

pulls  his  coat  and  whispers  to  him.     COPE   stoops  and 

whispers.} 

COPE. 

T-h-e-r,  Ther,  m-o-p,  mop,  a,  i — wait!  T-h-e-r-m-o-p — 
Can  you  spell  Alcibiades?  (AsHE  nods.}  I'll  tell  them  to 
remember  Alcibiades.  (Aloud.}  And  also  remember  Alci 
biades!  (Cheers.}  And  I  ask  you — what  has  the  Republi 
can  party  ever  done  for  Greece? 

GREEKS. 

Zito !  Zito !  (Steamboat  whistle  blows.  ANSTRUTHER 
and  GRIGGS  go  on  board  ship.} 

FIRST    OFFICER. 

All  aboard !     Clear  away  the  gang  plank ! 

COPE. 

(To  FIRST  OFFICER.)  Stop  that  boat !  How  dare  you! 
Don't  you  start  that  boat  till  I  finish  my  speech.  Leave 
that  gangway  where  it  is.  (WARREN  comes  directly  below 
table,  next  to  ASHE.)  Fellow-warriors!  One  word  in 
farewell.  When  I  am  gone,  do  not  forget  me.  Do  not 
forget  those  days  in  Crete  when  through  shot  and  shell 
we  charged  Selino  Pass. 

WARREN. 

(Prompting  indignantly.}     Suda!     Suda  Pass! 

COPE. 

Suda  Pass.  (Aside  to  WARREN.)  Thank  you.  (Aloud.} 
And  though  the  odds  were  twenty  to  one  against  us,  we 
stormed  those  hills  and  with  our  bare  hands  seized  the 
Heights  of  Prevassa, 

[  236  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

(Correcting.}     Pharsala. 

COPE. 

Pharsala!  Not  Prevassa.  The  Heights  of  Pharsala! 
It  was  there— while  leading  that  gallant  charge — that  your 
unworthy  commander  fell — shot  through  the  leg.  (There 
is  a  sympathetic  chorus  of  exclamation.} 

WARREN. 

The  ribs !     The  lower  right  ribs. 

COPE. 

The  leg,  gentlemen,  the  right  leg.  (ToAsiiE.)  I  guess 
I  ought  to  know  where  I  was  shot.  (To  Cretans.}  In 
the  leg.  And  I  only  wish  I  had  twenty  legs  to  give  to 
Crete.  (To  ASHE.)  And  to  help  me  to  run  away.  (Cheers. 
During  cheers  COPE  stoops  and  addresses  WARREN.)  Are 
you  making  this  speech  or  am  I?  What  do  you  know 
about  it?  Were  you  there? 

WARREN. 

I  certainly  was  there. 

COPE. 

Where?     At — that  place  I  said  I  was. 

WARREN. 
Certainly ! 

COPE. 

That's  different.  (To  the  Cretans.}  Not  only  in  the  leg, 
gentlemen,  but  in  my  ribs  also.  (During  the  cheers  turns 
to  WARREN.)  WThat  were  you  doing  there? 

WARREN. 

(Furious.}  You've  just  been  telling  them  what  I  was 
doing  there? 

[  237  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 

ASHE. 
Don't  you  know  who  he  is? 

COPE. 
No !     But  I  know  what  Kirke  Warren  did  in  Crete. 

ASHE. 
But  this  is  Kirke  Warren ! 

COPE. 

What?  No,  no!  Ho,  ho!  (Shrieks  with  laughter. 
Seizes  WARREN  by  the  collar  and  lifts  him  to  table.)  Come 
up  here  and  let  me  introduce  you.  No,  come!  (To 
Cretans.)  Fellow- warriors !  I  have  just  found  an  old 
comrade!  He  was  with  me  in  Crete.  He  fought  bravely, 
too.  I,  Kirke  Warren,  say  so!  He  and  I  together  are 
going  to  face  the  Turks  shoulder  to  shoulder,  fearing  no 
man,  fearing  no  thing,  facing  the  world. 

BLANCHE. 

(From  deck  of  transport  points  up  wharf  and  calls  fran 
tically.)  Look  out!  Sybil!!!  (SYBIL  appears  at  centre.) 

WARREN. 

Sybil!  (He  leaps  off  table,  crawls  under  it,  and  on  his 
hands  and  knees  peers  from  beneath  it  between  the  legs  of 

ASHE.) 

COPE. 

Sybil!  We're  lost!  (Shouts  to  FIRST  OFFICER.)  Start 
your  boat!  Start  your  boat!  Haul  in  that  drawbridge! 
(The  gangway  is  hauled  up  about  four  feet  above  the 
stage.  To  Cretans.)  Comrades,  carry  your  wounded 
commander  to  that  gangway !  (He  turns  and  drops  on  the 
shoulders  of  the  Cretans,  who  rush  him  across  to  the  gang 
plank.  SYBIL  attacks  him  with  her  parasol.) 

[  238  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SYBIL. 

You  deceived  me!  He  wasn't  at  the  Grand  Hotel.  He's 
on  this  ship  going  to  Volo — and  I'm  going  with  him. 
(CoPE  stands  upon  gang  plank  which  is  now  higher  than 
SYBIL'S  head,  a  whistle  for  departure  blows  violently,  the 
boat  slowly  moves  from  the  wharf.) 

COPE. 

Not  on  this  boat !  This  boat  is  full  up.  Take  the  next 
boat — in  October. 

SYBIL. 

I'll  meet  you  in  Volo.  (Enter  O'MALLEY,  running,  his 
arms  filled  with  baggage,  followed  by  seven  brother  officers 
in  uniforms  similar  to  his  own.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Hold  the  boat!  Hold  the  boat!  I'm  going  with  you. 
Here  is  my  permit ! 

COPE. 

Too  late,  Captain!     Take  the  next  boat 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

You  are  running  away!  I'll  fight  you  in  Volo!  (O'MAL 
LEY  and  each  of  his  brother  officers  draws  his  sword  and 
shakes  it  at  COPE.) 

COPE. 

Sybil,  you  come  with  him.  He's  coming  to  Volo,  too. 
O'Malley,  this  is  Sybil;  Sybil,  this  is  O'Malley  and  his 
seven  big  brothers.  I'll  meet  you  all  at  Volo! 


CURTAIN. 


ACT  III. 

The  scene  shows  the  hall  of  an  inn  in  the  mountains  of 
Greece.  It  is  bare  and  cheerless  like  the  interior  of  a 
monastery  or  a  fortress.  The  walls,  as  shown  by 
the  doors  and  windows,  are  two  feet  thick,  and  arc 
covered  with  a  rough  gray  cement.  The  woodwork 
of  doors,  windoivs,  furniture,  and  the  beams  and 
rafters  of  the  ceiling,  which  is  low,  are  of  black  oak. 
The  floor  cloth  is  painted  to  represent  round  flat 
stones,  sunk  in  the  earth.  In  the  rear  wall  to  the 
right  is  a  door,  heavily  studded  with  iron  work. 
The  hinges  are  toward  the  right.  To  the  left  of 
the  door  is  a  long,  low  window,  with  a  deep  window- 
seat  and  small  square  leaded  panes.  On  a  string 
across  the  window  are  hung  old  faded  curtains  of 
Turkey  red.  In  the  right  wall  are  tivo  entrances. 
The  lower  is  an  arched  corridor  leading  to  a  dark 
hall.  Between  the  corridor  and  upper  door  is  a 
black-oak  dresser,  or  sideboard.  Upon  it  are  lighted 
candles,  two  large  pewter  plates,  and  a  framed  picture 
of  King  George  of  Greece. 

In  the  left  wall  are  two  doors,  and  in  the  centre  of  the 
wall  projecting  from  it  an  immense  fireplace.  It 
rests  upon  a  hearth  raised  a  few  inches  above  the 
stage,  and  it  runs  up  into  a  hood.  On  its  mantel 
are  set  two  iron  candlesticks,  with  lighted  candles. 
Directly  in  front  of  the  fire  is  a  table,  with  two 
chairs  right  and  left.  On  the  table  is  a  lighted 
lantern  with  sides  of  rusty  tin,  papers,  ink,  goose- 
[240] 


THE   GALLOPER 

quill  pens,  a  Turkish  coffee  pot  of  brass  and  a  brass 
coffee  cup,  and  a  blue-print  map,  a  corner  of  ivhich 
hangs  over  the  edge  of  the  table.  A  third  chair  is 
in  front  of  lower  door  right.  Beneath  the  window 
is  a  broad  bench.  Before  the  fire  is  set  a  three- 
legged  stool,  a  brass  jug  filled  with  water,  two  long 
iron  pokers  and  iron  andirons. 

COLONEL  OSTAH  is  discovered,  seated  at  the  table  with 
back  to  the  fire,  smoking  a  cigarette  and  writing.  He 
is  an  imposing-looking  man,  with  a  fierce  black 
beard  parted  in  the  middle,  brushed  to  each  side, 
and  cut  off  square  two  inches  below  the  chin.  He 
wears  uniform,  sword,  and  boots.  His  fez  is  set 
upon  the  lower  left  corner  of  the  table.  The  INN 
KEEPER  stands  above  the  fireplace  nervously  watch 
ing  OSTAH.  Outside  lightning  flashes  and  one 
hears  the  sound  of  rain  and  thunder.  A  SENTRY, 
with  hood  over  his  face  and  gun  on  shoulder,  passes 
the  windows.  OSTAH,  with  eyes  still  fixed  on  what 
he  has  written,  lifts  coffee  cup  and  sips  it,  then 
makes  a  wry  face. 

COL.  OSTAH. 
Here,  you  Greek  brigand,  this  coffee  is  cold! 

INNKEEPER. 

(Alarmed.)     O  Excellency! 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Take  it  away!  If  I  shoot  you,  it  will  not  be  because  you 
are  a  Greek,  but  because  you  are  so  bad  a  cook.  Put 
that  on  the  fire. 

INNKEEPER. 

Yes,  Excellency.  (Places  pot  on  ashes  and  sits  on  stool 
watching  it.} 

[241] 


THE  GALLOPER 


SENTRY. 


(Outside.)     Halt!  who  goes  there?     (SERGEANT  coming 
from  left  is  seen  passing  window.) 


SERGEANT. 


Sergeant  of  the  guard!  (He  enters  centre,  carrying  a, 
lantern.  His  fez  is  enveloped  in  the  hood  of  his  rain  coat. 
He  salutes  and  stands  at  attention.  OSTAH  looks  up,  and 
then  continues  to  write.} 

COL.  OSTAH. 
Well? 

SERGEANT. 

We  have  taken  two  prisoners  for  the  Colonel.  Eng 
lishmen. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Englishmen!     The  Foreign  Legion? 

SERGEANT. 

No,  Colonel.     I  think,  spies. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Spies!     From  which  direction  did  they  come? 

SERGEANT. 

From  the  Greek  lines  along  the  road  from  Volo. 

COL.  OSTAH. 
Where  were  they  going? 

SERGEANT. 

They  were  coming  to  this  inn.  They  think  it  still  is  held 
by  the  Greek  soldiers.  When  I  challenged,  one  of  them 
waved  a  Greek  flag,  and  sang. 


THE  GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Sang? 

SERGEANT. 

He  thought  he  had  found  friends.     He  was  happy. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Do  they  still  think  this —  Fall  back.  (CAPTAIN  AN- 
STRUTHER  enter*.  He  wears  a  rain  coat;  the  water  drips 
from  it  and  from  his  slouch  hat,  which  he  beats  against 
his  leg.) 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Good  evening,  or  good  morning,  rather.  Do  you  speak 
English  ? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Yes. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Good !  It's  a  beastly  night,  isn't  it  ?  (Sees  fez  on  table. 
There  is  a  slight  pause  while  he  regards  it.)  Is  that 
yours  ? 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(Placing  fez  on  head.)     It  is. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Glances  about  room.)     Are  you  a  prisoner  here? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

I  am  in  command  here. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

The  devil!  (Gives  a  short  laugh.)  They  told  us  this 
was  the  most  advanced  post  of  the  Greek  army. 

COL.  OSTAH. 
It  was — until  I  captured  it. 

[  243  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Interested.}  Indeed!  Did  you  have  much  of  a  fight 
Many  casualties?  (OSTAH  remains  silent.)  They  didn' 
defend  the  position,  then?  (OsTAH  still  remains  silent. 
Oh,  very  well!  I  assure  you  my  interest  was  entirely  pro 
fcssional.  Personally — I  don't  care  what  happens  to  you 
(Turns  his  back  on  OSTAH  and  walks  right.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Perhaps  you  will  be  more  interested  in  what  is  going  t< 
happen  to  yourself. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Coldly.)  Nothing  is  going  to  happen  to  me.  I  an 
a  Times  correspondent,  accredited  to  the  Greek  army 
(Takes  paper  from  his  breast  pocket  and  hands  it  to  OSTAH. 
And  I  must  ask  you  to  permit  me  to  return  to  it — at  once 

COL.  OSTAH. 

When  I  have  time  I  will  examine  you,  and  if  you  are  { 
spy,  as  you  may  be — I  may  hang  you.  (CoFE  is  heart 
without,  singing  "Dixie."") 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Oh,  no!  pardon  me.  That  man — (nods  off) — and  I  ar< 
noncombatants.  You  can't  touch  us.  (COPE  crosses  ir 
front  of  window,  waving  a  Greek  flag.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(Angrily.)  If  your  friend  is  a  noncombatant,  why  doe; 
he  carry  a  Greek  flag  ? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Confound  him!  I  don't  know!  Because  he's  a  crazj 
American.  That's  the  only  way  I  can  explain  anythint 

[244] 


THE  GALLOPER 

that  man  does.  (CoPE  enters  centre  waving  a  damp  Greek 
flag  in  front  of  his  eyes,  and  singing  "  Dixie."  Two  Greek 
soldiers  follow  him  and  halt  at  door.  COPE  wears  a  long 
khaki  rain  coat,  which  is  spattered  with  mud  and  rain. 
He  marches  straight  down,  turns  sharply  in  military 
fashion  to  the  left  and  sees  OSTAH.  He  hides  the  flag 
behind  him.) 

COPE. 

(Falling  back  in  alarm  upon  ANSTRUTHER.)  That — 
that  man's  a  Turk! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Coldly.)  Yes,  and  if  you  look  behind  you  you'll  see 
some  more  Turks.  (On  turning  to  look  at  soldiers  the 
flag  COPE  holds  behind  him  comes  within  reach  of  OSTAH, 
who  seizes  it  and  throws  it  to  INNKEEPER.) 

COPE. 

(Taking  out  notebook.)  Another  Turkish  victory! 
(Writes  and  reads  aloud.)  "Brave  Turkish  Colonel  cap 
tures  Greek  flag  single-handed  "—when  the  other  man's 
back  was  turned.  (To  OSTAH.)  Now  I've  made  a  hero 
of  you.  When  they  read  that  in  Constantinople  they'll 
send  you  eight  medals.  (To  ANSTRUTHER,  angrily.)  You 
told  me  this  was  a  Greek  outpost.  (SERGEANT  crosses  at 
back  of  stage  to  centre  door  and  exit  with  the  two  soldiers.) 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

It  was  when  I  told  you. 

COPE. 
Are  you  going  to  stay  here  ? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Looks  very  like  it. 

[245] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COPE. 

I'm  not!  (To  OSTAH,  cheerfully.)  Well,  as  you  see, 
Colonel,  we've  called  up  the  wrong  number.  And  so, 
thanking  you  for  your  kind  hospitality,  I'll  ring  off  and  try 
another  address.  (Starts  hurriedly  toward  centre.}  So 
glad  to  have  met  you.  Good  morning. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Come  here! 

COPE. 
I  beg  your  pardon? 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Come  here!     I  have  not  done  with  you. 

COPE. 
What  can  you  do  with  me  ? 

COL.  OSTAH. 

If  you  are  a  spy — I  can  hang  you !  (Cops  runs  his  hand 
into  his  hip  pocket.  At  this  OSTAH  Jialf  draws  his  sword.) 
Hold  up  your  hands!  (Cops  keeps  his  hand  in  his 
pocket  and  scowls  at  OSTAH.)  Hold — up — your — hand! 
(COPE  turns  his  eyes  from.  OSTAH  and  looking  ahead  of 
him  draws  a  cigarette  case  from  his  hip  pocket,  and  takes 
a  cigarette.  Then,  as  though  suddenly  recalling  OSTAH'S 
presence,  offers  him  the  box.) 

COPE. 

I  beg  your  pardon,  have  one? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

No. 

COPE. 

They're  Turkishl 


THE  GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

No.     (OSTAH  returns  to  chair  in  front  of  fireplace  and 
examines  paper  given  by  ANSTRUTHER.) 


(To  ANSTRUTHER,  mysteriously.}  Did  you  ever  read  of 
the  Turkish  atrocities? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Yes. 

COPE. 

(Offering  cigarettes.}  That's  what  these  are.  Try  one? 
(Sees  arch  at  lower  right.}  Heavens!  (Studies  it  closely.} 
By  Jove! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

What's  the  matter? 

COPE. 

Nothing!  nothing!  Now,  that  arch — to  you — is  there 
anything  about  that  arch  that  suggests  a — rainbow  ? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Certainly  not! 

COPE. 

No?  Those  six  half  circles — don't  they  resemble  the 
curves  of  a  rainbow? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

This  is  the  twentieth  time  you've  asked  me  if  a  stone 
arch  didn't  resemble  a  rainbow. 

COPE. 
I  know.     Everywhere  I  look,  I  see  a  rainbow. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Then,  the  next  time  I  looked,  I'd  see  a  doctor.  (AN 
STRUTHER  crosses  to  table,  facing  OSTAH.  COPE  goes  to 

[247] 


THE   GALLOPER 

arch,  and  placing   one  foot  before  the  other  paces  off   the 
ground  from  it,  then  turning  left  toward  door  centre.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Halt!     You  can't  leave  this  room.     You're  a  prisoner! 

COPE. 

(Embarrassed.)  Oh!  Oh,  so  I  am!  I  forgot!  (AN- 
STRUTHER  crosses  left  to  COPE.) 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

You  see,  we  are  prisoners.     I  told  you  to  wait  till  daylight. 

COPE. 

You  told  me  this  was  a  Greek  outpost.  I  didn't  want 
those  women  to  sleep  all  night  in  the  rain.  I  thought  if  we 
pushed  on  ahead  we  could  get  food.  You  said  this  was  an 
inn.  You  didn't  tell  me  it  was  a  prison. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Serves  me  right!  The  Times  doesn't  pay  me  to  act  as 
chaperone  for  Red  Cross  nurses. 

COPE. 
/  didn't  invite  them!     The  Government  sent  them. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

You  were  glad  enough  to  have  them  join  us. 

COPE. 

Well,  I  don't  want  them  to  join  us  now.  You  go  talk  to 
him,  and  I'll  try  to  get  a  message  back  to  them  by  old 
Petticoats  over  there. 

[248] 


THE   GALLOPER 


CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 


(Doubtfully.  All  right,  I'll  try.  (ANSTRUTHER  moves 
toward  table.  COPE  starts  up  as  though  to  cross  to  fire 
place  above  the  table.  SERGEANT  enters  hurriedly.} 


SERGEANT. 


Colonel,  I  have  taken  three  more  prisoners,  two  women 
and  a  man. 

COPE. 

(To  ANSTRUTHER.)  It's  too  late,  he's  bagged  the  lot  of 
us.  (BLANCHE  and  GRACE  enter  hurriedly,  wearing  capes 
over  their  nurses'  dresses.  They  speak  with  great  vivacity, 
cutting  in  on  each  other's  words.} 

BLANCHE. 

Here  we  are,  Doys,  home  at  last! 

GRAC'E. 

Oh,  isn't  this  fine!     Have  you  got  anything  to  eat? 

BLANCHE. 

We're  not  hungry  any  more,  we're  merely — dying. 

GRACE. 
And  we  had  to  swim  all  the  way. 

BLANCHE. 

And  it  was  so  dark  Mr.  Griggs  fell  off  his  horse  three 
times. 

GRACE. 

Yes,  and  she  helped  him  on  again. 

BLANCHE. 

And  he  kicked  me  on  the  knee. 
[249] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COPE. 

Griggs? 

BLANCHE. 

No,  the  horse.     I  am  going  to  have  him  shot  in 
morning. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Who  ?     Griggs  ? 

GRACE. 

No,  the  horse. 

COPE. 

What  have  you  done  with  Griggs  ? 

BLANCHE. 

Heavens!     Where  did  I  lose  that  man? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

He's    all    right!     Here   he    is!     (Enter    GRIGGS,    v 
muddy,  wet,  and  angry.     Two  soldiers  enter,  carrying 
kits  and  outfits  of  the  three  correspondents.     They  con 
of  three  holdalls  or  saddlebags,  three  canteens,  three 
daks.      They  place  two  of  these  sets  on  the  bench  in  fron 
the  window,  and  the  articles  belonging  to  Griggs  on  ch 
lower  right.) 

GRIGGS. 

Yes,  here  I  am!  (Coughs  violently.)  No  thanks  to  y 
sir!  Leaving  me  alone  in  that  storm  to  protect  th 
ladies.  Where  were  you  ?  7  saved  their  lives— th 
times,  and  I  was  in  a  swollen  torrent — up  to  my  ankles 

COPE. 
Your  ankles?     That's  not  very  deep,  Governor. 

GRIGGS. 

But  I  was  head  first,  sir — head  first.     Confound 
Turks,  I  say! 

[250] 


THE   GALLOPER 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Hush,  hush! 

GRIGGS. 

I've  been  in  ten  wars,  and  I 


COPE. 

(Pointing  at  OSTAH.)     Hush,  hush! 

GRIGGS. 

Don't  say  "hush,  hush,"  to  mel 

COPE. 
Well,  be  quiet,  then! 

GRIGGS. 

Be  quiet!  Upon  my  word!  Why  should  I —  (Turns 
and  sees  OSTAH.)  Who  the  devil  are  you,  sir?  (GRACE 
and  BLANCHE  also  turn  and  for  the  first  time  see  OSTAH.) 

GRACE. 

Oh!     Look! 

BLANCHE. 

Gee !     It's  the  Terrible  Turk ! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(To  GRIGGS.)  This  place  has  been  taken  by  a  Turkish 
patrol. 

COPE. 

Is  he  a  Turkish  patrol?  Why,  I  know  that.  That's 
the  national  anthem.  (He  hums  the  "  Turkish  Patrol." 
BLANCHE  joins  him.) 

GRIGGS. 

Stop  that!     Do  you  want  to  insult  the  officer? 

[251] 


THE   GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

Insult  him?  That's  a  compliment.  We  were  singing 
the  national  anthem.  Does  he  speak  English  ?  (Advances 
timidly  toward  OSTAH.)  Do  you  speak  English? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

To  a  charming  woman,  I  can  speak  in  any  language. 

BLANCHE. 

He  speaks  very  good  English. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

I  should  do  so.  My  brother,  Ostah  Bey,  is  in  our  lega 
tion  in  America. 


Oh!  is  he  your  brother?  /  know  your  brother.  (To 
BLANCHE.)  You  know  his  brother,  that  tall  man  with 
the— looks  like  him. 


BLANCHE. 


Oh,  is  he  your  brother — such  a  handsome  man,  too. 
Are  you  a  twin  ? 

COPE. 

7  saw  your  brother  only  last  month  on  Broadway.  He 
was  rolling  a  cigarette — in  a  shop  window.  Whenever  I 
see  your  brother,  he's  always  rolling  cigarettes. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

I — I  am  Colonel  Ostah;  my  brother  is  Ostah  Bey. 

BLANCHE. 

That's  the  one  I  know,  Oyster  Bay. 

[252] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COL.    OSTAH. 


I  am  sorry  that  I  am  forced  to  make  war  upon  the 
friends  of  my  brother. 

COPE. 

Nonsense!  What's  a  little  thing  like  a  war  between 
friends?  We've  no  hard  feelings  toward  you,  have  we, 
ladies?  (Aside.)  Go  on,  girls;  be  nice  to  him.  He  may 
give  us  something  to  eat. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(Handing  papers  back  to  ANSTRUTHER.)  Your  cre 
dentials  are  quite  correct,  Captain  Anstruther.  (To  COPE.) 
You,  also,  have  papers,  I  suppose? 

COPE. 

Right  here,  Colonel.  (Takes  papers  from  sabretache 
and  presents  them.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(Comes  down  below  table.  To  GRACE.)  And  you. 
What  is  your  business  with  the  army? 

GRACE. 

I'll  show  you  my  passport.  (Throws  back  her  cloak, 
revealing  her  nurse's  uniform.  BLANCHE  does  the  same. 
Each  reaches  into  side  pocket  of  skirt  for  passport.) 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(Salutes  the  Red  Cross  badge.)  Pardon  me!  It  is  un 
necessary. 

GRACE. 

(Holding  paper  toward  him.)     You  don't  wish  to  see  it? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

The  Red  Cross,  madam,  is  a  free  passport  in  even  my 
country.  (Touches  his  right  hand  lightly  to  his  heart, 

[253] 


THE  GALLOPER 

lips,  and  forehead.     GRACE  bows.)     May  I  offer  you  some 
food? 

ALL. 

Food!     (All  rush  at  him.     He  retreats  before  them.} 

COPE. 
Can  you  offer  us  any  food?     I  dare  you  to  do  it! 

BLANCHE. 

We  haven't  had  a  thing  to  eat  since  dinner  time  last 
night. 

COPE. 

And  at  dinner  time  there  wasn't  any  dinner. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(To  INNKEEPER.)  Show  the  prisoners  your  kitchen. 
What  you  find  there,  ladies — is  yours. 

GRACE    AND    BLANCHE. 

Oh,  thank  you!  thank  you!  (GRACE  and  INNKEEPER 
exeunt  upper  left.  ANSTRUTHER  picks  up  his  saddlebag 
from  bench  and  follows.  GRIGGS  opens  cooking  kit  on 
chair  right.} 

COL.  OSTAH. 

You  will  have  to  cook  it  yourselves. 

GRIGGS. 

Why  waste  time  cooking  it,  eat  it  raw.  (COPE  takes  off 
belt  from  which  hangs  sabretache  and  revolver,  and  places 
it  with  hat  and  gauntlets  at  upper  right  end  of  table.  Then 
opens  his  cooking  kit  at  right  of  table.  BLANCHE  is  at  left 
of  table.) 

[254] 


THE  GALLOPER 

BLANCHE. 

/  want  to  cook  something.  I'm  great  with  a  chafing 
dish.  Did  you  bring  a  chafing  dish  ? 

COPE. 

No,  I  didn't.  Wasn't  that  careless  of  me?  But  I 
brought  a  grand  piano.  How  are  you  with  a  piano? 

BLANCHE. 

Oh!  very  well,  then.     I  wont  cook.     (Exit  upper  left.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

I  am  going  to  visit  our  outposts.  Remember,  you  and 
your  friends  are  prisoners;  if  you  attempt  to  leave  this 
building,  the  sentries  will  shoot  you. 

COPE. 

Is  that  all  that's  worrying  you?  You  could  set  fire  to 
this  house,  and  as  long  as  there's  anything  in  it  to  eat,  we 
won't  leave  it. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(To  SERGEANT.)  Sergeant,  place  men  outside  of  each 
door!  (SERGEANT  salutes  and  exit  centre.  Sternly  to 
COPE.)  Remember!  (Exit  centre.} 

COPE. 

He  asks  me  to  remember.  Am  I  likely  to  forget  ?  That 
sounds  like  a  song.  (Sings.)  "  He  asks  me  to  remember, 
am  I  likely  to  forget  ? "  With  four  sentries  outside  the 
door,  7  won't  forget.  (GRACE  enters  upper  left  with 
large  loaf  of  brown  bread,  a  carving  knife,  and  cheese  on  a 
tin  plate.  Her  sleeves  are  rolled  up,  and  she  has  removed 
her  bonnet.)  Ah !  Bread  and  cheese,  and — are  you  going 
to  make  sandwiches? 

[  255  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

Yes.  (Places  bread  and  plate  upper  end  of  table  and 
cuts  slices;  as  she  does  so  she  eats  pieces  of  bread  and  cheese 
ravenously.  COPE  takes  water  bottle  and  coffee  cup  from 
kit  bag  and  lifts  water  bottle.) 

COPE. 

And  I'll  make  the  coffee.  See  here,  Griggs,  you  bor 
rowed  this  last.  What's  become  of  all  the  Scotch  whiskey 
in  my  water  bottle? 

GRIGGS. 
(Moving  to  upper  left.)     My  dear  boy,  it  evaporated. 

COPE. 

Then  you'd  better  evaporate — quick!  (Hurls  kodak 
case  at  him.  GRIGGS  exit  upper  left.)  That  man  borrows 
everything,  and  the  only  thing  he  loans  you  is  a  corkscrew 
when  you've  paid  for  the  bottle.  Is  there  any  hot  water  in 
that  can?  This  holds  very  little  coffee  for  five  people. 
(Goes  to  fireplace,  pours  hot  water  from  can  into  coffee  pot. 
BLANCHE  enters,  grinding  the  handle  of  a  photograph- 
developing  machine. ) 

BLANCHE. 

Mr.  Warren,  may  we  borrow  your  developing  machine — 
to  beat  up  the  eggs? 

COPE. 

No,  you  may  not!  It  isn't  good  for  photographs,  and 
it  would  spoil  the  eggs. 

BLANCHE. 

You  can't  spoil  these  eggs.     (Exit  upper  left.) 

GRACE. 

I  can't  understand  why  an  old  campaigner  like  you 
doesn't  know  how  to  cook  coffee. 

[256] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

I  do  know  how  to  cook  coffee. 

GRACE. 

That  coffee  this  morning! 

COPE. 

That  coffee  would  have  been  all  right  if  Griggs  hadn't 
left  his  shaving  brush  in  the  coffee  pot.  I  admit — between 
wars — I  do  forget  a  few  things. 

GRACE. 

I  should  say  you  did.  In  those  two  last  fights  you 
took  forty  photographs  and  never  remembered  to  take 
the  cap  off  the  camera. 

COPE. 

I  know.  (Sadly.)  You  don't  think  much  of  me  as  a 
war  correspondent,  do  you  ? 

GRACE. 

Yes,  I  do!  I  do,  indeed!  At  that  fight  at  Muenna 
Pass  I  watched  you.  If  it  hadn't  been  for  you,  those  men 
would  have  run  away. 

COPE. 

Yes,  and  if  I  hadn't  seen  you  watching  me,  this  man 
would  have  run  away. 

GRACE. 

That's  like  you.     You're  so  modest,  too. 

COPE. 
I  beg  your  pardon  ? 

[257] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

Yes,  you  are.  Now,  Mr.  Griggs  is  always  telling  what 
he  did  in  this  campaign  and  that  campaign;  but  I've 
never  heard  you  speak  one  word  of  any  war  in  which 
you've  taken  part.  (Cope,  embarrassed,  hastily  stirs 
coffee.) 

COPE. 

Oh!  don't  let's  talk  about  war.  Let's  change  the  sub 
ject. 

GRACE. 

Whenever  I  want  to  talk  about  wars,  you  change  the 
subject. 

COPE. 
Let's  talk  about  your  buried  treasure. 

GRACE. 

I  wish  it  were  my  buried  treasure.  It's  still  just  as  far 
away  as  the  rainbow  is. 

COPE. 
And  it  isn't  because  we  don't  look  for  it,  is  it  ? 

GRACE. 

No. 

COPE. 

That  secret  cipher,  that  riddle,  runs  in  my  head  all  day ! 
I've  set  it  to  music.  (Chants) : 

At  the  foot  of  the  rainbow, 
Where  all  men  are  equal, 
Twenty  feet  in, 
Twenty  feet  left, 
Five  feet  up— DIG! 

Sounds  like  a  college  yell,  "  Five  feet  up,  D-I-G ! "  As 
for  rainbows,  since  I  started  looking  for  rainbows,  it  hasn't 
rained  once  in  Greece  except  at  midnight. 

[  258  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 


GRACE. 


You  certainly  have  tried.  Now  that  idea  of  yours  that 
"the  place  where  all  men  are  equal"  meant  a  monastery — 
that  was  a  great  idea;  that  should  have  led  to  something. 

COPE. 

It  did!  It  led  to  the  monks  throwing  me  out  of  five 
monasteries.  I  can't  think  of  anything  else.  Now,  there 
is  an  arch —  (Points  at  arched  doorway  into  corridor 
lower  right.}  Why  shouldn't  that  arch  be  what  they  mean 
by  the  rainbow —  "Twenty  feet  in,  twenty  feet  left." 
(Walks  to  doorway,  turns  and  crosses  left,  taking  elaborate 
xteps.}  One,  two,  three,  four,  five,  six,  seven —  (OSTAH 
enters  centre.  COPE  at  sight  of  him  breaks  into  a  dance. 
To  Grace.)  See  what  I  mean?  Pretty,  isn't  it? 

GRACE. 

Very. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

What  are  you  doing?  (ANSTRUTHER,  GRIGGS,  INN 
KEEPER,  BLANCHE,  enter  from  kitchen.  BLANCHE  comes 
1o  fireplace  carrying  a  small  iron  pot,  which  she  hangs  on 
ihe  crane.  INNKEEPER,  carrying  a  wooden  dish  filled  with 
unpeeled  potatoes,  follows  her,  and  places  dish  lower  left 
end  of  table,  then  exit.  ANSTRUTHER  and  GRIGGS  remain 
up.} 

COPE. 

I  was  showing  this  lady  a  new  dancing  step.  (Crosses 
to  GRACE.)  I'll  investigate  that  arch  later. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(To  ANSTRUTHER  and  GRIGGS.)  I  wish  to  speak  with 
you — and  you.  (They  all  go  into  room  upper  right.} 

[259] 


THE   GALLOPER 


BLANCHE. 


We've  got  the  makings  of  a  great  mutton  stew  here. 
Everything  found  we  put  in  it.  Can  you  peel  potatoes; 

GRACE. 

Yes,  indeed! 

BLANCHE. 

Well,  cut  these  in  pieces  and  drop  them  in  here.  (P omit- 
to  iron  pof.  GRACE  comes  down  to  chair  left  of  table,  take? 
dish  on  her  lap  and  peels  potatoes.  BLANCHE  to  COPE.} 
C)  Mr.  Warren!  Mr.  Griggs  says  you'll  lend  us  one  oi 
your  razors  to  peel  the  potatoes;  will  you? 

COPE. 

These  razors  are  no  good  for  peeling  potatoes.  Evei 
since  Griggs  opened  a  sardine  box  with  them,  they're 
only  good  for  shaving. 

GRACE. 

(To  Cope.}  You  cut  the  sandwiches — Miss  Bailej 
can  take  care  of  the  coffee.  (Cope  goes  up  top  of  table  anc 
cuts  bread,  but  keeps  his  eyes  fixed  on  GRACE,  who  peeL 
the  potatoes.  BLANCHE  stirs  the  soup  in  iron  pot.) 

COPE. 

I  call  this  great  fun.  It  reminds  me  of  our  Welsh  rarebii 
suppers.  Now,  if  we  only  had  a  little  music,  it  would  b( 
just  like  Sunday  nights  at  the  flat.  Won't  some  lady  01 
gentleman  oblige?  Well,  since  you  insist,  I  will  oblige 
Mr.  Kirke  Warren  will  oblige.  (Applauds  himself. 
Now,  what  shall  it  be?  Something  we  can  all  sing?  ] 
want  a  little  close  harmony,  here.  Do  you  know  "Sh< 
Lives  in  Alabama"?  Yes,  you  do.  (Sings.) 

"She  lives  in  Alabama,  far  away,  far  away, 
There's  where  my  heart  is  to-day." 
[  260  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 

Pom,  pom,  pom,  pom —  (To  GRACE  and  BLANCHE.) 
Why  don't  you  sing?  (They  both  sing.) 

"  There  my  heart  is  ever  turning, 
And  for  one  sweet  girl  I'm  yearning — 
Who  lives  in  Alabama,  far  away." 

( They  repeat.  Enter  ANSTRUTHER,  GRIGGS,  OSTAH.  AN- 
STRUTHER  touches  COPE  on  arm.  GRACE  and  BLANCHE 
continue  to  sing  and  hum,  "  She  lives  in  Alabama, "  each 
engrossed  in  her  work.) 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(In  a  whisper.)  Listen!  this  blackguard  has  found  out 
from  his  spies  that  the  Greeks  intend  to  attack  this  place 
at  daybreak  with  artillery.  I  told  him,  if  that  were  so, 
he  must  remove  his  prisoners — anyway,  the  women.  He 
says  that  he  will  not,  but  that  he  will  let  one  of  us  go  to  the 
Greek  commander  and  warn  him  there  arc  women  and 
prisoners  in  this  building. 

COPE. 

But  he  can't  risk  the  lives  of  these  women  to  shield  him 
self!  He  can't  do  it\ 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

/  know  he  can't  do  it,  but  he's  going  to  do  it.  There  is 
no  use  wasting  time  talking  about  it.  Now,  one  of  us  has 
got  to  go. 

COPE. 

Do  you  want  me  to  go? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

We'll  draw  lots  for  it.  The  one  that  draws  the  broken 
match — goes.  (ANSTRUTHER  takes  box  of  safety  matches 

[261] 


THE  GALLOPER 

from  his  pocket,  selects  three,  bites  one  in  two,  holds  the 
three  ends  between  thumb  and  forefinger.  Outside  there  is  a 
long  rumble  like  thunder.  OSTAH  comes  down  on  right 
of  GRIGGS.  GRIGGS  is  on  right  of  ANSTRUTHER.  AN- 
STRUTHER  to  right  of  COPE.) 

BLANCHE. 

Oh,  listen!     Is  that  artillery,  Captain  Anstruther? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

No,  thunder,  I  think.  (To  COPE.)  Those  are  the  siege 
guns  on  Kania  Pass.  We've  got  to  hurry.  (He  nods 
toward  OSTAH.)  He  will  give  the  man  who  goes  a  free 
escort  out  of  his  lines.  But  he  must  go  blindfolded,  and 
after  that  the  man  must  take  his  chances.  You  under 
stand,  if  you  go,  you  will  be  under  a  double  fire  all  the  way  ? 
(COPE  nods  impatiently.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

The  man  who  is  chosen  will  not  live  to  go  all  the  way. 

GRIGGS. 
Then  there  still  will  be  two  more  of  us  left  to  go. 

COPE. 

Hello!  are  you  in  this  raffle,  Griggs?  (Holds  out  his 
hand.}  Good  for  you!  Good  old  Griggs! 

BLANCHE. 

Mr.  Warren,  why  don't  you  cut  those  sandwiches? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Warningly  to  COPE.)     Hush! 
[2(52] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

(Crosses  to  table.  To  ANSTRUTHER.)  That's  all  right. 
(To  BLANCHE.)  I  beg  your  pardon,  I  forgot  the  sand 
wiches.  (Begins  cutting  bread  with  eyes  fixed  on  GRACE.) 

BLANCHE. 

You  haven't  forgotten  you're  hungry,  have  you  ? 

COPE. 

Well,  I  do  seem  to  have  lost  my  appetite.  Maybe  I'm 
frightened.  Maybe  I'm  in  love.  (Looks  at  GRACE.) 

GRACE. 

(Hurriedly.}  Now,  then,  Miss  Bailey,  a  little  more 
close  harmony,  please.  We  missed  your  tenor,  Mr.  War 
ren.  (GRACE  and  BLANCHE  sing  "She  lives  in  Ala 
bama."  COPE,  while  covertly  watching  GRIGGS,  joins  in  the 
singing.  GRIGGS  draws  a  long  match  and  shrugs  his 
shoulders.  With  the  tico  remaining  matches  ANSTRUTHER 
crosses  to  COPE.  COPE  first  glances  to  see  that  the  women 
are  not  looking  and  with  ANSTRUTHER  moves  to  centre. 
There  he  quickly  draws  the  broken  match,  and  with  a  smile 
throws  it  on  the  stage,  returning  to  upper  end  of  table; 
buckles  on  his  belt,  picks  up  hat  and  gloves,  and  quickly 
crosses  to  centre  door.  OSTAH,  GRIGGS,  ANSTRUTHER 
stand  down  stage  with  backs  to  audience  watching  him. 
At  door  he  turns  and  takes  a  long  look  at  Grace,  with  a 
smile  salutes  the  men,  and  exit.  The  three  men  salute 
gravely.) 

SERGEANT. 

(Calling.)     Pass  the  American  correspondent! 

SENTRY. 

(Outside  door.)     Pass  the  American  correspondent. 

[263] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

(Turns.}     Why,  where  has  Mr.  Warren  gone? 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

(Crossing  left.}  Oh — he's  going  to  his  pony;  he  left 
something  on  his  saddle. 

BLANCHE. 

(Cheerfully.}  Isn't  that  just  like  him?  And  he  hasn't 
cut  those  sandwiches! 

SENTRY. 

(At  a  greater  distance.}  Pass  the  American  correspond 
ent.  (GRIGGS  crosses  to  table.  CAPTAIN  MOUZAFFER  enters 
hurriedly  centre.  He  salutes  OSTAH  and  hands  him  a 
'paper,  and  whispers.  OSTAH  glances  at  papers.  MOU 
ZAFFER  exit  centre.} 

COL.    OSTAH. 

You  must  all  leave  the  room.  Carry  your  supper  in  the 
kitchen.  (To  ANSTRUTHER.)  We  have  just  taken  some 
important  prisoners.  I  want  this  room  cleared.  (GRIGGS, 
GRACE,  ANSTRUTHER,  and  BLANCHE  hastily  gather  up 
coffee,  sandwiches,  iron  pot,  potatoes.) 

BLANCHE. 

Look  here!  don't  you  take  too  many  prisoners  or  there 
won't  be  enough  food  to  go  round.  Bring  the  sandwiches. 
Don't  forget  the  coffee,  Griggs.  (ANSTRUTHER  and 
GRACE  exeunt  upper  left.)  Hurry  now!  before  these  other 
prisoners  make  us  divide.  (Exit  upper  left.) 

GRIGGS. 
Oh,  I  say,  we  mustn't  do  that!     (Runs  off  upper  left.) 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Go  on,  sir,  go  on !  (OSTAH  returns  to  chair  behind  table. 
Enter  MOUZAFFER,  SERGEANT,  O'MALLEY,  and  SYBIL. 

[264] 


THE  GALLOPER 

She  is  dishevelled  and  sobbing.  O'MALLEY  and  OSTAH 
salute.)  You  can  sit  down,  madam.  (SYBIL  sits  chair 
right.  O'MALLEY  stands  to  left  of  it,  fiercely  twisting  his 
mustache.  To  MOUZAFFER.)  Where  are  the  woman's 
passports  ? 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

She  says  she  lost  them.     (SYBIL  sobs.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(Incredulously.)  Lost  them?  That  will  do,  Captain. 
(MOUZAFFER  salutes  and  exit  centre.  OSTAH  bends  his 
head  over  O'MALLEY'S  papers.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Soothingly.)  Don't  cry!  don't  cry!  I  can't  bear  to 
see  you  cry. 

SYBIL. 

I  can't  help  it.     Oh!  why  did  I  ever  leave  Newark? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

If  you  had  never  left  New-ark,  I'd  never  have  met  the 
loveliest  creature  in  the  world. 

SYBIL. 
O  Captain!  you  mustn't  say  that  to  me. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I'll  never  say  it  to  anyone  else.     It's  the  truth  I'm 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(Advancing  right.)  Your  papers  seem  quite  correct, 
Captain.  You  will  be  given  all  the  privileges  of  a  prisoner 
of  war. 

[  265  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Thank  you,  sir. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

But  what  I  am  to  do  with  the  lady,  1  don't  know! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
On  my  honor,  sir,  the  lady  is  a  Red  Cross  nurse. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Then  why  is  she  not  in  uniform?  What  is  she  doing 
between  the  lines  with  a  Greek  officer — unless  she  is  carry 
ing  information? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

A  spy!  That  lovely  lady — a  spy!  Sir,  let  me  tell  you 
this  is  Mrs.  Schwartz,  of  New-ark,  one  of  the  leaders  of 
American  society. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

But  what  is  Mrs.  Schwartz  doing  here? 

SYBIL. 
We  were  sent  here. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

To  organize  a  field  hospital.  They  said  this  inn  was  a 
Greek  outpost. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

It  was.     Well? 

SYBIL. 

There  were  other  nurses  sent  here — only  two  hours 
ahead  of  us — with  some  correspondents.  We've  been  fol 
lowing  them  all  the  way  from  Athens.  We  thought  we'd 
meet  them  here. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(To  SYBIL.)     And  when  I  do  meet  him— 
[266] 


THE  GALLOPER 

SYBIL. 

O  Captain!  forgive  him. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Forgive  the  man  who  stands  between  you  and  me  ?  The 
man  who  insulted  my  Colonel. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(To  SYBIL.)  If  the  lady  was  sent  here  by  the  Govern 
ment,  she  must  have  some  papers.  And  why,  madam, 
are  you  not  in  uniform? 

SYBIL. 

My  uniforms  were  drowned. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Were  what? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Crossing  a  stream,  the  pony  that  carried  the  lady's 
luggage  was  drowned. 

SYBIL. 

And  they  were  so  becoming,  weren't  they,  Captain? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
(Fervently.}     She  looked  like  an  angel  from  heaven! 

SYBIL. 

And  after  I  had  had  such  a  time  getting  that  skirt  to 
hang  right!  (To  OSTAH.)  It  was  very  simple,  you  know, 
but  that  shade  of  blue  is  so  pretty;  it  isn't  a  zinc  blue, 
exactly,  more  a  baby  blue;  the  waist  had  two  plaits  there, 
and  cuffs  turned  back  like  that,  with  the  sweetest  little 

Red  Cross 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

You  see — she  did  have  a  uniform. 
[267] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

I  see;  but'  she  hasn't  one  now.  Madam,  go  into  that 
room  and  remain  there.  (Points  door  upper  right.) 

SYBIL. 

Into  that  dark  place  ?     (Indignantly.)     Am  I  a  prisoner, 

sir? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

You  are.  And  you're  very  much  in  my  way.  (To 
O'MALLEY.)  I  expect  an  attack  upon  this  place  at  any 
moment.  (SIBYL  shudders.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
The  Colonel  is  right;  go. 

SYBIL. 
(To  O'MALLEY.)     Where  are  you  going? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Where  I  am  going  depends  on  this  gentleman — and 
Saint  Peter. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Give  me  your  word  you  will  not  escape,  nor  com 
municate  with  the  enemy,  and  you  can  have  the  freedom 
of  this  room. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Thank  you.     I  promise. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(In  a  low  voice.)  Give  me  your  sword,  please.  (O'MAL 
LEY  hesitates.)  Your  sword.  (O'MALLEY  unbuckles  sword 
belt,  and  gives  belt  and  sword  to  OSTAH.)  You  have 
no  other  arms?  (O'MALLEY  shakes  his  head.)  Now, 
madam,  go. 

[268] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SYBIL. 

Oh,  good-by,  Captain!  You  won't  leave  this  room, 
will  you? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
No,  sweet  lady. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

If  he  does  leave  it,  the  sentries  will  shoot  him. 

SYBIL. 

Oh,  indeed!  And  what  I  think  of  you  is  that  you're  no 
gentleman!  There!  (Tosses  her  head  and  goes  to  door 
into  room  upper  right.  SERGEANT  enters  centre.  He  is 
followed  by  KIRKE  WARREN.  Two  soldiers  lead  him,  each 
holding  by  an  elbow.  He  wears  high-laced  riding  boots, 
a  coat  and  riding  breeches  of  gray  whipcord.  Over  all 
a  short  rain  coat  and  slouch  hat.  He  is  self-possessed  and 
indifferent.) 

SERGEANT. 

Right  wheel,  march!     (He  kalis  centre  and  salutes.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Who  is  this? 

SERGEANT. 

Halt!  (WARREN  and  the  two  soldiers  halt  centre  stage.) 
Another  spy,  Colonel.  A  dangerous  one.  We  took  him 
trying  to  enter  the  Greek  lines.  He  fought  three  of  my 
men! 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(Savagely.)     Indeed!     Has  he  lost  his  papers,  too? 

SERGEANT. 

He  threw  them  away. 

[269] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(To  the  two  soldiers.)     Go  back  and  find  those  papers! 

WARREN. 

I'm  no  spy,  I'm  a  tourist.  I've  lost  my  way.  (The 
two  foldierg  jail  out,  taJute,  and  exeunt  briskly  at  centre.) 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Silence!  Put  him  in  that  chair.  If  he  tries  to  escape — 
shoot  him! 

WARREN. 

(Crossing  to  chair  bexide  table.)  I  tell  you  I  lost  my 
road  and  stumbled  in  on  your  war.  I  didn't  know  you 
had  a  war. 

COL.    O8TAH. 

Silence!  (CAPTAIN  MOUZAFFER  runt  in  centre,  greatly 
excited.) 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Edhem  Pasha's  compliments — the  Kania  Pass  is  taken — 
our  men  are  falling  back  along — 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Hush !  (Point*  at  WARREN*  and  O'MALLET,  who,  with 
INNKEEPER,  are  listening  intently.  To  MOUZAFFER.)  I 
will  come  at  once.  Go  back  to  your  men.  (Exit  MOU 
ZAFFER  centre.  To  SERGEANT.)  Come  with  me.  (To 
O'M ALLEY.)  You  have  given  me  your  word  of  honor  that 
you  will  not  escape.  fO'MALLEY  bows.) 

WARREN. 

(Defiantly.)     I've  given  nothing  of  the  sort. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Silence!     I  am  not  speaking  to  you. 
[270]    " 


THE   GALLOPER 


WAKHK.V. 


Who  are  you  speaking  to,  then?  (Turns  and  sees 
O'MALLEY.)  Oh!  is  he  u  prisoner,  too?  Why  don't  you 
introduce  us? 


COL.  OSTAH. 


(To  INNKEEPER.)  I  will  hold  you  responsible  for  this 
man.  If  he  is  not  here  when  I  return — you  Greek  brigand 
—I  will  cut  your  ears  off! 


INNKEEPER. 


(Trembling.)     Yes,   Excellency.     (Picks  up  poker  and 
stands  above  table,  watching  WARREN.) 


COL.  OSTAH. 

(To INNKEEPER,  fiercely.)  Remember!  If  he  escapes! 
(OSTAH  salutes  O'M ALLEY  and  exit  centre,  followed  by 
SERGEANT.  The  door  slams.  There  is  a  moment's  pause. 
WARREN'S  manner  now  becomes  eager  and  authoritative.) 

WARREN. 

(To  INNKEEPER.)  You're  a  Greek.  What  are  you 
doing  here? 

INNKEEPER. 

I  am  the  landlord  of  this  inn.  (WARREN  turns  toward 
O'MALLEY.) 

WARREN. 

And  may  I  ask  who  you  are,  sir? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  am  Captain  O'Malley,  of  the  Foreign  Legion. 

WARREN. 

The  deuce  you  are!  I  dined  with  the  Foreign  I^egion 
the  night  before  I  left  Athens.  (Eagerly.)  That  dispatch 


THE   GALLOPER 

rider    said   we've   taken   the   Kama   Pass.     Is   that   so? 
(There  is  silence.)     What? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  am  under  parole  not  to  communicate  with  the  enemy. 

WARREN. 

Rot !  7'ra  not  the  enemy.  This  is  a  private  fight  of  my 
own.  (To  INNKEEPER.)  Look  here!  I've  fought  for 
your  people.  You  ought  to  help  me.  Have  you  got  a 
knife? 

INNKEEPER. 

I  can't  do  it!     If  I  give  you  arms — 


WARREN. 

Nonsense!  I  want  you  to  cut  a  badge  off  my  arm — 
this  arm.  (Lifts  his  left  shoulder.)  It's  all  right.  I'm  not 
a  spy.  I'm  a — confound  it!  I've  got  to  trust  somebody. 
See  here,  I'm  a  war  correspondent.  I've  got  into  trouble 
with  the  Turkish  authorities.  I've  fought  against  the 
Turks,  but  they  didn't  know  that  until  they'd  given  me  my 
credentials;  then  they  telegraphed  to  the  front  to  arrest 
me.  I've  been  hiding  in  the  hills.  Not  a  thing  to  eat, 
either.  They've  offered  a  reward,  too.  So,  you  see,  if 
these  people  find  this  badge  they'll  guess  who  I  am,  and 
hang  me  as  a  spy.  What  are  you  going  to  do  ?  Give  me 
away — or  help  me? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Crossing  to  him  and  taking  knife  from  the  sash  of  the 
INNKEEPER.)  WThich  arm  is  the  badge  on? 

WARREN. 

Oh,  thank  you!  thank  you  very  much!  On  the  left  arm. 
(O'MALLEY  pulls  down  rain  coat  below  WARREN'S  elbows 

[272] 


THE   GALLOPER 

and  discloses  on  left  arm  a  white  brassard  with  Arabic  let 
ters  in  red  silk.  He  rips  off  badge.)  I  say,  this  is  awfully 
good  of  you.  I  won't  forget  it.  (To  INNKEEPER.)  I 
won't  forget  you,  either.  Oh,  yes!  and  cut  off  my  ribbons, 
too.  Throw  that  in  that  fire.  (INNKEEPER  throws  badge 
in  fire.  O'MALLEY  strips  off  ribbons  of  war  medals  from 
WARREN'S  left  chest  and  examines  them.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

You've  seen  a  lot  of  fighting  for  a  young  man;  Egypt, 
India,  Madagascar.  I  must  have  heard  of  you. 

WARREN. 

(Confidently.)  Oh,  yes!  I  guess  you've  heard  of  me.  I 
am — (hesitates) — my  name  is  Cope  Schuyler. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
(Shaking  his  head.)     Cope  Schuyler?     No. 

INNKEEPER. 

Hist!  The  Colonel!  The  Colonel!  (Runs  into  upper 
door  left.  OSTAH  enters  with  SERGEANT.  SERGEANT 
crosses  to  WARREN.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(To  O'MALLEY.)  \Vhat  does  this  mean?  You  prom 
ised  me — 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Not  to  leave  this  room.     I  haven't  left  it. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Go  down  that  corridor,  and  remain  there.  (O'MALLEY 
shrugs  his  shoulders,  and  exit  down  corridor  right.  To 
SERGEANT.)  Put  that  spy  in  that  room,  and  lock  the 
door.  (Points  lower  left.) 

[273] 


THE   GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

(Moves  left  after  SERGEANT.)  I'm  no  spy.  I'm  a 
Cook's  tourist. 

SERGEANT. 

There  is  no  lock,  Colonel;  if  the  prisoner  tries  to  come 
out — 

COL.    OSTAH. 

If  the  prisoner  tries  to  come  out,  there  will  be  no  pris 
oner. 

WARREN. 

(Smiling.)  That's  all  right.  The  prisoner  won't  try 
to  come  out.  (WARREN  exit.  SERGEANT  closes  door 
behind  him.  MOUZAFFER  enters  centre.) 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Colonel! 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Well? 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

That  American  correspondent  says  you  promised  him 
he  could  reenter  our  lines. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Is  that  man  back  again  ?     Alive  ? 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Yes,  Colonel. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Has  he  seen  the  Greeks.  ? 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

He  saw  the  Crown  Prince  himself.  The  Prince  agrees 
if  you  will  place  the  women  and  noncombatants  in  one 
wing  of  the  building  he  will  not  attack  that  wing. 

[274] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Good!  You  and  I  will  occupy  that  wing  with  them.  I 
have  made  a  cat's-paw  of  that  young  man. 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Shall  I  pass  him  ? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

No !  Yes !  I'll  make  him  tell  us  how  strong  the  Greeks 
are.  Wait!  He  mustn't  know  how  few  we  are.  Blind 
fold  him  again  and  tie  his  hands. 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Tie  his  hands  ?     He  is  a  noncombatant,  Colonel. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(Sternly.}  He  is  a  prisoner.  (MOUZAFFER  salutes  and 
exit.  GRACE  enters  left.} 

GRACE. 

Oh,  please!  may  I  come  in?  We  forgot  the  mustard. 
(With  evident  disappointment  she  looks  about  her.)  Isn't 
Mr.  Warren  here? 

COL.  OSTAH. 

No,  not  yet.     It  is  quite  a  distance  to  the  Greek  lines. 

GRACE. 
The  Greek  lines?     Why  did  he  go  there? 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(Shrugs  his  shoulders.)  WThy  do  men  ever  run  away? 
Because  they  are  afraid. 

GRACE. 

Afraid!  He?  Nonsense!  He's  gone — he's  gone  to 
wire  to  his  paper  while  those  other  men  in  there  stop  to 

[275] 


THE   GALLOPER 

cook  supper.     (Laughs.)     That's  what  he's  done.     (Goes 
to  table,  as  though  searching  for  the  mustard.) 

COL.    OSTAH. 

No,  the  others  were  as  willing  to  serve  you  as  he.  They 
decided  by  lot. 

GRACE. 

Decided — what  ? 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Who  should  tell  the  Greek  commander  there  are  women 
in  this  place. 

GRACE. 

(Starting  back  indignantly.)  Is  that  why  he  went? 
And  you  let  him  go?  You — you've  killed  him,  you 
coward ! 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(Rising,  and  coming  close  to  her.)  No,  no;  he  will  re 
turn.  I  wager  you  he  will  return.  I  wager  this  diamond 
ring,  see!  (He  leers  at  her  insolently.) 

GRACE. 

(Contemptuously.)  If  you  so  much  as  look  at  me  again, 
I  will  report  you  to  your  commanding  officer. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Indeed!  You  forget  you  are  my  prisoner.  (GRACE 
raises  her  head  indignantly  and  with  a  quick  downward 
movement  of  the  right  hand  unrolls  the  sleeve  on  her  left 
arm,  showing  the  Red  Cross  badge.  OSTAH  backs  to  door 
centre,  bowing,  and  exit  centre.) 

GRACE. 

(To  herself.)  He  must  come  back!  He  must  come 
back!  (At  door  upper  right,  SYBIL  knocks.)  He  will,  he 

[276] 


THE   GALLOPER 

will!     (Knock  is   repeated.}     Come    in!     I    suppose   you 
may  come  in.     (Knock  is  repeated.}     Come  in! 

SYBIL. 
I  can't!     I  can't  get  out,  to  come  in. 

GRACE. 
That's  a  woman !     Where  are  you  ? 

SYBIL. 

In  here.  I'm  a  prisoner.  They're  starving  me  to 
death — by  inches! 

GRACE. 

You  poor  thing!  Wait  just  one  moment.  (Opens 
door.} 

SYBIL. 

(Standing  in  doorway.}  Oh,  thank  you!  I  heard  a 
woman's  voice,  and  I — oh,  how  do  you  do  ?  I  saw  you  on 
the  transport.  I'm  Sybil  Schwartz.  I  tried  to  come  on 
board,  and  they  wouldn't  let  me. 

GRACE. 
Oh,  yes!  I  remember. 

SYBIL. 

Of  course  you  do.  I  made  such  a  show  of  myself,  but  I 
was  just  heartbroken.  To  come  way  out  here — only  to 
find  that  woman  and  Kirke  together  again. 

GRACE. 
Kirke? 

SYBIL. 

Kirke  Warren — you  see,  he  and  his  wife  are  reunited. 

[277] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

His  wife!    Mr.  Warren  is  not  married. 

SYBIL. 

Oh!  you  know  what  I  mean.     His  divorced  wife.     I 
beg  your  pardon — I  thought  you  knew  him. 

GRACE. 
So  did  I. 

SYBIL. 

Well,  anyway,  you  know  Blanche  Bailey. 

GRACE. 
What  interest  has  Miss  Bailey  in  Mr.  Warren  ? 

SYBIL. 

Oh,  not  much,  except  that  she's  his  divorced  wife — and 
now  they're  reunited. 

GRACE. 

Oh!    It's  absurd!     Impossible! 

SYBIL. 

Well,  I  ought  to  know.     Ever  since  his  divorce  from  her, 
he's  been  engaged  to  marry  me. 

GRACE. 
You!     Engaged  to  Mr.  Warren! 

SYBIL. 

Well,  I  was  until  two  days  ago.     (Sentimentally.)     Then 
there  came  a  change.     Now  I  love  another. 

GRACE. 

Tell  me,  please!     Were  you  engaged  to  Mr.  Warren  that 
day  on  the  wharf? 

[278] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SYBIL. 

Of  course  I  was. 

GRACE. 

He  told  me,  himself,  he  had  never  seen  you  until  that 
moment. 

SYBIL. 

Now,  isn't  that  like  Kirke !  But  don't  you  worry ;  he  may 
get  over  it.  You  see,  I  don't  want  him  any  more;  and  if 

you  feel 

GRACE. 

Pardon  me!  I  have  no  interest  in  Mr.  Warren.  I  be 
lieve  you  said  you  were  hungry. 

SYBIL. 
Starving ! 

GRACE. 

(Points  to  kitchen  and  walks  from  her.)  You  will  find 
some  food  in  that  room. 

SYBIL. 
Oh,  please!  I'm  not  allowed  to  leave  this  one. 

GRACE. 

Very  well.  Go  back  there,  then,  and  I  will  bring  you 
something. 

SYBIL. 

Don't  be  long.  It's  awfully  dark  in  here.  (Through 
half -closed  door.)  And  I  say,  don't  you  worry  about 
Kirke  Warren.  He's  not  worth  it. 

GRACE. 

I  tell  you,  I  have  not  the  slightest  interest  in  Mr.  Warren. 

(SYBIL  exit  and  closes  door.) 

[279] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SENTRY. 

(From  off  upper  left.)     Pass  the  American  correspondent ! 

GRACE. 

(Hysterically.)  He's  safe,  he's  safe,  he's  safe!  (CoPE 
enters  with  SERGEANT,  who  carries  COPE'S  belt,  revolver, 
and  fieldglasses.  COPE  has  a  red  handkerchief  tied  across 
his  eyes  with  one  end  hanging  just  over  his  nose.  His 
hands  are  bound  behind  him.  The  SERGEANT  leads  him 
to  centre,  and  places  his  revolver,  whip,  and  gloves  upon 
bench.} 

COPE. 

(Sniffing  at  handkerchief.)  Sergeant,  you've  been 
wrapping  your  dinner  in  this  handkerchief.  I  wish  you'd 
take  it  off  my  nose. 

SERGEANT. 

Silence ! 

COPE. 

Smells  just  like  an  Irish  stew. 

SERGEANT. 

The  orders  of  the  Colonel  are,  if  you  take  that  bandage 
from  your  eyes,  he  will  cut  off  your  ears. 

COPE. 

Wish  he'd  cut  off  my  nose.  (Sniffs.)  Now  I  can  dis 
tinguish  onions  and  garlic.  (SERGEANT  exit  centre.  COPE 
turns  his  head  from  left  to  right.)  Hello!  anybody  at  home  ? 
Hello!  hello,  Central!  give  me — give  me — anybody. 

GRACE. 

(Haughtily.)     I  am  here,  Mr.  Warren. 
[280] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COPE. 


Grace!  O  Miss  Whitney!  it's  awfully  good  to  see  you 
again.  That  is,  it  would  be  if  I  could  see  you.  Miss 
Whitney,  I've  had  the  deuce  of  a  ride,  and  I  know  now 
that  you're  the  only  one — 


GRACE. 


Mr.  Warren!  I  think  already  you  have  sufficiently 
humiliated  me. 

COPE. 

Humiliated  you?  Good  heavens!  Who?  I?  Stand 
still,  can't  you  ?  Don't  move  about  that  way.  How  could 
I  humiliate  you  ? 

GRACE. 

I  know  everything!  I  know  that  Blanche  Bailey  was 
your  wife. 

COPE. 

(Stamps  one  foot.)     The  devil! 

GRACE. 

And  that  when  you  ask  me  to  marry  you,  you  were 
already  engaged. 

COPE. 

(Astonished.)  Engaged?  I?  I'm  not  engaged  to  any 
body — except  you.  And  I'm  not  engaged  to  you,  yet. 
Who  said  I  was  engaged? 

GRACE. 
The  woman  herself,  Sybil  Schwartz. 

COPE. 

(Comprehending.)     Sybil! 

[281] 


THE   GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

(Indignantly.'}     Ah!     You  said  you  didn't  know  her. 

COPE. 

(To  himself.}  That's  why  they  didn't  want  me  to  meet 
Sybil.  O  Blanche  Bailey!  O  Billy  Ashe!  Wait  until 
I  get  my  hands  untied.  (To  GRACE.)  See  here!  Where 
are  you  ?  I  can  explain  this ;  not  all  of  it,  but — 

GRACE. 

You  can  explain  nothing!  Good-by,  Mr.  Warren, 
forever!  (Exit  upper  left.} 

COPE. 

Here!  Come  back  here!  Grace!  (He  falls  over  chair 
on  right  of  table,  and  lifting  it  throws  it  doivn  violently.) 
Get  out  of  my  way.  (At  the  noise  of  the  falling  chair 
O'M ALLEY  appears  at  corridor.} 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

What's  the  matter?  Are  you  hurt?  Hello!  who  are 
you? 

COPE. 

(Limping.}     Well,  if  it  comes  to  that,  who  are  you  ? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I'm  a  prisoner  of  war. 

COPE. 
I'm  a  prisoner  of  peace. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

These  barbarians  are  taking  everybody  prisoner.  No 
one  is  safe!  He  has  even  locked  up  a  Red  Cross  nurse — 
in  there — a  noble,  brave  woman — 

[282] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SYBIL. 

(Calling.}     O  Captain!    Is  that  you,  Captain?  (O'MAL- 
LEY  runs  to  door  upper  right.} 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

The  saints  preserve  us!     Yes,  dear  lady!     I'm.  coming, 
dear  lady! 

SYBIL. 

(Appearing  at  door.}     Could  you  get  me  a  candle ?     It's 
so  dark  in  here. 

COPE. 

Heavens!     That  sounds  like 


CAPT.    O  MALLEY. 


Certainly,  dear  lady,  in  one  moment,  in  one  moment. 
(Runs  to  mantel  for  candle.) 

SYBIL. 

Hurry,  please,  the  rats  are  running  all  over  the  ceiling ! 
Oh!  why  did  I  ever  leave  Newark? 

COPE. 
Newark?     It  is  Sybil! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Here  is  a  candle,  sweet  lady. 

COPE. 

(To  himself.)     "  Sweet  lady ! "     I  say,  that's  a  bit  strong. 
Sybil  seems  to  forget  that  she  is  engaged  to  me. 

SYBIL. 
Thank  you,  brave  heart. 

[  288  ] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE;. 

"Brave  heart!"  Heavens!  Can  it  be  that  Sybil  no 
longer  loves  me?  (O'MALLEY  hands  candle  to  SYBIL, 
and  kisses  her  fingers.}  Here,  I  say!  (Resignedly.}  Oh, 
don't  mind  me,  don't  mind  me! 

SYBIL. 

Now,  I  won't  be  frightened ;  and  if  that  Turk  threatens 
me,  I'll  promise  him  a  thrashing  from  the  man  I'm  going 
to  marry. 

COPE. 

The  man  she's  going  to  marry! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

The  man  you're  going  to  marry?  Do  you  mean  it, 
darling?  Will  you  marry  me? 

SYBIL. 
Yes,  Captain,  I  will. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Darling!     (Takes  her  in  his  arms.) 

COPE. 

(Dancing  joyfully.}  Hurrah!  It's  all  off!  I'm  a  free 
man!  I'm  a  free  man! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

The  devil!  What  does  this  mean,  sir?  How  dare  you  ? 
(To  SYBIL.)  Go  back  to  your  room,  dearest.  I'll  speak 
to  this  fellow — alone. 

SYBIL. 
O  Captain!  don't  hurt  him. 

COPE. 

No,  don't  hurt  him,  Captain. 
[284] 


THE   GALLOPER 

SYBIL. 

And  dearest,  don't  let  him  hurt  you. 

COPE. 
Now,  how  could  I  hurt  him? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

In  just  a  moment,  darling.  (Pushes  SYBIL  into  room 
and  closes  door.)  Now,  sir!  (COPE  jumps,  and  backs  away 
from  O'MALLEY.)  What  did  you  mean  by  that  insulting 
laughter?  Who  are  you,  anyway?  (Studies  COPE  closely.) 
By  the  powers!  I  believe —  (Partly  raises  kerchief.) 

COPE. 
Here!     Don't  pull  my  nose! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Ha,  ha!  At  last!  I  will  pull  your  nose.  Do  you 
know  me? 

COPE. 

No,  I  don't!     And  I  don't  want  to  know  you! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  am  Captain  O'Malley. 

COPE. 

(Delighted.)  Hello,  Cap!  Think  of  meeting  you  out 
here!  Isn't  this  a  small  world? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

You  have  insulted  me  three  times,  and  run  away  three 
times.  You  will  not  leave  this  room  until  we  fight  that 
duel. 

[285] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COPE. 

If  we  fight  that  duel,  you'll  leave  this  room  feet  first. 
(ANSTRUTHER  and  GRIGGS  enter  from  upper  left.) 

GRIGGS. 

(Hurrying  toward  COPE.)  Here  he  is!  Bless  his  heart ! 
Home  again! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Thank  Heaven!  you're  safe  and  sound. 

COPE. 

Safe  and  sound  nothing!  There's  a  wild  Irishman  in 
this  room  trying  to  shoot  me. 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

Shoot  you!  (To  O'M ALLEY.)  Are  you  the  man? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

I  am  the  man,  and  I'm  glad  you  gentlemen  have  come. 
Three  times  I  have  challenged  that  person  to  fight,  and 
now  I  brand  him  as  a  coward. 

COPE. 

It  is  very  awkward  to  fight  with  your  eyes  shut  and 
your  hands  tied.  (GRIGGS  begins  to  untie  handkerchief.) 
No,  don't  take  that  off,  or  they'll  cut  off  my  ears! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

He's  no  coward.  He's  a  brave  man.  And  if  he  wants 
a  friend,  I'll  back  him. 

GRIGGS. 

So  will  I.     J  have  been  a  second  in  ten  duels. 
[286] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

That  settles  it!    Now,  there'll  be  a  duel  in  ten  seconds. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Thank  you,  gentlemen.  All  I  want  is  satisfaction 
according  to  the  code.  By  Jove!  And  I  think  /  can  pre 
sent  a  friend  also.  He  has  served  in  six  campaigns. 

COPE. 

If  your  friend's  anything  like  you,  I'll  fight  him  too. 
(O'MALLEY  knocks  at  lower  door  left.  Then  opens  it,  and 
speaks  into  it.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

Sir,  may  I  speak  with  you  ? 

COPE. 

Who's  he  talking  to?  He  hasn't  got  a  friend  in  the 
world.  He's  talking  to  himself.  (WARREN  appears  at 
door,  glances  at  the  three  men  and  bows  slightly.) 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
A  short  time  since,  I  believe  I  did  you  a  slight  service. 

WARREN. 
You  did  indeed,  Captain. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  now  ask  the  honor  of  your  assistance  in  a  duel. 

WARREN. 

Certainly.     Who's  duel  ? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
Mine,  and  that  gentleman's. 

[287] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

Not  mine!     Anybody  can  have  my  share  of  it. 

WARREN. 

I'll  serve  you  with  pleasure,  Captain.  How  do  you 
intend  to  fight? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

We  intend  to  shoot  at  each  other  across  that  table. 
(CoPE  turns  his  head  anxiously  to  GRIGGS.) 

COPE. 
How  big  is  that  table? 

WARREN. 
As  your  second,  may  I  ask  why  you  are  fighting*? 

COPE. 
Yes,  you  may.     And  when  you  find  out,  tell  me. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

He  insulted  my  Colonel,  and  I — took  from  him  the  lady 
he  was  to  have  married.  For  that  I  feel  I  owe  him  satis 
faction. 

COPE. 

You  gave  me  all  the  satisfaction  I  wanted  when  you  took 
the  lady. 

WARREN. 

If  your  Colonel  was  insulted,  you've  got  to  fight. 

COPE. 
Who  has  ?     Which  of  us  are  you  talking  to  ? 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

To  both  of  us.     No  man  can  insult  my  Colonel. 
[288] 


THE   GALLOPER 


COPE. 


Then,  why  wasn't  your  Colonel  at  the  front?  If  he 
hadn't  had  cold  feet,  I  wouldn't  have  poured  the  Bur 
gundy  into  his  boots. 


WARREN. 


(Astonished.}     Wouldn't  have — what?     What  did  you 
do? 


CAPT.    O  MALLEY. 


(Sternly.}  At  a  public  banquet,  that  man  emptied  a 
quart  of  Burgundy  into  Colonel  Zerzes's  boots. 

WARREN. 

That  man!  Impossible!  That's  not  the  man  who  did 
that.  I  know  who  did  it.  Is  that  the  cause  of  the  duel. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
It  is. 

WARREN. 

Then  the  duel  is  off.  That's  the  wrong  man.  I  won't 
let  you  fight  him. 

COPE. 

(To  ANSTRUTHER  and  GRIGGS.)  I  say,  I  like  him. 
He's  a  better  second  than  you  are. 

WARREN. 

The  man  who  really  did  that  to  Colonel  Zerzes  was  a 
correspondent.  His  name  is — 

COPE. 

(Quickly  interrupting.}  Hist!  Hist!  Never  mind  his 
name.  We  don't  want  to  get  him  in  trouble.  Perhaps 
you'd  better  know  my  name.  My  name  is — Kirke  Warren ! 

[289] 


THE  GALLOPER 

WARREN. 

(Laughing.)  Kirke  Warren!  Have  we  met  again? 
Well,  if  you're  Kirke  Warren,  you'll  be  interested  to  know 
that  I  am  Copeland  Schuyler. 

COPE. 

For  Heaven's  sake!  Here,  take  these  things  off  my  eyes! 
I've  got  to  see  that  man.  (GRIGGS  and  ANSTRUTHER  slip 
off  bandage  and  cut  rope.  COPE  shakes  hands  with  WAR 
REN.)  Well,  well,  well!  Dear  old  Cope!  How  you  have 
changed! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(In  a  stern  whisper.)  One  moment,  please.  When  are 
we  to  settle  our  difficulties  about  Sybil  Schwartz?  (CoPE 
raises  his  voice  and  looks  at  WARREN  to  attract  his  atten 
tion.) 

COPE. 

Mrs.  Schwartz?  Sybil,  you  mean.  (WARREN  starts.) 
Why,  there  is  no  difficulty  about  Mrs.  Schwartz.  (To 
O'MALLEY.)  I  think  as  your  second  he  ought  to  hear 
this.  It  will  interest  him. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  don't  think  so. 

WARREN. 

I  do.     As  your  second — I'm  sure  it  will 

COPE. 

Yes,  I  think  it  will.  Well,  there's  no  difficulty  about 
Sybil.  No,  Sybil  no  longer  loves  me.  Sybil  no  longer 
desires  to  become  Mrs.  Kirke  Warren.  (WTARREN  laughs, 
and  to  hide  his  smile  covers  his  face  with  his  hand.  To 
O'MALLEY.)  Ah,  you  see!  It  does  interest  him.  He's 
crying.  He's  sorry  for  my  loss.  No,  you  re  the  only  man 

[290] 


THE  GALLOPER 

Sybil  loves  now — you  lucky  dog — you  most  fortunate  of 
men! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

(Clasping  his  hands.}     Ah,  I  am  indeed! 

COPE. 

(To  WARREN.)  Poor  devil!  (To  O'MALLEY.)  And, 
O  Captain,  oh,  promise  me  you  will  be  very  kind  to  her. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
I  swear  it. 

COPE. 

Good !  If  I  thought — if  we  thought  you  and  Sybil  would 
be  unhappy  together — it  would  make  us  very  miserable, 
wouldn't  it?  (WARREN  nods  sadly.} 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
For  her  I  will  work  until  I  drop ! 

COPE. 

That's  right!  I  see  you  intend  to  work  in  Sybil's 
brewer)7.  (GRACE  enters  excitedly  at  upper  left.} 

GRACE. 
Mr.  Warren,  may  I  speak  with  you? 

COPE. 

You  may  indeed!  (To  O'MALLEY.)  Sybil  is  probably 
worrying  for  fear  I  hurt  you.  Go  tell  her  I  spared  your 
life. 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 

I  will.  (Opens  door  upper  right.  SYBIL  appears,  and 
in  dumb  show  they  remain  talking  in  doonvay.  COPE 
turns  delightedly  to  GRACE.) 

[291  ] 


THE  GALLOPER 

GRACE. 

Blanche  has  explained  everything.  Who  you  really  are, 
and  why  you  did  it. 

COPK. 

I  did  it  to  be  near  you.     Can  you  forgive  me? 

GRACE. 

Can  you  forgive  me?  (OsTAH  enters  hurriedly  with 
SERGEANT  and  two  soldiers.  SERGEANT  and  soldiers  come 
down  lower  right.) 

COPE. 

Well,  if  we  both  want  to  be  forgiven,  my  troubles  are 
over. 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(Fiercely.')     I  want  Mr.  Kirke  Warren! 

COPE. 

And  then,  again,  maybe  they're  not.     Yes,  Colonel. 

COL.  OSTAH. 

A  dispatch  rider  has  just  brought  an  order  from  Edhem 
Pasha.  It  places  you  under  arrest. 

COPE. 

He's  too  late.  I  am  under  arrest.  That  dispatch  rider 
always  was  slow. 

GRACE. 

What  have  you  done  to  be  arrested  ? 

COPE. 

Nothing,  the  first  time.     I  suppose  I've  done  it  again. 
[292] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

You  are  the  man  who  fought  against  us  in  Crete.  The 
fact  that  you  are  found  inside  our  lines  out  of  uniform 
condemns  you  as  a  spy.  I  am  to  send  you  to  the  base, 
where  you  will  be  shot.  (All  exclaim  in  chorus.) 

GRACE. 

Oh! 

CAPT.    ANSTRUTHER. 

That's  impossible! 

GRIGGS. 

This  is  an  outrage! 

SYBIL. 
The  monster ! 

CAPT.  O'MALLEY. 
He  cant  do  it! 

WARREN. 

Here,  this  is  getting  serious.  (Comes  forward.)  Colonel, 
/  am  the  man  you  want. 

COPE. 

(Pushes  him  left.)  Keep  quiet,  you  idiot!  Let  him 
send  me  to  the  base.  They  won't  shoot  me.  They'll  see 
I'm  the  wrong  man ;  that  will  give  you  time  to  escape  to  the 
Greek  lines.  The  Greeks  are  not  a  hundred  yards  from 
this  house.  (BLANCHE  enters  upper  left.) 

WARREN. 

(To  COPE.)  No,  no,  it's  too  dangerous;  they  might 
shoot  you.  (To  OSTAH.)  Colonel,  /  am  Kirke  Warren! 
(BLANCHE  runs  to  him.) 

BLANCHE. 

Kirke! 

[293] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

(Eagerly.}  Ah,  you  know  Mr.  Warren.  Which  is  he? 
(CoPE  quickly  seizes  her  hand.} 

COPE. 
Hello!  how  are  you,  Blanche? 

WARREN. 

(Imitating.}     How  do  you  do,  Blanche? 

COPE. 

(To  OSTAH.)     Fooled  you  that  time,  Colonel. 

BLANCHE. 

(To  COPE.)  What  does  this  mean?  (CoPE,  WARREN, 
and  GRACE  whisper  to  her  eagerly.  OSTAH  crosses  to 
SERGEANT.) 

COL.  OSTAH. 

(In  a  whisper.)  The  women  will  show  us  which  is  the 
right  man.  When  I  give  the  order  to  fire — do  not  fire — 
but  watch  the  women.  Attention!  (To  all.)  I've  had 
enough  of  this !  Kirke  Warren,  you  are  to  be  shot  as  a  spy. 
(To  SERGEANT.)  Make  ready!  Aim!  (The  soldiers  raise 
their  rifles.  GRACE  screams  and  throws  her  arms  around 
the  neck  of  COPE.  BLANCHE  screams  and  embraces  WAR 
REN.) 

GRACE. 

Kirke! 

BLANCHE. 

Kirke!  (The  soldiers  look  uncertainly  from  WARREN  to 
COPE  and  then  to  the  COLONEL.  OSTAH  stands  bewildered. 
COPE  smiles  at  him  over  the  shoulder  of  GRACE.) 

[294] 


THE   GALLOPER 

COPE. 

You  will  have  to  guess  again,  Colonel.  (There  is  the 
report  of  firearms  and  shouts  outside.  MOUZAFFER  rushes 
in  centre.) 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Colonel!     The   Greeks!     They  come!     They  come! 

COL.  OSTAH. 

Follow  me!  This  way!  Follow  me!  (Runs  off,  followed 
by  MOUZAFFER,  SERGEANT,  and  soldiers.  WARREN,  AN- 
STRUTHER,  and  GRIGGS  follow  more  leisurely,  consulting 
together.) 

COPE. 

All  you  women — in  there!  Quick!  O'Malley,  you're 
on  parole.  Take  care  of  the  women.  (SYBIL,  BLANCHE, 
O'MALLEY,  and  GRACE  run  to  upper  door  left.  All  exeunt 
but  GRACE.)  Hurry!  now,  hurry! 

GRACE. 

(At  door.)     Please  be  careful ! 

COPE. 

You  bet  I'll  be  careful.  Go  inside,  quick,  and  bar  the 
door.  (GRACE  exit.)  Where  the  devil  did  they  put  my 
gun?  (Finds  his  belt  on  bench,  and  as  he  buckles  it  on 
the  INNKEEPER  rushes  in  centre,  carrying  a  bell-mouthed 
blunderbuss.) 

INNKEEPER. 

(Scr earning.}     Glory!     Glory!     The  Greeks!     Look! 
(Points  off  centre.)     They  have  captured  the  rainbow. 

COPE. 

The  what?     They  have  captured  the  what? 
[  295  ] 


THK   (lAI-LOPKIl 

INNKEEPER. 

The  rainbow  bridge.  (Coi'E  icith  rixiny  e.rcitement 
seizes  INNKKEPEK  !>//  flic  arm  and  points  off  centre  into 
the  darkness.} 

COPE, 

The  rainbow  bridge!  Is  that  little  arch  thing  called  the 
rainbow  bridge? 

INNKEEPER. 

Yes,  yes. 

COPE. 

How  long's  it  been  called  that? 

INNKEEPER. 

How  do  I  know  ?     Thousands  of  years — since  Alcibiades. 

COPE. 

Alcibiades!  "  At  the  foot  of  the  rainbow."  This  inn  is 
at  the  foot  of  the  rainbow.  What's  the  name  of  this  inn? 

INNKEEPER. 

Ikon.     Basilika  Demnos. 

COPE. 

(Shaking  him.)     Say  it  in  English. 

INNKEEPER. 

It's  called  the  Inn  where  all  men  are  equal. 

COPE. 

Jerusalem !  I've  found  it !  "  At  the  foot  of  the  rainbow 
where  all  men  are  equal,  twenty  feet  in,  twenty  feet  left." 
(Runs  to  centre  door  and  from,  it  comes  down  rapidly,  placing 
one  foot  before  the  otlier,  and  counting.}  One— two — three 
— four — five —  (Outside  the  firing  continues  fiercely.  The 

[296] 


THE  GALLOPER 

INNKEEPER  hides  in  corridor.  A  Turkish  soldier  enters 
backicard.  As  he  backs  dou-n  stage  he  fires  out  of  the  door, 
and  in  retreating  bumps  into  COPE.)  Stop  that!  Con 
found  you!  can't  you  see  I'm  counting!  (COPE  runs 
back  to  door  and  again  begins  to  count.  The  soldier  runs 
to  icindoic,  and  pushing  aside  curtain  fires  from  icindoic. 
SERGEANT  enters  and  also  brushes  COPE  aside,  then  runs 
to  window.)  Here!  if  you  do  that  again,  I'll  punch  your 
head!  Can't  you  look  where  you're  going?  Where'd  I 
leave  off?  (Counts.)  Nineteen — twenty.  (Turns  left, 
counting  rapidly,  to  fireplace.  Halts.)  Twenty  feet  in, 
twenty  feet  left.  Five  feet  upl  Dig!  (Raises  his  hands.) 
Alcibiades,  you  can't  fool  me!  I've  found  your  combina 
tion!  (Throics  aside  andirons,  slwrcl,  tongs,  pots,  and 
pans,  and  disappears  up  the  chimney.  OSTAH,  terrified 
and  dishevelled,  enters  centre  with  MOUZAFFER.) 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Come  back,  sir.     Come  back  to  your  men! 

COL.    OSTAH. 

Xo,  no,  it  is  too  late.  I  surrender.  They  come  from 
even-  side!  (The  INNKEEPER  fires  from  corridor.)  Look! 
they  are  in  that  corridor.  (Bricks,  plaster,  and  stones  fall 
fro7n  chimney  to  the  stage.  COPE  is  heard  cheering  joy 
fully.)  And  there!  Look!  They  are  coming  down  the 
chimney!  (Falls  on  his  knees  before  the  chimney  holding 
out  hi-s  sword,  hilt  foremost.  MOUZAFFER  runs  to  centre.) 

CAPT.    MOUZAFFER. 

Follow  me!  men,  follow  me!  (Exit.  SERGEANT  and  sol 
dier  run  to  door  centre.  COPE  falls  out  of  the  chimney,  his 
face  and  hands  streaked  with  soot.  As  they  exeunt  the  tico 
soldiers  fire  at  him.  He  clicks  his  unloaded  revolver  wildly 
at  them,  at  OSTAH,  and  then  at  the  INNKEEPER,  who  runs 
back  into  corridor.) 

[*97] 


THE  GALLOPER 

COL.    OSTAH. 

I  surrender,  I  surrender.  (CoPE  throws  down  revolver 
and  takes  OSTAH 's  sword.) 

COPE. 

You  are  my  prisoner  now.  If  you  don't  get  off  your 
knees,  I'll  cut  your  cars  off.  (He  sticks  the  sword  in  his 
belt,  and  running  down  to  footlights  takes  from  under  his 
shirt  a  leather  bag.  From  it  he  draws  strings  of  pearls.) 
Great  Jerusalem!  (Holds  bag  high  in  the  air  above  his 
head.)  The  world  is  mine!  (Shoves  bag  back  under  his 
shirt  on  left  side.  WARREN,  GRIGGS,  ANSTRUTHEU,  enter 
hurriedly  centre.  GRIGGS  runs  toward  door  upper  left. 

GRIGGS. 

We've  won!  Come  out!  You're  safe!  (Door  opens 
and  O'MALLEY  and  women  enter.  GRACE  comes  down  to 
COPE'S  left.) 

VOICE. 

(Outside.)  Attention!  His  Royal  Highness,  the  Com 
manding  General!  (The  CROWN  PRINCE  enters,  escorted 
by  staff,  Greek  soldiers,  and  INNKEEPER.  All  men  salute 
him,  all  women  curtsey.  The  PRINCE  salutes  them. 

INNKEEPER. 

(Pointing  to  COPE.)  May  it  please  your  Royal  High 
ness,  this  is  the  gentleman. 

COPE. 
(To  GRACE.)     Is  he  going  to  arrest  me,  too? 


PRINCE. 


I  am  told,  sir,  you  effected  the  surrender  of  this  place 

[298] 


single-handed. 


THE  GALLOPER 

COPE. 

Oh,  not  at  all,  sir!  (Points  to  OSTAH.)  He  insisted  on 
surrendering  to  somebody,  and  I  was  the  only  person 
around. 

PRINCE. 

This  is  the  second  time  to-night  you  have  served  us. 
Ask  what  you  wrish,  and  you  will  find  that  we  are  not  un 
grateful. 

COPE. 

(Pressing  hand  over  heart.}  Oh,  might  I?  Well, 
could  I — be  sent  back — to  Athens? 

PRINCE. 

To  Athens? 

COPE. 

My  heart — my  heart  is  very  weak. 

PRINCE. 
Most  certainly. 

COPE. 

And  I  think  a  trained  nurse  should  go  with  me,  too. 
( Takes  GRACE'S  hand.}  This  one  has  volunteered  already. 
So,  if  your  Royal  Highness — 

PRINCE. 
I  will  give  you  horses,  and  an  escort. 

COPE. 
I  thank  you,  sir. 

PRINCE. 

That  is  not  enough.  Mr.  Warren,  for  your  services  to 
our  army  I  create  you  a  chevalier  of  the  Order  of  King 
George.  (He  takes  decoration  from  his  coat  and  advances 
to  place  it  upon  COPE'S  chest.  COPE  turns  the  left  chest, 

[299] 


THE  GALLOPER 

then  in  alarm  offers  the  right  side,  where  the  PRINCE  sticks 
the  decoration.  The  PRINCE  turns  up  stage  and  stands 
with  back  to  audience  apparently  in  conversation  with 
O'MALLEY,  SYBIL,  GRIGGS,  and  ANSTRUTHER.  BLANCHE 
and  WARREN  move  toward  fireplace,  their  attitude  sug 
gesting  that  they  are  reunited.) 

COPE. 
(To  GRACE.)     I'm  a  chevalier. 

GRACE. 

What's  a  chevalier? 

COPE. 

I  don't  know,  but  you  II  be  Mrs.  Chevalier. 

GRACE. 
Are  you  really  ill  ? 

COPE. 

(In  a  whisper.}  No.  But  I  must  get  out  of  this.  I've 
got  a  million  dollars'  worth  of  Alcibiades's  pearls  inside  my 
shirt!  I  found  the  treasure! 

GRACE. 
You  found  the  treasure! 

COPE. 

Both  treasures!  (Takes  her  in  his  arms.  The  CROWN- 
PRINCE  turns  to  the  soldiers,  who  wave  their  muskets  and 
cheer  him,  as  the 

CURTAIN    FALLS. 


[300] 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 


COPYRIGHT,  1904,  BY  COLLIER'S  WEEKLY  ;  COPYRIGHT, 
1905,  BY  CHARLES  SCRIBNER'S  SONS 


***  "  Miss  CIVILIZATION  "  is  founded  on 
a  story  by  the  late  JAMES  HARVEY  SMITH. 


The  CAST  of  "  Miss  CIVILIZATION  "  as  it  was  produced 

on  January  26,   1906,  at  the  BROADWAY 

THEATEE,  by  Miss  BARRYMORE. 

THE  PEESONS  IN   THE  PLAY 

(  daughter  of  James  K.  Gard-  } 

ALICE  GARDNEB.  .  -      ner,  President  of  the  L.  I.  >  .  .Ethel  Banymore 
(      &  W.  Railroad  ) 

"UNCLE  JOSEPH  HATCH,"  alias  "Gentleman  Joe ".... Joseph  Kilgour 

"BEICK"  MEAKIN,  alias  "Eeddy,  the  Kid" John  Barrymore 

HAKEY  HAYES,  alias  "Grand  Stand"   Harry.  ..  .Emanuel  Shackelford 

CAPTAIN  LUCAS,  Chief  of  Police Harrison  Armstrong 

Policemen,  Brakemen,  Engineers. 


ACT   I. 

Thf  dining  room  in  ihf  country  house  of  JAMBS  K.  GARI> 
NKR  on  Long  Island.  In  ihf  back  wall  is  a  double 
doorway  opening  into  a  haU..  A  curtain  dirided  in 
ihf  middlf  hangs  across  thf  entrance.  On  the  wall  on 
either  side  of  the  doorway  are  tiro  electric  lights,  and 
to  the  left  is  a  telephone.  Farther  to  the  If  ft  is  a 
sideboard.  On  it  are  set  sillier  sailers.  candlfsticks, 
and  Christmas  presents  of  sih~>cr.  They  still  are  in  thf 
red  flannel  bags  in  which  they  arrnv-J.  In  the  left 
wall  is  a  recessed  window  hung  irith  curtains. 
Against  thf  right  wall  is  a  buffet  on  which  is  set  a  tea 
caddy,  toast  rack,  and  teakettle.  Below  the  buffet  a 
door  opens  into  thf  butlfr's  pantry.  A  dinnfr  toblf 
stands  well  down  thf  stage  with  a  chair  at  each  end 
and  on  either  side.  Two  chairs  are  set  against  thf 
back  wall  to  the  right  of  thf  door.  Thf  walls  and 
windows  are  decorated  with  holly  and  mist.lftfte  and 
Christmas  wreaths  tied  with  boics  of  scarlet  ribbon. 
When  thf  windoir  is  opened  there  is  a  i*ifw  of  falling 
snow.  At  first  tfie  room  is  in  complete  darknfss. 

The  time  is  the  day  after  Christmas,  near  midnight. 

After  the  curtain  rises  one  hears  the  noise  of  a  file  scraping 
on  iron.  It  comes  apparently  from  outside  the  housf 
at  a  point  distant  from  thf  dining  room.  Thf  filing 
is  repeated  cautiously,  with  a  wait  after  each  stroke, 
as  though  thf  person  using  the  file  had  paused  to 
listen. 

AIJCE  GARDNF.R  enters  at  centre,  carrying  a  lighted  candle 
in  a  sillier  candlestick.  Shf  uvars  a  dressing 

[  80S  ] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

with  swans-down  around  her  throat  and  at  the  edges 
of  her  sleeves.  Her  feet  are  in  bedroom  slipper,? 
topped  with  fur.  Her  hair  hangs  down  in  a  braid. 
After  listening  intently  to  the  sound  of  the  file,  she 
places  candle  on  sideboard  and  goes  to  telephone. 
She  speaks  in  a  whisper. 

ALICE. 

Hello,  Central!  Hello,  Central!  (Impatiently.)  Wake 
up!  Wake  up!  Is  that  you,  Central?  Give  me  the  sta 
tion  agent  at  Bedford  Junction — quick.  I  can't  speak 
louder.  You  must  hear  me.  Give  me  the  station  agent 
at  Bedford  Junction.  No,  there's  a  man  there  all  night. 
Hurry,  please,  hurry.  ( There  is  a  pause,  during  which  the 
sound  of  the  file  groivs  louder.  ALICE  listens  apprehen 
sively.)  Hello!  are  you  the  station  agent?  Listen!  I  am 
Miss  Gardner,  James  K.  Gardner's  daughter.  Yes,  James 
K.  Gardner,  the  president  of  the  road.  This  is  his 
house.  My  mother  and  I  are  here  alone.  There  are  three 
men  trying  to  break  in.  Yes,  burglars,  of  course.  My 
mother  is  very  ill.  If  they  frighten  her,  the  shock  might — 
might  be  very  serious.  Wake  up  the  crew,  and  send  the 
wrecking  train  here — at  once.  Send — the — crew — of — the 
— wrecking  train.  What?  Then  fire  up  an  engine  and 
get  it  here  as  fast  as  you  can. 

VOICE. 

(Calling  from  second  story.)     Alice! 

ALICE. 

(At  telephone.)  Yes,  you  can.  The  up-track's  clear 
until  "  52  "  comes  along.  That's  not  until — 

VOICE. 

(Louder.)     Alice! 

[304] 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 

ALICE. 

(With  dismay.)  Mother!  (At  telephone.)  Hello!  hold 
the  wire.  Don't  go  away!  (Runs  to  curtains,  parts  them, 
and  looks  up  as  though  speaking  to  some  one  at  top  of  stairs.) 
Mother,  why  aren't  you  in  bed  ? 

VOICE. 
Is  anything  wrong,  Alice? 

ALICE. 

No,  dear,  no.  I  just  came  down  to — get  a  book  I  forgot. 
Please  go  back,  dearest. 

VOICE. 
I  heard  you  moving  about,  I  thought  you  might  be  ill. 

ALICE. 

No,  dearest,  but  you'll  be  very  ill  if  you  don't  keep  in 
bed.  Please,  mother — at  once.  It's  all  right.  It's  all 
right. 

VOICE. 

Yes,  dear.     Good  night. 

ALICE. 

Good  night,  mother.  (Returns  quickly  to  telephone.) 
Hello!  Hello!  Stop  the  engine  at  the  foot  of  our  lawn. 
Yes,  yes,  at  the  foot  of  our  lawn.  And  when  you  have 
the  house  surrounded,  blow  three  whistles  so  I'll  know 
you're  here.  What?  Oh,  that's  all  right.  The  burglars 
will  be  here.  /'//  see  to  that.  All  you  have  to  do  is  to 
get  here.  If  you  don't,  you'll  lose  your  job!  I  say,  if  you 
don't,  you'll  lose  your  job,  or  I'm  not  the  daughter  of  the 
president  of  this  road.  Now,  you  jump!  And — wait — 
hello —  (Turns  from  telephone.)  He's  jumped. 

[305] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

(The  file  is  now  draivn  harshly  across  the  bolt  of  the 
window  of  the  dining  room,  and  a  piece  of  wood  snaps. 
With  an  exclamation,  ALICE  blows  out  the  candle  and 
exit.  The  shutters  of  the  windows  are  opened,  admit 
ting  the  faint  glow  of  moonlight.  The  window  is 
raised  and  the  ray  of  a  dark  lantern  is  swept  about 
the  room.  HATCH  appears  at  window  and  puts  one 
leg  inside.  He  is  an  elderly  man  wearing  a  mask, 
which  hides  the  upper  half  of  his  face,  a  heavy  over 
coat,  and  a  derby  hat.  But  for  the  mask  he  might  be 
mistaken  for  a  respectable  man  of  business.  A  pane 
of  glass  falls  from  the  window  and  breaks  on  the  sill.) 

HATCH. 

(Speaking  over  his  shoulder.}  Hush!  Be  careful,  can't 
you  ?  (He  enters.  He  is  followed  by  "  GRAND  STAND  " 
HARRY,  a  younger  man  of  sporting  appearance.  He  also 
wears  a  mask,  and  the  brim  of  his  gray  Alpine  hat  is  pulled 
over  his  eyes.  Around  his  throat  he  wears  a  heavy  silk 
muffler.)  It's  all  right!  Come  on!  Hurry  up  and  close 
those  shutters! 

HARRY. 

(To  REDDY  outside.)  Give  me  the  bag,  Reddy.  (REDDY 
appears  at  window.  He  is  dressed  like  a  Bowery  tough. 
His  face  is  blackened  with  burnt  cork.  His  hair  is  of  a 
brilliant  red.  He  wears  an  engineer's  silk  cap  with  visor. 
To  HARRY  he  passes  a  half-filled  canvas  bag.  On  his 
shoulder  he  carries  another.  On  entering  he  slips  and  falls 
forward  on  the  floor.) 

HATCH. 

Confound  you ! 

HARRY. 

Hush,  you  fool! 

HATCH. 

Has  he  broken  anything  ? 

[306] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

REDDY. 

(On  floor,  rubbing  his  head.)     I've  broke  my  head. 

HATCH. 

That's  no  loss.     Has  he  smashed  that  silver? 

HARRY. 

(Feeling  in  bag.)  It  feels  all  right.  (HATCH  cautiously 
parts  curtains  at  centre  and  exit  into  hall.) 

REDDY. 

(Lifts  bag.)  We  got  enough  stuff  in  this  bag  already 
without  wasting  time  on  another  house. 

HARRY. 

Wasting  time!  Time's  money  in  this  house.  Look  at 
this  silver!  That's  the  beauty  of  working  the  night  after 
Christmas;  everybody's  presents  is  lying  about  loose,  and 
everybody's  too  tired  celebrating  to  keep  awake.  (Lifts 
silver  loving  cup.)  Look  at  that  cup! 

REDDY. 

I'd  rather  look  at  a  cup  of  coffee. 

HARRY. 

(Contemptuously.)     Ah,  you! 

REDDY. 

Well,  I  can't  make  a  meal  out  of  silver  ice  pitchers,  can 
I  ?  I've  been  through  three  refrigerators  to-night,  and 
nothing  in  any  of  'em  but  bottles  of  milk!  Milk! 

HARRY. 

Get  up,  get  up,  get  to  work. 
[307] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

REDDY. 

The  folks  in  this  town  are  the  stingiest  I  ever  see.  1 
won't  visit  'em  again,  no  matter  how  often  they  ask  me. 
(Rising  and  crossing  to  buffet.)  I  wonder  if  these  folks  is 
vegetarians,  too.  (HATCH  enters.) 

HATCH. 

It  seems  all  right.  There's  no  light,  and  everybody's 
quiet.  (To  HARRY.)  You  work  the  bedrooms.  I'll  clear 
away  those  things.  Don't  be  rough,  now. 

HARRY. 

I  know  my  business.  Give  me  the  light.  (Takes 
lantern  and  exit  centre.} 

HATCH. 

Hist,  Reddy!  Reddy,  leave  that  alone.  That's  not  a 
safe.  (Removes  silver  from  sideboard  to  bag.} 

REDDY. 

I  know  it  ain't,  governor.  I'm  lookin'  for  somethin'  to 
eat.  (He  kneels  in  front  of  buffet,  and  opens  door.} 

HATCH. 

No,  you're  not!  You're  not  here  to  eat.  Come  and 
give  me  a  hand  with  this  stuff. 

REDDY. 

Gee!  I've  found  a  bottle  of  whiskey.  (Takes  bottle  from 
buffet  and  begins  to  pull  at  the  cork.} 

HATCH. 

Well,  you  put  it  right  back  where  you  found  it. 

REDDY. 

I  know  a  better  place  than  that  to  put  it. 
[  308  ] 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 

HATCH. 

How  many  times  have  I  told  you  I'll  not  let  you  drink 
in  business  hours? 

REDDY. 

Oh,  just  once,  governor;  it's  a  cruel,  cold  night. 
(Coughs.)  I  need  it  for  medicine. 

HATCH. 

No,  I  tell  you ! 

REDDY. 

Just  one  dose.  Here's  to  you.  (Drinks.)  O  Lord! 
(He  sputters  and  coughs  violently.) 

HATCH. 

(Starts  toward  him.)     Hush!     Stop  that,  you  fool! 

REDDY. 

Oh,  I'm  poisoned!  That's  benzine,  governor.  What 
do  you  think  of  that  ?  Benzine !  It's  burned  me  throat 
out. 

HATCH. 

I  wish  it  had  burned  your  tongue  out !  Can't  you  keep 
still? 

REDDY. 

O  Lord!  O  Lord!  Think  of  a  man  puttin'  benzine 
in  a  whiskey  bottle!  That's  dishonest,  that  is.  Using  a 
revenue  stamp  twice  is  defraudin'  the  Government.  I 
could  have  him  arrested  for  that.  (Pause.)  If  I  wanted 
to.  (Pause.)  But  I  don't  want  to. 

HATCH. 

Oh,  quit  that — and  come  here.  Get  out  the  window, 
and  I'll  hand  the  bag  to  you.  Put  it  under  the  seat  of  the 
wagon,  and  cover  it  up  with  the  lap  robe.  (REDDY  steps 

[  309  ] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

to  centre  door  and,  parting  the  curtains,  leans  into  the  hall 
beyond,  listening.) 

REDDY. 

Go  slow!  I  ain't  to  leave  here  till  Harry  is  safe  on  the 
ground  floor  again. 

HATCH. 

Don't  you  worry  about  Harry.  He  won't  get  into 
trouble. 

REDDY. 

Sure  he  won't.  It's  me  and  you  he'll  get  into  trouble. 
You  hadn't  ought  to  send  him  to  do  second-story  work. 

HATCH. 

(Contemptuously.)     No? 

REDDY. 

No;  he's  too  tender-hearted.  A  second-story  worker 
ought  to  use  his  gun. 

HATCH. 

Oh,  you !    You'll  fire  your  gun  too  often  some  day 

REDDY. 

No,  I  won't.  I  did  once,  but  I  didn't  do  it  again  for 
six  years.  But  Harry — ah,  he's  too  tender-hearted.  If 
Harry  was  a  chicken  thief,  before  he'd  wring  a  chicken's 
neck  he'd  give  it  laughing  gas.  Why,  you  remember  the 
lady  that  woke  up  and  begged  him  to  give  her  back  a  gold 
watch  because  it  belonged  to  her  little  girl  who  was  dead  ? 
Well — it  turned  out  the  little  girl  wasn't  dead.  It  turned 
out  the  little  girl  was  a  big  boy,  alive  and  kicking — espe 
cially  kicking.  He  kicked  me  into  a  rosebush. 

HATCH. 

That'll  do.  Harry's  learning  his  trade.  He'll  pick  it 
up  in  time. 

[310] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

REDDY. 

Time  he  picked  up  something.  Remember  the  Gains- 
ville  Bank,  where  he  went  away  leaving  ten  thousand 
dollars  in  the  back  of  the  safe  ?  Why  didn't  he  pick  that 
up? 

HATCH. 

Because  it  wasn't  there.  Bank  tlirectors  always  say 
that — to  make  us  feel  bad.  Hush!  (HARRY  enters,  car 
rying  his  silk  muffler,  which  now  is  wrapped  about  a  col 
lection  of  jewels  and  watches.)  That's  quick  work.  What 
did  you  get  ? 

HARRY. 

Some  neck  strings,  and  rings,  and  two  watches.  (He 
spreads  the  muffler  on  the  table.  The  three  men  examine 
the  jewelry.) 

HATCH. 

That  looks  good.     Who's  up  there? 

HARRY. 

Only  an  old  lady  and  a  young  girl  in  the  room  over  this. 
And  she's  a  beauty,  too.  (Sentimentally.)  Sleeping  there 
just  as  sweet  and  peaceful — 

REDDY. 

Ah,  why  don't  you  give  her  back  her  watch?  Maybe 
she's  another  dead  daughter. 

HATCH. 

That's  all  right,  Harry.  That's  good  stuff.  Pick  up 
that  bag,  Reddy.  We  can  go  now.  (HARRY  places 
muffler  and  jewels  in  an  inside  coat  pocket.  REDDY  takes 
up  the  dark  lantern.) 

REDDY. 

Go?     Not  till  I've  got  something  to  eat. 
[311] 


"  MISS  CIVILIZATION  " 

HATCH. 

No,  you  don't.     You  can  wait  till  later  for  something  to 

eat. 

REDDY. 

Yes,  I  can  wait  till  later  for  something  to  eat,  but  I  can 
wait  better  if  I  eat  now.  (Exit  into  pantry.) 

HATCH. 

Confound  him!  If  I  knew  the  roads  around  here  as  well 
as  he  does,  I'd  drive  off  and  leave  him.  That  appetite  of 
his  will  send  us  to  jail  some  day. 

HARRY. 

Well,  to  tell  the  truth,  governor,  a  little  supper  wouldn't 
hurt  my  feelings.  (Goes  to  buffet.)  I  wonder  where  old 
man  Gardner  keeps  his  Havanas?  I'd  like  a  Christmas 
present  of  a  box  of  cigars.  Are  there  any  over  here? 

HATCH. 

I  didn't  look.  I  gave  up  robbing  tills  when  I  was  quite 
a  boy.  (Carries  bag  toward  window  and  looks  out.) 

HARRY. 

(Takes  box  of  cigars  from  buffet.)  Ah,  here  they  are. 
(With  disgust.)  Domestics!  What  do  you  think  of  that  ? 
Made  in  Vermont.  The  "Admiral  Dewey"  cigar.  Gee! 
What  was  the  use  of  Dewey 's  taking  Manila,  if  I've  got 
to  smoke  Vermont  cigars?  (REDDY  enters,  carrying  tray 
with  food  and  a  bottle.) 

REDDY. 

Say,  fellers,  look  at  this  layout !  These  is  real  people  in 
this  house.  I  found  cold  birds  and  ham  and  all  kinds  of 
pie  and  real  wine.  (Places  tray  on  right  end  of  table.)  Sit 
down,  and  make  yourselves  perfectly  at  home. 

[312] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

HARRY. 

Well,  well,  that  does  look  good.  (Places  box  of  cigars 
at  upper  end  of  table,  and  seats  himself.)  Better  have  a 
bite,  governor. 

HATCH. 

No,  I  tell  you.  (He  sits  angrily  in  chair  at  left  end  of 
table,  with  his  face  turned  toward  the  curtains.) 

REDDY. 

Oh,  come  on!  It  don't  cost  you  nothing.  (The  light 
from  the  candle  is  seen  approaching  the  curtains.) 

HATCH. 

Hush !  Look  there !  (He  rises,  lifting  his  chair  above 
his  head,  and  advances  on  tiptoe  to  right  of  curtains,  where 
he  stands  with  the  chair  raised  as  though  to  strike. 
HARRY  points  revolver  at  curtains.  REDDY  shifts  the 
lantern  to  his  left  hand  and,  standing  close  to  HARRY,  also 
points  a  revolver.  ALICE  appears  between  curtains.  She 
is  dressed  as  before,  and  in  her  left  hand  carries  the  candle, 
while  the  forefinger  of  her  right  hand  is  held  ivarningly  to 
her  lips.  For  an  instant  she  pauses,  in  the  ring  of  light 
from  the  lantern.) 

ALICE. 

(Whispering.)  Hush!  Don't  make  a  noise!  Don't 
make  a  noise,  please!  (There  is  a  long  pause.) 

REDDY. 
Well,  I'll  be  hung! 

ALICE. 

(To  REDDY.)     Please  don't  make  a  noise. 

HATCH. 

(In  a  threatening  whisper.)     Don't  you  make  a  noise. 
[313] 


"  MISS  CIVILIZATION  " 

ALICE. 

I  don't  mean  to.  My  mother  is  asleep  upstairs  and  she 
is  very  ill.  And  I  don't  want  to  wake  her — and  I  don't 
want  you  to  wake  her,  either. 

REDDY. 
Well,  I'll  be  hung! 

HATCH. 

(Angrily.}     Who  else  is  in  this  house? 

ALICE. 

No  one  but  mother  and  the  maidservants,  and  they're 
asleep.  You  woke  me,  and  I  hoped  you'd  go  without  dis 
turbing  mother.  But  when  you  started  in  making  a  night 
of  it,  I  decided  I'd  better  come  down  and  ask  you  to  be  as 
quiet  as  possible.  My  mother  is  not  at  all  well.  (Takes 
cigar  box  off  table.}  Excuse  me;  you've  got  the  wrong 
cigars.  Those  are  the  cigars  father  keeps  for  his  friends. 
Those  he  smokes  he  hides  over  here.  (Places  box  on 
buffet  and  takes  out  a  larger  box,  with  partitions  for  cigars, 
matches,  and  cigarettes.  As  she  moves  about,  REDDY  keeps 
her  well  in  the  light  of  the  lantern.}  Try  those.  I'm 
afraid  you've  a  very  poor  supper.  When  father  is  away, 
we  have  such  a  small  family.  I  can't  see  what  you've — 
Would  you  mind  taking  that  light  out  of  my  eyes,  and 
pointing  it  at  that  tray  ? 

HATCH. 
(Sharply.}     Don't  you  do  it.     Keep  the  gun  on  her. 

ALICE. 

Oh,  I  don't  mind  his  pointing  the  gun  at  me,  so  long  as 
he  does  not  point  that  light  at  me.  It's  most — embarras 
sing.  (Sternly.}  Turn  it  down  there,  please.  (REDDY 
lets  light  fall  on  tray.}  Why,  that's  cooking  sherry  you've 
got.  You  can't  drink  that!  Let  me  get  you  some  whiskey. 

[314] 


"  MISS  CIVILIZATION  " 


REDDY. 


(Covering  her  with  lantern.}  No,  you  don't!  That's 
not  whiskey.  It's  benzine! 

ALICE. 

You  don't  mean  to  say  that  that  benzine  bottle  is  there 
still?  I  told  Jane  to  take  it  away. 

REDDY. 
(Dryly.}     Well,  Jane  didn't  do  it. 

ALICE. 

Now,  isn't  that  just  like  Jane?  I  told  her  it  might  set 
fire  to  the  house  and  burn  us  alive. 

REDDY. 

It  nearly  burned  me  alive. 

ALICE. 

I'm  so  sorry.  (Takes  from  buffet  a  tray  holding  whiskey 
bottle,  siphon,  and  three  glasses.)  Here,  this  is  what  you 
want.  But  perhaps  you  don't  like  Scotch. 

HATCH. 

Don't  you  touch  that,  Reddy.  (Returns  to  chair  at  left 
of  table.) 

REDDY. 

Why  not? 

ALICE. 

(Pours  whiskey  into  a  glass.)  Yes;  why  not?  It's  not 
poison.  There's  nothing  wrong  with  this  bottle.  If 
you're  afraid,  I'll  prove  it  to  you.  Just  to  show  you  there's 
not  a  trace  of  hard  feelings.  (Drinks  and  coughs  violently.) 

[3151 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

REDDY. 

(Sympathetically.)     Shes  got  the  benzine  bottle,  too. 

ALICE. 

No.  I'm  not  quite  used  to  that.  (To  HARRY.)  Ex 
cuse  me,  but  aren't  you  getting  tired  holding  that  big 
pistol  ?  Don't  you  think  you  might  put  it  down  now,  and 
help  me  serve  this  supper?  (HARRY  docs  not  move.)  No? 
Well,  then,  let  the  colored  gentleman  help  me.  (HARRY 
and  REDDY  wheel  sharply,  each  pointing  his  revolver.) 

REDDY. 
Colored  man !     Where  ? 

HARRY. 

Colored  man!     It's  a  trap!     (Seeing  no  one,  they  turn.) 

ALICE. 

(To  REDDY.)  Oh,  pardon  me!  Aren't  you  a  colored 
person  ? 

REDDY. 

Me!  Colored?  You  never  see  a  colored  man  with  hair 
like  that,  did  you?  (Points  lantern  at  his  head.)  This 
isn't  my  real  face,  lady.  Why,  out  of  office  hours  I've  a 
complexion  like  cream  and  roses.  (Indignantly.)  Col 
ored  man! 

ALICE. 

I  beg  your  pardon,  but  I  can't  see  very  well.  Don't 
you  think  it  would  be  more  cheerful  if  we  had  a  little  more 
light  ? 

HATCH. 

No!  (To  REDDY.)  Drop  that!  We've  got  to  go!  (To 
ALICE.)  And  before  we  go,  I've  got  to  fix  you. 

[316] 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 

ALICE. 

Fix  me — how  "fix"  me? 

HATCH. 

I'm  sorry,  miss,  but  it's  your  own  fault.  You  shouldn't 
have  tried  to  see  us.  Now  that  you  have,  before  we  leave, 
I've  got  to  tie  you  to  a  chair — and  gag  you. 

ALICE. 

Oh,  really— all  of  that? 

HATCH. 

I  can't  have  you  raising  the  neighborhood  until  we  get 
well  away. 

ALICE. 

I  see.     But — gagged — I'll  look  so  foolish. 

REDDY. 

Well,  there's  no  hurry.  We  wron't  get  well  away  until 
I've  had  something  to  eat. 

ALICE. 

Quite  right.  (To  HATCH.)  You  can  tie  me  in  a  chair 
later,  Mr.  -  — .  But  now  you  must  remember  that  I  am 
your  hostess.  (To  REDDY.)  You'll  find  plates  in  the 
pantry,  please. 

REDDY. 

Oh,  I  don't  use  them  things. 

ALICE. 

You'll  use  "them  things"  when  you  eat  with  me.  Go, 
do  as  I  tell  you,  please.  (REDDY  exit.}  (To  HARRY.) 
And  you — put  away  that  silly  gun  and  help  him. 

[317] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

HATCH. 

Stay  where  you  are! 

HARRY. 

Oh,  what's  the  rush,  governor?  She  can't  hurt  nobody. 
And  I'm  near  starved,  too.  (Exit  into  pantry.) 

HATCH. 
This  is  the  last  time  I  take  you  out. 

ALICE. 

(Arranging  the  food  upon  the  table.)  Now,  why  are  you 
so  peevish  to  everybody?  Why  don't  you  be  sociable, 
and  take  some  supper?  (Glances  at  sideboard.)  You 
seem  to  have  taken  everything  else.  Oh,  that  reminds 
me!  Would  you  object  to  loaning  me  about — four,  six — 
about  six  of  our  knives  and  forks?  Just  for  this  supper. 
I  suppose  we  can  borrow  from  the  neighbors  for  breakfast. 
Unless  you've  been  calling  on  the  neighbors,  too. 

HATCH. 

Oh,  anything  to  oblige  a  lady.  (Threateningly.)  But 
no  tricks,  now! 

ALICE. 

Oh,  I  can't  promise  that,  because  I  mightn't  be  able  to 
keep  my  promise.  (HATCH  brings  silver  knives  and  forks 
from  the  bag.) 

HATCH. 

I'll  risk  all  the  tricks  you  know.  Nobody's  got  much 
the  better  of  me  in  the  last  twenty  years. 

ALICE. 

Have  you  been  a  burglar  twenty  years  ?  You  must  have 
begun  very  young.  I  can't  see  your  face  very  well,  but  I 
shouldn't  say  you  were — over  forty.  Do  take  that  mask 

[318] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

off.  It  looks  so — unsociable.  Don't  be  afraid  of  me. 
I've  a  perfectly  shocking  memory  for  faces.  Now,  I'm 
sure  that  under  that  unbecoming  and  terrifying  exterior 
you  are  hiding  a  kind  and  fatherly  countenance.  Am  I 
right?  (Laughs.)  Why  do  you  wear  it? 

HATCH. 

(Roughly.)     To  keep  my  face  warm. 

ALICE. 

Oh,  pardon  me;  my  mistake.  (A  locomotive  whistle  is 
heard  at  a  distance.  ALICE  listens  eagerly.  As  the  whistle 
dies  away  and  is  not  repeated,  her  face  shows  her  disap 
pointment.) 

HATCH. 

What  was  that?     There's  no  trains  this  time  of  night. 

ALICE. 

(Speaking  partly  to  herself.)  It  was  a  freight  train, 
going  the  other  way. 

HATCH. 

(Suspiciously.)  The  other  way?  The  other  way  from 
where  ? 

ALICE. 

From  where  it  started.  Do  you  know,  I've  always 
wanted  to  meet  a  burglar.  But  it's  so  difficult.  They  go 
out  so  seldom. 

HATCH. 

Yes;  and  they  arrive  so  late. 

ALICE. 

(Laughing.)  Now,  that's  much  better.  It's  so  nice 
of  you  to  have  a  sense  of  humor.  While  you're  there,  just 

[319] 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 

close  those  blinds,  please,  so  that  the  neighbors  can't  see 
what  scandalous  hours  we  keep.  And  then  you  can  make 
a  light.  This  is  much  too  gloomy  for  a  supper  party. 


HATCH. 


(Closing  shutters.}  Yes;  if  those  were  shut  it  might  be 
safer.  (He  closes  shutters  and  turns  on  the  tivo  electric 
lights.  REDDY  and  HARRY  enter,  carrying  plates.*) 


HARRY. 


We  aren't  regular  waiters,  miss,  but  we  think  we're 
pretty  good  for  amateurs. 

REDDY. 

We  haven't  forgot  nothing.  Not  even  napkins.  Have 
some  napkins?  (Places  a  pile  of  folded  napkins  in  front 
of  ALICE.  Then  sits  at  head  of  table,  HARRY  to  lower  right 
of  table.  ALICE  moves  her  chair  away  from  the  table,  but 
keeping  REDDY  on  her  right.  HATCH  sits  still  farther 
away  from  the  table  on  her  left.) 

ALICE. 

Thanks.  Put  the  plates  down  there.  And  may  I  help 
you  to  some — 

REDDY. 

(Taking  food  in  fingers.}     Oh,  we'll  help  ourselves. 

ALICE. 

Of  course  you're  accustomed  to  helping  yourselves, 
aren't  you?  (To  HATCH.)  Won't  you  join  them? 

HATCH. 

No.  (Through  the  scene  which  follows,  REDDY  and 
HARRY  continue  to  eat  and  drink  heartily.} 

[320] 


"  MISS   CIVILIZATION  " 


ALICE. 


No?  Well,  then,  while  they're  having  supper,  you  and 
I  will  talk.  If  you're  going  to  gag  me  soon,  I  want  to 
talk  while  I  can.  (Rises  and  hands  box  to  him.)  Have  a 
cigar  ? 

HATCH. 

(Takes  cigar.)     Thanks. 

ALICE. 

(Standing  with  hand  on  back  of  chair.)  Now,  I  want  to 
ask  you  some  questions.  You  are  an  intelligent  man. 
Of  course,  you  must  be,  or  you  couldn't  have  kept  out  of 
jail  for  twenty  years.  To  get  on  in  your  business  a  man 
must  be  intelligent,  and  he  must  have  nerve  and  courage. 
Now — with  those  qualities,  why,  may  I  ask — why  are  you 
so  stupid  as  to  be  a  burglar? 

HARRY. 

Stupid! 

REDDY. 

Well,  I  like  that! 

HATCH. 

Stupid  ?     Why,  I  make  a  living  at  it. 

ALICE. 
How  much  of  a  living? 

HATCH. 

Ten  thousand  a  year. 

ALICE. 

Ten  thousand — well,  suppose  you  made  fifty  thousand. 
W7hat  good  is  even  a  hundred  thousand  for  one  year,  if  to 
get  it  you  risk  going  to  prison  for  twenty  years?  That's 

[321] 


MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

not  sensible.  Merely  as  a  business  proposition,  to  take 
the  risk  von  do  for  ten  thousand  dollars  is  stupid,  isn't  it? 
I  can  understand  a  man's  risking  twenty  years  of  his  life 
for  some  things — a  man  like  Peary  or  I)e\vey  or  Santos- 
Duinont.  They  took  big  risks  for  big  prizes.  But  there're 
thousands  of  men  in  this  country,  not  half  so  clever  as  you 
are,  earning  ten  thousand  a  year — without  any  risk  of 
going  to  jail.  None  of  fhm  is  afraid  to  go  out  in  public 
with  his  wife  and  children.  Thfy'rf  not  afraid  to  ask  a 
policeman  what  time  it  is.  They  don't  have  to  wear  black 
masks,  nor  ruin  their  beautiful  complexions  with  burnt 
cork. 

REDDY. 

Ah,  go  on!     Who'd  give  mt  a  job? 

ALICE. 

Whom  did  you  ever  ask  for  one? 

REDDY. 

(To  HARRY.)  Pass  me  more  of  that  pie  like  mother 
used  to  make. 

HATCH. 

Yes;  there  are  clerks  and  shopkeepers  working  behind 
a  counter  twenty-four  hours  a  day,  but  they  don't  make 
ten  thousand  a  year,  ami  no  one  ever  hears  of  them.  There's 
no  fams  in  their  job. 

ALICE. 

Fame!    Oh,  how  interesting!     Are  you — a  celebrity? 

HATCH. 

I'm  quite  as  well  known  as  I  care  to  be.  Xow.  to 
morrow  all  the  papers  will  l>e  talking  about  this.  There'll 
be  columns  about  us  three.  No  one  will  know  we  are  the 
ones  they're  talking  alxnit— 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 

REDDY. 

I  hope  not. 

HATCH. 

But  the  men  in  our  profession  will  know.  And  they'll 
say,  "That  was  a  neat  job  of  So-and-so's  last  night." 
That's  fame!  Why.  we've  got  a  reputation  from  one  end 
of  this  country  to  the  other. 

HARRY. 

That's  right !  There's  some  of  us  just  as  well  known  as 
— Mister — Santos — Dumont. 

REDDY. 
And  we  fly  ju-t  as  high.  too. 

ALICE. 

(To  HATCH.)  I  suppose  you — I  suppose  you're  quite  a 
famous  burglar? 

REDDY. 

Him?     Why.  he's  as  well  known  as  Billy  the  Kid. 

ALICE. 

Billy  the  Kid.  really!  He  sounds  so  attractive.  But 
I'm  afraid — I  don't  think — that  I  ever  heard  of  him, 

REDDY. 

Never  heard  of  Billy  the  Kid?  What  do  you  think  of 
that? 

HATCH. 

Well.  then.  I'm  as  well  known  as  "Brace"  Phillips,  the 
Manhattan  Bank  robber. 

REDDY. 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

HATCH. 

Don't  tell  me  you  never  heard  of  him? 

ALICE. 

I'm  afraid  not. 

HATCH. 

Why,  he's  a  head-liner.  He's  as  well  known  as  George 
Post.  Coppy  Farrell?  Billy  Porter? 

ALICE. 

No.  There  you  are.  Now,  you  claim  there  is  fame  in 
this  profession,  and  you  have  named  five  men  who  are  at 
the  top  of  it,  and  I've  never  heard  of  one  of  them.  And 
I  read  the  papers,  too. 

REDDY. 

Well,  there's  other  ladies  who  have  heard  of  us.  Real 
ladies.  When  I  was  doing  my  last  bit  in  jail,  I  got  a 
thousand  letters  from  ladies  asking  for  me  photograph, 
and  offering  to  marry  me. 

ALICE. 

Really?  Well,  that  only  proves  that  men — as  husbands 
— are  more  desirable  in  jail  than  out.  (To  HATCH.)  No; 
it's  a  poor  life. 

HATCH. 

It's  a  poor  life  you  people  lead  with  us  to  worry  you. 
There's  seventy  millions  of  you  in  the  United  States,  and 
only  a  few  of  us,  and  yet  we  keep  you  guessing  all  the  year 
round.  Why,  we're  the  last  thing  you  think  of  at  night 
when  you  lock  the  doors,  we're  the  first  thing  you  think  of 
in  the  morning  when  you  feel  for  the  silver  basket.  We're 
just  a  few  up  against  seventy  millions.  I  tell  you  there's 
fame  and  big  money  and  a  free  life  in  my  business. 

[324] 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 

ALICE. 

Yes;  it's  a  free  life  until  you  go  to  jail.  It's  this  way. 
You're  barbarians,  and  there's  no  place  for  you  in  a  civil 
ized  community — except  in  jail.  Everybody  is  working 
against  you.  Every  city  has  its  police  force;  almost  every 
house  nowadays  has  a  private  watchman.  And  if  we  want 
to  raise  a  hue  and  cry  after  you,  there  are  the  newspapers 
and  the  telegraph  and  the  telephone  (?wds  at  telephone) 
and  the  cables  all  over  the — 

HATCH. 

(Grimly.)  Thank  you.  One  moment,  please.  (Throws 
open  overcoat,  shoiving  that  it  is  lined  with  burglars'  jim 
mies,  chisels,  and  augers.) 

ALICE. 

My!  What  an  interesting  coat.  It  looks  like  a  tool 
chest.  Just  the  coat  for  an  automobile  trip. 

HATCH. 

Harry,  cut  those  telephone  wires.  (Hands  barbed-wire 
cutter  to  HARRY.  To  ALICE.)  Thank  you  for  reminding 
me. 

ALICE. 

Oh,  not  at  all.  You've  nothing  to  thank  me  for. 
(HARRY  goes  to  telephone.  To  HARRY.)  Don't  make  a 
noise  doing  that.  Don't  wake  my  mother.  (To  HATCH.) 
She's  nervous  and  she's  ill,  and  if  you  wake  her  or 
frighten  her  I'll  keep  the  police  after  you  until  everyone 
of  you  is  in  jail. 

HATCH. 

You  won't  keep  after  us  very  far  when  I've  tied  you  up. 
Bring  me  those  curtain  cords,  Harry. 

[325] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

ALICE. 

Oh,  really,  that's  too  ridiculous!  (Listens  apprehen 
sively.) 

HATCH. 

Sorry  I  had  to  bust  up  your  still  alarm,  but  after  we  go, 
we  can't  have  you  chatting  with  the  police.  If  you  hadn't 
so  kindly  given  me  a  tip  about  the  telephone,  I  might  have 
gone  off  and  clean  forgot  that.  (HARRY  takes  curtain  cords 
from  window  curtains.) 

REDDY. 

I'm  afraid  pretty  polly  talked  too  much  that  time.  We 
ain't  all  stupid. 

ALICE. 

No;  so  I  see.  It  was  careless  of  me.  But  everybody 
you  call  upon  may  not  be  so  careless. 

HATCH. 

Well,  I've  won  out  for  twenty  years.  I've  never  been 
in  jail. 

ALICE. 

Don't  worry.  You're  young.  I  told  you  you  looked 
young.  Your  time  is  coming.  In  these  days  there's  no 
room  for  burglars.  You  belong  to  the  days  of  stage 
coaches.  You're  old-fashioned  now.  You're  trying  to 
fight  civilization,  that's  what  you're  trying  to  do.  You 
may  keep  ahead  for  a  time,  but  in  a  long  race  I'll  back 
civilization  to  win. 

HATCH. 

Is  that  so?  Well,  Miss  Civilization,  you've  had  your 
say,  and  I  hope  you  feel  better.  (To  HARRY.)  Give  me 
that  silk  muffler  of  yours.  (To  ALICE.)  If  civilization  is 
going  to  help  you,  it's  got  to  hurry. 

[326] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

ALICE. 

You  don't  mean  to  say  you  really  are  going  to  gag  me  ? 

HATCH. 
I  am. 

ALICE. 

My!  But  I  shall  look  silly.  (With  her  face  turned 
right  she  listens  apprehensively.) 

HARRY. 

(Coming  down  with  curtain  cords,  and  taking  muffler 
from  his  pocket.)  I've  got  the  stuff  in  this  muffler. 

HATCH. 

Well,  give  me  that,  too.  (Shows  inside  coat  pocket.) 
I'll  put  it  in  the  safe.  (HARRY  places  muffler  on  table, 
exposing  jewelry.  HATCH  begins  placing  the  ornaments 
one  at  a  time  in  his  pocket.  To  ALICE.)  What  is  it? 
What  did  you  hear? 

ALICE. 

I — I  thought  I  heard  my  mother  moving  about. 

HATCH. 
Well,  she'd  better  not  move  about. 

ALICE. 

(Fiercely.)  You'd  better  not  wake  her.  (Sees  the 
jewels.)  Oh  look  at  the  "graft,"  or  is  it  "swag"? 
Which  is  it? 

HATCH. 

(To  HARRY.)  Cover  'em  up;  cover  it  up.  (HARRY 
tries  to  hide  the  jewels  with  one  hand,  while  he  passes  a  lady's 
watch  to  HATCH.) 

[327] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

HARRY. 

( To  ALICE.)     That's  your  watch.     I'm  sorry  it  has  to  go. 

ALICE. 

I'm  not.  It's  the  first  time  it  ever  did  go.  And,  oh, 
thank  you  for  taking  that  big  brooch.  It's  a  gift  of  father's, 
so  I  had  to  wear  it,  but  it's  so  unbecoming.  (She  listens 
covertly.) 

HATCH. 

Put  your  hat  on  them.  Cover  them  up.  (HARRY  partly 
covers  jewels  with  his  hat.  HATCH  lifts  a  diamond  neck 
lace.) 

ALICE. 

I  suppose  you  know  your  own  business — but  that  is  paste. 

HATCH. 

Do  you  want  to  be  gagged  now  ? 

ALICE. 

Pardon  me,  of  course  you  know  what  you  want.  (No 
tices  another  necklace.)  Oh,  that's  Mrs.  Warren's  neck 
lace!  So  you  called  on  her,  too,  did  you?  Isn't  she 
attractive  ? 

REDDY. 

We  didn't  ask  for  the  lady  of  the  house.  They  ain't 
always  as  sociable  as  you  are. 

ALICE. 

Well,  that's  her  necklace.  You  got  that  at  the  house  on 
the  hill  with  the  red  roof — the  house  has  the  red  roof,  not 
the  hill.  (She  recognizes,  with  an  exclamation,  a  gold 
locket  and  chain  which  HATCH  is  about  to  place  in  his 
pocket.)  Oh,  that's  Mrs.  Lowell's  locket!  How  could 

[328] 


"MISS   CIVILIZATION" 

you!  (She  snatches  locket  from  HATCH,  and  clasps  it  in 
both  hands.  SJie  rises  indignantly.)  How  dared  you  take 
that! 

HATCH. 

Put  that  down ! 

ALICE. 

(Wildly  and  rapidly.)  No;  I  will  not!  Do  you  know 
what  that  means  to  that  woman  ?  She  cares  more  for  that 
than  for  anything  in  this  world.  Her  husband  used  to 
wear  this.  (Points.)  That's  a  lock  of  their  child's  hair. 
The  child's  dead  and  the  husband's  dead,  and  that's  all 
she  has  left  of  either  of  them.  And  you  took  it,  you  brutesl 

REDDY. 

Of  course  we  took  it.  Why  does  she  wear  it  where 
everybody  can  see  it? 

HATCH. 
(Savagely.)     Keep  quiet,  you  fool! 

ALICE. 

She  wore  it  ?     You  took  it — from  her  ? 

HATCH. 

We  didn't  hurt  her.  We  only  frightened  her  a  bit. 
(Angrily.)  And  we'll  frighten  you  before  we're  done  with 
you,  Miss  Civilization! 

ALICE. 

(Defiantly,  her  voice  rising.)  Frighten  me!  You — you 
with  your  faces  covered !  You're  not  men  enough.  You're 
afraid  to  even  steal  from  men.  You  rob  women  when 
they're  alone — at  night.  (Holds  up  locket.)  Try  to  take 
that  from  me! 

VOICE. 

(Calling. )     Alice — Alice ! 

[329] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 

ALICE. 

Mother!  Oh,  I  forgot!  I  forgot!  (The  burglars  rise 
and  move  toward  her  menacingly.}  Please,  please  keep 
quiet.  For  God's  sake,  don't — let — her — know! 

VOICE. 

Alice,  what's  wrong?  Who  are  you  talking  to ?  (ALICE 
runs  to  the  curtains,  with  one  hand  held  out  to  the  burglars 
entreating  silence.} 

ALICE. 

I'm — I'm  talking  to  the  coachman.  One  of  the  horses 
is  ill.  Don't  come  down,  mother.  Go  back  to  bed. 
He  came  for  some  medicine.  It's  all  right.  Good  night, 
mother. 

VOICE. 

Can't  I  help? 

ALICE. 

(Vehemently.}     No;  no.     Good  night,  mother. 

VOICE. 

Good  night. 

HATCH. 

(Fiercely,  to  HARRY.)  That's  enough  of  this!  We 
can't  leave  here  with  the  whole  house  awake.  And  there's 
a  coachman,  too.  She'll  wake  him  next.  He'll  have  the 
whole  damned  village  after  us.  (To  ALICE.)  That 
woman  upstairs  and  you  have  got  to  have  your  tongues 
stopped. 

ALICE. 

(Standing  in  front  of  curtains.}  You  try  to  go  near  that 
woman!  She's  ill,  she's  feeble,  she's  my — mother!  You 
dare  to  touch  her. 

[  330  ] 


"MISS  CIVILIZATION" 


HATCH. 

Get  out  of  my  way! 

ALICE. 


She's  ill,  you  cowards!  It  will  kill  her.  You'll  have 
to  kill  me  before  you  get  through  this  door. 

HATCH. 

(Savagely.}  Well,  then,  if  it  comes  to  that —  (Three 
locomotive  whistles  are  heard  from  just  outside  the  house. 
ALICE  throivs  up  her  hands  hysterically.} 

ALICE. 
Ah!     At  last!     They've  come!     They've  come! 

HATCH. 

(Fiercely.}  They've  come!  What  is  it?  What  does 
that  mean?  (REDDY  runs  to  window  and  opens  the 
shutters.} 

ALICE. 

(Jubilantly.}  It  means  that  twenty  men  are  crossing 
that  lawn.  It  means  that  while  you  sat  drinking  there, 
Civilization  was  racing  toward  you  at  seventy  miles  an 
hour! 

HATCH. 

Damnation!  We're  trapped!  Get  to  the  wagon — 
quick!  No.  Leave  the  girl  alone.  Drop  that  stuff! 
That  way!  That  way! 

REDDY. 

(At  window.}  No.  Get  back!  It's  too  late!  There's 
hundreds  of  them  out  there. 

HATCH. 

(Running  to  centre  door.}  Out  here!  This  way! 
Quick! 

[331] 


'MISS   CIVILIZATION" 


ALICE. 


(Mockingly.)  Yes;  come!  You  don't  dare  come  this 
way  noivl  (She  drags  open  the  curtains,  disclosing  CAP 
TAIN  LUCAS  and  two  other  policemen.  For  an  instant  they 
stand,  covering  the  burglars  with  revolvers.  REDDY  runs 
to  window.  He  is  seized  by  an  entering  crowd  of  men  in 
the  oil-stained  blue  jeans  of  engineers  and  brakemen.) 

CAPTAIN    LUCAS. 

Hold  up  your  hands,  all  of  you !  I  guess  I  know  you. 
(With  his  left  hand  he  tears  off  HATCH'S  mask.)  "Joe" 
Hatch — at  last.  (Pulls  off  HARRY'S  mask.)  And  Harry 
Hayes.  I  thought  so.  And  that's — the  "Kid."  The 
whole  gang.  (To  ALICE.)  My  congratulations,  Miss 
Gardner.  They're  the  worst  lot  in  the  country.  You're 
a  brave  young  lady.  You  ought — 

ALICE. 

(Speaking  with  an  effort  and  swaying  slightly.)  Hush, 
please.  Don't — don't  alarm  my  mother.  My  mother's 
not  as  strong  as — as  I  am.  (Her  eyes  close,  and  she 
faints  across  the  arm  of  the  Chief  of  Police  as  the 

CURTAIN  FALLS. 


[332] 


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